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Dumped by a "friend" because of his psycho girlfriend

  • 02-01-2007 12:09AM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Well a "friend" of mine is no longer speaking to me because his girlfriend won't let him. He's a bit of a flirt, she told him he wasn't allowed talk to me anymore and he refused so she dumped him. As far as I know he gave in and she took him back and now isn't talking to me anymore because of her. I was there for him when he was upset about her dumping him and this is how he repays me. What to do?


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 17,115 ✭✭✭✭Nalz


    eh, not much ya can do me thinks. Let it stew I suppose... for a while anyway. Need more info if ya want decent advice here. Now, back to my cornflakes


  • Moderators, Regional North East Moderators Posts: 12,742 Mod ✭✭✭✭cournioni


    Trilla wrote:
    eh, not much ya can do me thinks. Let it stew I suppose... for a while anyway. Need more info if ya want decent advice here.
    Too true. All you can do is hope that he sees a bit of sense. You cannot make someone be your friend, especially if they have a psycho girlfriend/boyfriend hanging about. Just sit back and hope for the best, if you bump into him say hello with a smile on your face. It is all you can do.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,581 ✭✭✭dodgyme


    Are you sure you dont fancy him?:confused:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,260 ✭✭✭jdivision


    OP, I've had similar things happen. If he's willing to stop talking to you because of another person's insecurity, I think he's not much of a friend, particularly if you were there for him after the "break up".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,631 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Lost a very good friend recently due to her insecure boyfriend having a problem with the fact that we'd gone out briefly years before they met. It's hard not to be bitter about it but life's like that. The ball's in his court, let him return it.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,350 ✭✭✭Lust4Life


    I'm afraid the other posters are right about this.
    He has made his (poor) choice.
    However, friends allow / forgive friends for making poor choices.

    I hope that when the relationship crumbles that you'll still be there for your friend.

    I have a male friend who tends to choose very jealous women. And yes, I was in your shoes.

    However, with his newest girlfriend, when we were introduced, I took her aside and told her matter-of-factly that this is my friend and I love him as a friend / brother and since he loves her that she must be awfully special and I hope we could be good friends as well.

    So far it is working. She has her jealous streak, but keeps it to herself.

    So maybe talking to the GF would help you as well?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    I too lost contact with a friend over pyscho girlfriend. He just suddenly stopped coming out for drinks etc. I was initially annoyed with him but soon realised she was a control freak to the extreme!!

    Fortunately, he now realises this and makes more of an effort to socalise.

    If you stop all contact yourself he will eventually realise what he is doing wrong and get rid of her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,649 ✭✭✭Catari Jaguar


    Talk to her and let her know that you don't fancy him and she has no reason to be jealous. Because you DON'T fancy him, do you??


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'No, I don't fancy him. He originally told her he could talk to me if he wanted but then changed his mind. I'm done being there for him, I want nothing more to do with him.'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,350 ✭✭✭Lust4Life


    Oh, now, if that were true you would not have posted this thread. Am I right?

    It obviously bothers you a lot. And that is very understandable.
    But a friend is a friend. They come into your life and they go away now and again. They should always be welcomed back in.

    Things will sort themselves out. Give it time.

    Hugs,

    L


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    No, I don't fancy him. And I'm not going to be friends with him again because he's ****ing hurt me. I was there for him and he just cast me aside.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7 Tumblina


    :) Don't worry too much about it as they say "Love is blind". Friends are are the family we choose for ourselves so just like our siblings they have to learn for themselves and by their mistakes. How many times have all of us fallen out and made up with family and friends. If she's that much of a weapon you shouldn't have to wait too long. Offer her the olive branch if she still doesn't take it send your friend a text letting him know that you tried and let him know that he has your number if he needs you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have tried to make friends with her loads of times but anything I say is met with a glare and a one-word answer.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    Hi OP, I had the exact same thing happen to me! One of my best friends started going out with a bit of a psycho. At first, she was ok and we were friends, however a year down the line and she turned into a right freak. Was insanely jealous of me for no reason at all and didn't want him talking to me (the guy was like a brother to me, and I was in a long-term relationship myself - I had absolutely no interest in him at all!).

    It got incredibly difficult (and upsetting) having to deal with her so I just stopped talking to my friend, it just wasn't worth it anymore. Especially since he would stand up for her when she was being vicious to me. He kinda lost all his other pals after that as well, everyone just had enough. Dunno if he's still going out with her (he's a bigger eejit if he is).

    Don't even waste your time trying to be friends with her - I tried that and it just didn't work. Or at least when it did, things would be ok for a few weeks and then back to psycho jealous lady again.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,144 ✭✭✭LundiMardi


    Personally, i would send him one last email or something, explaining how much of dick he is and why. Explain that eventually he'll realize why he's such a dick and that by the time that happens you'll have moved on and he will have lost a good friend.

    He may ignore it and wait for the inevitable to happen, or he could grow a pair of balls cop on a bit.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,598 ✭✭✭ferdi


    jesus, i hope i'm not so weak and insecure that i'd ever let a gf ban me from talking to a friend!!

    OP, this lad is an eejit and you dont need him as a friend.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7 Tumblina


    All i can say then is if you and your mate are v.good mates he'll be back. Girlfriends/boyfriends come and go but true friendship lasts forever. When your friend actually meets the right girl she will accept his friends. Like all things in life good things come to those who wait. She most likely feels threatened by you but is from the sound of it too braindead to realise that she'd be better off getting to know you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Well I thought I was good friends with him but obviously not.'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    She's insecure and threatened by you. You throwing a scene and looking for your friend to talk to you will only enrage her further and make her think that you do fancy him and are in fact chasing him. Let her keep going as she is and she'll eventually push him too far and he'll realise how controlling and manipulative she is and dump her. I know a woman who was like that and when she tried to cut out her husband's closest sister once they were married, things quickly went downhill. They're divorcing now and she still can't understand why. :rolleyes: You should just tell your friend his girlfriend is cutting him off and he's letting her so you're not going to bother contacting him again until he contacts you. Tell him you miss him and the friendship you had but it's up to him to make things right now.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'I think that's what I'll do, I'm not going to make him talk to me. Although we are on the same table for lab sessions in college so I might have to speak to him sometimes. He might decide to talk to me again but only when she's not around which I won't accept, he should be able to defend himself well enough to talk to me when she is there.'


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'ok i was in such a similar case except for one thing . . . i was the girlfriend - and NO i was not psycho! i never stopped my then-boyfriend from talking to her. she actually had a plan to break us up. i later found this out - her telling her friend who told my boyf. anyways too complicated to go into!

    im not saying ur a weirdo who's trying to break them up but maybe this girlfriend isnt as bad as u make out.

    in my case the girl actually thought i was jealous but it was her who turned out to be obsessed with him.

    again im not accusing u of anything. but leave him at it until he realises himself.'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'He just ignores me...it really hurts!'


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,769 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    ravenblack wrote:
    'He just ignores me...it really hurts!'
    Sad. But he has made a choice, so move on to other friends.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 593 ✭✭✭triona1


    Are you in a relationship,he could be giving some signal to her that he likes you,us women know some stuff!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    This just confirms that women are the spawn of satan.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 153 ✭✭darkflower


    ravenblack wrote:
    Well a "friend" of mine is no longer speaking to me because his girlfriend won't let him. He's a bit of a flirt, she told him he wasn't allowed talk to me anymore and he refused so she dumped him. As far as I know he gave in and she took him back and now isn't talking to me anymore because of her. I was there for him when he was upset about her dumping him and this is how he repays me. What to do?

    You deserve someone better than that kind.:mad: That friend isn't worth fighting for. Dump him too!:cool:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    No I'm not in a relationship. he often said he fancied me in a jokey way.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Kenny 5, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    The girlfriend undoubtedly has a lot of influence in this situation but at the end of the day it's down to him to decide who he does and doesn't speak to. He made the decision so I think it's a little naiive to place all the blame on the "psycho girlfriend".

    I posted about a very similar thing a few years back when a friend of mine completely dropped me, for the second time, in favour of his relationship. We had been best friends from he age of about 7 til 15. The first time it happened he didn't speak to me for three years and when that relationship ended I was there for him and we got back some of our friendship. It was so easy to put it all down to girlfriend beig a nutter and feeling threatened by our friendship. However, when it happened again I soon realised that it wasn't the girls who were in complete control, it was him. He was making the decision to drop his mates. As much as it hurt (again) I eventually decided to forget it and forget him because I don't need "friends" like that.

    OP, it sucks and it hurts like hell but do you really want a friend who will drop you so easily?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    SOrry Theadydal, I meant to say except you :D

    Anyway, not alot of women like their bf's having female friends, simple as that really.


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