How to arrange a wedding in less than a month - help needed please.

CathyMoran

I am getting married at the end of December. I am currently undergoing chemo at the moment also though which means that half of this time is used up on that based on current energy levels though I do not know how the next chemo will be. Originally we were just going to have the two of us but after lots of pressure fromn my fiancee I gave in and invited his family and mine. I hate big weddings with a passion, do not have a dress and need a low stress wedding for health reason as all of my energy has to go into beating my oesophageal cancer. Please help. Oh, and I do not want a big cost.

My fiancee is not willing to help at all which is another big problem.

daiixi

Do you have a venue? Because I think at this stage you may have problems finding venues and/or a church which will be free depending on the type of wedding/reception you're wanting.
I personally would sit down with a good friend, my mother and his mother and discuss what is feasible in the time frame and go from there.
Organise a venu (and celebrant/minister) and the guest list then put someone in charge of the food, someone else the music, the flowers etc or whatever you feel is necessary to make the day what you want it. For me it would be simple with friends and family. A civil cermony in a garden or on a beach with a bbq and plenty of champers afterwards. Not really feasible in Ireland in winter I know.

The most important things to remember (I think) are:

1. dress in something which makes you feel special
2. accept all help that's offered but don't be afraid to put your foot down - it's your day afterall and
3. it's a party!

CathyMoran

daiixi wrote:

Do you have a venue? Because I think at this stage you may have problems finding venues and/or a church which will be free depending on the type of wedding/reception you're wanting.
I personally would sit down with a good friend, my mother and his mother and discuss what is feasible in the time frame and go from there.
Organise a venu (and celebrant/minister) and the guest list then put someone in charge of the food, someone else the music, the flowers etc or whatever you feel is necessary to make the day what you want it. For me it would be simple with friends and family. A civil cermony in a garden or on a beach with a bbq and plenty of champers afterwards. Not really feasible in Ireland in winter I know.

The most important things to remember (I think) are:

1. dress in something which makes you feel special
2. accept all help that's offered but don't be afraid to put your foot down - it's your day afterall and
3. it's a party!

All that I have is the venue for the wedding (aka the church), I booked that just over the 3 months and I have the Irish legal side done (having said that I could have applied for exceptional circumstances as I am that ill at the moment, there is still a high enough chance that I could die soon. My mum is badly brain damaged after a brain hamorrage 2 years ago and dad is her full time carer, the only person that I have is my brother and I do have my best female friend, I suppose that I could draft in my female cousins and a few aunts. I do not have a venue for the meal, numbers, guest list, will have to put my foot down over that. Will also have to get a budget, my money is being spent on the wig for the next while so I need help and dads money is going to the great honeymoon in Itay when I get better which is sandwiched between at least 3 weddings.

Padraig Mor

Hi Cathy,

Hope everything works out OK for you in the end!
1. Meal etc: you're unlikely to get a hotel etc. for a weekend at this short notice, so you may have to settle for midweek (anyone inportant will come no matter what day it's on).

2. You say you have the legal side done - does this include the Church side of things? If not, talk to your priest NOW.

3. The 'trimmings'. Photographer, flowers, video etc. All optional as far as I'm concerned - but if you want them organise them straight away.

4. Your dress - you don't have enough time to get one made so you'll probably have to buy one off the shelf. Most bridal shops will have display models that you can buy relatively cheaply - a few alterations and you're done. There are also plenty of dresses in the free ads papers etc - most worn once and some never worn!

5. Head to the forums at www.weddingsonline.ie/discussion - the girls there will be very helpful.

6. Give your fiance a kick up the hole and tell him to cop on.

CathyMoran

Weddingsonline - they are very catty there, a few lovely girls but for the most part I would avidly avoid that site as I was treated very badly there - would take all of the other advice though.

smileygal

Hi Cathy,

I am so sorry to hear you are unwell. I will try to come up with some ideas quickly for you. In a rush now but off the top of my head can think of a few things:

Never been before but Oxfam Bridal in Georges St, Dublin has a bridal shop with new dresses at reasonable prices and you do some good for their cause too

I have found the www handy for tips - theknot.com, brides.com, youandyourwedding.co.uk and the magazines are great for inspiration and listings of suppliers.

There's a wedding accessories shop on Charlotte St whose name escapes me at this time of the A.M.

....what else...

I know you don't have the dress yet but I would suggest a jacket/cape/cloak or something - the last thing you need is to be cold.

I have to go now but will put the thinking cap on. I would love to be able to help in some small way to make your special day lovely. I know that it will be tough going for your energies without added stress.

Maybe some more boardsies can be rounded up to help

aniascor

Hi Cathy,

If you want to keep things small and simple, why not book your favourite restaurant for the reception rather than looking for a hotel. Perhaps one with an area that can be separated off for the wedding guests. You would have to book this now however, otherwise they may be booked out for christmas parties in December.

If your energy levels are low, then a nice meal in an intimate restaurant setting might be better than a big hotel bash.

Alternatively, if you're not pushed about having a sit-down meal, you could find a small cocktail bar, and book a reception there.

And for wedding dresses that don't cost the Earth and are available off the rack, you might want to try a shop I was in in Limerick. I can't remember the name of it, but it is on Mallow Street. (It might have been called Occasions - I'm not entirely sure.) And I agree with smileygal, that a cape or jacket of some kind will be useful to keep you warm.

Good luck with everything.

smileygal

Energy-savers /Stress busters:

Checklists for everything!!! No matter how small/big the wedding is, a lot of jobs will be the same.

Planning ahead will use up energy but will be invaluable on the days you won't have energy.

so if you have a folder to keep everything together, you can always find things quickly and effortlessly. I find the A4 plastic pockets invaluable to keep non-A4 stuff together and pages ripped from magazines.

You don't even need to spend ages typing out a massive to do list - go to theknot.com or Martha Stewart www or other big wedding sites and print off their checklists and then add any of your own needs/ideas as you think of them. Some are very America- orientated but that doesn't bother me I just draw a line thru the bits i don't need.

They also have budget planners and guest list planners so that could save energy too.

Because I'm a listy person I have my own separate ones too!!

I know you are on a tight budget but ordering things by phone/mail might save on the energy and the stress of traipsing around in the cold and wet and the stress of carrying and parking.

A lot of energy could be saved by delegating to the people who are able to. They should be willing, including your fiancé. Organising a wedding shouldn't be solely up to the bride, even though most of the stuff is in the girlie realm of things!!
If anyone is wondering what to do to help, grab them!! If anyone doesn't know what to give for present, they could help you out by paying for some of /all of specific things like cake/flowers. Or if someone in the family is great at making cakes/has a great car to bring you to venue, they could contribute that way.

Not sure of your tastes but on the flowers front, advance stuff could be done, so less stressful, e.g. fabric petals to scatter/good artificial flowers for non-feature decorations/as it's Christmas, you could get elegant floral/sparkly Christmas decorations for tables that would look funky/elegant. All coming in earlyto shoops so could be done early.

Orchids in pots could be nice on the tables if to your taste/simple single flowers in thin vases. Marks & Spencers and Dunnes do great small/narrow vases very cheaply. I don't know your colour scheme!!




Another stress-buster/energy saver for the day itself is to have a bridal emergency kit. Simply a bag filled with helpful little things for all eventualities and things to keep you going through the day. A simple thing like a safety pin can save the day!!


That's all my brainstorming for now!!

Feel free to PM me if you like, Cathy

daiixi

I think a meal at a restaurant or a drinks reception at a cocktail bar or the like is a great idea. Havana is a tapas bar in Dublin (there's a few of them) would be fun for a reception - drinks and tapas - YUM! It can be hired out for an afternoon/evening. I'm guessing you might want somewhere smaller and for a shorter period of time so you don't get overtired? Not an all night party? Let us know and we can brainstorm a few places which might suit.
I know of a few couples who have not bothered with a cake at their wedding because dessert is included in menus and a lot of people don't eat the cake. Others have gone for simple cakes from a bakery and I know of one couple who had a tesco cake covered in fresh flowers!!!
Maybe some of the folx in the photography forum could help you out with a photographer for the day? Otherwise invest in some single shot cameras and pass them around. Make sure to put someone in charge of collecting them though!
Oh and people will think this is dumb but I always thought it would be cute to use those kiddies "I'm inviting you to my party" invitations for a wedding and writing in "wedding" before "party" in a sparkly pen. My friends have all said no to this idea but considering you want something low key and easy maybe something like this would work? (or maybe I'm just a child through and through)

CathyMoran

Have a credit voucher for the cake so that is Ok, or will be. The place has to be wheelchair friendly for my mum and also a late night would be bad for my mum. Would like to have somewhere that parents could stay overnight so that mum can make the most of the time. Brother can stay at his own house! Numbers should be less than 20.

I can get some money for the wedding but being honest I would rather spend money on a great honeymoon when I get better, selfish I know but I feel that I will deserve this as a treat for getting through things.

I want to look well but the big dress is not me. Hairdresser is already a sunk cost with the wig so that is already booked (the hair has to get styled every 2-3 weeks). With chemo they ask you to avoid flowers for the most part, so will just have a bouquet, otherwise no flowers.

Brother could do video but would rather he enjoyed the day, he might be able to get a friend, having photos would be nice though, just not cost the earth.

Not having bridesmaids I think unless I can do them for a low enough cost, would be too much to arrange in any case and you do not need them.

There may be a 13 year old girl there, do not know yet. How do I get the people to let me know if they will be there in sufficient time (my fiancee's family), thing is that they all have partners. I think that 10 on each side is fair, he has 6 siblings and I have 1 but how can we pair down numbers?

The rings can be our Christmas presents to one another so they should be fine. Food wise, I should be able to eat at that stage but an early night would be best for me (playing safe). Would be having chemo 2 weeks before so energy wise I should be OK (have not got to that date this time yet and I am a bundle of energy though I was tired today).

I could see if we could get married early and just have a lunch, we have the date not the time set, it might be cheaper and we do have a valid excuse. Any ideas around Cabinteely (as far as Ballsbridge) that do a nice lunch and is wheelchair accessable for around 20? The date is the 29th of December, it is a Friday.

aniascor

Hi Cathy,

Saw an ad in the paper this morning saying that Balbriggan Bridal are having a sale this weekend, selling off their 2006 range for €150-€550. I didn't spend that long looking at the ad, but if I remember correctly the sale starts this Saturday.

Will let you know if I see anything else.

CathyMoran

Thanks - am a size 6-8 so most styles suit me, my weight goes up to a size 8 just after the chemo but it will be back down for the wedding.

CathyMoran

Going back in for more chemo on Monday but a lot has happened since I last posted. Still do not have dress but have church sorted fully and reception, numbers will be tiny and my fiancee is helping. When I get stressed out over the wedding I hand it over to him (poor pet)...am sure that there are a few more things that I need to do but I can do them in 2 weeks time. Oh, have the cake sorted, it is lovely, one of my treats for myself.

fozzle

Well done Cathy, hopefully everything else will fall into place for you. Good luck on Monday.

daiixi

What fozzle said. Good luck on Monday and congrats on getting your fiancee involved.

Fey!

As someone suggested, with the small numbers you'd probably get a small family run resteraunt for the reception - that's what my brother did for his and it was fantastic. If any of your family are musical, get them to bring instruments and just have a session.

As for photographs, get a pile of those disposable cameras (I think Tescos do the packs of them), and leave them on the tables. Get family to take pictures in the church and outside the church (a lot of them probably have digital cameras in this day and age). Get them to take as many pics as possible and give them to you, and you can compile your photo albim from the best of them. Same with a video.

As for the dress, do you want a traditional dress? If not, how about a white/cream suit? Most importantly, make sure you're in clothes that YOU are comfortable in.

Flowers - a simple bridal bouquet and let the restauraunt worry about their decorations.

I hope that this helps in some way.

BTW, where are you based - someone might be able to recommend a particular spot.

And best of luck tomorrow.

CathyMoran

Thanks - we are not spending much moiney on the wedding as I want a huge honeymoon when I get better. The cake is really cute, it has 2 tiers, the top tier is supported by 4 penguins and we will have a male and female penguin on top.

When I get stressed over the wedding I remind my fiancee that I need all my energy to beat my cancer and just leave it all to him!

I have a good idea for the dress and a backup - saw a really nice dress on the web and have a backup dress in Monsoon. We have seats in a resteraunt booked and are getting married at lunch so it will be less tiring for me. If I only end up having 2 chemo (still a possibility) then I will be having the surgery the week after :eek:

Sorry, I just read your post there - we have asked for no flowers at the church as I am not allowed flowers at the moment.

The dress, well I saw a really nice gothic/medieval dress online, not in an expensive fabric but quite spectacular, if that works I will use that, if not I was going to go for a traditional crochet style dress, am lucky with my illness that I am only a size 6-8 so most things suit me.

The cameras might be a good idea as having a professional photographer will make our costs sky rocket. I feel a bit guilty keeping it small but I really do not want the big fuss now plus I really want something to look forward to when I beat this cancer...when I get the all clear I am hoping to throw a party though, that will be fun.

Thanks everyone - will be online until tomorrow then will be slowly coming back just over a week later (the chemo makes you really tired and you only stay awake for about an hour a day for the first few days out of hospital).

worksucks

No this might sound a bit silly but I see your in St. Vincent's what about "Bianconi's" it is a really nice restraunt/coffee shop @ the top of Herbert Avenue. The food is fab and they serve drink too. Maybe Mid-week you could book it out 4 a few hours.
It would easily accommodate 20 and because you are so near to it in the hosptal you might be able to pop down and tell them exactly what you want logistically might be very easy. Then ye could all pop in to a pub down in Ballsbridge or somewhere.

CathyMoran

Latest update, just out of hospital again after the last chemo so still a bit shakey.

We have dinner lunch booked (but no separate place) for the lunch, the church is sorted, I think that I have my dress (just waiting to get it in, if not there is another dress that I liked in town), no veill (where can I get one), the cake is sorted, no flowers (but am not advised to have many flowers with the chemo), no shoes yet (but ordering them in), have verbally sent round invites but am not having written ones), no photographer (but people can take photos (help!) and my brother is a videographer), no rings yet. What else do I need to do? My brain in fried at the moment. We do not have a honeymoon as I will not be allowed to travel abroad until at least June but I THINK that my fiancee is arranging a few nights away (hopefully Kilashee (hint, hint) where I went to school as a child), the thing is that I will be probably having surgery within the month.

What else do I need to do? Have chemo again in another 3 weeks, then will be out of action for 2 weeks (including Christmas), then my wedding is the folllowing week.

Help!

enlist certain family member's to sort out minor stuff for you!

Mrs_Doyle

Cathy, go to this link if you can:

http://gabbly.com/www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=7

You can chat live there, and who knows, we might be able to come up with some solutions to your problems!

daiixi

Cathy I think you have a lot of it sorted. I'd definitely get someone to invest in some disposable cameras for lots of candid shots. I'd offer to take photos but I'm not a photographer!!! Were you thinking of getting a professional?
I'd say that you'll have to visit either a bridal shop for the veil or maybe a large department store like BT, Debenham or Arnotts have a bridal section?
Have you thought about music (depending on the venu of course and whether it's feasible).
Also do you have have all your transport sorted out for the day?

Plus hope you're feeling okay!

iguana

CathyMoran wrote:

What else do I need to do?
Help!

Not sure how up to anything you'll feel but; underwear. Apart from the sexy aspect you may need something specific to suit your dress.

Do you want to do the something old, new, borrowed, blue thing? If you do you might want to think of that now.

If you can't carry flowers you could look for something else to hold, maybe fake flowers? I can't really think of anything else.

If you can't drink alcohol with your treatment have you checked what non-alcoholic drinks are served where you'll be having lunch? Perhaps you could get someone to check and arrange to have something like Amé or your favourite non-alcoholic drink available. Even if you can drink a little it would be good to have a tasty alternative so you don't overdo it.

Figment

PM sent.

rymus

Cathy, what's the date and venue of the wedding? PM me if you prefer.

CathyMoran

Sorry, still on a chemo haze day, I appreciate your responses and will get back to you later...getting bits and bods of wedding stuff done in between, really glad that we are doing it now. There is one other girl the same age as me who also has cancer who is getting married around the same time so at least I know that I am not the only one. I just wanted to say thanks.

Mrs_Doyle

How come your fella isn't getting more involved?

CathyMoran

Have rings, lingerie sorted. Thing is that I think that I have the dress but I did not try on many. It is a very simple elegant dress with a cowl neck but very pretty. Sounds stupid but I do not need to try on many dresses do I? The lingerie for our first night is costing more than the dress which has me mortifed but I want him to have something very pretty and elegant to unwrap. I seem to be spending money in unual ways for the day. Flowers I have an idea on, have to get our mini-honeymoon sorted now I think. Will not be having any bridesmaids or wedding favours and the lunch is in a resteraunt so no wedding speaches or dance. I really want this day just to be about the two of us commiting to one another for the rest of our lives and have a MASSIVE honeymoon in June (London, Paris and Florence)...I am so excited now about our wedding.

Does anyone have any ideas for places to go in Ireland around the 29th for a few days. I would prefer to be close to Kildare or Dublin if possible. Thanks to everyone for their kind responses so far.

ronbyrne2005

Try and keep stress free, its not good for your illness.

CathyMoran

Ended up getting a pale pink dress from Ghost so I will be able to wear it again. Am going to ask my mother in law to do the limited flowers. Less than a month to go now - all we have to do is to get the mini-honeymoon sorted (I think)...am really happy that I have this to enjoy at this time - have a week to arrange any little things as I have chemo in a week and then will have a bad week and then it is Christmas...looking foward to it. Thanks to everyone for their help.

Seraphina

just a suggestion, but is there anyone from the photography forum that might be able to do a few semi-professional shots for you for a more reasonable price than hiring someone?
its always nice to have one or two special photographs to look back on, as you might be diappointed if other people's pictures didn't turn out too well.