I'm in love with a married man!

is_that_so

That nice fuzzy feeling is something of an illusion having been there myself, albeit very briefly. The thoughts of what you think you have, make your own current reality more tolerable. Without being judgmental you really must address the shortcomings or failings of your own marriage. He also needs to do the same. Until the absolute reality of your own situations are completely clear, you will not be embracing these other feelings with an open mind. Everyone has a right to happiness but be sure you know exactly what you are wishing for.

cichlid child

Gordon wrote:

She didn't:
link

she did

You don't understand. We've met up on tons of occasions. We know each other inside out. I love him so much and he loves me. When we made love it was the best i've ever had. I can feel his love for me.

letterman

. I can feel his love for me.[/QUOTE]

Sorry to dissapoint you but thats probably just his erection

Gordon

cichlid child wrote:

Gordon wrote:

She didn't:
link

she did

You don't understand. We've met up on tons of occasions. We know each other inside out. I love him so much and he loves me. When we made love it was the best i've ever had. I can feel his love for me.

Oops, sorry, my apologies I didn't read that bit, was reading the first post.

Kinetic^

Yah she said she had elsewhere.........unless she's cheating with 2 men Wouldn't surprise me as she seems to be good at lying!!!!!!

Nemehotatse

OP

I'm not about to judge or berate you (how could i) or even clap you on the back. I have walked a mile in your shoes. I was faced with a similiar choice. and i've probably said all the same things you have said here or in your head.

I decided to take time to myself. I took some leave from work and told my wife i had a business trip and made a decision. alone. when i returned on the tuesday i resigned my position and left 2 weeks later. I had no job to go to.
I told my wife i was sick of all the crap i had to face and putting up with a boss that was full of crap. she accepted that reasoning and i soon found a new job. soon after getting the new job we moved. I threw my mobile phone away and never logged into my email accounts saying they where being over spammed.

basically i started a fresh. most people here will call me a coward for not owning up to what i did, and they are probably right. Over that weekend i decided that what i was doing was wrong and i was going to spend the rest of my life making up for it.

is everything perfect? far from it but its getting beter each day. before i would sit awake at night and contimplate suicide over the situation. now i wake and am thankful for every sunrise i see. and when i wake before my wife i sit ane watch her sleep and i am thankful for her.

I had a choice take the easy route or the dark path. to me i chose the dark path (others may not feel that way) I have to live with the guilt of what i have done every day. granted i never owned up to what i did and I am sure i'll be condemned for that.

for you i think you need to take some time alone and decide where you want to be in your life and who you want to be with, and if it really does mean leaving your husband then do so but not because some married guy says he loves you but because it is what you want for yourself. I never told my wife what happened.

Godspeed

Beruthiel

So Surfer Chick
2 threads on the same subject in 4 months.
What was it you wanted to hear that would be different from the last thread?
It's clear that you have no intention of changing your situation as nothing would appear to have changed.

This is real life, not some rose tinted world that you hope exists where everything works out hunky dory.
You basically have to come to a hard, difficult decision and stick to it. We cannot help you with that.
No matter what you do, it will take hugh will power, pain and suffering and an experience that you should learn from if you're smart. That's it in a nutshell.

aidan24326

SurferChick I was almost starting to see your side of things (just a little bit btw) until it now transpires that you even tell lies on an anonymous messageboard! You can't get truly honest answers or opinions on here if you won't even tell the truth about your situation, so it's clear that you were just hoping for a few pats on the back to ease your conscience. That's if you even have a conscience.

What the fcuk did you expect people to say? Go girl, you do whatever you want, never mind about anybody else.

If your marriage is in trouble (hardly surprising since you're giving your love to someone else!) then that's a problem for you to deal with. If you still love your husband it may be possible to put the spark back in your marriage and cut contact with this other guy. If on the other hand you've decided that your marriage is not what you want anymore then you have the option to leave. Your husband doesn't deserve to be stuck in a marriage with a lying cheat, and you owe him better than that.

BUT, even if your marriage is on the way out, that doesn't give you the right to screw around with somebody else's. They have 2 kids, which makes it a different ballgame entirely. If he wants to leave them that's his choice to make, but you don't have to be the cause of it. Like I said if you want to leave your husband that's up to you, he surely deserves better anyway, but it is imperative that you leave this other guy alone while he's still in his marriage. If he makes the choice to leave his wife and kids for you then you'll have to deal with the fallout from that when it comes, and it won't be pretty. Are you sure that he even would leave them? Very possible that he wouldn't you know.

The Sweeper

OP, back on topic for a moment, because I've never been one to produce the scarlet paintbrush or the whore-of-babylon tar brush.

You say you are in a failing marriage. And you have no kids.

And he is in a failing marriage, but he has kids.

Now most people would agree that kids completely change the face of a marriage. Plenty of unhappy people keep at their relationship for the sake of their children.

But if you have no children, why are you still in your marriage? If you know you're not in love with your husband any more, why are you still with him?

There is a big difference between the passion fading in your marriage, or the spontonaeity disappearing, or your love life going off the boil, and actually no longer loving your partner. It is naturally for the roaring flames of passion to die down after the first six months or a year of you being together. However, if you still love your partner, you can stoke those coals back into fire. You'll also find that other things grow to replace passion - trust, reliance, respect - every year that passes you know the other person more and more fully, they become an extension of you.

If you no longer love your husband, why are you hanging around? You won't grow closer. You have nothing to build on.

You're wasting his time.

Why haven't you moved out and started a new life on your own? Were you just waiting for something better to come along? Is this married man with two children your excuse to leave your husband, and if so are you hoping to bounce right out of one rocky relationship and right into another?

Married men often think of a mistress as a distraction that allows them to maintain their own marriage, not an alternative to it. The excitement of being with you is what allows him to stay with his wife for the sake of their kids.

I don't care if you've slept with the other guy or not, or kissed him or not - I don't care if you blow him in the back seat of his car twice a week after he's dropped the boys off at swimming class and that's the sum total of your relationship. I've never seen the point of bickering over degrees of infidelity in a situation like this, because your level of infidelity isn't the issue.

The issue is you don't love your husband, but you're too cowardly to leave him unless it's for something better.

Why don't you let him make something of his life by just getting out of it?

jimmycrackcorm

I say the op should keep the status quo. The other partners are blissfully unaware so no-one is being actually hurt (yet).

Surfer Chick

Look I love him and he loves me and if it means breaking a whole pile of hearts so be it. I can't worry about who i'm going to hurt or not hurt. We only get one chance at this life and why waste it in a miserable loveless marriage.

We need to be together and his children will understand in time why it had to happen that way.

For everyone that has been so helpful and kind: Thank you
For everyone else: Go f**k yourselves

Beetlebum

The world is a better place because people like you are in it.....well done, you should be really proud of yourself....your sound....

Beruthiel

Go f**k yourselves

Another outburst like that and I'll ban you from this forum.

Surfer Chick wrote:

I can't worry about who i'm going to hurt or not hurt.

Of course you can't, they're only little kids after all.

We only get one chance at this life and why waste it in a miserable loveless marriage.

So how come you haven't left your husband then?

We need to be together and his children will understand in time why it had to happen that way.

You just keep telling yourself that.

Sleepy

Surfer Chick wrote:

Look I love him and he loves me and if it means breaking a whole pile of hearts so be it. I can't worry about who i'm going to hurt or not hurt. We only get one chance at this life and why waste it in a miserable loveless marriage.

We need to be together and his children will understand in time why it had to happen that way.

For everyone that has been so helpful and kind: Thank you
For everyone else: Go f**k yourselves

**** it, I'll take the ban if Beruthiel decides one is warranted for this but you're behaving like a spoilt little bitch OP. If it means breaking a whole pile of hearts so be it? What kind of selfish **** thinks that way? Is your possible happiness is worth ruining 4 or five other lives for?

Take it from someone who's father left for another woman, out of three kids, I'm the only one that doesn't despise her or hate him for leaving and unless you've left a lot out, he had a hell of a lot more extenuating circumstances than you.

Grow up. You're not daddy's precious little toddler any more. You're an adult. Act like it.

Mighty_Mouse

You should at least have the good grace and manners to finish one relationship before starting another.

bingo

In fairness, some of the arguments made are so simplistic and selfish, also given the fact the same thread was posted before, I swear this is a teenager looking for a reaction.

The Sweeper

Surfer Chick has not once stated that the married man she is seeing has suggested he leave his wife and children to be with her.

It is entirely possible that when she bring this 'F*ck them all' attitude to him, he'll send her packing.

A mistress is only adorable when she's a mistress. She becomes boring when she's your missus.

Beruthiel

Sleepy wrote:

**** it, I'll take the ban if Beruthiel decides one is warranted for this but you're behaving like a spoilt little bitch OP. If it means breaking a whole pile of hearts so be it? What kind of selfish **** thinks that way?

I've given Surfer Chick a warning for name calling, now you get one too.

The next person to start calling others names, gets banned for a week

upthere

I'd love choco choco chip icecream now.

Surfer Chick

****************************************************
cuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcunt

BAN ME!!!!! I don't need you worthless ****s anyway

Nalz

upthere wrote:

I'd love choco choco chip icecream now.

what? really?

The Sweeper

Spot who's going to die lonely eh?

Gordon

Well I guess she must have been a troll then, nobody can be that idiotic.

Surfer Chick = banned

aidan24326

Sleepy wrote:

**** it, I'll take the ban if Beruthiel decides one is warranted for this but you're behaving like a spoilt little bitch OP. If it means breaking a whole pile of hearts so be it? What kind of selfish **** thinks that way? Is your possible happiness is worth ruining 4 or five other lives for?

Take it from someone who's father left for another woman, out of three kids, I'm the only one that doesn't despise her or hate him for leaving and unless you've left a lot out, he had a hell of a lot more extenuating circumstances than you.

Grow up. You're not daddy's precious little toddler any more. You're an adult. Act like it.

Though just because your siblings feel that way doesn't necessarily mean everyone will grow up harbouring the same feelings. To be honest I think that attitude of hating your parents because they separated when you're small is just as selfish and immature as what the OP is doing.

The real issue here is not whether the kids will ultimately hate their dad for leaving, they might and they might not. The issue is two people lying and cheating and deceiving their respective spouses and a woman (the OP) who claims her marriage is loveless yet apparently has made no attempt whatsoever to end it. I sense that SurferChick has built this up into an idyllic fantasy complete with a riding off into the sunset ending. Maybe that's how it will end for both of them though I wouldn't bet 5 cent on it.

Anyway after that last outburst I suggest the OP doesn't deserve any further replies at all. SurferChick, you do sound like a total bitch and your husband will be well rid of you.

Anyone who can't even tell the truth on a nameless faceless forum like this has a problem if you ask me.

Beruthiel

Surfer Chick wrote:

****************************************************
cuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcunt

BAN ME!!!!! I don't need you worthless ****s anyway

lol
au revoir
banned