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Saying Goodbye is Too Hard

  • 02-01-2007 4:58am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,658 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey everyone, basically, Im in a long distance relationship and have been for just near 2 years. Ive learned to cope with not getting to see my girlfriend too often, and we compromise by talking on the phone a lot. We usually see each other twice a month, and often stay over at each others house for a few days at a time. Im 19, shes 18 and theres 5 hours travelling time between us.

    I started college this year, which makes meeting up even more difficult and she'll be in college next year, which will just add to things. Breaking up / going on a break is not an option. We feel we can cope, but whats really getting me down is saying goodbye when we do meet up.

    She came down to my house on Stephens Day and went home New Years day, it was the longest we spent with each other and was great. We had great fun, spent it mostly indoors painting and watching DVDs and playing games (mostly upstairs). Saying goodbye today was heartbreaking, and when I came home and went up to my room, i couldnt help myself from crying when realising that she was gone again. I could smell her hair (must be the shampoo she uses) and couldnt bare to stay in my room so Ive been sleeping on the couch.

    My problem is a bit tricky, because I want to see her more, but that means I have to say goodbye more often too. Any advice or anything would be appreciated.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    I know how you feel, I have been there. You just have to put on a brave face and the same with your girlfriend. If you can get through the rough times then you can get through almost anything that rocks the foundations of most relationships. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that jazz.

    I wish I could say it is easy but I would be lieing to you. Enjoy and cherish the time ye spent together and look forward to the time you will be together again, something to look forward to. Support each other, write letters to each other and then read them back to each other when you meet again (thats just something I done with my wife when we were apart, romantic rubbish :)) Hope it works out for you, best of luck.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    Dump her.


    19 and a first year in college is not the time to be tied down in a long term relationship.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,658 ✭✭✭✭Peyton Manning


    Appreciate the advice, but the term 'dump her' is hardly what I want to be hearing. 'Let her down gently' would be more suitable, but thats not going to happen.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 38 hmmmm


    Its tough and will always remain tough being in a long distance relationship - nothing you can do about that. I take it the both of you are in Ireland? Im also in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. Me in Ireland (well, Germany atm) and she in Germany. I think it is harder for people in "Long distance relationships" that are in the same country because you are so near yet so far.

    Ruu is right - if yee can make it through this safely then you should end up with a very strong relationship. Also write to her like Ruu suggested - its nice to go through the letters when yee meet up.

    I hate to say it but both of yee starting college is going to make things even harder. I hope it works out for you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,919 ✭✭✭✭Xavi6


    Dump her.


    19 and a first year in college is not the time to be tied down in a long term relationship.

    That's a load of bo**ox. Not everyone wants to go out and score with the bottom of the barrel, gee eyed slapper.

    Basically if you love her and all that then it's not so much "Goodbye", but "See you soon".


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,365 ✭✭✭hunnymonster


    Is there any way you could consider going to college in the same location? I know there are loads of reasons why this might not be possible but it's worth considering.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 24,056 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sully


    To me its clear from your first post that you really really like her and hate being apart. I can feel your upset and agree it has to be the hardest thing to do. Ruu has given some great advise and I would recommend you take up what he suggested.

    Its clear that breaking up isnt really an option. You both like each other way to much and when your together you get on like a "house on fire" pretty much. Its clear the relationship is working and meant to be, but there is a strain with living apart from each other -- which is an awful pitty but can also help develop a relationship too (absense does make the hart grow fonder as Ruu rightly said!).

    Your just going to have to be strong as there isnt any immediate easy solution to fix this problem. The only thing I can suggest is try to meet up more often. Get her an MSN account so you can IM each other every night or watever. Use Skype perhaps to cut back on call costs and be able to chat for longer? All these little changes might help.

    I could offer more suggestions but id really need to know where you both are living (ie right now) and what colleges ye both are going to. Perhaps myself and others can suggest ways to meet up - like getting a bus pass or car? Driving down every weekend or 2nd weekend to her? Meeting up on college breaks (mid-terms etc)?

    Please be aware that this forum has some hartless people who will post and not offer any type of constructive solution - eg Chucky the tree. Dont take such posts seriously, you will easily be able to tell the genuine posters from the messers. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    Xavi6 wrote:
    That's a load of bo**ox. Not everyone wants to go out and score with the bottom of the barrel, gee eyed slapper.

    Basically if you love her and all that then it's not so much "Goodbye", but "See you soon".



    Thats not the reason really. But if its this tough saying goodbye now, then i dont see how he will manage to do it for another 4 odd years.

    College just makes it tougher. Both will meet new groups of people, and chances are college will be taking up most of there time with study,socs, nights-out. It will all just add up and make things tougher.


    Sully, every thought of becoming a mind reader? No? Good. You'd be ****.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,919 ✭✭✭✭Xavi6


    Thats not the reason really. But if its this tough saying goodbye now, then i dont see how he will manage to do it for another 4 odd years.

    College just makes it tougher. Both will meet new groups of people, and chances are college will be taking up most of there time with study,socs, nights-out. It will all just add up and make things tougher.

    Well I just my three years of college and am still with the same girl even though she was doing a course somewhere else. It's about incorporating each other into the new lifestyle. Bring them out sometimes, not all the time obviously but let them get to know your college life. Worked great for me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Chucky the tree stop with the smart remarks at other posters, keep you posts on topic and helpful or your posting privilages will be revoked.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 482 ✭✭Steve01


    I say you're doing well to have kept the relationship going for 2 years at this stage. If your both mad about each other then by all means keep it going no matter how hard it may be. Is she going to college next year and if so will it be your college?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,658 ✭✭✭✭Peyton Manning


    Thanks to those who offered genuine advice, especially Ruu and Sully. In response to your questions, im from Kilkenny but in college in Waterford (1st year). She is from Lisburn, and although shed love to go to college in Dublin, will probably end up in Ulster somewhere. Im clinging to the hope that she'll go to Dublin and working very hard to be allowed change colleges from W.I.T to Trinity or DCU next year (anyone have anymore info on this particular matter?)

    We do have MSN and Skype, and my house phone can make free calls to her number at the weekend when Im home. We talk quite a lot, but I suppose nothing beats the real thing. I like the letter writing idea a lot, and its something im going to do, thanks for that suggestion.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 24,056 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sully


    Archimedes wrote:
    Thanks to those who offered genuine advice, especially Ruu and Sully. In response to your questions, im from Kilkenny but in college in Waterford (1st year). She is from Lisburn, and although shed love to go to college in Dublin, will probably end up in Ulster somewhere. Im clinging to the hope that she'll go to Dublin and working very hard to be allowed change colleges from W.I.T to Trinity or DCU next year (anyone have anymore info on this particular matter?)

    OK I see, it is a pretty long journey. I dont suppose there is any hope you guys could meet half way? Probably to expensive to be doing it regularly tho. Why wouldnt she go to Dublin anyway?

    Im in WIT myself, and they accept pretty much anyone. They took in a Chiense lad into our IT Course who knows hardly any programing - yet we done a whole year of it and he didnt. Poor choice bringing him in, as he used to hold up the class asking questions we covered last year.
    We do have MSN and Skype, and my house phone can make free calls to her number at the weekend when Im home. We talk quite a lot, but I suppose nothing beats the real thing. I like the letter writing idea a lot, and its something im going to do, thanks for that suggestion.

    Your right, nothing does beat the real thing. But you cant have that right now, so what the best thing to do is find alternative ways to keep in touch. :) Try seek information about traveling to her, or her to you or half way. See if that can be done?

    Good luck :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,401 ✭✭✭✭Anti


    OP im in the same situation. Only the gap is a country away and more then 5 hours. We cope with it even though it is heartbreaking to say good bye. Christ it gets harder evrytime. First time i held it together.... barely. Now when we part i can cop for about 10 mins then the tears come. But its worth it for the next time we see each other. We keep in rgular contact with msn/phone all the time.

    I know how your feeling mate.

    :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 676 ✭✭✭Nickibaby*


    Im doing the whole long distance thing too (didn't know so many were :D ). We are about 5 hours apart too. We are both in college and things are just great. It's not nice letting the person go after a visit. Sometimes it gets us down but it's an 'i'll see you real' soon not 'goodbye'. When your both going yous should write each other a letter.

    Meteor free texts are great. Next year would yous not consider moving to the same college? I would really love to be able to do that but me and my boyfriend are both in the middle of our courses :rolleyes:

    Good luck with it and chin up at least you have a girl who you are madly in love with. Me and my boyfriend both like getting upset cuz at least it shows you care and you love being with the person.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    Ruu wrote:
    I know how you feel, I have been there. You just have to put on a brave face and the same with your girlfriend. If you can get through the rough times then you can get through almost anything that rocks the foundations of most relationships. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that jazz.

    I wish I could say it is easy but I would be lieing to you. Enjoy and cherish the time ye spent together and look forward to the time you will be together again, something to look forward to. Support each other, write letters to each other and then read them back to each other when you meet again (thats just something I done with my wife when we were apart, romantic rubbish :)) Hope it works out for you, best of luck.
    Agree with Ruu (as usual when it comes to LDR's :D) and also, as others have said, try not to think of it as a "goodbye" but more of a "I'll see you soon/talk to you soon" and begin looking forward to seeing her again.

    I also agree with Chucky to an extent, college is going to make things tougher on the relationship so you have to be prepared for that. Good luck with it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,238 ✭✭✭humbert


    Archimedes wrote:
    Thanks to those who offered genuine advice, especially Ruu and Sully. In response to your questions, im from Kilkenny but in college in Waterford (1st year). She is from Lisburn, and although shed love to go to college in Dublin, will probably end up in Ulster somewhere. Im clinging to the hope that she'll go to Dublin and working very hard to be allowed change colleges from W.I.T to Trinity or DCU next year (anyone have anymore info on this particular matter?)

    We do have MSN and Skype, and my house phone can make free calls to her number at the weekend when Im home. We talk quite a lot, but I suppose nothing beats the real thing. I like the letter writing idea a lot, and its something im going to do, thanks for that suggestion.

    Dude I hope she gets Dublin or at least Queens because if she ends up in Derry or Coleraine that's a nasty commute. I think it can really only work if there's an end in sight. I've done it and it didn't work. It's going to be difficult for either of you not to be tempted by someone you like in the same vicinity. I hope you adapt and make it work but if I'm to be honest I'd tell you to at least prepare yourself for the worst. Oh and at the risk of sounding like a nerd a web cam with skype is cool. I keep in touch with my wee sis in Sweden that way, much more personal than just text.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Archimedes , all i can say is ur lucky u have that..

    I fell for a girl at the other side of the country in a different college, tried keeping in contact everyday but she says she cant do the long distance thing, and because we're in different colleges and a good 4 hours apart finding time to visit is very difficult. so we had to call it quits over the last few days and I'm an emontional wreck now that shes gone.

    maybe u sud make a surprise visit to her sometime? out of the blue, talk to one of her friends and find out when she'd be at home or whatever? a surprise like that wud really be wonderful! i like that letter idea, sounds like a good idea. I often sit here in college at night reading old msn chat logs ( no I'm not werid, my computer records them automatically ) or old txt messages and bebo messages, but I cant do it anymore because I'll only start crying! ive only visited her twice over the last 2 months and the last time was really great as we both just stayed togethor for the day watching dvd's and talking..

    dont let her go whatever college she goes to! u dont want to be going through what I am!'


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