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Christmas and Not talkin to my ma

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey Abe,

    Last christmas I was completely unwelcome in my mother and her partners house,for reasons that were completely unrelated to me but it got vented at me.
    The holidays last year were long and it was my 1st christmas in my new house,
    Now I don't get on well with them,couldn't live with them but I still felt hurt over it but I forgave them,and despite all the crap last year I will go to their house on christmas day.
    I think what I am trying to say is be the adult,send her a card or a text message wishing her seasons greetings, this is not you giving in or forgiving her but acknowledging that you are above bad manners etc.
    I dunno what your situation is or what happened but it kills me inside everytime I have to say I am wrong or appologise just to settle a fight when I really shouldn't have to.
    It is hard but don't let it be a battle of stubbornness sometimes it is worth it to swallow your pride a small bit and make a move but do not let her have the upper hand ,it is on your terms and only your terms.
    On the other hand you may well be better iwth out her and in this case don't worry about it,you have your own life with out her.

    I hope you have a lovely christmas

    Hope you have a lovely christmas


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    Your friends would never understand things unless they've been in your position and feel how you feel about things.

    So so true!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I think anyone telling the OP to get a present & go give it to his mother & build bridges is missing the whole point...

    OP,

    She's the adult, you are her child. If she cannot find it in her heart to see you or talk to you or want to be a loving, caring mother to you - then I don't see why you should have to take up the reins where she has failed. Parents have a responsibility to be a good, fair, loving parent regardless of what **** life throws at them. I really don't see how it is automatically your responsibility to be the adult here because she refuses & it is the festive season, unless you choose to take on that responsibility, of course.

    Maybe send you mother a Christmas card, just sign it - you don't need to write a message. Does she have your number? Maybe put that on it too & let her know the lines of communication are still open. I'm disgusted you are making more of an effort to be a son than she is a mother. :mad:

    Best of luck to you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,221 ✭✭✭abetarrush


    Thanks Ickle Magoo! :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,787 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    She's the adult, you are her child.
    I don't know how old abetarrush is, but he seems to be more than a child. Parents need to realise their children have become (young) adults and children need to accept their parents are their parents.
    Maybe send you mother a Christmas card, just sign it - you don't need to write a message.
    Indeed.

    Long term, would you consider some form of family counselling?


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,062 ✭✭✭walrusgumble


    the exact same situation with me, but with my father. as far as chrismas is concerned it means f&^k all to me anymore. He had a fantastic way of destroying them for us, even 2 christmas ago which had had been barred from home and separated from my mam.

    unlike your mam he tried to stay in contact. made the effort to at least be civil and start a frienshp but again he fu&ked up.

    my advice, call her. if she aint interested well then f&ck her. u made the effort. she has not bothered with you all year what makes anyone think she will do now?

    before anyone goes ah its christmas or ah she your mam or ah dont hold grudges, please note its just advice in the event the mother indicates she aint interested. its christmas enjoy yourself and dont let her put you down, it be hard enough as it is without having a united family never mind a mother or father who does not bother with you for most of the year or at christmas.

    if she does does not make the effort, you know where you stand, dont let her hurt you , just walk away from her. good luck though


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,221 ✭✭✭abetarrush


    Victor wrote:
    I don't know how old abetarrush is, but he seems to be more than a child. Parents need to realise their children have become (young) adults and children need to accept their parents are their parents.
    Indeed.

    Long term, would you consider some form of family counselling?
    I'm 18, 19 soon

    Nah, she wouldnt need that as theres nothin wrong with the way she is [/sarcasm]


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Victor wrote:
    I don't know how old abetarrush is, but he seems to be more than a child.

    My child will always be my child, regardless of their age...they will always be my child & I will always be their parent.

    If ever my child (ie not the parent in the relationship, rather than under the age of 18;) ) had to come, cap in hand, to beg me to act as a mother to them, then I would consider myself a very bad parent indeed. :(


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