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Lost confidence because of a scar

2

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,751 ✭✭✭BigCityBanker


    Good jesus ur ex sounds like the right lad - did u ever wonder how u spent soe time with him in the first place.

    Dont worry about the scar or lack of it, head up, chest out and tell the world to watch out. You will be fine, anybody that would comment or potentilly serve negative comments about you because of this scar isnt worth your time anyway. Think of the scar as an early screening test for your next man - he either passes the test or he doesnt.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,723 ✭✭✭empirix


    Alright, somewhat personal but here it goes:
    Last spring, I went for a check up and my doctor found a small tumor in my breast. So, after mammograms and ultrasounds it was determined that the tumor showed some characteristics of cancer, but also showed some characteristics of being benign. Given my age and family history, the doctors figured it was benign, but still wanted to remove it and have it tested to be certain.
    I told my boyfriend at the time and he was very upset - not because I might have cancer, but because the surgery would leave a scar. He was adament that girls should not have scars, especially on that part of the body. He was also concerned that it would uneven them. Anyway, he ended up leaving me as a result, on the grounds that after the surgery I would be 'damaged goods.' It wasn't nice, to be sure, and I told him as such and recommended he never contact me again, which he hasn't.
    I had the surgery, it went fine, the boobs are still the same size, the tumor wasn't cancerous. But it has left a scar. I was told that because of where they cut into me, the scar would blend right in and would be unnoticeable once it healed. It's been about 8-9 months now though, and you can definately still see it.
    Bizarre as it seems, because of my ex's reaction, I'm really kind of self conscious about this. I've not been with another man since, and I'm not sure how they would take it if I were to remove my top and there's this scar on what would normally be one of their favorite places.
    I know it could be a lot worse and I should be thanking my lucky stars that it wasn't, and trust me I do - it wasn't easy to go through a month and a half of tests, being told I might have breast cancer, having a surgery, and getting dumped in the middle of it all.
    But I'm having trouble finding my confidence and feeling appealing to men.
    Will the majority of men share my ex's view or was he simply being a jerk?

    what a dipstick, **** him. You shouldn't be worried, you had a possibility of a serious illness, embrace life and be happy and confident, the right guy will come along, others have not been so lucky


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,308 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    I'll say the same thing to anyone with a scar. Scar's are usually cool. The only time when scar's aren't cool are when its due to something stupid they did and it's on their face. Otherwise, as I said, scars are cool. They tell a story.

    If you don't like it, hide it with a tattoo. As the old saying goes "the best place to hide is in the public eye". A mad tattoo either intergrating the scar, or covering it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,649 ✭✭✭Catari Jaguar


    the_syco wrote:
    I'll say the same thing to anyone with a scar. Scar's are usually cool. The only time when scar's aren't cool are when its due to something stupid they did and it's on their face. .

    Whats wrong with face scars? I think they are very sexy.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,308 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Whats wrong with face scars? I think they are very sexy.
    As I said, if its caused by something stupid, such as fights, etc, I don't see it as cool. There's "cool", and then there's "from the forehead to the chin over a half a pint of larger stupidity". Could be just me tho. A scar down the side of a face can look cool, tho.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 37,042 ✭✭✭✭o1s1n
    Master of the Universe


    Personally i love scars and would be rid of none of mine.

    http://www.scarmageddon.com/about_site.php


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,498 ✭✭✭paddyc


    dont be listening to that assh*le, there aint to many men like that...

    was talking to a girl at home over the holidays and she fainted at mass while giving a reading and split her face open from her forehead all the way to her nose, and theres a scar on it, she reckons that its off putting to men... not in the slightest...

    having done thai for years i aint the prettiest and i got a few scars on my face and if i can get a partner anyone can :)


    paddy


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,114 ✭✭✭doctor evil


    Your ex sounds like pon scum.

    Bio-oil I found was very good for scars but as far as I now its more for new scars. Still worth a try.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 116 ✭✭insane drummer


    first of all, im glad it wasn't cancer! and no, i agree with the majority of ppl here. if my gf whipped out her boobs and there was a scar on it (like the first time i saw them) i would be more concerned at controlling my sexual urge to take the rest of her cloths off so fast that id pull muscles! :p

    don't mind him, a scars a scar, you cant help it, it more than likely isn't as noticeable as you think it is, and tbh, im sure the majority of lads wouldn't give a f**K anyways. :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,885 ✭✭✭Stabshauptmann


    I was seeing a girl before who had a similar scar in the same place. I consistantly forgot about it. I could never remember which one it was on. To me it wouldnt matter in the slightest, and it may not be as visable to everyone as it is to you.

    That being said I still think about my own. I have 3 scars and a big bump myself and I feel as if the latter in particulat spoils photos. Nobody ever seems to notice though until pointed out, and sometimes not even then.

    Is your ex's thinking typical of men? No. If someone acted that way to a friend or family member Id give them a scar of their own to worry about. Men are incredibly simple creatures. We dont notice much under normal circumstances...


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,607 ✭✭✭✭sceptre


    Will the majority of men share my ex's view or was he simply being a jerk?
    Like Thaedydal, I'd use rather stronger language than "jerk".

    Wouldn't matter to me and I'm relatively normal.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14 amoKey


    an ex of mine had a huge scar(couple of inches long) running right down between her breasts. when she was a teenager she had a problem with a valve in her heart and had to have major surgery. When i first say it I was courious as to what caused it. she told me and i wont say i lost interest in teh scar, I thought it was cute, but it sure as hel didn't repulse me. And I think I speak for most guys when I say it wouldn't be a problem.

    as was said there is cream you can get that will help lesson teh scar some what, but I think the idiot of an ex may have cause d you some emotional damage which will in the long term hinder you more than any sacar ever would.

    as others have said, you have been through a very traumatic time, something I as a man will never have to deal with. but you made it through it all, wear your scar with pride it shows your inner strength and courage to face these battles.

    as for the ex, you're well shot of him. he deserves to be alone for a long time for such a cruel jesture and you obviously meant very little to him if he could dump you in your time of need. Forget him, move on there's many a guy out there that will treat you right.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 372 ✭✭miles teg


    whether people like scars or not, you're not "damaged good", so don't feel anyway bad about yourself.
    i like scars


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 440 ✭✭Angels


    To the OP, I had an operation when i was younger & it left a 8 cm scar down the side of my thigh. Now i was extremely self consious about it so i always tried to cover it up.

    This went on for years until i met my current boyfriend who has showed me not to be ashamed of my scar but to be proud of it as it shows what i have been through, now he has given me the confidence to go out and wear swim suits & enjoy life.

    Now in relation to your ex boyfriend, he just wasn't the one for you. He obviously has issues with scars himself, which is something that he needs
    resolve.

    Therefore don't be ashamed of your scar like i did, it's a part of who you are now & it symbolises a though time that you've been through. No man is going to judge you on it, if anything he'll respect you for it.

    Don't put yourself through this grief because of an inconsiderate man, you've come through this tough time, your worth more than that!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 575 ✭✭✭Muineach


    Well I'll put it this way, when I was 20 and in college I met a girl (19) and fell in love, though at the time she was worried that she had a mastectomy done on one breast the year before and worried what I would think.

    TBH it never entered my head, if the guys worth a s**t it wont matter. (oh yea she dumped me for other reasons not related)

    As a matter of fact I've been diagnosed with a brain cancer for the last 18 months and ended up getting this scar for a surgery I had this christmas (pics below), tomorrow I'm heading into work a bit and I'll wear them with pride, as I see it if people have a problem with them, its theres not mine.

    (dont worry not gory, all nice and cleaned up)
    Pic 1 of head
    Pic 2 of head

    I know its cruel, being bald, redhead and brain cancer :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 33 vermont


    Fair play to you Muineach .... you have a great outlook!

    Good scar too.... very neat job...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,458 ✭✭✭CathyMoran


    Yes, fair play to you Muineach! Due to get a scar that we will be calling my sharkbite in February when I have cancer surgery, yes, it will be something of pride, did not think of it that way before your post.

    To the OP - just saw a photo of you, my husband and I think that you are very beautiful, your ex has lost out on someone wonderful.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,128 ✭✭✭sweet-rasmus


    of course your bf was a jerk and you shouldn't let it affect your confidence.

    someone else mentioned something which is meant to be good at healing scars; i've been told that vitamin E (cream or oil) should aid scars well. i have yet to find out how well they do ;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,649 ✭✭✭Catari Jaguar


    Muineach wrote:
    As a matter of fact I've been diagnosed with a brain cancer for the last 18 months and ended up getting this scar for a surgery I had this christmas (pics below), tomorrow I'm heading into work a bit and I'll wear them with pride, as I see it if people have a problem with them, its theres not mine.

    (dont worry not gory, all nice and cleaned up)
    Pic 1 of head
    Pic 2 of head

    I know its cruel, being bald, redhead and brain cancer :P

    I think you're scar is cute. and hot. I seriously love scars. My boyf had Crohn's and has a big scar across his stomach, I love it!

    And congrats for getting through it! My mam had a clot on her brain, that was a scary time for us all. She's fine now, has a cool scar on her head too actually!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,106 ✭✭✭turbot


    Hey - put it like this:

    1) Most porn stars and any women who've ever got boob jobs have a scar. Some such scars are more visible than others. This includes most female celebrities females.

    So - keep in mind the majority of women who are considered the sexiest in the World, have scars, on their breasts.

    For the rest of the World outside of your head, this is not an issue.

    2) Your ex-boyfriend left a scar on you mentally because he's an asshole.
    Being more concerned that you were physically perfect, than for you to survive, shows that he wasn't really appreciating the girl behind your eyes - the you inside. Maybe you didn't realise this at the time, but he was very shallow, and his opinion, not worth listening to or giving credence to.
    Luckily, with the right TLC, you can completely overcome this.

    3) For some people, like certain people who are into body modification and tattoing, having a scar is sexy. Some people scar themselves!!!

    4) I think the trauma of the surgery and the situation, combined with your ex shunning you when you needed emotional support, left you vulnerable. So now you have to brave so you can have a good time. Sometimes I find that I'm feeling down, when I set out to cheer someone else up, it lifts my spirits too. Mabye for you such an approach will help you focus outside yourself more.

    5) You haven't mentioned what the rest of you is like.... do you have a nice bum? Thighs? Lips?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭Kur4mA


    Trust me, you have absolutely nothing to worry about as you're quite beautiful. ;) Your boyfriend was a total nutjob by the sounds of it. From what he said to you, it sounds like he was the damaged goods, so it's a good thing he fúcked off when he did I reckon.

    A scar shouldn't change a person, it's just flesh after all and as others have said, I seriously think scars should be worn with pride. They're a sign of what you've been through and show strength of character. Don't worry about it, the right guy will be along in no time I'm sure.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,308 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Muineach wrote:
    As a matter of fact I've been diagnosed with a brain cancer for the last 18 months and ended up getting this scar for a surgery I had this christmas (pics below), tomorrow I'm heading into work a bit and I'll wear them with pride, as I see it if people have a problem with them, its theres not mine.

    (dont worry not gory, all nice and cleaned up)
    Pic 1 of head
    Pic 2 of head

    I know its cruel, being bald, redhead and brain cancer :P
    Cool. The second pic looks like a question mark, without the dot at the end, tbh. Get someone to poke ye (being a redhead, they'll form a queue:p), to complete it (I'm only kidding, but it does look cool).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 575 ✭✭✭Muineach


    I was thinking of changing my nick name to "The Riddler", thinking back to the old batman (zap/pow) era for the laugh, or i could go the whole hog and get the green suit jim carey wore :P
    Riddler - Carey
    Riddler -60's era

    As for the scar that was 3 weeks after the operation, they used 38 staples to hold it all together and TBH i've found staples much better for reducing the scarring, i've had stitches before (different op as a kid) but they tended to be worse for scars, mind you it does feel odd looking in the mirror and seeing staples :P (they get removed about 7-10 days afterwards)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 981 ✭✭✭tj-music.com


    My ex-wife (totally unrelated to the scar) had to undergo heart surgery when she was a child and she had a very visible scar in between her breasts. When we met and became intimate that was a big problem for her.

    Since beauty is only skin deep I had no problem with her scar at all and I know for a fact that none of my bodies would have an issue with it either.

    So, your ex was a jerk - and that´s that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 145 ✭✭bobbi


    Well he sounds like a complete idiot ur better off without him. I have scars two on my stomach(very noticeable as the doctor f*cked it up), and one on my back. Personally i've never had a problem with them and if i'm with a man they generally would just asked what was that from and thats that.As yours are in a more intimitate place they may be afraid to hurt you. Just explain what its from and if it would or would not hurt touched. If the man have a problem after that hes immature and not worth the time of day. He should be happy you care about ur health and wellbeing over appearance


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭Drift


    Your ex sounds like a real superficial bollocks meta. Its never good to have something like this happen to you but in a way you can count yourself lucky that it exposed him for what he was and you don't have any lasting damage. Hopefully in time the damage that he did to your confidence will fade too, because he was completely wrong. There's no way something like this will affect the thinking of any guy who's worth being with.

    Also meta, I've seen your pic and you have absolutely no need to feel self conscious, you're gorgeous. I can assure you that if there isn't already there will be a queue of willing suitors very soon.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,287 ✭✭✭davyjose


    Oh my God, the only reason I can think your boyf was such a buttring was because he must have been too weak to deal with it. What a wimp. Your best rid of him

    Enough about him - this is about you. No, your scar isn't a problem. Seriously, it's just a little distinguishment. I went out with a girl when I was twenty, she was stunning, but she had a small half inch scar on her cheek, right at her dimple from when she was a child (she was attacked by a dog). But it was so cute - i fell in love with that little scar, and it wasn't a big deal, I hardly ever noticed it ... it's hard to explain: it was just there. Trust me, when some guy meets you and falls in love with you,he won't care - at the very least.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,618 ✭✭✭Civilian_Target


    SHOW US PICTURES! :D

    On a more serious note: be glad you've got it. Because this way:
    - you don't have cancer
    - you don't have what sounds like a bit of an asshole of a boyfriend
    - you have something to determine guys who actually like you for who you are over people who want you for your boobs

    My brother is missing his left cheek - now that's a scar! Guess what: a substantial number of ladies actually think it's cool. It gives him personality, people don't forget him so easily, and he'd agree, it determines genuine people from bigots.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,969 ✭✭✭wingnut


    Just another post to say that your ex is a callous and stange person and you are far better off without someone with that mentality. You are an exceptionally attractive woman (I've seen your bebo post) and your confidence should reflect this!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,308 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    SHOW US PICTURES! :D
    Kinda have to agree. But then we may ask for a/s/l?


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