Just don't know how exactly to deal with...

Ickle Magoo

Many millions of girls manage to go out & get plastered without finding another mans penis in their mouth at any stage in the proceedings...I agree her behaviour certainly points to deeper seated issues but alcohol is a lame & immature excuse for doing anything other than getting drunk.

rs

Wow.

I can't even believe you are even considering taking her back.

A kiss, to me is a betrayal and one I would have a hard time forgiving. Sure it's only just a kiss, but that's not the point. The betrayal is much more important than the act itself. It's all about trust.

A bj within a week. That's just madness. How could you ever even comtemplate trusting her again? If there is no trust, there is no relationship. It's always just a matter of time. Every single time she goes out, you'll be wondering if she has some random stranger in her mouth. That's no way to live. It will eat you up.

Try to put your feelings for this girl aside for just a minute and show yourself a little respect. No-one deserves to be treated the way you have. Please don't give her the chance to do it again.

Raskolnikov

I would try and find out why she ended up with another fella before making any judgements. Maybe it's something that's not right with your relationship? Maybe it's a problem either you or her has?

Elessar

She is only going to do it again. I guarantee you. By taking her back, twice, you have made it acceptable ("Well, its only sex, and my boyfriend took me back last time, besides I'm drunk LOL")

You will only hurt yourself more if you do not break up with her for good. I realise that is difficult, but you're only in for more pain.

Seriously, take a step back and look what has happened to you.

Raskolnikov

Elessar wrote:

She is only going to do it again. I guarantee you.

You can't guarantee that.

I think the girl deserves to be heard out. If you want to dump her after that, fair enough.

LegacyUser

'

You can't guarantee that.

no but there is a huge possibility!

shes already 'done it again'

she cheated he forgave

she cheated again he forgave


pattern? ? ?'

Marksie

I know its slightly off tpopic..but what about her friends..they were the same ones who she went out with last time. if she was rip roaring drunk didn't they know and weren't they there to stop it?

Havok, i really do hope you come through this

Saint_Mel

Jebus thats harsh!

My two cents ...

I'd personally have a zero tolerance approach to something like that.

Even if it was only the drunken kiss I'd have a hard time dealing with
that and might have made a separation for a while to see if I could
get over it, but after seeing the 2nd text !!!!

Ring her up ... "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

As for the tears ... its not as if cry me a river will makes things all
rosy in the garden again, and obviously she didn't think much of her
own apology to go out and do something like that!

sweet-rasmus

be careful - being in a relationship is a comfortable way to be. it may sway you, though your heart definetly seems heavy on the matter. good luck with dealing with whichever choice you make.

onemanband

Havok, I feel very sorry for you on this. I think you have lots of people on boards who care for you are you should listen carefully to their advice.

I think you are unfortunately between a rock and a hard place. You obviously love this girl and that is the reason you have taken her back. You have now found yourself in a no win situation.

Fo me if you stick with this girl you will never regain the happiness you once had. It will get better than it is now but never back to the way it was.

On the other hard if you dump her you will create a huge void in your life and major pain and heartache. The difference here is that you will have given youself the chance of regaining that feeling you had before with someone new who is more worthy of your love.

By staying with this girl you also run the risk of her hurting you again.

It was a blowjob for God's sake. As intimate a thing for a woman to do as there is. For your own self respect and to not allow yourself to compromise on your happiness, you must let her go!!!

Seraphina

a kiss i could forgive, oral sex? a week later? she clearly wasnt as sorry as she claimed.

fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

seriously, you've now given her the green light to do whatever the **** she wants, cause as long as she cries enough, you'll take her back.
dump her and dont take her back for at least six months.
that'll give you both time to think and get some perspective on this.

daiixi

Havok, from what I've seen of you around this place you seem like a good bloke. I'd love your girlfriend to tell her side of the story though.

TerrorFirmer

Thank you for all the advice, it is very much appreciated. Where I go from here, it's hard to say. Obviously it's easy to read the general consensus here but at the same time I'd be lying if I said it was as easy as taking that advice.

Again, as with even myself and reading other peoples threads, it's harder to judge the situation without being in it - this girl, apart from this mess, is a lovely girl by all accounts. Not that that has any bearing on the decision I hate to make, but she's far from the cold hearted player you might envision reading the initial post. Which serves to only make it worse I suppose.

Thanks again. I'll have to see where I go from here.

Daiixi - she simply had too much to drink and ended up in these situations. Again, the kiss is not something I'd be too hung up on as we're all human and with these new circumstances things often happen outside of our intentions. It's obviously more so the second time, in fact entirely, that is the problem, as well taking into account the first time in light of the second act. She was not normally a big drinker prior to these nights out. Not that I believe it's any form of an excuse of course, but still. She did not try and make up any feeble excuses and to her credit, at least she had enough respect to tell me. What I hate to think was that she easily could not have mentioned anything and to this day I would not know what went on.

Talliesin

If drink makes someone act so far against your own ethics, they shouldn't drink.

Kobie

HavoK wrote:

- she simply had too much to drink and ended up in these situations.

Well it sounds like you're making her excuses for her and have made up your mind what to do. You're most likely too scared of life without her to think about dumping her, but I'd bet good money that it'll be a long long time before you can ever kiss her without thinking about where those lips have been.

Without knowing either of you I'd say you're both young and inexperienced and (she at least) want experiences with other people. It's probably only a matter of time before it falls apart.

I feel for you, but sometimes you just need to know when to throw in the towel and leave with some dignity before it gets really messy.

the_syco

Dude, kick her to the kerb. I'd have a problem with the kiss, but going down on some dude: no. You said you trusted her before? Now you'll be waiting for the next text. Not worth it.

Seraphina

something else to add.
with the amount of women who dont like giving blowjobs, even to their long term partners and husbands, how can you not be disgusted that she did it to a random stranger?
i wouldn't do that even if i was single!

me and the biz

Bro, seriously for your own good get rid of her. It might seem like a really hard thing to do- just end it like that but years down the line you'll be thinking 'Why did I even wait a few days?'

daiixi

Havok: Ta.
To be honest I give her credit because she told you. This is a bad situation with no easy solution for either of you. Perhaps she should make a break from these new friends of hers and lay off the drink.
Whatever you both decide, good luck.

Stench Blossoms

Was in a similar situation myself. I was never able to get it out of my head. They said they were sorry and cried and cried and i felt so sorry for him because i thought that because he was so upset about it that he would never do it again. Little did I know.

Crying is emotional blackmail in my opinion.

bug

HavoK wrote:

Thank you for all the advice, it is very much appreciated. Where I go from here, it's hard to say. Obviously it's easy to read the general consensus here but at the same time I'd be lying if I said it was as easy as taking that advice.

Again, as with even myself and reading other peoples threads, it's harder to judge the situation without being in it - this girl, apart from this mess, is a lovely girl by all accounts. Not that that has any bearing on the decision I hate to make, but she's far from the cold hearted player you might envision reading the initial post. Which serves to only make it worse I suppose.

Thanks again. I'll have to see where I go from here.

Daiixi - she simply had too much to drink and ended up in these situations. Again, the kiss is not something I'd be too hung up on as we're all human and with these new circumstances things often happen outside of our intentions. It's obviously more so the second time, in fact entirely, that is the problem, as well taking into account the first time in light of the second act. She was not normally a big drinker prior to these nights out. Not that I believe it's any form of an excuse of course, but still. She did not try and make up any feeble excuses and to her credit, at least she had enough respect to tell me. What I hate to think was that she easily could not have mentioned anything and to this day I would not know what went on.

She doesn't get credit for telling you she gave someone a blow job, she gets credit for not giving someone else a blow job, and respect for you would be *not* doing it.

Sounds harsh and hurtful? Its not supposed to be.
But everyone here is posting outside the box of your relationship. No one assumes that your girlfriend is a monster or a cow, (you wouldn't be going out if she was), but I think everyone assumes you're being played a little at least, even by your own feelings for her.

Telling you the truth about the kiss I can understand, the blow job bit is just absolutely mental.

There is more going on here Havok, and you have a right to know.
Whether that be that she fancies someone else and is testing the relationship waters with you? (same bloke?)
That she is unhappy with your relationship in some way and is playing out with different blokes?

Don't pull the wool over your own eyes and seriously think if you want to carry hurt caused by someone else around with you.
Relationships are great but not to one persons detriment.

LegacyUser

'Something similar happened to me, well i did it to a boyfriend, not the b/j part but serial snogging when pissed. He took me back twice, but the relationship turned seriously sour afterwards very quickly, he obviously didnt trust me anymore and everything i did was driving him insane. The relationship turned sour.
I've had a serious problem with staying faithful in the past, but its now in the past I don't think I would ever act like that...I just had a serious wandering eye and its was always a case that the grass was greener....wanted both benefits of being single and in a relationship.

To be honest with you, your relationship won;t last, i would put money on it, but she has made a mistake apologised, and fair enough she has broken your heart, but try not to punish her again and again for it. you need to either draw a line and move on, or walk away.... by dragging it on you will make yourself and her more miserable then you are already.. and we went out nearly 10 years ago

By the way, i'm sorry to hear about it. The really sad thing is, if the situation is anything like what i did, she will regret it for a very long time. I have never gotten over my ex who i did this to..'

jammie

OK fair do's to your gf for admitting she cheated twice, a kiss you can forgive your gf for but I think oral sex with a guy she met while out with friends while drunk is just a step too far...Your going to always be worrying if you stay with her....For your own sake go and find a girl who'll love you and not walk all over you

CathyMoran

I am really sorry what has happened to you - you have always come accross as a very nice poster who is very much in love with his girlfriend. I do not see how you can get through this but if you are councelling is a good idea.

I did have someone cheat on me but they did not tell me, I found it out from something that he had posted on a website and that betrayal hurt me far more than the affair, we did break up for 6 months but did not have relationship councelling for a long while later, it did help. I should state that as far as I am aware all that he did was kiss the girl but he was not drunk though he was going through a very bad time. It still hurts like crazy though It also kills me that he is still on that website and still hangs around with a lot of her friends.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Sorry to hear it Havok but she obviously has no respect for you, you just need to make a clean break and have no further contact with her. Dont answer any of her calls!
There is no way you could ever trust her again...

Kell

bug wrote:

Telling you the truth about the kiss I can understand, the blow job bit is just absolutely mental.

Too right. Having a snog when you are píssed is one thing but using being píssed as an excuse for giving another bloke head? I cant get that at all. Its my opinion that if you go as far as sex or that level of foreplay you WANT to do it (unless your drugged etc).

I think you're strong feelings for the girl are blinding you from the following truths-

1) She píssed all over any respect she had for you
2) She made a mug of you for considering you had a good relationship
3) She bent you around her finger when you agreed to take her back because she cried her little eyes out

Something I couldnt quite figure when I read your first post. You said "I woke up to blah blah blah". Does that mean she sent a text with the bad news or, did she come home from the parties, hop into bed beside you and sleep? Either way, both are fúcking disastrous lending me again to believe to that she hasnt an iota of respect for you.

As Talliesin said, you have two choices. Personally I would have stuck with the decision to have dumped her. Dont let fear of being without her keep you in a relationship with her.

K-

Beruthiel

Kell wrote:

Does that mean she sent a text with the bad news

I understood that she texted him the news. I find that appalling.

Mrs_Doyle

If she was really 'that' drunk, she would have been in no fit state to give a Blow Job in the first place.
Just to carry out the act itself she needed to be somewhat 'with it'.
Ok, drink can make us do crazy things, and yes, like everyone else has said, the kiss can be forgiven, it could happen and be over in a matter of seconds... but to give someone head, well that involves going somewhere private with them. It involves more planning, and is not as spur of the moment as a drunken kiss.

Me, personally, the kiss I could get over. We are only human, after-all, and mistakes can happen, especially drunken ones... but the BJ? No way!!

It would sicken my stomach to think that my Bloke might get a BJ from some random stranger whilst on a night out on the lads.
I really don't think our relationship could survive that.

You know, and excuse my rambling as I am typing as I think, but in the S+S forum, I entered into a discussion in which people claimed that oral sex was more intimate then actual intercourse.

I argued against this, but, looking back, I don't think enough importance was given to the fact that I would have been carrying out both acts with my Boyfriend, and a long term Boyfriend at that.
To me, both acts carried a similar level of intimacy, with intercourse holding slightly more importance as I was a virgin previous to our relationship.

Now, when it comes to indulging in sexual acts with total strangers, then hell yeah, I am in total agreement with the s+s posters. Oral sex is certainly an extremely intimate thing, and I can't even begin to imagine how your girlfriend came to do it with a stranger, or how you are feeling about that.

You are some man to even contemplating forgiving such actions, I am not so sure I could be as forgiving.

CathyMoran

Another point here is that you should be tested for STI. I am really sorry that this has happened to you, personally, I could never get over it. You have the support of everyone on boards on this one. All the best.

rs

HavoK wrote:

Daiixi - she simply had too much to drink and ended up in these situations. Again, the kiss is not something I'd be too hung up on as we're all human and with these new circumstances things often happen outside of our intentions. It's obviously more so the second time, in fact entirely, that is the problem, as well taking into account the first time in light of the second act. She was not normally a big drinker prior to these nights out. Not that I believe it's any form of an excuse of course, but still. She did not try and make up any feeble excuses and to her credit, at least she had enough respect to tell me. What I hate to think was that she easily could not have mentioned anything and to this day I would not know what went on.

I have a few things to say here.

1. Drink is no excuse. Is she going to end up in bed with some random stranger every time she has a few drinks and just claim "I was pissed, so I can get away it". If she knows she can't control herself after a few drinks, she should have learned this after the kiss. She did not, and made the situation much, much worse.

2. These so called friends of hers? Where were they during all of this. Most probably laughing and telling her to "go for it".

3. I don't believe she told you because she respects you. Her actions very clearly demonstrate that she has no respect for you at all (and neither do her firends as they appear to have done nothing to prevent these things taking place). Actions speak louder than words. More importantly, actions never lie. I'm guessing she is only telling you because she feels guilty about what she has done. It's easy, she tells you, she has her little cry and she feels better. You are left with all the pain.

Your relationship is doomed. As I said before, it's only a matter of time. Counselling may help, but personally I believe that once the trust is broken it can never be 100% repaired.

The longer you leave yourself in this situation, the more you will be hurt.

Good luck.

You deserve better.