Desperate!

Gillo

fifly wrote:

The fact that I don't have a boyfriend seems to bother my coupled up friend more than me!

Ha, those happy couple's who want everyone to be as "happy, settled, lovey dovey and annoying" as them. How come they often try to set you up someone you won't like.

Maybe, I'm getting confused, it's a while since I read the full thread but OP why not work on the basis of finding new friends and if something more happens, great if not you still have a friend.
As for guys flirting with you, I know a lot of guys are often shy but would surely recipricate (spelling) if you start the flirting..

BigCityBanker

fifly wrote:

I'm just gone 29. Seem to get 25 year olds chatting me up lately! The fact that I don't have a boyfriend seems to bother my coupled up friend more than me!

That sounds just terrible to me

CathyMoran

BigCityBanker wrote:

That sounds just terrible to me

Admit that I do the same myself - had this very cute male friend who was single for years and I was always on the look out for a decent woman for him - he found one recently without my help.

In terms of the OP, you just need to stop looking and be happy in yourself. Then Mr Right will come along. You may even know him now.

Faith

I find my single friends want me to find a man too. They keep asking me, "So, any men on the scene yet?". I'm like, "No, I promise I'll tell you when there is one! Now leave me alone!" Or else they try and persuade me to go somewhere by saying, "There'll be lots of men there!"

I don't mind if they have someone specific in mind that they want to introduce me too, but it's that they expect me too do all the work in finding one so they can feel better!

CathyMoran

Faith wrote:

I find my single friends want me to find a man too. They keep asking me, "So, any men on the scene yet?". I'm like, "No, I promise I'll tell you when there is one! Now leave me alone!" Or else they try and persuade me to go somewhere by saying, "There'll be lots of men there!"

I don't mind if they have someone specific in mind that they want to introduce me too, but it's that they expect me too do all the work in finding one so they can feel better!

I had the misfortune of getting the oportunity of introducing my best male friend to the girl that I always thought would suit him just when he had met someone else, you can never win. I was introduced to my first bf by a friend and then dated his best friend a few years later.

Stabshauptmann

Some really good advice here so far as far as what to wear and to go out in groups of just girls.

Its not nice to be alone, particuallarly if you are the only single person in your group.

Some general advice from my own personal taste and that of my friends,

The fun is in the chase.
* However men are VERY inept at reading and presenting body language. Women send out 8 times more signals than men (something I learned in Organisational Behaviour lecture)
* Dont be specific about what he has to do or how many dates he has to wait for sex. He'll stay for sex then leave

Innuendo.
Boarderline mean girls. Tongue in cheek comments. The odd insincere complaint. It adds to the chase and is seen as encouragement
But again the caveats:
*If its not your thing then it will be obvious, unnatural and unattractive. Dont do anything you dont want to.
*Dont be too mean. Not every man is into S&M. Innocent double entendres.

Men do not mind forward women. We do not mind a woman starting a conversation so long as it happens in a natural way.
*Men can however feel threatened very easily when in groups, or when surrounded by an alien group.
*Some men will become insecure if you buy them a drink, I however have scored nearly every woman who ever bought me a drink.

The best place to meet someone is a house party or friends of a friend on a night out.

Just some ideas, hope some of them help

LegacyUser

'hey guys,
ok basically im eternaly single - didnt bother me till all my firends started settling down (ie past few months)
i basically attract total asses. i'll be honest i'll take personalitly over looks any day. to reinforce this point i was a model with a leading agency in dublin, but i'm also a professional with a 2:1 from an NUI and in the middle of professional exams - the problem is guys see pretty face, good figure and think bimbo - I'm sick of being a trophy girlfriend - all i attract are total jackasses.
I'd love to meet a genuine guy who i get on with but as i've said i attract the bold boys. take last sunday for instance, in a nightclub with a couple of the girls - this guy bought me champagne and introduced himself all charm blahdy...tunrs out he's engaged?Q?
any advice on meeting nice guys? unlike my counterparts i actually have a brain, personality and self esteem - give me a nice sweet funny guy over a good looking asshole any day. i just don't seem to meet these but would love to!
any advice?
ali
xxx'

Drift

Ali a lot of guys feel intimidated walking up to good looking girls (or to any girl for some of us :rolleyes: ). As I mentioned in an earlier post the "Jack the lad" types have less fear of rejection so on average you'll get more of them coming up to you in clubs. So a few suggestions based on personal experience ...

There's nothing wrong with you picking out a guy and introducing yourself to him. For some reason I find that a lot of girls can spot the genuine guys from a distance (must be intuition or something) so if you see a guy you like the look of then go over to him and see if you like his personality too.

Also night clubs aren't the only place to meet guys. There'll be a higher proportion of people in night clubs looking for casual encounters than there are in other places like sports clubs or hobby clubs or dare I say it even work.

Thirdly (*feels ground getting shaky under me*) be careful with how you dress. I don't mean dress down or anything like that, but its obvious that girls with more conservative dress senses get less of the leary pervs coming over to look down their tops. (I hope that doesn't sound bad LOL, this is why I never advise women on clothing )

Gholimoli

OP -PM me your pic if you like and if ut as cute as you say you are then we will go for a drink or something.
i do have a GF though so we will have to keep it quit.
thats what i told my GF and she agreed and to this day i dont think my wife has any idea about my GF.
anyway im sure we can arrange to meet up for some "sexy time" .
im not Irish so i hope that will no be a problem.
looking forward to your reply.
Borat.

LegacyUser

'Thanks drift, I guess i'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment. I was going out with a guy for 3 years, this was four years ago since then i've been eternally single and as i said only seem to meet tossers. A lot of my friends are getting married and settling down. I've been offered a secondment to the states, seriously considering it as i think the change of scenery will do me good and might even meet a nice new yorker '

panda100

Gholimoli wrote:

OP -PM me your pic if you like and if ut as cute as you say you are then we will go for a drink or something.
i do have a GF though so we will have to keep it quit.
thats what i told my GF and she agreed and to this day i dont think my wife has any idea about my GF.
anyway im sure we can arrange to meet up for some "sexy time" .
im not Irish so i hope that will no be a problem.
looking forward to your reply.
Borat.

Borat you charmer you....I would send you a pm but I wouldnt want the other girls to get jealous of you giving me special treatment......:)

Dragan

confusedchica wrote:

'hey guys,
ok basically im eternaly single - didnt bother me till all my firends started settling down (ie past few months)
i basically attract total asses. i'll be honest i'll take personalitly over looks any day. to reinforce this point i was a model with a leading agency in dublin, but i'm also a professional with a 2:1 from an NUI and in the middle of professional exams - the problem is guys see pretty face, good figure and think bimbo - I'm sick of being a trophy girlfriend - all i attract are total jackasses.
I'd love to meet a genuine guy who i get on with but as i've said i attract the bold boys. take last sunday for instance, in a nightclub with a couple of the girls - this guy bought me champagne and introduced himself all charm blahdy...tunrs out he's engaged?Q?
any advice on meeting nice guys? unlike my counterparts i actually have a brain, personality and self esteem - give me a nice sweet funny guy over a good looking asshole any day. i just don't seem to meet these but would love to!
any advice?
ali
xxx'

Hey Ali,

to be honest i would try looking outside of clubs and pubs for a guy? Personally i do not normally try and pull in a club, it's too rubbishy and impersonnal. My own tactic, and the tactic of any of my friends who i would consider to be nice chaps, is simply to use pubs and clubs to have fun with friends and leave finding ladies to places like gatherings in friends houses and places where you can have a proper chat.

Don't get me wrong, should a nice lady show interest in a pub or club then i would have a chat with her but it's not really something i am interested in any more. This seems to be more and more prominant among my male friends now, the only ones who really try in clubs are the one looking for one night stands, or the ones who think a few drinks and an implication of having some cash will do the trick, bless them!!!

You said you were in college yeah? Any nice guys in your year/class? Anyone who has a nice personality that you can just go for a coffee with?

Too many people think you need to kiss someone to show an interest....not the case! If there is a guy you like and you know him to talk to, then just ask him for coffee! In all serious, unless he has a girlfriend i doubt he will say no! If there is a guy that you don't know then try and get to know him!! Sometimes a bit of work can yield great results!!

All i can say is don't give up and don't judge all us guys too harshly for the clubbers crimes!!! We're not all bad.

fifly

Ali, Maybe I'm picking you up all wrong and sorry in advance if I am but... I've been told I'm pretty and have a good figure but am certainly not model material... yet I get the same treatment you discribed (minus the champagne). I don't think you can up this down to your looks.

BigCityBanker

Ali,

Heres an interesting observation for ya!! I note that you spent an evening in the company of a gent who purchased champagne etc etc.. If I guy walked up with a pint of Guinness in his hand would you have given him as much time?

I often notice some of my lady friends complain of a similar ailment to yourself - I have pointed out to them that despite their petitions of wanting a guy with a great personality they are blinded in the initial interaction by an ice bucket. Deer in the headlamp syndrome so to speak - It takes at least one bottle (and maybe two on occasions) before you notice that said guy is.. well.... out for another trophy on his Mantle.. By this stage nice guys have exited stage left (if there were any there in the first place) and you are left to complain in solitude.

Can I suggest stepping up the initial screening process?

Anyway, best of luck.

BCB.

PS: Av u a cpl of sisters who are also models? If so how in gods name can you fail to attract Mr Niceguy?

Gholimoli

confusedchica wrote:

'hey guys,
ok basically im eternaly single - didnt bother me till all my firends started settling down (ie past few months)
i basically attract total asses. i'll be honest i'll take personalitly over looks any day. to reinforce this point i was a model with a leading agency in dublin, but i'm also a professional with a 2:1 from an NUI and in the middle of professional exams - the problem is guys see pretty face, good figure and think bimbo - I'm sick of being a trophy girlfriend - all i attract are total jackasses.
I'd love to meet a genuine guy who i get on with but as i've said i attract the bold boys. take last sunday for instance, in a nightclub with a couple of the girls - this guy bought me champagne and introduced himself all charm blahdy...tunrs out he's engaged?Q?
any advice on meeting nice guys? unlike my counterparts i actually have a brain, personality and self esteem - give me a nice sweet funny guy over a good looking asshole any day. i just don't seem to meet these but would love to!
any advice?
ali
xxx'

i like ...
in my country men like girl like you.
do you wanna meet up for some sexy time.
im funny and all that + im good looking which is a bonus considering you dont care abt looks.
anyways PM me and we shall see.
Yakhshamish.
Borat.

Gholimoli

panda100 wrote:

Borat you charmer you....I would send you a pm but I wouldnt want the other girls to get jealous of you giving me special treatment......:)

i will sort out the other girls ,u no worry abt them .just PM me and we all good things will happen.

LegacyUser

'boys,
if you're interested what is the longest you'd wait before calling/texting? if you don't hear from a guy within week to ten days is it safe to assume there's little or no interest?'

LegacyUser

'

op desperado wrote:

'\r\n \r\nBut Im not a clingy person at all in relationships. Its just trying to get a boyfriend that I am desperate! And Im not a selfish person at all. I am a total doormat and I think guys percieve this as easy and desperate.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nI am generally always really nice to guys. Im always pleasent to guys and I always give nice compliments. But I think guys percieve this as trying a bit too hard,even though I am genunily trying to me nice. If a guy chats me up in a club I always chat back to him and have a laugh but then he always walks off or doent ask for my number.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nWhat havent I tried. Ive joined clubs,gone on blind dates,u name it Ive done it.I have never once been asked out by a guy on a nite out or in any of the clubs Im in. As for in pubs guys never ask for my number and Im sick of suggesting giving me mine cos then they just think Im desperate and dont reply to my text.Then my self esteem just plummets,so I dont bother giving guys my number unless they ask for it.\r\n\r\n\r\nI am a fun person to be with. I have had great relationships in the past and all the guys have been mad about me cos I am generally nice ,caring etc. This isnt a thread to big myself up though. Also I know its not my looks cos I am considered very good looking,but I dont have a big head about the way I look.'

You speak of exchanging numbers, a terrible thing I say....
For instance, bring the bloke back to a "comfort zone", e.g. suggest, "fancy running out of here for a few minutes next door to get some food?"... You're demonstrating your interest, and yet at the same time not seeming desperate. And do it with total confidence!!!!!!!

It augments the chances of him asking you for a number now that you're in a more comfortable location, and there is a more solid rapport the next day for him to text you.

I am taking that from a real life situation, and tbh, it certainly did help give me a bit of a push to ask a girl for a number.... She made it so easy, and clearly demonstrated an interest in a very "proud" and not "needy"/"desperate" manner.

Quite charming, and definitely got my interest.'

horsesnout

fifly wrote:

He was very keen on her for the first month - lots of dates, confided in her alot - seemed to be the start of a proper relationship. The next two months they meet less often but things still seemed to be going strong. It finally ended when she was annoyed with him because he was too hungover to go out with her one night but suggested she call over later in the night!!!

Jesus christ... I'm actually almost offended by that, the only saving grace is that I'm so glad that not all women are like you. You seem to think that sex is like some carrot you can keep dangling in front of fellas as if we are all donkeys to which you are the master.

NEWSFLASH - SEX IS USUALLY A FUN, PLEASURABLE EXPERIENCE.
NEWSFLASH 2 - SEX INVOLVES 2 PEOPLE, ONE OF WHICH IS THE FEMALE.

A fella is a happy relationship with a girl for 2 months, then shock horror the demon man suggests that maybe she call over later that night to enjoy each others company as he's too tired to go out drinking for the whole evening with her and her friends, so she dumps him!?? Get a grip.
The average irish females attitude seems to be that sex is somebody men must beg for like dogs and they must dole out only in the miniscule rations (cos its so distasteful obviously) 'lest it would surely have a detremental effect on..what, their relationship? I'm not sure.. what is the thinking on this one, can someone please enlighten me?

fifly wrote:

Am I being a prude to think 3 months is too early to suggest something like that? Some of our other friends think this was ok. Maybe he just ended it because it was obvious she wanted a proper relationship and he didn't.

Yes, you are, because you should be judging each relationship on its individual merit. I personally would definately end it with you if you tried to purposely make me wait "3 months" for sex. If I REALLY liked you, I could wait a while (I still wouldnt understand it, but if I was mad about you) like maybe half that time but if a woman said 3 months I would definately end it, not over the actual lack of sex now but because I would think she was probably a lunatic and/or stuck in the 1800s or something (unless she had actual genuine sex issues or something).

fifly wrote:

How long should you wait before sleeping with a new guy?

I dont know you should probably look that up in the "Big Official RuleBook of Guidelines for Prudes that covers every relationship ever, regardless of Circumstance".

Seriously - irish women, is sex like some kind of battle or war for you where the man is trying to get it and you are try to not give it away? Why??
Like, if you are with a guy 2 months, having had sex with him for say a month, and then you break up - have you lost something here? what is the problem??? I dont get it. You had sex, it was good, relationship didnt work out into marriage though.. so what???
And the opposite, if youre with a guy 2 months, dont have sex with him at all, and then you break up with him.. are you better off now because you didnt have sex with him? Does that make you happy knowing you never had sex with him even when you liked him? WHY?

I'm fairly certain it isnt like this in most other countries.

Drift

reallymustreg wrote:

'boys,
if you're interested what is the longest you'd wait before calling/texting? if you don't hear from a guy within week to ten days is it safe to assume there's little or no interest?'

He's not interested.

And even if he was interested you shouldn't be interested in him if he hasn't called/texted in a week.

fifly

Horsesnout you missed the point. They were sleeping together but my friends point was that he was too tired to go out and spend time with her but not to tired for her to call over after the pub/club (obviously for sex). How can a guy expect a girl to want to sleep with him if he doesn't want to spend time with her? In a long term relationship I wouldn't have a problem with this but in the early stages I think it not ok at all.

cordelia

calicintre wrote:

'BCB,\r\n\r\nyou seem to give a good male perspective. so how about some advice on this.\r\nguy i know - won\'t go into how for obvious reasons. basically been a bit of texting and calls of late. anyway was meant to have dinner with him sat but something came up (his end) and he said he\'d give me a call sunday to reschedule. he never did - now if i havent heard from him by this weekend. could i give him a call or should i just leave it? don\'t want to appear \'desperate\'. i realise he could be too busy to call, but if interested i\'m sure he\'d make the time. argh any advice?'

Edited: he redeemed himself with flowers and a midmorning call.

What ever happened to old fashioned playful humor and light flirting? It works a charm.

The secret isn't to try so hard, but to actually enjoy the conversation and the person with whom you are conversing. Even if it's a random stranger in a pub. So long as he's not slobbering drunk...well even slobbering drunks can be amusing (met an ex when he was lying on a bench, pleasantly drunk. Asked him was he trying a new perspective. Had a slightly tippled conversation. Asked for his number so that I could make sure he survived the night and it went on from there.). Better to say that so long as he's behaving himself then I'm more than likely going to be amused on one level or another. If it goes further from there, great! If not, well then I've had a nice conversation.

DawnMc

I just came across this thread and I relate to the OP in many ways. I have been single for almost a year now and I have enjoyed it. I have never really ever been in love which saddens me. I have a large circle of friends, I'm reasonably attractive, very confident and friendly.
I find it difficult to meet friends of friends. My career is very advanced for someone of my age (22) and therefore my colleagues are all in their forties on average. It's also a very female dominated workplace. I spend the weekends clubbing with my 'girls' but we go out to enjoy ourselves, not to meet people. I find it hard to believe that I would meet anyone in a pub/club as any men that approach me, without fail, are looking for one thing only!!!
I feel that I've come to the point in my life where I am genuinely happy with who I am and am generally quite content with life and I would like to meet someone and maybe fall in love.
I find it so difficult though.
Any advice?

johnsmith79

seems like there's plenty of girls who are looking for guys and guys looking for girls on this forum. shame you can't get together at an event organised by boards.ie. best of luck with the search anyhow. it will work out for us in the end, just enjoy the journey.

horsesnout

fifly wrote:

Horsesnout you missed the point. They were sleeping together but my friends point was that he was too tired to go out and spend time with her but not to tired for her to call over after the pub/club (obviously for sex). How can a guy expect a girl to want to sleep with him if he doesn't want to spend time with her? In a long term relationship I wouldn't have a problem with this but in the early stages I think it not ok at all.

"How can a guy expect a girl to want to sleep with him if he doesn't want to spend time with her?"<- its not some kind of a trade!!!!!

And I think its you thats missed my point, which is pretty much exactly as you described it - she is holding sex for ransom and because he is too exhausted to go out with her one night out of three months she will withdraw it in an effort to what.. make herself feel powerful? Punish him? I dunno, sickening blackmail anyway.. especially given that she ended it with him over it (ludicris).

I might start a new separate thread actually, this could veer off the OPs point..

j4vier

DawnMc wrote:

I would like to meet someone and maybe fall in love.
I find it so difficult though.
Any advice?

Dont tell me.. I think that in the end if the woman who chooses the man, but at the same time its the man that must do the first step ( thats the tricky bit , im sooo shy ).

Tbh i find it to be very difficult for a nice girl to be on her own this days; everytime im out with my mates i c girls bein chatted up all the time.
So until i can do that myself, i think i ll be stuck as a member of the desperate group

( note my happiness, its the only way to survive )

panda100

j4vier wrote:

Tbh i find it to be very difficult for a nice girl to be on her own this days; )

If a girl goes out by herself shes deemed as wierd. I love doing things by myself sometimes like going to the cinema etc. I often think Id love to go to a gig or someting by myself too but there is such a stigma attatched to girls doing things by themsleves.

j4vier

by on her own i meant that she has no men around.
generally the groups of girls always find someone that chats them up, its no big deal.

however the point that u made is true as well, but me as a guy i still wouldnt go on my own.

btw panda i like ur signature, its so true

Darragh29

Motley Crue wrote:

I read both of these posts and feel so sorry for these girls because me and (some) of my friends who are single would prob gladly go out with them or talk to them in a bar no problem. the fact is that girls in ireland, in my opinion, seem very uninterested in Irish guys in general and thats why me and my mates have such a hard time. its a pity, because you say men suck but i say that women suck because its very rare u can find one to approach who wont bite ur head off lol

Yeah, very good point there Motley, some of my female friends who are single moan about being single but are usually rude to guys when they are chatted up, this is something I've only seen in Ireland. I think if your a girl with no personality defects and are alright looking, and in your thirties and single, the most likely reason for this is because you've spent the last ten years of your life blanking guys because you didn't think they were good enough for you, this is the case with any girls I know who are single and late twenties or early thirties.

j4vier

"In this country,first you get the money, then you get the power,THEN you get the woman."

apprently in this country too :rolleyes: