child traumatic at going to school

jimmycrackcorm

Hi. For over a month now, it has been a trauma each morning getting my 4 year old off to school. He just started in September and was fine initially until recently. I think he had an incident in school that stressed him out - something as simple as he couldn't put his coat on; ever since then it has been extremely difficult getting him to go to school with crying and not letting go of me or his mother. He can get physically sick going and the teacher has to spend time with him each morning until he settles. subsequently he feels fine but I get the impression that he has some seperatin anxiety.

We cannot understand what is wrong as if we ask what he hates about school, he is unable to say, even he we list everything. So basically I think we need to seek out professional help. The quetion is where to go and can anybody help suggest what we can do? TIA.

Nevyn

Speak to the prinicpal of the school about what serivices they can put you in contact with.

luckat

Is there a bullying problem?

May I suggest that you talk to the parents of his friends - they may be able to enlighten you; their kids probably know about the internal politics.

Also, rather than asking him questions, just sit down with the milk and bikkies by the fire and do his homework with him, and talk to him generally about subjects. "Do you like English?" "What did Miss Eugelforbes say today? Did she say anything nice?" "Who's the best at spelling?" "Who's the boldest boy in the class?" "Do you all have your drawings up on the classroom wall?" etc. He'll gradually start letting out more than he means to; don't pursue it eagerly when he does, just let him talk.

If there is a bullying problem, TCD has a task force.

doctor evil

Perhaps he should start next year instead?.

jimmycrackcorm

He's only 4 and It doesn't appear to be a bullying problem. It seems to be seperation anxiety and once he is in school he is fine. The school has referred him on in any case.

ArthurDent

Given that he is only 4, is there any way that you would consider starting him again next year. From my involvement in school (not a teacher on a BOM) we see more boys/than girls who have a problem starting younger - not academically but from a socialisation point of view - especially if they are the eldest in their family. Have a chat with the principal/ his teacher and see what they recommend.
It might seem a bit drastic - but a couple of extra months at home /motesorri might be what he needs.
At the end of the day a happy child will perform much better at school - best of luck

AD

dame

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

He's only 4 and It doesn't appear to be a bullying problem. It seems to be seperation anxiety and once he is in school he is fine. The school has referred him on in any case.

That referral could take a long time before he actually gets to be seen by anybody. The problem could have blown over by then. If it was my child I'd rather just let him start next year instead. I wouldn't like the thought of him seeing himself as a problem that needs to be singled out by seeing an educational psychologist or someone. Lots of kids start school at 5, he's young.

littlebitdull

I would be reluctant to take him out of school now and restart next September. Make an appointment to talk one to one with the teacher, better without the child present.

I think you are right in that it is a seperation anxiety thing, and taking him out of the school now and trying again in September next would not help matters at all - in my view. What if you just end up right back where you are now - what to do then ...take hm out again?

Sometimes simple things can help this, a photo of mum or dad to bring with him, something from home, get him more involved in making his own lunch, maybe make the same packed lunch for you to take to work as he has to bring to school?

You will get more information out of him by asking leading questions ... like "What was the Bestest thing that happened today" or "Who did you sit with at lunch" then lead into "What was the worstest thing that happened"... you will see I have used a childs language here too - get down to their level.

Would the school be willing to have one of you come in to help with reading or arts or something like that. That may help.

maireadmarie

Two things occur to me: it could be a hereditary thing, many years ago I had to be forced to school myself, and I had a son the very same. Years later he was able to tell me, he was very, very bored. Perhaps your son is quite advanced, in which case while he is at that early level, you will not be able to improve things for him.
Just a thought or two!

mumof2

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

Hi. For over a month now, it has been a trauma each morning getting my 4 year old off to school. He just started in September and was fine initially until recently. I think he had an incident in school that stressed him out - something as simple as he couldn't put his coat on; ever since then it has been extremely difficult getting him to go to school with crying and not letting go of me or his mother. He can get physically sick going and the teacher has to spend time with him each morning until he settles. subsequently he feels fine but I get the impression that he has some seperatin anxiety.

We cannot understand what is wrong as if we ask what he hates about school, he is unable to say, even he we list everything. So basically I think we need to seek out professional help. The quetion is where to go and can anybody help suggest what we can do? TIA.

I know exactly how u feel. My son is just going on 5 (Mid April) and he has exactly the same symptoms, except this has been happening since playschool. For a while when he started in Juniors he seemed happy to go to school, some mornings literally running in the door to school. I don't know what made him change again. Its an awful feeling to have to drag him in the door and leave him upset in the school, and its wearing me out.

deisemum

Has there been any improvement or are things still the same?

It's an awful feeling when a child is upset going to school.

Nearly 2 years ago we found out by chance that one of our son's had been thumped and jabbed by a teacher on a number of occasions. He wasn't the only child but the other parents didn't want to do anything. Our son hated school but didn't want to leave his friends. He's a nicer teacher this year and enjoys school again.

Since the Gardai visited the principal he's stopped bullying our son. A file has been sent to the DPP

samo

I've a boy in JI (will be 5 in March) who's going through a very similar thing. No major words of advice but I found the calmer the morning went getting him ready for school the less stressed he was when being left. I also talked to his teacher and she gives him a big Hi-5 if he gets into the class without crying and getting upset.

She put it down to seperation anxiety as she said normally after a few minutes he did regain his composure after getting so upset but the whole emphasis of the upset was how much he missed me.

So took the tactic of telling him that I'm always thinking about him, I'm not far away and that I'm very proud of him for being such a brave boy.

They are only very little things but they have helped somewhat but making sure the morning is not rushed and that we go to school calmly and quietly would be the big turning point for us.

Best of luck with him - its very upsetting to see your child getting so upset and leaves you feeling quite helpless. I do think as another posted pointed out its definitly more common in boys to feel the speration more.

jimmycrackcorm

samo wrote:

I've a boy in JI (will be 5 in March) who's going through a very similar thing. No major words of advice but I found the calmer the morning went getting him ready for school the less stressed he was when being left. I also talked to his teacher and she gives him a big Hi-5 if he gets into the class without crying and getting upset.

She put it down to seperation anxiety as she said normally after a few minutes he did regain his composure after getting so upset but the whole emphasis of the upset was how much he missed me.

So took the tactic of telling him that I'm always thinking about him, I'm not far away and that I'm very proud of him for being such a brave boy.

They are only very little things but they have helped somewhat but making sure the morning is not rushed and that we go to school calmly and quietly would be the big turning point for us.

Best of luck with him - its very upsetting to see your child getting so upset and leaves you feeling quite helpless. I do think as another posted pointed out its definitly more common in boys to feel the speration more.

This is the same -wants me to work from home and keeps saying he misses his mummy. However he has calmed down somewhat as the xmas break helped. I'm more inclined to think that he has just developed a habit as he is fine once he is in class. Like samo, the less stressful, unhurried pre-school time, the easier it is.