When should children be told the facts of life

quickbeam

I'm just curious. My 11 year old nephew still doesn't really know the facts of life. I'm a bit concerned, thinking that at his age he should know. His parents are of the opinion that once he starts asking questions, they'll answer everything he wants to know. But so far he doesn't seem to have any interest in knowing.

Are they right to just wait until he shows signs of being interested? Or should I encourage them to sit him down and make sure he knows?

simu

He might not feel comfortable asking his parents. I'd tell them to get him a book on the subject that he can look through in his own time and tell him it's ok to ask questions about that topic. He might think from their silence on the matter so far that it's a taboo subject for them.

oRlyYaRly

quickbeam wrote:

I'm just curious. My 11 year old nephew still doesn't really know the facts of life.

He knows tbh.

And if he really doesn't, he'll be in secondry in another year. His curiousity about that chapter in the Science book will get the better of him.

delos

simu wrote:

I'd tell them to get him a book on the subject that he can look through in his own time and tell him it's ok to ask questions about that topic. He might think from their silence on the matter so far that it's a taboo subject for them.

They could do a lot worse than "Hair in Funny Places" by Babette Cole if they are looking for a book.

daiixi

I think I was 10 when I was taken to a school run presentation. It was good because they explained more about the changes which would be starting to happen to our bodies as they started to mature. It also simply opened up the topic between children and their parents.
Sex education started in school for the girls when I was 11 simply explaining what we could do if we got our period at school. Both genders at 12 had a simple discussion or two on the basics of sex and the importance of contraception.
When I was 13 (first year of high school) we had a nurse come to our physical education classes for about a month and she taught us everything you'd ever need to know about the reproductive system, intercourse, diseases and contraception. We were even shown a video of women giving birth and at the end of the month we were given an exam which counted for part of our overall grade.
I think it's definitely worth the parents sitting down with your nephew now and explaining what will start happening to his body shortly and asking if he has any other questions. Someone has to open the lines of communication and I think it's the parents responsibility.

Nevyn

At 11 I would hope that he had been told by his parents that he will be going through changes so that his body can become that of a man.

http://www.crisispregnancyagency.ie/
did a dvd and booklet which is a good guid on how to have such converstaions with children. and they will send out copy to those who want them.
This is noa booklet or dvd guide for the child but for the parents/guardains to
make them think about how to go about having these talks.

They should be a series of talks, not an information over load.

The informations should be given to children as they need it for as we know they will learn a whole heap of things from thier peer and a lot of it misconstruded.

Does an 11 year old need to know about riming and sti ?
Not to my mind but they need to know about what is happening to them and
the odd feeling they are having and about persona space and respect.

ArthurDent

quickbeam wrote:

Are they right to just wait until he shows signs of being interested? Or should I encourage them to sit him down and make sure he knows?

I'd definitly be a believer in child led discussions on this topic, if the child is happy to ask questions, but given that he is 11 and hasn't asked anything yet - I'd be a bit more proactive. Has he done the "stay safe" or RSE programmes in school - surely these would spark off some discussions at home. The parents should know what information has been delivered to the child with these programmes.
At 11 I'd imagine there is no way that he hasn't been exposed to some talk in school about sex, even my 5 year old has asked me questions about where babies come from prompted by discssions with buddies and i won't even go into the questions I've been asked about willies and boobs!!!:D
Maybe the parents are embarrassed whwen he attempted questions before and he won't go any further?
You should deffo talk to them, he needs to have correct info before going into secondary school.

AD

littlebitdull

I would assume that the school has started some form of education in these matters. But its so much better if this can come from the parents. And for the child to know that he/she can ask questions and get answers from the very people he/she trusts most.

I personally would not like my son getting his sex education from the school yard informants. God know what sort of information he would recieve there !!

I feel that its better for children to learn these things bit by bit from an early age. But would not relish the idea of sitting down with an 11 year old for "the talk!".

Nevyn

Why not go into 'those' questions ?

Children will ask and there is no reason why they can be told a lot of the facts
in a matter of fact casual way, if you don't make it a big deal they won't and
it takes the sensationism out of it.

My 6 year old asked about boobs and when she would get them and what they are for; she was told when she grows up and becomes a teenager and her body changes to that of a woman she will get boobs and that boobs are for making milk to feed babies.
The same as cows and other mammy animals feed thier babies.

You can't assume that the school will do more then the absolute minium esp at primary stage and not before 6th class.

littlebitdull

I totally agree with the drip feed of answers to questions of this nature. And it is so important to tell them the truth.

Children can handle the truth. And there is never any need to tell them more than they need to know at the age that they are at.

Like telling a six year old that babies are made from special cuddles between two adults. And not going into details of the cuddle, as six year olds dont need to know.

Nevyn

My 8 year old and 6 year old had a discussion and then told me what sex is.
It is kisses and good touches between two grown ups who love each other,
sometimes in bed, sometimes not, sometimes with clothes on and sometimes naked.

They also know that some boys grow up to love other boys and kisses them and some girls grow up to love other girls and kiss them.

Sex and sexuality is present in life and in the media and kids will think about it and ask for more information and you have to give it to them in the right context for they are going to start drawing thier own opinions and conculsions fairly fast.

They need to know that you are telling them the truth for when it comes to
urban myths and what thier peers tell them like not getting preggers first time...
they need to know they can come to you and be told the truth.

SilverChair

how would you answer the question "When is the right time to have sex for the first time"

Nevyn

Personally if asked that I would explain in a way the child can relate to
they should not have sex until they know what they are doing, the safe way to do it and are ready to be responsible for thier actions.

quickbeam

Thaedydal wrote:

Sex and sexuality is present in life and in the media and kids will think about it and ask for more information and you have to give it to them in the right context for they are going to start drawing thier own opinions and conculsions fairly fast.

They need to know that you are telling them the truth for when it comes to
urban myths and what thier peers tell them like not getting preggers first time...
they need to know they can come to you and be told the truth.

Trouble is that he hasn't posed ANY of these questions yet. His parents are perfectly willing to open and honest answers, but he just hasn't asked the questions. His schooling is a bit unconventional though so in his case it is up to his parents to provide all the answers.

But thanks everybody for your advise. You pretty much confirmed what I was thinking - that since he hasn't asked any questions yet, it's about time for the parents to broach the subject. I'll suggest to them some of the materials suggested here. Thanks again.

ItsMoi

If looking for a good book to help you in the all important discussion with a nine/ten year old I came across a good book for my own child called "Lets Talk about where Babies come from". Its published by Walker