[REQ] Smart Alec Comeback Lines

FrCrilly

Hi All,

Sorry, I don’t have a joke, just a request.

In the office the other day, a male and a female colleague were having a friendly argument. The female said to the male “Shut up or I’ll beat you!” to which the smart alec male responded “Is it Friday night already?”. I know this may not sound funny on paper, but in real life it had the whole office broken down in a fit of laughter.

There’s always a smart alec who knows a bundle of these comeback lines. Anyone out there know any good ones? (ie the question and the smart alec response to it).

Vorsprung

YORE MA ftw

EKRIUQ

Yore ma!!!!!

Hagar

Who died and made you Queen?

Did your mother have any children that lived?

Come out from behind that moustache and say that. (Great for women)

Where do you bury your dead?

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?

Go on home and count your change.


I can do personalized insults for a small fee.

Plug

Go on for a few more, I lol'd at the second one!

Hagar

If you had another brain it would be lonely.

You have a face only a mother could love.

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg.

The best part of you is a stain on the matress.

You could be a poster child for abortion.


They are getting worse, my wine content is increasing.

dvega

LoL hagar ome good ones,i have a few

Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Is this seat empty?
Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Your place or mine?
Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

I would go to the end of the world for you.
But would you stay there?

If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

old boy

my wife uses barbed wire for chewing gum

Feral Mutant

After meeting you, I've decided I'm in favour of abortion in cases of incest.

Your face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver.

Mad Dog

Some really good ones there

Victor

To: "Do I look fat in this?"
"You look fat in anything"

To: "Did you call me fat?" (I had called her womanly - as opposed to boyish)
"Yes"

Parsley

"Does this dress make my ass look big?"

"No, your fat ass makes your ass look big."

jay_haych

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

your IQ is so low you must trip over it

The only way he can hear any good about himself is to talk to himself.

He'd steal a dead fly from a blind spider.

Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails.

I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.

Hagar

Does this dress make my ass look big?

No, that would be all the chips and cakes that did it.