Just don't know how exactly to deal with...

Playboy

Calling a girl fat and ugly would explain a lot. Not much worse you can do to a girl bar hitting her. Try and control a person through insult and fear will always lead to this kind of situation

connundrum

Playboy wrote:

Calling a girl fat and ugly would explain a lot. Not much worse you can do to a girl bar hitting her. Try and control a person through insult and fear will always lead to this kind of situation

Ok, if it were the situation where he had called her such names.. then why would she cheat - and then apologise twice. Surely its better to be out of a relationship like that altogether?

If she were young, free and single then I personally wouldn't care who she kissed or gave a bj to. I just don't like the fact that she cheated. Twice. And then begged to be forgiven.

horsesnout

Skiesonfire19 wrote:

Bingo!!!!

Get real. Name calling so she sucks some guy off? Are you ****ing mad????

Dump her, DUMP HER NOW.

Playboy

connundrum wrote:

Ok, if it were the situation where he had called her such names.. then why would she cheat - and then apologise twice. Surely its better to be out of a relationship like that altogether?

If she were young, free and single then I personally wouldn't care who she kissed or gave a bj to. I just don't like the fact that she cheated. Twice. And then begged to be forgiven.

From the sound of it this girl is young and inexperienced. This could be her first serious relationship (which are always messy). It sounds like the girl is confused .. she doesnt know what she wants. Its hard to realise what love is and isnt when you are inexperienced. Its not easy to walk away from your first relationship .. but I think thats what both of these people should do now b4 it gets any worse.

Playboy

horsesnout wrote:

Get real. Name calling so she sucks some guy off? Are you ****ing mad????

Dump her, DUMP HER NOW.

haha .. see how many guys wouldnt cheat if their girlfriend were calling them fat, ugly, little dick or whatever. When people mentally abuse other people this is what happens .. this is the way the other person gets revenge .. the only way she knows how.

horsesnout

You really think one justifies the other? God help us all...


And if handing out BJs is really "the only way she knows how" to deal with things then shes a ****ing slut and should have been dumped long ago on merit alone

Ruu_Old

Sorry for the difficulties you are going through, Havok. As many others have suggested, a clean break might be good right now. The two incidents happened way too quickly. Don't let her take advantage of your kindness and give yourself a bit of space away for a while if you can at all. Best of luck and if you need to rant about anything, feel free to send me a PM.

LegacyUser

'don't see how you'll ever let this go long enough for your relationship to get back on track,i'd say let this ship sail...'

Playboy

horsesnout wrote:

You really think one justifies the other? God help us all...


And if handing out BJs is really "the only way she knows how" to deal with things then shes a ****ing slut and should have been dumped long ago on merit alone

Listen horsehead ... I didnt say that anything justified anything. the relationship is obviously dysfunctional. If women or girls are in an abusive relationship with a guy who is dominant and controling then the only way they can usually 'get back' on the other person is to cheat. The fact that she told her boyfriend this almost immediately after the event would also indicate this. This may not even be happening conciously with girl but in all likelihood this is what is happening. Obviously this girl has been so upset by the abuse that she has confided in a friend or else the abuse was so bad that it was done in public in front of other people. And yes I do think repeatedly calling a girl fat and ugly is just as bad if not worse than giving a guy a blowjob. If Havok is indeed doing this (and I'm in no way saying he is .. im just going on whats posted here) then he is destroying this girls self esteem and he knows exactly what he is doing. Every guy knows that the two worst things you can say to a girl are fat and ugly and you know what effect they will have on the person. If you do this you are abusing the person you are supposed to love and you deserve everything you get imo. Its a mess of your own making.

Chucky the tree

not only she is she a slut, but it also appears she has the mental age of a grapefruit.


She is tried badly so decided to suck some random fella off? Eh why didnt just dump havok if he was so bad? Or does she enjoy impersinating a dyson?


Get rid of her. And consider yourself lucky you have dodged this bullet.

scojones

seamus wrote:

That's pretty much how I feel. Even a drunken kiss I couldn't forgive. It would just sit there like a thorn in my side and eventually break the whole relationship down, no matter how much I wished to forgive the other party.

To be honest, it sounds like maybe she is crazy about you but there's this early-twenties, sexually awakened little girl who gets released when she opens herself up. This kind of thing will continue. How low will she have to go before you get rid of her? STDs? Pregnancy?

I'm the same as you. I'd find it hard to forgive a drunken kiss. A shag? Definitely not, no way I could forgive. Then a BJ? A Blowjob is even worse than her shagging somebody. I actually don't think I could kiss her without that crossing my mind.

I am very trustworthy. I have never cheated, and never will. I always give my other half as much room as they need, and I'm never jealous. A drunken kiss, maybe just maybe I could forgive... but no way could I ever forgive someone I was going out with for going down on another guy. Never. I don't care if she cried enough to fill a swimming pool. She did it, it's her fault. Tough titties as far as I'm concerned. Sure, ending it would be very hurtful for both me and her, but she should have thought of that before she let someone elses penis into her mouth.
Think about it, someone is extremely hot and you kiss them when you're drunk. That might be understandable, but what sort of mentality would a girl going out with someone have to have to go down on a guy? I mean... at what stage did she think "you know, I'd love to suck his cock".
There is just no way on earth you can suck another mans' penis and compare it to a drunken kiss. A kiss is one thing, it might last very briefly, but in fairness giving head is a totally different matter. You're some man for not dumping her.

EDIT: Can someone please clean up this thread to remove CuLT's post, we don't need to know what she looks like and we don't need to know her name on boards. And also clean up the posts with Havok's name and her name please? Thanks.

turbot

Havok,

I always think it's important to ask questions before coming to conclusions:

1) How old is she?

2) What had she drunken / taken when these things happened?

(This part is especially important ... if she was deliriously high she may not have had much self control - if she rarely drinks and got really drunk and stoned and did a line of coke... etc she may of been out of her head)


3) How did each scenario play out?

Eg: Did a guy kiss her and she almost kissed him back and then stopped? Or was it a slow drawn out snog over the course of the night?

Eg: She was so drunk and in a pressured situation that she just went along with it?


4) What is she prepared to do to commit? How is she sure this will never happen again? Will she give up alcohol, etc?


The answers to part 2 and 3, for me, would give the information to know how to proceed.

Also, if she's in her early 20's, it could be that she's just really curious... and wants to explore to confirm if you're the one. If this is the case... maybe breaking up would be smart.

Once you've clarified all of this, based upon your own gut feeling, choose whats best for your future, and remember, there are many worthwhile women out there.


Unreg12345678 - while damaging people is not smart - it sounds like you flipped and had reasonable grounds for doing so. i hope you find your happiness, whereever and whatever that might be.

MojoMaker

Havok, I don't know if this will help, but I hope it does.

Re-reading your opening post again and again I am now more convinced than ever that your girlfriend did not engage in oral sex with anyone else.

One thing that seems pretty clear is that your girlfriend consciously or subconsciously wants out of the relationship. She doesn't however have the courage to look you in the eye and voice this. She resorts to sabotaging the relationship in the hope that you will take the decisive action for the two of you.

She may have kissed someone else, yes it's possible, even likely from the sabotage angle. Telling you about it however is the next step in the sabotage process, the clincher as far as she's concerned. To her dismay though you take the news on the chin and suggest that it can be 'worked out'.

She stalls, not knowing what to do. Her best friend Sinead was convinced that telling you she snogged someone would do it, deffo. She realises you're made of sterner stuff and aren't prepared to cast aside your relationship over something as superficial as a kiss.

She's goes back to Sinead with the bad news. With both heads together they decide to ring Ciara - she's a nasty bit of work, and not really a friend of theirs, but she's flicked dozens of guys in the last year alone. Ciara comes up witth the blowjob scenario and thhe three of them agree - it's time to bring out the big guns.

Shocked and aghast your girlfriend agonises over it for days and days, missing work, staying in bed crying, not eating etc before TEXTING you her misdemeanour :rolleyes:

You still won't give her the flick so now she's running out of ideas. The girls are suggesting that she arrange to be caught in the sack with a randomer (and shure she may as well enjoy it at the same time, but that's not the point). She can't do it though, that would be cheating, and she doesn't want to cheat on you - besides which, she's not that experienced and frankly that kind of stuff can be yucky and fairly embarrassing.

Claire from her Physics class reckons she should run away to Oz for a month - you can get a student ticket out of London for €499 if you know where to look. She has a mate in Sydney that'll see your missus right.

Nevyn

Cult. stop stiring it., unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

TerrorFirmer

I would like to say some wanker posted here, that was not the person involved in this relationship. I did not call her fat and ugly, and unfortunately I cannot address the rest of the message because obviously it has been deleted now. I have obviously talked with the gf about this whole thing long enough to know that what she did, she did not even begin to pretend it was anything other then totally unexplainable and unaccountable for.

and as much as I would love it to be the 'she made it all up' senario envisioned by someone there a page or two back, believe me it did happen.

again, thanks for the advice from everybody.

stingy

Havok never ever ever called me fat, or ugly. What he said was different. He only said he'd prefer if i was in better shape, as he has gotten to healthy, and fit of late.. he's not at all like that. Skies was talking B******T.

what he said is absolutely no excuse for what i did. i dont deserve all these chances. i know i dont. but i do want to try make things work with him. and he wants to try make things work with me too.

what i did was disgraceful, and not the actions of a loving gf. but-
i do love him. with all my heart. i do not want out of this relationship. i cant even begin to understand how i let these things happen. it's horrible.


(for those who are about to post saying "how could you love him and cheat?" don't even bother ok? i do love him. and he knows this.)

Silverfish

Actions speak louder than words.

I can say I love someone all the livelong day, but if I go out and cheat on them that night, all the words in the world won't take it back.

Never mind twice.

Stop saying the words, and actually think about it.

I hate eggs, but I can still tell people I love them. Words mean nothing.

hullaballoo

stingy wrote:

not the actions of a loving gf

Damn right.

i do love him. with all my heart.

Who?

coffee_cake

stingy wrote:

with all my heart.

Your mouth is more in question here

i do not want out of this relationship.

Then you shouldn't have cheated...

in seriousness, how could you expect anyone to trust you ever again?

c - 13

hullaballoo wrote:

Who?

For those of you having trouble with this, as someone linked to the KYN page earlier, <sniip> is the lady in question in this scenario.

hullaballoo

c - 13 wrote:

For those of you having trouble with this, as someone linked to the KYN page earlier, <snip> is the lady in question in this scenario.

It was a rhetorical question, but I'm glad you gave me the chance to make that more obvious.

c - 13

Apologies for going off topic mods - will stop now

Nevyn

Right the OP did not name his gf in any way shape or form and those doing so are out of order.

I am locking this thread for now until Havok can get back to me about what he wants done with it.