Dumped by a "friend" because of his psycho girlfriend

LegacyUser

Well a "friend" of mine is no longer speaking to me because his girlfriend won't let him. He's a bit of a flirt, she told him he wasn't allowed talk to me anymore and he refused so she dumped him. As far as I know he gave in and she took him back and now isn't talking to me anymore because of her. I was there for him when he was upset about her dumping him and this is how he repays me. What to do?

Nalz

eh, not much ya can do me thinks. Let it stew I suppose... for a while anyway. Need more info if ya want decent advice here. Now, back to my cornflakes

cournioni

Trilla wrote:

eh, not much ya can do me thinks. Let it stew I suppose... for a while anyway. Need more info if ya want decent advice here.

Too true. All you can do is hope that he sees a bit of sense. You cannot make someone be your friend, especially if they have a psycho girlfriend/boyfriend hanging about. Just sit back and hope for the best, if you bump into him say hello with a smile on your face. It is all you can do.

dodgyme

Are you sure you dont fancy him?

jdivision

OP, I've had similar things happen. If he's willing to stop talking to you because of another person's insecurity, I think he's not much of a friend, particularly if you were there for him after the "break up".

Sleepy

Lost a very good friend recently due to her insecure boyfriend having a problem with the fact that we'd gone out briefly years before they met. It's hard not to be bitter about it but life's like that. The ball's in his court, let him return it.

Lust4Life

I'm afraid the other posters are right about this.
He has made his (poor) choice.
However, friends allow / forgive friends for making poor choices.

I hope that when the relationship crumbles that you'll still be there for your friend.

I have a male friend who tends to choose very jealous women. And yes, I was in your shoes.

However, with his newest girlfriend, when we were introduced, I took her aside and told her matter-of-factly that this is my friend and I love him as a friend / brother and since he loves her that she must be awfully special and I hope we could be good friends as well.

So far it is working. She has her jealous streak, but keeps it to herself.

So maybe talking to the GF would help you as well?

py2006

I too lost contact with a friend over pyscho girlfriend. He just suddenly stopped coming out for drinks etc. I was initially annoyed with him but soon realised she was a control freak to the extreme!!

Fortunately, he now realises this and makes more of an effort to socalise.

If you stop all contact yourself he will eventually realise what he is doing wrong and get rid of her.

Catari Jaguar

Talk to her and let her know that you don't fancy him and she has no reason to be jealous. Because you DON'T fancy him, do you??

LegacyUser

'No, I don't fancy him. He originally told her he could talk to me if he wanted but then changed his mind. I'm done being there for him, I want nothing more to do with him.'

Lust4Life

Oh, now, if that were true you would not have posted this thread. Am I right?

It obviously bothers you a lot. And that is very understandable.
But a friend is a friend. They come into your life and they go away now and again. They should always be welcomed back in.

Things will sort themselves out. Give it time.

Hugs,

L

LegacyUser

No, I don't fancy him. And I'm not going to be friends with him again because he's ****ing hurt me. I was there for him and he just cast me aside.

Tumblina

Don't worry too much about it as they say "Love is blind". Friends are are the family we choose for ourselves so just like our siblings they have to learn for themselves and by their mistakes. How many times have all of us fallen out and made up with family and friends. If she's that much of a weapon you shouldn't have to wait too long. Offer her the olive branch if she still doesn't take it send your friend a text letting him know that you tried and let him know that he has your number if he needs you.

LegacyUser

I have tried to make friends with her loads of times but anything I say is met with a glare and a one-word answer.

tinkerbell

Hi OP, I had the exact same thing happen to me! One of my best friends started going out with a bit of a psycho. At first, she was ok and we were friends, however a year down the line and she turned into a right freak. Was insanely jealous of me for no reason at all and didn't want him talking to me (the guy was like a brother to me, and I was in a long-term relationship myself - I had absolutely no interest in him at all!).

It got incredibly difficult (and upsetting) having to deal with her so I just stopped talking to my friend, it just wasn't worth it anymore. Especially since he would stand up for her when she was being vicious to me. He kinda lost all his other pals after that as well, everyone just had enough. Dunno if he's still going out with her (he's a bigger eejit if he is).

Don't even waste your time trying to be friends with her - I tried that and it just didn't work. Or at least when it did, things would be ok for a few weeks and then back to psycho jealous lady again.

LundiMardi

Personally, i would send him one last email or something, explaining how much of dick he is and why. Explain that eventually he'll realize why he's such a dick and that by the time that happens you'll have moved on and he will have lost a good friend.

He may ignore it and wait for the inevitable to happen, or he could grow a pair of balls cop on a bit.

ferdi

jesus, i hope i'm not so weak and insecure that i'd ever let a gf ban me from talking to a friend!!

OP, this lad is an eejit and you dont need him as a friend.

Tumblina

All i can say then is if you and your mate are v.good mates he'll be back. Girlfriends/boyfriends come and go but true friendship lasts forever. When your friend actually meets the right girl she will accept his friends. Like all things in life good things come to those who wait. She most likely feels threatened by you but is from the sound of it too braindead to realise that she'd be better off getting to know you.

LegacyUser

'Well I thought I was good friends with him but obviously not.'

dame

She's insecure and threatened by you. You throwing a scene and looking for your friend to talk to you will only enrage her further and make her think that you do fancy him and are in fact chasing him. Let her keep going as she is and she'll eventually push him too far and he'll realise how controlling and manipulative she is and dump her. I know a woman who was like that and when she tried to cut out her husband's closest sister once they were married, things quickly went downhill. They're divorcing now and she still can't understand why. :rolleyes: You should just tell your friend his girlfriend is cutting him off and he's letting her so you're not going to bother contacting him again until he contacts you. Tell him you miss him and the friendship you had but it's up to him to make things right now.

LegacyUser

'I think that's what I'll do, I'm not going to make him talk to me. Although we are on the same table for lab sessions in college so I might have to speak to him sometimes. He might decide to talk to me again but only when she's not around which I won't accept, he should be able to defend himself well enough to talk to me when she is there.'

LegacyUser

'ok i was in such a similar case except for one thing . . . i was the girlfriend - and NO i was not psycho! i never stopped my then-boyfriend from talking to her. she actually had a plan to break us up. i later found this out - her telling her friend who told my boyf. anyways too complicated to go into!

im not saying ur a weirdo who's trying to break them up but maybe this girlfriend isnt as bad as u make out.

in my case the girl actually thought i was jealous but it was her who turned out to be obsessed with him.

again im not accusing u of anything. but leave him at it until he realises himself.'

LegacyUser

'He just ignores me...it really hurts!'

Black Swan

ravenblack wrote:

'He just ignores me...it really hurts!'

Sad. But he has made a choice, so move on to other friends.

triona1

Are you in a relationship,he could be giving some signal to her that he likes you,us women know some stuff!!

Kinetic^

This just confirms that women are the spawn of satan.

darkflower

ravenblack wrote:

Well a "friend" of mine is no longer speaking to me because his girlfriend won't let him. He's a bit of a flirt, she told him he wasn't allowed talk to me anymore and he refused so she dumped him. As far as I know he gave in and she took him back and now isn't talking to me anymore because of her. I was there for him when he was upset about her dumping him and this is how he repays me. What to do?

You deserve someone better than that kind.:mad: That friend isn't worth fighting for. Dump him too!:cool:

LegacyUser

No I'm not in a relationship. he often said he fancied me in a jokey way.

Nevyn

Kenny 5, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Chinafoot

The girlfriend undoubtedly has a lot of influence in this situation but at the end of the day it's down to him to decide who he does and doesn't speak to. He made the decision so I think it's a little naiive to place all the blame on the "psycho girlfriend".

I posted about a very similar thing a few years back when a friend of mine completely dropped me, for the second time, in favour of his relationship. We had been best friends from he age of about 7 til 15. The first time it happened he didn't speak to me for three years and when that relationship ended I was there for him and we got back some of our friendship. It was so easy to put it all down to girlfriend beig a nutter and feeling threatened by our friendship. However, when it happened again I soon realised that it wasn't the girls who were in complete control, it was him. He was making the decision to drop his mates. As much as it hurt (again) I eventually decided to forget it and forget him because I don't need "friends" like that.

OP, it sucks and it hurts like hell but do you really want a friend who will drop you so easily?

Kinetic^

SOrry Theadydal, I meant to say except you

Anyway, not alot of women like their bf's having female friends, simple as that really.

LegacyUser

'Well I was shopping in town the other day and who do I bump into but him. He tried to stop me, he said "can we talk" and I just kept going. I have heard since that he is pissed off at me about it.'

Marksie

ravenblack wrote:

'Well I was shopping in town the other day and who do I bump into but him. He tried to stop me, he said "can we talk" and I just kept going. I have heard since that he is pissed off at me about it.'

Does that bother you?

Did you explain to the person who told you why you ignored him? If you did it will get back, thenn he may think about what is happening

LegacyUser

'Yeah the person that told me knows all about it and told him that he has only himself to blame for it all. He is annoyed at me now, seemingly because he thinks no matter how horrible he's been, saying "sorry" will somehow magically fix everything. So he seems to be blaming me again for being upset at him, like I don't have any feelings.'

Beruthiel

ravenblack wrote:

He is annoyed at me now, seemingly because he thinks no matter how horrible he's been, saying "sorry" will somehow magically fix everything. So he seems to be blaming me again for being upset at him, like I don't have any feelings.'

Raven
The above comment sounds more like a spurned girlfriend than a mate.
I understand he acted the total ejit and let his dick rule his brain, but he's human, made a mistake, admitted it and wants to know if he can sort it with you.
As a mate, could you not discuss it with him and see if he understands where you are coming from. That's what friends do no?

Are you sure you don't have feelings for him?

LegacyUser

'

Beruthiel wrote:

Raven
The above comment sounds more like a spurned girlfriend than a mate.
I understand he acted the total ejit and let his dick rule his brain, but he's human, made a mistake, admitted it and wants to know if he can sort it with you.
As a mate, could you not discuss it with him and see if he understands where you are coming from. That's what friends do no?

Are you sure you don't have feelings for him?

Yeah I'm sure, it was me that encouraged him to try and sort things out with her because he was sad she'd dumped him. I've no interest in sorting things out with him, he deliberately screwed me over, why should I be a friend to him when I get nothing back for it.'

Marksie

ravenblack wrote:

'

Yeah I'm sure, it was me that encouraged him to try and sort things out with her because he was sad she'd dumped him. I've no interest in sorting things out with him, he deliberately screwed me over, why should I be a friend to him when I get nothing back for it.'

Because sometimes being a friend is about not expecting anything in return. Freindship isn't about point scoring or tallies. (Which is not to say if they are a continual leech you put up with it).

So many people break up or lose friendships because one or the other cannot say sorry.

Its up to you, but you can hear him out and make your point.

LegacyUser

'

marksuttonie wrote:

Because sometimes being a friend is about not expecting anything in return. Freindship isn't about point scoring or tallies. (Which is not to say if they are a continual leech you put up with it).

So many people break up or lose friendships because one or the other cannot say sorry.

Its up to you, but you can hear him out and make your point.

Well any disagreements I'd had with him before were always because of him ****ing up, not me. He's quite moody and I often had to put up with that, he had none of that with me.'

Petey2006

I've been in this situation before myself. And I tried everything. In the end, there's nothing you can do but sit back and wait for the relationship to fall apart, which it will, if she's that much of a gee-bag. Then, hopefully your friend will have learned his mistake and not repeat it should he date another psychotic paranoid lunatic. I know it sucks, but it's out of your hands, to be honest.

triona1

Id say sit back relax,he is going to need you quite soon,that wont last long ,its the blunt end of being a friend,u always seem to get the hard end of the bargin,live and learn,he knows you will be there for him, thats why he can treat you like this,i dont mean he is doing it on purpose its just a thing,relying on friends and all that

limklad

ravenblack wrote:

'

Well any disagreements I'd had with him before were always because of him ****ing up, not me. He's quite moody and I often had to put up with that, he had none of that with me.
'

I been reading the various posts and building up quite a picture. I am not going to tell you what you want me to say, but what I am going to say will hurt you but you need to hear, to get to the truth.
Let me paint the picture from your post and your responses from others.

1/. You were good friends with him (possible good feeling towards been in love with each other or just you towards him or not). You are hurt when his girlfriend is threatened him to cut you friendship off.
2/. You are emotional immature as you are throwing tantrums. (you want to talk to him and when he does you ignore him).
3/. You man is emotional immature and has not grown up. He abuses you emotionally and expects you to listen to him when he wants. Moody as you put it. (He avoids/ignore you when his girlfriend who is also emotional immature and insecure told him so). He then blames you for their break up.
It seems all 3 of you are in this abusive relationship is to blame in some way or another for all the hurt that is going around.
You and your man need to take reasonability for your actions, before you can move on or else revenge will take over. How many more people are getting hurt because of this? There is not only you two but your friends and family how are probably getting some pain from this. You were threatened by his girlfriend when she acted and therefore you had buried or easily seen feeling for him as she seen that. Aggressive Insecure people see any possible behavior as threatening to them and their wrap sense of happiness.

ravenblack wrote:

Well a "friend" of mine is no longer speaking to me because his girlfriend won't let him

She (the Girlfriend) bullied him emotional by making her love to him conditional. She saw a weakness in him and made full advantage of it. She probably feed him stories to twist him into her grasp, total control. This selfish love destroyed their relationship and your relationship with him. Selfish love always destroy relationships

At the end of the day, you and your ‘Friend’ hurt each other. You both made mistakes and you need to acknowledge and accept this. I cannot tell if you are moody because I do not know you, what I can do is paint a picture on what you said. I know what you are reading will hurt you but it needs to be said. You need to sit down and talk to him. Forget about scoring points, revenge will only grow more hurt both of you since both did care about each other. Get him to read these posts for himself. He needs to know how much he hurts you. If you both of you change you attitude then both of you can be friends again or more, that depends on both of you. It your always your choice. Not mine or anyone else, all we can do is advises you on the situation as we can look at your relationship from a different point of view.

It takes 2 to make a relationship work. You both need to learn how to apologies. You can start with "I am sorry about....."

I do hope it will work out for you.

LegacyUser

'Well all our mutual friends who know about it have told him it's his own fault and that she has no right to treat him like that, and he has no right to take it out on me. You're right, she is bullying him but he lets her. Apparently he's pissed off because I wouldn't listen to him, he left it weeks before he made any sort of effort to talk to me. and you're right in that he does abuse me emotionally. Despite the hurtful things he did he still gets annoyed at me because its inconvenient to him that I won't listen to him. I'm supposed to let him treat me however he likes and as long as he says sorry when he feels like it, it's OK and I'm supposed to accept it.'

LegacyUser

'And I don't believe she loves him either. I think you are right in that she loves him conditionally, namely, as long as she is getting her own way. She doesn't love him, she loves the ego boost bullying and manipulating him gives her.'

limklad

ravenblack wrote:

'Well all our mutual friends who know about it have told him it's his own fault and that she has no right to treat him like that, and he has no right to take it out on me. You're right, she is bullying him but he lets her. Apparently he's pissed off because I wouldn't listen to him, he left it weeks before he made any sort of effort to talk to me. and you're right in that he does abuse me emotionally. Despite the hurtful things he did he still gets annoyed at me because its inconvenient to him that I won't listen to him. I'm supposed to let him treat me however he likes and as long as he says sorry when he feels like it, it's OK and I'm supposed to accept it.'

You can say "sorry" for ignoring him or any other mistake you made and then when he is ready for listening then talk about how much he hurts you. If he is still ignorant of his wrong doing, then do not expect him to say sorry. It will take him time to come around.
I know it will hurt talking to him but you have to do this for you too and for your friends too. If he does not change then at least you tried.. and the ball is then in his court.
If he put you down the guilt trip without admitting his wrongdoing or escaping blame by blaming others for his behavior, then it is time to call a halt on your friendship, for he will continue to abuse you further.
Best of luck and a smile for you..:) I give you a hug if i could

LegacyUser

'well we are just back in college now after exams and things are changing now, both of them are being extra friendly to people in our class all 3 of us know that previously they didn't seem too bothered about, because they know everyone thinks they're in the wrong. I think one of our friends is falling for it, a couple of things she has said e.g. "arent they a great couple" have given me the impression she is trying to rub my nose in it all. i'm not going to say anything to her about it though, that would be rising to the bait. this friend has chosen different modules to me this semester so i won't be seeing her as much anyway. i hope everything just blows over because we still have 2 more years left of our course!!!'

limklad

ravenblack wrote:

'well we are just back in college now after exams and things are changing now, both of them are being extra friendly to people in our class all 3 of us know that previously they didn't seem too bothered about, because they know everyone thinks they're in the wrong.

Let they alone and play friendly or they may see the errors in their ways. It could also be divide and conquencer.

ravenblack wrote:

I think one of our friends is falling for it, a couple of things she has said e.g. "arent they a great couple" have given me the impression she is trying to rub my nose in it all.

It is her choice, not yours. She may be blind or just plain cruel. Either way you have to stick to a neutral topic or comment, or she could be sussing you out. She might feel that you have feeling for him.
If you try to ruin the psycho and your friend relationship, or there attempts to be friendly to others, then it will backfire badly on you. If anyone asks or say anything about your relationship, then you can defend yourself, but be calm and genuine in responding.

ravenblack wrote:

i'm not going to say anything to her about it though, that would be rising to the bait.

It might not be bait, so do not react to it, no matter what way it comes at you. You will be better off.

ravenblack wrote:

this friend has chosen different modules to me this semester so i won't be seeing her as much anyway. i hope everything just blows over because we still have 2 more years left of our course!!!'

It is better to try to get on and concentrate on your studies, It is more important to you and for your future. You have 2 years to go. I have been through collage and the last 2 years fly before you know it. If will be slow if you continue to dwell on this.

I know this will hurts you, but let your strong feeling for him go. Let him make his own mistakes, he be wiser in the end. Do not do anything foolish, it will hurt you more in the end. If you want be there for him, then mend the friendship without interference in their relationship. They are young adults and they will both make mistakes. So Be diplomatic.

ELLIEJ

Its mad - women like her given women a bad name and men like him give men a bad name.... Pathetic!!!

Hate to say it but it sounds like you are in love with him.......

LegacyUser

I would be over all this by now if it wasnt for the friend I've described in my last post. she seems to have assigned herself to the role of go-between, except she is only telling the couple what i say about them. its none of her business. they don't even like her, they're just using her because they know she wants to feel popular!