Impotent and getting worse

LegacyUser

I've been having problems the last year and a half in that area and I don't know if they're physical or psychological. I had a lot of trouble with a good (female) former friend of mine a while back and I got extremely depressed. Those who have been depressed with some problem plaguing them constantly will know that sex drive goes down because it's hard to focus your attention away from the problem. I'm going to give you the case for it being a physical problem for the sake of background.

Physical
A few months before I started having these problems I was masturbating about three times a day (never heard about the dangers of overmasturbation back then!!!). Then around the same time these problems came up, when I ejaculated it would hurt like hell. I googled it but only found people who had a problem with pain after ejaculation. I started seeing blood in my urine occasionally, mostly after masturbation or close to it. It would only be a small bit (only visible on the tissue paper). There would also be a kind of stinging/tingling/burning sensation when I pee, only a mild annoyance.

The pain from ejaculating stopped eventually after a few months and I pushed it out of my mind. But the symptoms kept reoccuring. A few months ago I got up the courage to see the doc because my erection problem was getting worse, I thought it might be related. He told me that I probably had a prostate infection (I told him nothing about erectile or personal problems, too embarrassed ). When I asked if it was serious he said not at all, it can just be uncomfortable but does not interfere with your normal sex life. He gave me some tablets to take for it.

The blood in my urine has gone away for the most part (it would only occur about once a month anyway), but my erection difficulties are getting worse. I'm absolutely unable to get it up when not turned on, even by manual stimulation. And also not able to get it up a lot of the time when I feel turned on in my brain. Masturbation has become a challenge (can I get it up today?) and while I still have morning boners they're a lot weaker than they used to be.

There will be occasions once in a blue moon where I do feel properly turned on like I used to and be able to get it up as hard as I used to.

The reason I post now is that I met a girl. I haven't met a girl in a long time (a year for a fling, two for a relationship). Met her outside of the club and we hung around for a few hours. We kissed a lot and she (being a bit drunk probably) was trying to move it further. She was inviting me back to her house and all. But the thing is I couldn't get it up and knew I wouldn't be able to. I enjoyed the kissing and found her attractive but there was no response from down there. I tried everything in my head (focusing on it, relaxing, thinkin' bout nekkid chickz) but there was nothing.


Psychological:
As I said I had a lot of problems with my friend who I cared deeply about at the time, and masturbation frequency dropped from 3 times a day to about once a week (just to know I still could!). I had a very silent nervous breakdown, took some crazy actions under the pressure, I humiliated myself and because of my actions others who were angry at me also chose to humiliate me (which I try to forgive them for and understand but still can't face in my mind). I was under a lot of stress and I think that I've developed a really bad complex about girls, became bitter towards them.

I'm at an age (19) where I should have had sex by now, or feels like it. I'm feeling the pressure, but it's self-inflicted (my friends are getting laid, but they don't talk openly about it or pressure anyone). I don't talk to new girls at all really, have a hard time with it, and if it's a pretty girl I think "she wouldn't want to talk to me". And if it's not a pretty girl I'm thinking "I don't want to talk to her". I've learned that I will avoid any girl where there is a potential for any relationship.

I didn't used to be like that. I used to be able to see that personality that shines through looks and helps you see the beauty that's in everyone. Now I'm no longer interested in any girl, just interested in having sex with her to satisfy my social worries about sex. It's not even a sexual urge thing.

I know it's a really bad and illogical way to think and I'd love to be able to bounce my thoughts off someone and try to untangle it and overcome it, but i'm ashamed of the way I feel towards girls and could never admit that to my friends. I've been to a counsellor before but that was just piling on the humiliation. She made me feel stupid and I left completely embarrassed and i knew she was thinking that there were people with bigger problems who deserved that appointment more than me (appointments were scarce because it was free counselling) and I was thinking the same thing. I was really angry at her after because it took a lot of courage for me to reach out for help only to be pushed away.

I was under such immense stress that I think I developed a hatred for women. I certainly was a lot more loving and respectful to them before this stuff happened with my friend.

I was only planning to write a short thread about this girl that I met but I guess it's turned into something else, didn't expect that I'd start crying I suppose things I thought I was over I just pushed to the back of my mind for sanity purposes. I'd appreciate the feedback, especially if anyone can relate, I feel the need to justify posting this but won't.

Nevyn

Go To the Dr.