First New Years single in 8 years

remain unknown

Well folks, i know its late to be posting, but ive found this xmas and new years so depressing. Its my first time being single for these in 8 years. Im only out of a long relationship (4 years) 6 months ago, and ive been finding it so hard to get over it. This time of year makes it worse. I have a daughter from said relationship, and only for her, i dont know what id do. I know this isisnt really a question, but Im just wondering do things get better? Ive lost touch with all my mates over the years, and ive found myself having no one i can socialise with. Im only in my mid 20's, and I should be enjoying myself, but I feel so depressed with everything. Whilst 2006 has been a good year, its also been the worst year. Feels like thanks 2006, and good riddance

Victor

Sometimes its really hard, but yes it gets better. Are you doing anything tonight?

remain unknown

nah not doing anything at all. I just put my daughter to bed there, so shes asleep. I just feel like my life has grinded to a halt. Ive already decided on a few things to do in the new year. My main one is going to learn another language. Give me some confidence. Im a very shy guy as it is.

Victor

remain unknown wrote:

I just put my daughter to bed there, so shes asleep.

You might be single, but you aren't alone then.

remain unknown

of course im not doubting that im lucky to have her, its just hard when i hear all people shouting outside having a load of fun, and im basically all alone.

eclectichoney

aw *hugs*
and you sound like such a nice guy.
don't worry there are lots of single girls in their 20s who are also shy
nye can often be a lot about nothing tbh. it's just another day of the year.
i did a language class for a bit this year and found it was good (if you want any details let me know) and met some people through it, so it sounds like a good idea.
good luck

remain unknown

eclectichoney wrote:

aw *hugs*
and you sound like such a nice guy.
don't worry there are lots of single girls in their 20s who are also shy
nye can often be a lot about nothing tbh. it's just another day of the year.
i did a language class for a bit this year and found it was good (if you want any details let me know) and met some people through it, so it sounds like a good idea.
good luck

Thanks I said that to myself earlier, that its just one night of the year. Tommorow is just todays hangover! I have my daughter and thats what means the world to me. Im just very shy. Ive never once chatted up a girl. Funny thing is though, once i get talking, im the centre of the conversation. Its just an initial thing. I have no confidence in myself, yet ive been told by every girl i know that im a stunner, but i dont belive them. Ive had a few "few times" dates with girls over the past 3 months. Around 6 in total, but nothing came of it. I think im afraid of getting involved in a relationship, cause I may get hurt again (i know thats a chance i MUST take), but i dont want my daughter getting hurt too. I suppose this time of year really pushes your feelings and emotions out to the front. Sorry for the whinge!

glasgowspremier

Hi Remain Unknown, I can't pretend to know how you are feeling but I hope you don't mind me telling you how it is from my perspective.
Being part of a couple at New Year is no big deal. I'm here browsing Boards because my significant other is asleep on the sofa after another drink fuelled (on both our parts) evening. Well, that's Christmas for you. Anyway, my point is that you do not need to be in a relationship to enjoy New Year, many of my most memorable were as a single unattached person and some of my worst were after I was married. I know that New Year is always a time where people start to reflect and self analyse and take stock of their circumstances. I think the secret is to approach this in a positive frame of mind - hence the propensity to make resolutions at this time of year. Fair play to you for considering the language thing - it's always good to open your mind to new things.
Sorry if the above is a bit garbled, maybe I'm only replying because I'm a bit pissed off myself at this time of night but my advice is; remember all the good things you currently have, take only good things from your previous relationship and try and ditch the negative. Don't worry be happy.
Happy New Year

eclectichoney

don't worry, just take your time with things. it's a long year and you'll feel ready when you feel ready. there's no point being in a relationship just for the sake of not being single. happy new year

remain unknown

Happy new year

challengemaster

Happy new year

dont worry im sure something will happen for you

remain unknown

challengemaster wrote:

dont worry im sure something will happen for you

Thanks. Only I or faith can make it happen

AuntieAoife

Hi Remain Unknown

Happy New year to all!

Just to say I'm in the exact same position this year, 6th New Years single tho as of midnight! Daughter just put to bed and now listening to fireworks being set off and getting texts from mates who are off on mad ones. I've been contenting myself with the thought that it's just another night and an very expensive one to be out on at that.

Things do seem bleak at this time of year if you're a bit down anyways, but things will get brighter, like tomoro morning when your little one gets up and is just happy to see you there

lilrayosunshine

Hi Remain unknown, Try not to feel too down.. it will all get better.. you will meet new friends/get back in touch with old ones. it just takes time!

remain unknown

AuntieAoife wrote:

Hi Remain Unknown

Happy New year to all!

Just to say I'm in the exact same position this year, 6th New Years single tho as of midnight! Daughter just put to bed and now listening to fireworks being set off and getting texts from mates who are off on mad ones. I've been contenting myself with the thought that it's just another night and an very expensive one to be out on at that.

Things do seem bleak at this time of year if you're a bit down anyways, but things will get brighter, like tomoro morning when your little one gets up and is just happy to see you there

Thanks Aoife. Without sounding bad, even tho i know it will, its nice that other people are in the same boat. It means that life and the world isint cruel to just me. Dont get me wrong, I consider myself to be very lucky to have a good job, perfect health, and most of all a great daughter. But i do get lonely. I do miss having someone to talk to. I hope if kept people "company" tonight on this who may have had noone to talk to.

AuntieAoife

Don't worry, I got the meaning, and do agree. Sometimes I get to thinking I'm the only single parent in Dublin! I'm the only one in my circle of friends with a child and it seems to be beyond any of them to understand that there are gonna be differences in dating habits. Being very shy with men prob doesn;t help and not getting chatted up but by the drunkest men in the club never helps

There are 12 whole months till having to do this again and it may be by that time you'll met someone fab and speak fluent Mandrin

remain unknown

AuntieAoife wrote:

Don't worry, I got the meaning, and do agree. Sometimes I get to thinking I'm the only single parent in Dublin! I'm the only one in my circle of friends with a child and it seems to be beyond any of them to understand that there are gonna be differences in dating habits. Being very shy with men prob doesn;t help and not getting chatted up but by the drunkest men in the club never helps

There are 12 whole months till having to do this again and it may be by that time you'll met someone fab and speak fluent Mandrin

You took the words out of my mouth! People dont seem to understand that having a child REALLY changes things! Ive found that women dont want to know me, cause they see me as "the bastard that left the mother of his child". Unfortunatley we all get painted with the same brush! I think im the only single parent in south Dublin! lol I think i should take up polish, might have a better chance!

AuntieAoife

Lol, you have to contend with me for the Sth Dub single parent of 2007

I find that too, but just that guys are put off by my having a little one. Like you I'm only mid 20's but can't do all the stuff most of my friends get up to and in turn do the things that a girlfriend without commitments could do. I guess it is just hard for people to put preconceptions about single parents to the side.

As for being "the bastard that left the mother of his child" You left you partner not your daughter, relationships with boyfriends/girlfriends end every second of every day, but the lasting and most important ones are with our kids. There the ones most worth investing time and energy in. Not that I'd fail to make time for a stunning Johnny Depp but tall man with a Harry Potter obsession to rival my own

You could learn Bulgarian and then you'll have a whole new and as yet untapped stream of women to choose from next year

remain unknown

AuntieAoife wrote:

Lol, you have to contend with me for the Sth Dub single parent of 2007

I find that too, but just that guys are put off by my having a little one. Like you I'm only mid 20's but can't do all the stuff most of my friends get up to and in turn do the things that a girlfriend without commitments could do. I guess it is just hard for people to put preconceptions about single parents to the side.

As for being "the bastard that left the mother of his child" You left you partner not your daughter, relationships with boyfriends/girlfriends end every second of every day, but the lasting and most important ones are with our kids. There the ones most worth investing time and energy in. Not that I'd fail to make time for a stunning Johnny Depp but tall man with a Harry Potter obsession to rival my own

You could learn Bulgarian and then you'll have a whole new and as yet untapped stream of women to choose from next year

haha! very true! Depends where in south dublin ya are! heehee People do take an interest in me, but when I talk about my daughter (id never deny she didnt exist for anyone) people seem to back off. Their loss I suppose. In all honesty, whether I had a daughter or not, if I have an attraction to a woman, Im going to put my energy into being with her, whether she had a child or not. If people cant see past the "child baggage", then theyre simply not worth a second of my time. Unfortunatley, I didnt leave her mother. She left me one day for an old male friend of hers, but thats a different story! Still, at least I get to take my daughter every single weekend How old is your little one?

Call Me Jimmy

I don't mean to trivialise yer feelings but it sounds to me like you have it pretty great. So yer sitting this one out, no biggie.

The_B_Man

ye, u seem to have the mind frame that nights out (that ur "missin out on") are the be all and end all!

WELL THEY ARE!!!!! :P:P:P:P


nah, watever like. if u were out 2nite, wud ya have pulled? doubtful. would ya have gotten wasted? most likely. the difference is more ppl are put for a good nite 2nite, they're more excited etc etc. maybe a good nite 2nite wud be better than a good night in the middle of the year, but a bad night 2nite wud prob be worse than a bad nite in mid year also!!! or.....it wud be exactly the same. sounds like ur missin company more than the actual night itself tbh. if theis was march the 21st, ya'd still feel the same. ur lonely.

it may come as a shock to ya, but not many ppl can click their fingers and the "PERSON" of their dreams comes along. most be are lucky to find someone thats even bare-able! how the jaysus do ya spell that? bear-able, bare-able, barabble, brabble? brabblzer, rabble bablle rabblllee? brabble rabble brabbler brabble. labba labbbe rabba brabba zabba rabble brabble labble plabble.

bed.

daiixi

IIRC the last time a thread like this came up yer man picked up a girly from the thread.. Wonder if they're still together??
However OP you've had about 6 dates in the last three months? Hardly shabby!

King of Kings

hey OP,
Me too. I am 29 - first time single in about 8 years for xmas , new year.

got married about 15 months ago and that went brilliant with us separating within a year:(

I think I know how you feel. I have a 4 year son and although he was in the next room to me I still felt anxious about our relationship in the coming years.
would I see him as often as i'd like? and other what if questions?

I guess it's just that you have to solider on.

I find the gym a great help - working up a sweat helps me feel happy when i'm down.
The language class sounds like a plan for getting out and about.

Another thing I've noticed on boards is that people always say "I've lost all my mates through a relationship"
I stopped seeing a lot of my friends cos when my son was born and we bought a house I needed to work as a doorman on a niteclub. I was many years before i saw them properly(more than twice a year) but they accepted that i had some sort of higher calling.
maybe you should ring on of your old mates (I'm sure you know where they/their parnets live to get contact details)
and ask them out for a pint. the worst they can say is no but if they were decent friends they'll rercognise that bringing up a kid in your early/mid 20's isn't very easy.

anyways things will always get better. And in a while you can move on.
hey!"! you've had 6 dates in the time you split up. that ain't bad from just coming out of a long term relationship. That's more than some of my friends have had in years!!

Can't say I got the "bastard who left their kid" treatment yet. although I was expecting it. But I'm sure it'll come along. Those people aren't worth responding too.

eviecarwash

If I were you Id start by texting any of the friends that had fallen by the wayside over the years. Just wish them a happy new year. You never know, maybe a few will get back to you.. You could then say that it's been too long and you must meet for a pint. Sometimes you just have to make things happen for yourself!
The best of luck and Happy New Year x:)

AuntieAoife

Well, I'm Terenure/Harolds Cross area, so you can claim another area if you want, but this one is mine!

My wee one is 7, only 17 when I got pregnant and been doing it alone since the start, so had plenty of time to get used to it And plenty of New Years in too! How old is yours?

At least neither of us will have to contend with hangovers and greatly diminished bank accounts in the morning!