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Dumped by a "friend" because of his psycho girlfriend

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Well I was shopping in town the other day and who do I bump into but him. He tried to stop me, he said "can we talk" and I just kept going. I have heard since that he is pissed off at me about it.'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    ravenblack wrote:
    'Well I was shopping in town the other day and who do I bump into but him. He tried to stop me, he said "can we talk" and I just kept going. I have heard since that he is pissed off at me about it.'

    Does that bother you?

    Did you explain to the person who told you why you ignored him? If you did it will get back, thenn he may think about what is happening


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Yeah the person that told me knows all about it and told him that he has only himself to blame for it all. He is annoyed at me now, seemingly because he thinks no matter how horrible he's been, saying "sorry" will somehow magically fix everything. So he seems to be blaming me again for being upset at him, like I don't have any feelings.'


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    ravenblack wrote:
    He is annoyed at me now, seemingly because he thinks no matter how horrible he's been, saying "sorry" will somehow magically fix everything. So he seems to be blaming me again for being upset at him, like I don't have any feelings.'

    Raven
    The above comment sounds more like a spurned girlfriend than a mate.
    I understand he acted the total ejit and let his dick rule his brain, but he's human, made a mistake, admitted it and wants to know if he can sort it with you.
    As a mate, could you not discuss it with him and see if he understands where you are coming from. That's what friends do no?

    Are you sure you don't have feelings for him?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    '
    Beruthiel wrote:
    Raven
    The above comment sounds more like a spurned girlfriend than a mate.
    I understand he acted the total ejit and let his dick rule his brain, but he's human, made a mistake, admitted it and wants to know if he can sort it with you.
    As a mate, could you not discuss it with him and see if he understands where you are coming from. That's what friends do no?

    Are you sure you don't have feelings for him?

    Yeah I'm sure, it was me that encouraged him to try and sort things out with her because he was sad she'd dumped him. I've no interest in sorting things out with him, he deliberately screwed me over, why should I be a friend to him when I get nothing back for it.'


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    ravenblack wrote:
    '

    Yeah I'm sure, it was me that encouraged him to try and sort things out with her because he was sad she'd dumped him. I've no interest in sorting things out with him, he deliberately screwed me over, why should I be a friend to him when I get nothing back for it.'

    Because sometimes being a friend is about not expecting anything in return. Freindship isn't about point scoring or tallies. (Which is not to say if they are a continual leech you put up with it).

    So many people break up or lose friendships because one or the other cannot say sorry.

    Its up to you, but you can hear him out and make your point.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    '
    Because sometimes being a friend is about not expecting anything in return. Freindship isn't about point scoring or tallies. (Which is not to say if they are a continual leech you put up with it).

    So many people break up or lose friendships because one or the other cannot say sorry.

    Its up to you, but you can hear him out and make your point.

    Well any disagreements I'd had with him before were always because of him ****ing up, not me. He's quite moody and I often had to put up with that, he had none of that with me.'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭Petey2006


    I've been in this situation before myself. And I tried everything. In the end, there's nothing you can do but sit back and wait for the relationship to fall apart, which it will, if she's that much of a gee-bag. Then, hopefully your friend will have learned his mistake and not repeat it should he date another psychotic paranoid lunatic. I know it sucks, but it's out of your hands, to be honest.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 593 ✭✭✭triona1


    Id say sit back relax,he is going to need you quite soon,that wont last long ,its the blunt end of being a friend,u always seem to get the hard end of the bargin,live and learn,he knows you will be there for him, thats why he can treat you like this,i dont mean he is doing it on purpose its just a thing,relying on friends and all that


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭limklad


    ravenblack wrote:
    '

    Well any disagreements I'd had with him before were always because of him ****ing up, not me. He's quite moody and I often had to put up with that, he had none of that with me.
    '

    I been reading the various posts and building up quite a picture. I am not going to tell you what you want me to say, but what I am going to say will hurt you but you need to hear, to get to the truth.
    Let me paint the picture from your post and your responses from others.

    1/. You were good friends with him (possible good feeling towards been in love with each other or just you towards him or not). You are hurt when his girlfriend is threatened him to cut you friendship off.
    2/. You are emotional immature as you are throwing tantrums. (you want to talk to him and when he does you ignore him).
    3/. You man is emotional immature and has not grown up. He abuses you emotionally and expects you to listen to him when he wants. Moody as you put it. (He avoids/ignore you when his girlfriend who is also emotional immature and insecure told him so). He then blames you for their break up.
    It seems all 3 of you are in this abusive relationship is to blame in some way or another for all the hurt that is going around.
    You and your man need to take reasonability for your actions, before you can move on or else revenge will take over. How many more people are getting hurt because of this? There is not only you two but your friends and family how are probably getting some pain from this. You were threatened by his girlfriend when she acted and therefore you had buried or easily seen feeling for him as she seen that. Aggressive Insecure people see any possible behavior as threatening to them and their wrap sense of happiness.
    ravenblack wrote:
    Well a "friend" of mine is no longer speaking to me because his girlfriend won't let him
    She (the Girlfriend) bullied him emotional by making her love to him conditional. She saw a weakness in him and made full advantage of it. She probably feed him stories to twist him into her grasp, total control. This selfish love destroyed their relationship and your relationship with him. Selfish love always destroy relationships

    At the end of the day, you and your ‘Friend’ hurt each other. You both made mistakes and you need to acknowledge and accept this. I cannot tell if you are moody because I do not know you, what I can do is paint a picture on what you said. I know what you are reading will hurt you but it needs to be said. You need to sit down and talk to him. Forget about scoring points, revenge will only grow more hurt both of you since both did care about each other. Get him to read these posts for himself. He needs to know how much he hurts you. If you both of you change you attitude then both of you can be friends again or more, that depends on both of you. It your always your choice. Not mine or anyone else, all we can do is advises you on the situation as we can look at your relationship from a different point of view.

    It takes 2 to make a relationship work. You both need to learn how to apologies. You can start with "I am sorry about....."

    I do hope it will work out for you.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Well all our mutual friends who know about it have told him it's his own fault and that she has no right to treat him like that, and he has no right to take it out on me. You're right, she is bullying him but he lets her. Apparently he's pissed off because I wouldn't listen to him, he left it weeks before he made any sort of effort to talk to me. and you're right in that he does abuse me emotionally. Despite the hurtful things he did he still gets annoyed at me because its inconvenient to him that I won't listen to him. I'm supposed to let him treat me however he likes and as long as he says sorry when he feels like it, it's OK and I'm supposed to accept it.'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'And I don't believe she loves him either. I think you are right in that she loves him conditionally, namely, as long as she is getting her own way. She doesn't love him, she loves the ego boost bullying and manipulating him gives her.'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭limklad


    ravenblack wrote:
    'Well all our mutual friends who know about it have told him it's his own fault and that she has no right to treat him like that, and he has no right to take it out on me. You're right, she is bullying him but he lets her. Apparently he's pissed off because I wouldn't listen to him, he left it weeks before he made any sort of effort to talk to me. and you're right in that he does abuse me emotionally. Despite the hurtful things he did he still gets annoyed at me because its inconvenient to him that I won't listen to him. I'm supposed to let him treat me however he likes and as long as he says sorry when he feels like it, it's OK and I'm supposed to accept it.'
    You can say "sorry" for ignoring him or any other mistake you made and then when he is ready for listening then talk about how much he hurts you. If he is still ignorant of his wrong doing, then do not expect him to say sorry. It will take him time to come around.
    I know it will hurt talking to him but you have to do this for you too and for your friends too. If he does not change then at least you tried.. and the ball is then in his court.
    If he put you down the guilt trip without admitting his wrongdoing or escaping blame by blaming others for his behavior, then it is time to call a halt on your friendship, for he will continue to abuse you further.
    Best of luck and a smile for you..:) I give you a hug if i could


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'well we are just back in college now after exams and things are changing now, both of them are being extra friendly to people in our class all 3 of us know that previously they didn't seem too bothered about, because they know everyone thinks they're in the wrong. I think one of our friends is falling for it, a couple of things she has said e.g. "arent they a great couple" have given me the impression she is trying to rub my nose in it all. i'm not going to say anything to her about it though, that would be rising to the bait. this friend has chosen different modules to me this semester so i won't be seeing her as much anyway. i hope everything just blows over because we still have 2 more years left of our course!!!'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭limklad


    ravenblack wrote:
    'well we are just back in college now after exams and things are changing now, both of them are being extra friendly to people in our class all 3 of us know that previously they didn't seem too bothered about, because they know everyone thinks they're in the wrong.
    Let they alone and play friendly or they may see the errors in their ways. It could also be divide and conquencer.
    ravenblack wrote:
    I think one of our friends is falling for it, a couple of things she has said e.g. "arent they a great couple" have given me the impression she is trying to rub my nose in it all.
    It is her choice, not yours. She may be blind or just plain cruel. Either way you have to stick to a neutral topic or comment, or she could be sussing you out. She might feel that you have feeling for him.
    If you try to ruin the psycho and your friend relationship, or there attempts to be friendly to others, then it will backfire badly on you. If anyone asks or say anything about your relationship, then you can defend yourself, but be calm and genuine in responding.
    ravenblack wrote:
    i'm not going to say anything to her about it though, that would be rising to the bait.
    It might not be bait, so do not react to it, no matter what way it comes at you. You will be better off.
    ravenblack wrote:
    this friend has chosen different modules to me this semester so i won't be seeing her as much anyway. i hope everything just blows over because we still have 2 more years left of our course!!!'
    It is better to try to get on and concentrate on your studies, It is more important to you and for your future. You have 2 years to go. I have been through collage and the last 2 years fly before you know it. If will be slow if you continue to dwell on this.

    I know this will hurts you, but let your strong feeling for him go. Let him make his own mistakes, he be wiser in the end. Do not do anything foolish, it will hurt you more in the end. If you want be there for him, then mend the friendship without interference in their relationship. They are young adults and they will both make mistakes. So Be diplomatic.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 56 ✭✭ELLIEJ


    Its mad - women like her given women a bad name and men like him give men a bad name.... Pathetic!!!

    Hate to say it but it sounds like you are in love with him....... :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I would be over all this by now if it wasnt for the friend I've described in my last post. she seems to have assigned herself to the role of go-between, except she is only telling the couple what i say about them. its none of her business. they don't even like her, they're just using her because they know she wants to feel popular!


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