is this strange... or is she crazy!

observer

hi guys i think this is a very strange situation and would like advice

a very close friend who i'll adimit that i'm physically i'm very attracted to (and have kissed) is going out with her boyfriend for 3 years. now weird there but over a drunken chat over the weekend she told me that she hates to see me with over girls and gets very jealous but tells this to her boyfriend!

now at the time with the drink in i just luaghed at it but when the reality sank in it suddenly hit me that i thin i'm being controlled! should i get completely away from this girl??

ams

It sounds like she wants to have the best of both worlds.

You need to have a talk with her and firmly point out that since she has a boyfriend she doesn't have the right to control your love life.

Chinafoot

observer wrote:

it suddenly hit me that i thin i'm being controlled!

How exactly are you being controlled? She said she doesn't like seeing you with other girls. Maybe she fancies you? Maybe she just wants you to be chasing after her? Unless you've actually stopped being with any other girls because of what this girl has said or done the I fail to see how she is controlling you.

She sounds confused tbh. When you kissed this girl, was she with her boyfriend at the time?

Whatever she tells her boyfriend is between them really. If nothing is going on between the two of you then there shouldn't be any fall-out on your head. If my other half told me that he was jealous of a female friend being with other blokes then I'd seriously be reconsidering the relationship. But again, that's an issue for them.

chamlis

'Tis a bit wierd tbh.
Could be after 3 years they have settled into the comfort zone IN EXTREME, no longer have much interest in each other physically but are steadfast partners and best mates.
Maybe both are waiting for someone else to come along?

That's all I can come up with. Not as far-fetched as it might sound.....

observer

she is controlling me because as one of my friends how can i ever introduce a girlfriend to her knowing she won't like her. cos thats what she told me. i actually think she is very happy with her boyfriend whom is one of my very goood friends too! i don't want to do anything and don't want to go out with her but i'm taken aback by her openess!

and i think that if she tells me what she tells her boyfriend it then does become my business!
just to answer some questions!

Chinafoot

observer wrote:

she is controlling me because as one of my friends how can i ever introduce a girlfriend to her knowing she won't like her. cos thats what she told me.

She will only be controlling you if you allow that to happen. Sounds like a pretty immature situation to be honest.

observer wrote:

i actually think she is very happy with her boyfriend whom is one of my very goood friends too! i don't want to do anything and don't want to go out with her but i'm taken aback by her openess!

If she was truly happy with her boyfriend and was really a good friend then she would want you to be happy. Now if it's a case of her saying that she's hated seeing you with certain girls because she thinks you can do better than them or they're not good for you, then the situation is quite different. Talk to her when she's sober and get a clear understanding of what she means exactly.

However, if it's just jealousy making her say these things then she clealy has problems in her own relationship that she needs to sort out.

observer wrote:

and i think that if she tells me what she tells her boyfriend it then does become my business!

My friends have told me things that they have told their boyfriends on numerous occasions. Doesn't make it my business. If he's going to give you grief over it then yeah, but otherwise I don't see what the massive deal is. Like I said, it's an issue that they clearly need to discuss if she said what she said out of jealousy. You said yourself that you don't want to go out with her. Tell her that.

Black Swan

observer wrote:

over a drunken chat

Sounds like the drink was talking? I would not put much value in drunken chats.

Talliesin

Okay, so she fancies you a bit. This is not a bad thing. Generally I take people fancying me a bit as a good sign, certainly preferable to nobody fancying me.

I don't have to do anything with someone who fancies me, and certainly wouldn't if (a) I didn't fancy them also, (b) I was in a monogamous relationship or (c) they were in a monogamous relationship.

Unless you are saying that she not only fancies you, but is also a deeply unbalanced person and is therefore going to start stalking you or skinning your girlfriends' pets alive or such, or unless you've got problems keeping your penis in your pants and are therefore going to be jumping on top of anyone you think fancies you, then what's the problem?

daithimac

If it was me I would defo try to create a bit of space between you and her. these situations tend to lead to bigger problems.
I would be sure that if you take a step back and look with a bit of prespective you will see events in the past where she has exercised suttle control over you. You may just not of noticed it cos you were so close to the situation

Kell

observer wrote:

but when the reality sank in it suddenly hit me that i thin i'm being controlled!

Um, how exactly? Does she have little remote that guides you through pubs and tells you who and when to ask out?

Get over yourself man. She wants you, cant have you and is narked with you because of it (typical thing people do- project the irritation rather than deal with it)

She's fine. Enjoy the attention.

K-

greenkittie

You say you are good friends with her boyfriend? I often find i get weird crushes on the best friends of guys im going out with cause i know they are the ultimate off limits person.

0utshined

observer wrote:

...over the weekend she told me that she hates to see me with over girls and gets very jealous but tells this to her boyfriend!

... it suddenly hit me that i thin i'm being controlled! should i get completely away from this girl??

Yeah that sounds like a problem but it's her problem not yours. She's made the choice to go out with and stay with her boyfriend. You're still single and can do what you want. If she wants to stop you seeing other girls then she needs to be with you and not her boyfriend. Otherwise it's just something she'll have to deal with.

I don't think you're being controlled at all. In this situation the choice is hers, if she can't deal with you being with other girls then she needs to either do something about it or keep schtum. You need to keep having fun.

Miguel_Sanchez

You're not 'being controlled' as you put it and if you think you are then you really need to come back to reality from whatever melodrama land you're living in.

So the girl gets a bit jealous if she sees you with a girl. Big deal. She's got a boyfriend. You can do what you like, when you like, with whoever you like. If she's a bit jealous then it's her problem, not yours.

She didn't say she'd be nasty or wouldn't like girls you're with. She just said she gets a bit jealous sometimes.