What have you learnt today?

Pighead

They say you learn something new everyday and while Pighead thinks that may be an exaggeration theres definitely something in it.

Today Pighead learnt that old women are sneaky fcukers. Got a bus to work this morning and as it pulled up beside us an old woman skipped to the front of the queue.Fair enough I say, shes old and she's entitled to engage in a spot of queue skipping. "Count to 10 Pighead" I urged.

Anyway she tries to get on the bus and makes a pathetic effort to climb on to the step. Out of nowhere shes wheezing and spluttering and moaning about the bus step being far too high. She starts to rant to the driver about the height of the step and demands he do something about it. He tells her its as low as it goes and makes a cracking point when he says "Eh sorry love but its actually at the same level as your feet" "Its not" she screams, "do something about it"

So the bus driver sighs heavily and starts to wind the lever that changes the bus routes on front of the bus. "There you go, try now". What does she do. Fcuking practically jumps on the bus(which hasn't moved a millimeter) exclaiming "Ah yes thats much better"

Sneaky fcuker.Pighead shall never trust an elderly again.

So what have you learnt today?

Archeron

Today I learnt not to stick paper clips too far into your ear, or it becomes painful.

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

Sneaky fcuker.Pighead shall never trust an elderly again.

Why would you have trusted them before?
They are the same as us, only older.
My Da will be 70 shortly, his sky box broke, and if he wanted a new one he would have had to pay for it.
What did he do?
He cancelled sky and got me Ma to order it, got a new box foc and 3 months with all the channels for €15 euro per month.
Now, that sort of sneakyness coming from me Da even surprised me!

I've learned you should take care of your back.
Well, I learned that 4 weeks ago today, but my back didn't think I could learn that lesson in one day so it's been teaching me now for 4 weeks.
I'd like to inform my back that I've gotten the point.

Pighead

Archeron wrote:

Today I learnt not to stick paper clips too far into your ear, or it becomes painful.

Yeah, thankfully Pighead learnt pretty early in life that you shouldn't stick anything smaller than your elbow into your ear. Ah well, at least you won't ever do it again Archeron (4/10, loses marks for being an anagram of Her Acorn, which in my circle of friends means clit)

Pighead

Beruthiel wrote:

Why would you have trusted them before?

Because when Pighead was a kid they used to hand out sweets and ruffle my hair and go "Whos the cutie pie, whos the cutie pie". Its only as I've aged that I've realised they don't treat adults quite as nicely.

Beruthiel wrote:

I've learned you should take care of your back.
Well, I learned that 4 weeks ago today, but my back didn't think I could learn that lesson in one day so it's been teaching me now for 4 weeks.
I'd like to inform my back that I've gotten the point.

Sorry about the back Beruthial, but you've gotta admit that it was worth it.x

The Hill Billy

I've learned how a set of a client's complex telecoms billing re-rating calculations work. I've also learned that my mate isn't meeting me for lunch after all so I'm off to Doolan's on Hogan Place for a pint on my own. Anyone interested?

Donegal Lass

donegal lass has today learned that boys do indeed clean their ears with the ends of the towel (cheers for the heads up pighead)

also that its not the best idea to leave the house and walk to work without an umbrella.......hence the drowned rat look im currently sporting!;)

Dragan

Today i learnt that due to comedic irony the rubber tip of a crutch can and will get stuck in the grating over the drains outside my work place. This lead to much hilarity for everyone except me and my ill fated crutch.

Oh well.

Pighead

Hill Billy wrote:

I've learned how a set of a client's complex telecoms billing re-rating calculations work. I've also learned that my mate isn't meeting me for lunch after all so I'm off to Doolan's on Hogan Place for a pint on my own. Anyone interested?

Afraid I can't buddy. Yesterday Pighead learnt that everybody on the internet is creepy. Enjoy your lunch.

The Hill Billy

Pighead wrote:

Yesterday Pighead learnt that everybody on the internet is creepy.

Not half!

Lurk

I learned that unblocking the water-input nozzle in a loo cistern isn't as easy as it seems, but that overlooking the pool of water that's now in the bathroom is as easy as pie

skywalker

Donegal Lass wrote:

donegal lass has today learned that boys do indeed clean their ears with the ends of the towel (cheers for the heads up pighead)

How do girls clean their ears?

Pighead

skywalker wrote:

How do girls clean their ears?

You know the cotton buds us blokes use for cleaning the fluff and dirt from our belly buttons? Yeah, well get this, girls use them for cleaning out their ears. Altogether now. GIRLS ARE YUCKY.

xzanti

Today I have learned how to use a PDF Writer

kaimera

I learned something about Software Quality thus far today.

dr.bollocko

Today I learned that funeral processions dont appreciate Hip hop blaring at them from loud speakers...
But also that small cars are faster than hearses.

skywalker

Pighead wrote:

You know the cotton buds us blokes use for cleaning the fluff and dirt from our belly buttons? Yeah, well get this, girls use them for cleaning out their ears. Altogether now. GIRLS ARE YUCKY.

They have cotton . . . . . buds now you say.

Collie D

Today I learned not to underestimate the stupidity of others. As my apartment complex management have decided to change the code on the security gates without notifying anybody I am effectively under house arrest.

TequilaMockingBird

Today I learned that chairs can shrink. What used to be a perfectly fitting chair in work, is now is too small for my bum... Who should I report this to?

breadmonkey

..that it simply isn't possible to come home sh!tfaced at 5:30 and make it to college for 9:00.

Dragan

sueme wrote:

Today I learned that chairs can shrink. What used to be a perfectly fitting chair in work, is now is too small for my bum... Who should I report this to?

Your dietician??? j/k

I suggest a small but clearly memorable mark of tippex somewhere about the frame of the chair, that way you can track it.

One guy in work was so serious about his chair he customised it, so we robbed it and took photo's of it in various places....he received e-mails from his chair telling him it loved him, but needed to live it's own life and be it's own furniture.

It was all very funny.

dr.bollocko

sueme wrote:

Today I learned that chairs can shrink. What used to be a perfectly fitting chair in work, is now is too small for my bum... Who should I report this to?

Your ass...

Collie D

Dragan wrote:

One guy in work was so serious about his chair he customised it, so we robbed it and took photo's of it in various places....he received e-mails from his chair telling him it loved him, but needed to live it's own life and be it's own furniture.

It was all very funny.

Ah, the old "ransom a personal belonging in the office" trick. Remember my little "horny devil" teddy which was given to be an ex disappered and got a letter in the internal mail next day containing his hand and a ransom note. Bastards!

Dragan

Collie D wrote:

Ah, the old "ransom a personal belonging in the office" trick. Remember my little "horny devil" teddy which was given to be an ex disappered and got a letter in the internal mail next day containing his hand and a ransom note. Bastards!

yeah, it's old but it's a classic. One of the lads drives a big stupid jeep, so we were all to bring the chair all over....we have a picture of it in The Long Stone in town....I'll see if i can find it and put it up!

Trinity

Today i learned that when you spend days creating a huge database, designing it, putting in pages and pages of information and then save it into a shared directory for others to see, that you should lock it first.

They muddled up all the information (stupid bastards) now i have to do it all over again, its non-recoverable

stevejazzx

Today I learned I that all the stuff I've learned previously on all other days is complete rubbish. And A guy from the future was just here and said that I should ignore what I've learned today about the stuff I learned yesterday being rubbish because the source of todays news will be discredited next week. So I suppose you could say that what i've really learnt is that you can learn something today that might turn out to be not true. Once for example I learned there was a god. Even worse was the time that someone said that that mental guy George Bush is President of the most Powerful country in the world but the craizest thing that I ever learnt which subsequently turned out not to be true is that things which you learn which subsequently turn out not to be true may conversely be reproven to be ture at future dates.:eek:

Today i learned truly (after my mam telling me for years) if someone shows you what they are like, believe them

If only I can put what I learn into practise

NiSmO

This post has been deleted.

phantom_lord

NiSmO wrote:

This post has been deleted.

i found that out years ago.


I found out today that my maths lecturer is a fool, and he thinks we're all retards, can't think of any other reason why he's doing primary school stuff. "So to get 28% of something we...."

m_stan

today I learnt that it isn't afterall necessary to checkin online exactly 23hrs and 59mins for your Virgin Atlantic flight in order to get a good seat. 23hrs and 45mins will yeild the same result. the same crappy old economy seat for 10hrs+

phantom_lord

Dragan wrote:

One guy in work was so serious about his chair he customised it,

What did he do to customise it...?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Presumably it emits flying windows logos if he doesn't st in it for 60 seconds.

Today I learnt that it's Friday and I don't have to come in here tomorrow. Or the next day.

monkeyfudge

I've learned how horrible anti-biotics are.... I'm taking them for the first time in my life... 2 different ones which I have to take 7 times a day... one of them tastes really nasty... like metal that's gone sour or something.

They make me really drowsy too.

HJ Simpson

I learned today that it takes way to long to take the bus from Tallaght to Town. Back on the bike monday. The song is true "Only loosers take the bus"

tbh

today I learned that you just have to be patient and let it heal.

Miguel_Sanchez

Today I learned that my flatmates can't be relied on to remember to buy toilet paper.

Today I learned what the original Blue Monday 12" single sleeve looked like.

Today I learned that I tell people the same things repeatedly, that must be annoying.

Today I learned that my flatmates can't be relied on to remember to buy toilet paper.

(Godammit it!)

dr.bollocko

The dude would never doubt himself like that....

me and the biz

I've learnt that yes, a crap week can in fact get a whole lot worse.

LadyJ

Today I learned how to play "Ode to joy" on the piano. I also learned that a lot of people think my hair looks nicer when it's wet and curly. And a role of cable in Maplins cost €16!

FlutterinBantam

Today I learned that you do not use harsh household cleansers to get jizz stains from a light coloured carpet.....and... the cat wont sit in one position for over two hours...:mad: :mad:

Lump

I learned how Springs, Pianos and Paving Stones are made.

Degsy

I learned that the Irish Medical Council are a bunch of philistines,all my research with monkeys and flesh-eating bacteria has been for nothing!

phantom_lord

It should be learned pighead....that's another thing you can add to the list.

Ruu_Old

I learned the history of adhesives (it was on the History channel very late last night)

tbh

Degsy wrote:

I learned that the Irish Medical Council are a bunch of philistines,all my research with monkeys and flesh-eating bacteria has been for nothing!

everyone always knew that that project was more about the journey than the destination degsy

Nala

I'm in a lecture at this very minute so I am learning lots!!!

Degsy

tbh wrote:

everyone always knew that that project was more about the journey than the destination degsy

They'll find out soon enough,i'll make them all PAY!!

FlutterinBantam

I have just learned that Brenda Donoghue is possibly the most annoying,talentless, and strident person I have heard on the radio in quite some time.

coyote6

Glass is very sharp.

Degsy

Bones are hollow.

m_stan

FlutterinBantam wrote:

I have just learned that Brenda Donoghue is possibly the most annoying,talentless, and strident person I have heard on the radio in quite some time.

I learnt that ages ago, but I guess some people are just slow

Claire Byrne is pretty bad too tbh