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I ruined Christmas.

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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 518 ✭✭✭littlebitdull


    Scrooge. wrote:
    I went over to my brother and his girlfriends house for Christmas morning. His nippers were up and about, excited about Christmas morning. Their 7 year old boy, a right cheecky brat, opened his presents. He was happy about his present from "Santy" but said he didn't like the present his parents got him, saying it was "crap".

    I let it slip. But later on, he started sulking and pulling faces because he wasn't happy about the gift "Dad" bought him. I looked at the hurt look on my Brother's face and I nearly just lost it.

    "Look" I said, "James worked very hard for that present so you better start being more respectful". He again started pulling faces and repeated my words in a sarcastic voice. I let it go.

    But when he started flinging the gift "Dad" got him out the window because it was "crap" and "useless", i just totally flipped. I caught him by the collar of his pjs and shoved him into the wall.

    "Look you little ****er, your DAD worked hard for those presents, he bought every single one of them, there is no Santa. You better start behaving or I'll throw you straight out that window along with that book your Father worked hard for"

    Needless to say he started balling crying, as did his 5-year-old sister. I looked at my brother and just shook my head. I sat down for 15 minutes with my brother and we tried to pretend like nothing happened, while my brother's girlfriend tried to comfort the balling kids. Then I just apologised and left.

    I really don't know what to think now. I know the way I dealt with it was totally wrong. But the kid was just behaving in such a nasty way, he needed to be put in his place by an adult. I just wish I could have dealt with him in a more civilised manner.

    Well where to start? The uncle was totally and complete out of order. This was a seven year old child. A child who would have spent christmas eve hyper with the excitement of Santa coming that night.

    A child who may have had only 6 or 7 hours sleep and who may have been up early to see if Santa had arrived.

    You have to give children a bit of leeway at chirstmas. Sometimes its all just way way too much for them.

    But imo the father was worse. Imagine letting someone treat your child like that. Imagine sitting down after this event and trying to pretend nothing had happened - while your partner tries to calm down two very young children. One of whom has just been physically abused by their uncle.

    If you subsitue wife instead of child here we would all be calling the guards.

    Imagine if the OP had said...
    But when she started flinging the gift "James" got her out the window because it was "crap" and "useless", i just totally flipped. I caught her by the collar of her pjs and shoved her into the wall.

    Would you all be "highfiving" him then??????


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,346 ✭✭✭✭homerjay2005


    fair play to you OP, even though the day may have been slightly tarnished, i think that you were dead right. that is my opinion on it. that kid may appreciate what he gets in the future. and hopefully, your brother will admire you for having respect in him.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    As for the active input of the uncle into the child's life - including discipline - well, that would seem to be a function of the uncles relationship with the family. My young nephew lives with me, I love him and am very close to him. As such, I feel that I would have a greater input into his life then if I only saw him once a month.

    The parents may well need to address the behaviour of their child but that is entirely up to them - by all means the OP could point out their parenting frailties but he should not under any circumstances take it upon himself to right their wrongs as he sees fit...if he has a big problem with the kid that requires massive discipline/parenting changes, he needs to talk to the parents. Going ballistic at a kid who is only doing what their parents allow is completely pointless as well as giving the kid an equally bad example to follow & the parents a reason to ostricise the very person who could be a positive influence for these kids - if only he could behave like an adult himself.

    Just out of interest, what would your sister say/do if your "input" consisted of slamming your nephew against a wall & telling him there was no Santa? Would she thank you for your behavioural catalyst? If any adult called my kid a w*nker, layed hands on them in anger & destroyed a childhood fanasty like Santa - I would be absolutely livid. The fact the kids parents just sat there pretending nothing happened makes me question their parenting skills more than any amount of bratty behaviour their kid displays. I wonder how many of the posters here who thinks the OP was quite right to do what he did have kids of their own & would be quite happy to let their sibling do likewise?
    If a father wrote in this forum that he did something similar would you disagree with his actions any less? I would guess the answer would be no.

    I would disagree with them exactly the same tbh...loosing it & lashing out is bad news from Uncles, fathers, mothers, whomever & equally as bad from an adult to another adult, adult to child, etc - there are just so many more effective methods of punishment that don't involve adults loosing their temper & hitting out in anger.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    mr_angry wrote:
    IMO, we live in the real world, surrounded by a lot of different people and influences. To say that parents are the only people capable of disciplining children is, I think, unrealistic, and contributing to the idea that kids can get away with whatever they like, including intimidating other people. I'd say that its an important learning experience for any child to realise that people have limits, and will totally lose it if pushed far enough.

    I agree up until your last sentance. There is no way anyone, never mind a 7yr old, should have to learn adults "totally loose it" if pushed. You need to go on an anger management course never mind a parenting course if a 7yr old (not even your own, someone elses!) being bratty is enough to tip you over the edge & make you lash out & hurt them.

    If I'm not present then I have no problem with someone TELLING my child not to do something or TELLING him/her they are doing wrong. Under no circumstances is any other adult allowed to excert physical punishment on my child & if I'm there I expect people to trust that I will punish my own child as I see fit & in my own time, or they can tell me that they are not happy - I don't expect them to reach across in front of me & wallop my child in lieu of my not parenting the way they see fit. :mad:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,142 ✭✭✭TempestSabre


    Lack of control and discipline from all parties involved.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 224 ✭✭Jotter


    havent read all replies so sorry if I overlap but........

    Your brother is the dad, it was his present the kid was giving out about therefore his problem. There are plenty of kids that I would like to give out s**t to but its simply not my place.
    I have a little fella but hes still in the angel phase (5mths!) but I wouldnt allow anyone back into my house family or not if they did that to my kid - in saying that he wont be a brat bec im not one for taking crap but there are better ways to handle things than what you did - you sound like a scumbag calling a kid a f****r hardly a good example!

    I have a stepson whos tha same age and weve had our differences bec hes spoilt in his mams house (i get on fine with her btw!!) the one incident that comes to mind was a trip to shops where he wanted to bring scooter - I said fine once he rode it there and back but nope on the way back he asked me to carry it I refused and it was thrown on the ground and he walked away - so did I! I left it there and he had to go back and get it amongst his floods of tears and hes never done it since - no name calling, body slamming or christmas ruining involved!! Likewise at a birthday he was being a spoilt brat about a present someone bought him and his dad simply took every one of the presents away until he learned some manners - I can understand you being peed off about the kid - anyone would be but you should have had it out with the dad not the kid - I would have no problem with someone giving out to my kid in a constructive way but God help them if they did what you did. You have some serious grovelling to do my friend and id do it quick.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    OK, while being interesting, this thread has gone way off topic. The OP asked for help on how to proceed after this dispute.

    If people want to argue about the rights and wrongs please take it to Humanities, or Parenting. Any future off-topic postings will result in a banning.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29 Botswana


    Apologise profusely to the brother and his partner. Buy his kids some really nice presents. Hope with time this all clears up.

    BTW why does everyone keep calling the OP "uncle"? The writing sounds like it's coming from a girl...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭Clodidah


    em ur man said he apologised an that the parents agreed with him. but jesus christ botswana throwing more presents at the child wouldnt help at all. it would have the reverse effect to what he wanted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29 Botswana


    Well my thinking is that he can fix the "presents are bad" thing which the kids much now be thinking.

    But it could be bad advice, I accept that...


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    Botswana wrote:
    Apologise profusely to the brother and his partner. Buy his kids some really nice presents. Hope with time this all clears up.

    BTW why does everyone keep calling the OP "uncle"? The writing sounds like it's coming from a girl...

    Spoil the brat more? Somehow I don't think the child will learn anything from it then.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    Botswana wrote:
    Apologise profusely to the brother and his partner. Buy his kids some really nice presents. Hope with time this all clears up.

    BTW why does everyone keep calling the OP "uncle"? The writing sounds like it's coming from a girl...

    Your kids are going to be beyond spoiled, you sound like you use zero discipline. You also havent read the OP's new post.
    Things turned out for the best, and now the kid knows there is a limit to what people will take.
    Botswana wrote:
    Well my thinking is that he can fix the "presents are bad" thing which the kids much now be thinking.

    But it could be bad advice, I accept that...

    Ok, from this post alone I call semi-troll.
    You definitely dont have kids thats for sure :p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I am locking this thread as the op did go back and spoke to to thier brother about the situation.
    The topics of greater adult interatction with wchildren in correcting them and the process of parenting are better suited to the humanities and the parenting forums.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You have my blessing if you want to move this thread elsewhere so others can continue this debate.


This discussion has been closed.
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