Giving up on life

LegacyUser

Hi,
I was working in Galway for the last few years and I have been working in Dublin for the last month. I have had low self esteem for a few years...not sure how I lost it but I was never that sure of myself, deep down though I know that I am a very smart and competent person...even competent at relationships but I can't assert myself.. I haven't really got any proper friends as I can't sustain healthy relationships as I am quite paranoid and often suspicious. When I came to Dublin first I was excited (like I was when I went to Galway first) and my persepctive changed and life seemed good but I seem to continue to build up evidence no matter what enviroment or place im in to bring me back to my stupid degrading beliefs about myself. Im very good looking and get alot of attention from girls but I can never have them as I know I could never sustain a relationship. I really want them and girls and everything though. Since ive came to Dublin the pressure to assert myself and be confident has escalated. I am considering moving away again because I just can't deal with everyday life. Im an emotional rollercoaster.

I started a business in Galway and that failed due to my issues. I know deep inside that I am compotent to do these sort of things. I did self hypnosis about a year ago and it worked for about a week. I felt liberated and in control. The difference was amazing. This is now part of the problem because I aspire to be like this all the time which I cannot assert myself to. Im a leader in my family and an excellent multitasker, great at getting things done, resolving issues et cetera. As soon as I step out the door though I change. I feel lower than people im talking to and I get so stressed and paranoid really that I cannot think on my feet. I can only be comfortable, calm and collected at home.

I have tried various techniques like visualisation but not for that long as I get frustrated when I don't see results after a few days. Self hypnosis doesn't work because I know my self critic is stopping the affirmations from going through uncorrupted. I know everyday the way im living at the moment is reinforcing my negative self image. Has anybody been in this situation? What the hell should I do? I don't know if I can live like this for much longer. I don't have a life...I barely have an existence.

Black Swan

Have you tried counselling? It works for some.

padser

Sounds like you have some issues......maybe ones that an internet board isnt prehaps the best place to bring them to??

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Difficult to say for sure, but I'm inclined to think a change in location. I've felt like that living in Dublin myself, but whenever I've lived outside of Dublin I've found myself much more outgoing and confident. Even if you don't move, try travelling a bit. See what else is out there and see if anything else takes your fancy.

Agree with others that suggest counselling.

greenkittie

I think changing location again wont actually help, I feel a bit like you do alot and running away always comes into my head but its not the solution.