Bullied not any more but what to do ?

LegacyUser

Hi i am a regular poster but i felt i needed to block my identity for this.

Ok so from the age of about 4 till the age of 15 i was bullied everyday of my life , teachers have hit me , teachers have turned hole class against me teachers have singled me out and made me feel so small and to day has possibly been the worst day of my life as its come flooding back in to my memeroys , so many mermerys ive supressed for so long , have finally come back to me.

a bit about me im 25 male . searching for that lovely woman , ive just got a good job one ive kinda allways wanted with the chance to do very well for my self ,which ui think i diserve

Any way how to deal with this problem , well this perticular teacher , subjected me to so many cruel things it still makes me well my eyes well up thinkin about it , to day i said to my self i prefer to shoot him in the head then have a million dollers , but i think that's anger... i want to get over this problem, and i think talkin to a phsh would help but i was also thinking of writeing a book about it , so that perents can see that it did happen. Plus how better of a way to get back at some one then for ahalf a world to read about how meen he bullied a 12 yr old am i talkin revenge ? or just getting back the chip thats missing on my shoulder ....

this person if i see him makes me shiver and feel uncomfortable , He was so cruel to me and i want pay back...

do you thinkin this case the pen is mighter then the sword ?

Chucky the tree

Chances are, legally you wouldnt be allowed print his real name as it would be slander.

Red Alert

if he is still teaching at the same school you could confront the school/him with whatever allegations you have against him. at least then they would be aware of it and you may feel better.

do not do anything physical or violent towards him, it will land you in a lot of trouble, you don't want this to ruin your life any more than it has.

LegacyUser

Did the teacher bully you for nothing?
What reason did the teacher give to punish you? just sounds like there must be two sides to this.

Maybe its time to move on in life.

McGinty

Hi bullied

Like you I was bullied both by pupils in the school but also by a particular teacher, who if I saw now would consider punching him in the nose, having said that I'm ten years older than you. This teacher is a bully, and bullies deep down are cowards, they knock down smaller and more vulnerable people to build themselves up. If you decide to write a book about your experience of bullying, personally (and this is just my opinion) write about it in such a way that you have overcome the bullying, you will not stop bullying but by overcoming it and expressing that to others you give them the tools to overcome it, so personally maybe therapy will help to aid you in releasing your anger and resentment, then your pen will be more aware, incisive and powerful, you won't be a victim but a survivor. I say this because if you write from a vengeful point of view, and become published you can bet your bottom dollar that some critic will tear your work to pieces, not out of malice but just that is the nature of some critics, and you may not be in a psychological position to deal with it because you may be still caught up in anger and resentment, by letting those go first, you will be able to write more objectively but still make an impact for others.

BrenC

Slander is spoken, in print its Libel, it can only be either if the statement is not true

arybvtcw0eolkf

I'm going to keep this very short as I never hide my I.D. on boards.ie

But yes, like many others I was bullied in my past Both by pupils & (to a far lesser extent) teachers for a host of reasons [ask any red head has he been bullied!!!].

I believe that I've over come and over taken the bullies, however the scars remain and I swear to god I'd love to get my hands on some of the asses who thought they were big enough to push me around.

I remember in 2001 I was working on a door of a bar in town (Dublin city centre) and a particular wa*ker from school came to the door. Although it never got physical, he remembered me well, gave alittle lip (when I turned him away) and went along his merry way.

At that time I was coaching kickboxing, competing in Judo and now training in Mixed Martial Arts. And although not close to the victories scored in competition in alot of way, its the one victory I remember always.

As I've said, the scars remain and physically I'll never be bullied again, however for alot of my adult life I suffered low self esteem because of it, not now.

To the OP, I can't give an answer to your post, however I can offer up my own epxerience and hope that it means something to you or others.

Black Swan

bullied wrote:

Any way how to deal with this problem , well this perticular teacher , subjected me to so many cruel things it still makes me well my eyes well up thinkin about it

Sorry to hear of your experience. If the person is still teaching, there should be relief available through the school administration and the courts?

turbot

I'd say that you should take action, and do so very cleverly.

1st - you should talk to a lawyer - you might be able to bring criminal damages against this teacher. While I'm not a lawyer and can't offer legal advice, my understanding is something is not defamatory if it's accurate...

2nd - you should identify if he is still teaching or not - remember, in this instance, information is power. Gather all the information, and then be very smart in how you use it

3rd - you should figure out if he's bulled other kids as well. 10 peoples tales, and targetted action, is much more powerful than just one person. Legally, as I understand there is a difference between threatening something, and behaving in a way where a threat might be interpretted. So if you found other people bulled by this guy, you could show up on his door step one day. If you all said, very angrily... we're disgusted how you ruined parts of our lives.... and we believe in karma. Then you could make very vague statements that given the context, he could interpret threats... like "one day, when you're not expecting it, we'll be standing behind you with golf clubs" and then say "if we ever catch you abusing any other kids ever again... and then all stare at this guy ferociously".

4th - For your own sake, it's such a shame that someone creates an intense experience that thus far has limited your ability to enjoy life. At the same time, it is possible to heal this, and a good idea to do so. NLP is a good idea to help heal this. As is reading "Robert Anton Wilson" to mentally liberate yourself more.

5th - and this is the most important part - I find that bullys are kinds of vampires ... in so far as they have a way of connecting into your deepest weaknesses and exploiting them, at your psychological expense. It's my understsanding that these connections can live on, way beyond when the experience is over... which perpetuates the feeling inside.

There are lots of exercises, like tie cutting exercises that really help reduce a persons power in this instance. It's worth looking into this. You're welcome to PM me and I'll forward you some resources.



My story:

I had an experience as a teenager where I got into a fight with a guy in the year above me. He didn't win.... though neither did I... it was just broken up.

The next day, in the library, I remember 5 guys from his class, who were mostly bigger than me, crowding around me... and my friend who had an older brother who knew what was going on told me that I had to be careful, because their plan was to get me to fight this guy again, and then they'd all bundle on top of me. As a 13 year old kid, this was pretty intimidating, and I ran all the way home from school. I didn't have any older brothers or sisters, or anyone really for support.... and this led to a kind of nervousness wherein I was pretty intimidated at various school discos and social occassions for the next year or so.

Then I took up kickboxing and martial arts, which I studied intensively, and a few years later when I was 17 and these guys were still in the year above, one of this guys friends tried to pick on me in the dining hall one day and I got him in a wrist lock and pushed him away from me.

I walked past him again in the corridor and he pushed me... which led to him saying that after school, we would fight.

Then I found out that the original guy I had a fight with (who was one of his best friends) also wanted to fight me.

I was in pretty great shape at the time, and had won several kickboxing tournaments and spent the last three years training 2 - 3 times a week and working out most other days.

So I walked out of school, expecting to fight both of them... very focussed, and very prepared to win. They both chickened out.

They lost respect and I was never hassled by them again, and the inner freedom and difference was profound.

So based upon what you've said - I think you need to take some kind of action to heal yourself, and this probably includes confronting him, first in your mind, and then after legally followed by the press is probably the way to enact the most powerful revenge... .

Dave!

Go speak to the principal in the school

LegacyUser

Why did your teachers beat you? You're the same age as me, there was never any violence from teachers in any school I went to, except grabbing someone roughly and throwing them out of the class if they had REALLY pushed the teacher too far.

I find it hard to believe that they just hit you for no reason...?

BuffyBot

He was so cruel to me and i want pay back...

I'm not meaning to sound cruel, but on the flip side, you could just let it go. Move on with your life. Honestly, having been in a similar situation myself during my school years, I decided long ago to just let it go. I don't hate the people who said/did things to me. They're no longer a part of my life, and I'll be damned if I'll let them cast a shadow over my present life.

Life moves on, and you seem to be doing ok for yourself. Obsessing about what's gone by will not do a lot of good, and possibly will just take time and energy from you that could be diverted into better things. By all means, do something creative and vent your feelings, but use them and create something constructive, and don't be chained by your past.

Talliesin

I don't believe in forgiveness as an ideal in itself. I don't believe in turning the other cheek. Heck, I wouldn't even rule out vengence as a motive for action entirely.

I do though believe in picking ones battles, and I think you need to pick another one. What good is getting any sort of revenge here going to do you?

Go to a counsellor. Deal with how this has affected you. **** this guy, leave him to his karma.

Sad Professor

Writing about it is a really good idea, that or talking about it (to the right person). Its okay to be angry and hurt, don't suppress it, nothing stays buried forever. I agree with the posters who said you need to let go, but first you need to deal with it and that can take time. Acknowledging will help alot. A good counselor might help make sense of it for you.

Anyway I know how you feel and I hope you feel better.

Motley Crue

bullied wrote:

this person if i see him makes me shiver and feel uncomfortable , He was so cruel to me and i want pay back...

do you thinkin this case the pen is mighter then the sword ?

http://www.education.ie/home/home.jsp?pcategory=10861&ecategory=10876&language=EN

Hi man
Ok, I think you should write a letter to the principal of that school if the teacher is still there, and also send one to the Ombudsman for Education Complaints and one to the Minister for Education. In all explain your school, years, awards achieved and name the Individual. Say that, regarding on how strongly u feel about this issue, you are considering taking legal action against this man for the hurt and mental stress he caused on you. They will make sure to take you seriously and will address the issue with you, and you can go from there. But im sure a resolution can be reached.

Good Luck

deisemum

I can tell you the Mary Hanafin (aka Miss Whiplash in today's Sunday Independent) and the Dept of Education will do sod all about it. Even by following their guidelines (which they purposely drag out for a long time) they'll refer the whole thing back to the BOM.

We found out that my son had been hit and thumped by a teacher when he was 9 (18 months ago). It wasn't because he'd been misbehaving but had gotten an answer wrong or didn't answer quickly enough. His teacher is a bully. My mother in law taught in that school so I've since found out some info to confirm this).

My son wasn't the only child to be hit or thumped. I've still got a text message from another parent confirming that her son had also been hit by this teacher but she didn't even go to the school about it. She also confirmed that my son had been hit. Another pupil has also confirmed that my son was hit even though this pupil hadn't.

The Dept of Education haven't done anything except refer it back to the BOM to deal with it but the BOM are part of the problem. I have my own very strong suspicions why the Dept of Ed drag out such allegations, statute of limitations could be behind this.

Since we went to the principal about it he has done nothing but threaten us with very serious consequences if we didn't retract our allegation. He went beserk when when sent a formal complaint to the BOM.

The principal has informed us that since we haven't retracted our allegation then he has no option but to have us reported to social services and have us investigated that there's something awful going on in our home and it's his duty to do so and that he has the BOM's permission to do so. Big mistake on his part.

The gardai are involved but they've told us that the DPP would class it as a minor offence and that we'd only 6 months from the time of the assault to having the teacher charged. They can't do much because the statute of limitation has passed. I'm not letting it drop and I'm making it my business to inform as many people as possible. I've been very careful to make sure I cannot be accused of defamation. Thankfully soft evidence will be included in any garda vetting of teachers. A conviction will not be required.

Parents need to be very aware of what's happening in the classrooms at the hand of teachers. It's more widespread than people realise. Just because corporal punishment was banned in the 80s parents naively think it no longer happens but it does. They should go to the Gardai as quickly as possible if they ever hear of any such bullying. They should also bear in mind "Not all children tell lies and not all adults tell the truth".

OP I don't know what you can do legally but for a start I think you could send that thug teacher a strong letter rather than have direct contact. That way you have plenty of time to say what you feel without being sidetracked or risk being rendered speechless when in his company. It is also more difficult for that scumbag to shrug off what you write.

Continue to make a success of your life. I firmly believe in Karma, it may take time but normally what goes round comes round

LegacyUser

Hi folks, some great ideas and some fantastic help .

Ok il round it of i wont be bringing legal action as i want to earn my money

I think legal action is something i dont really want to be involved in as i think that for people who well are lookin for an essey way to die....

as for the nameing i wont name him but il be so close that if he reads it he would no who i am ..

The teacher never hit me he tormented me , he allowed children to abuse me virblely , in the class room and on the play ground he loved the fact that i was a prodistent (not any more , im atheast ) and used to throw the class on an anti prodistent wave length only thing was as far as i was concerned i wasnt , he used to tell the glass i was english when i was in fact irish ,he made me feel small i ran out of the class room one day because, he tormented me once so much i had nothing i could do and ran to the end of the feild another day i got a question wrong and he made me walk out the class room then all the other kids got to laugh at me .....


so thanks for your advice folks im going to get counciling over it and right a book about it ..and i cheacked il just change his first name .... and il change my own name , but just so slighty so he no its me writeing about him ....


but i want to say thanks for all your help .....

Slutmonkey57b

That sort of abuse is not uncommon in Ireland, so the best advice I can give you (as a former victim and verbal bully) is to remember that schoolyard bullies are bullies because they're frightened - they're trying to deflect attention away from their own insecurities and problems by targetting others. They're not worth your time.

the_syco

I don't know where I read it, but someone once said that if you live in fear, the bully has won. If you live fearlessly, the bully has lost.
I got bullied, but then something inside me snapped, and I did my best to catch the little f*ckers. But they ran away. No matter their age, or number, most bullies run away when confronted. I say most, as that small percentage who won't back down, were most liely bullied themselves, and are now refusing to back down. As the saying goes: violence breeds violence.