are you a unicorn ?

Capt'n Midnight

A unicorn will only get close enough to let a person see or touch the unicorn if the person is a female virgin. Right away, this explains a lot about why unicorns are seen so rarely.

Back at the castle, the king expresses a desire for a rare and beautiful unicorn horn, so the royal hunters search the castle for a virgin. They find an attractive young virgin and explain their plan. They will give her a nice fat little bag of gold if she will come into the forest with them. All she has to do is sit quietly under a big tree for a few hours. She accepts this proposal, they all go into the forest, the hunters hide in nearby bushes, the virgin sits down under the big tree.

Eventually a unicorn very timidly steps into the clearing and approaches the virgin, whose virginity unicorns can recognize instantly by their magical powers. The unicorn lies down, places its head gently in the virgin's lap, and then falls blissfully asleep.

The hunters leap from the bushes, slay the unicorn with spears and knives, and rip the horn out of the unicorn's head. Then they all go back to the castle and give the virgin her nice fat little bag of gold, and a little extra for the dress that got hot unicorn blood and entrail juices all over it.

And this is why even though unicorns are so rare, unicorn horns hang above many royal fireplaces: The unicorn makes the fatal mistake of confusing inexperience with innocence.


Anyway -- are you a unicorn?
Have you ever confused Innocence with Inexperience?
Did hunters leap out at you while you snoozed in a pretty young virgin's lap and rip your horn out?

Pigman II

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

A unicorn will only get close enough to let a person see or touch the unicorn if the person is a female virgin. Right away, this explains a lot about why unicorns are seen so rarely.

.... and never in Ballymun.

To answer your question, I do have a horn and I can spot a virgin a mile off but no I don't think I'm a unicorn.

monkeyfudge

I know I want one of these T-Shirts anyway.

Chillwithcian

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

A unicorn will only get close enough to let a person see or touch the unicorn if the person is a female virgin. Right away, this explains a lot about why unicorns are seen so rarely.

Back at the castle, the king expresses a desire for a rare and beautiful unicorn horn, so the royal hunters search the castle for a virgin. They find an attractive young virgin and explain their plan. They will give her a nice fat little bag of gold if she will come into the forest with them. All she has to do is sit quietly under a big tree for a few hours. She accepts this proposal, they all go into the forest, the hunters hide in nearby bushes, the virgin sits down under the big tree.

Eventually a unicorn very timidly steps into the clearing and approaches the virgin, whose virginity unicorns can recognize instantly by their magical powers. The unicorn lies down, places its head gently in the virgin's lap, and then falls blissfully asleep.

The hunters leap from the bushes, slay the unicorn with spears and knives, and rip the horn out of the unicorn's head. Then they all go back to the castle and give the virgin her nice fat little bag of gold, and a little extra for the dress that got hot unicorn blood and entrail juices all over it.

And this is why even though unicorns are so rare, unicorn horns hang above many royal fireplaces: The unicorn makes the fatal mistake of confusing inexperience with innocence.


Anyway -- are you a unicorn?
Have you ever confused Innocence with Inexperience?
Did hunters leap out at you while you snoozed in a pretty young virgin's lap and rip your horn out?

oooohhhhhh yeeeessssssss

Black Swan

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

And this is why even though unicorns are so rare, unicorn horns hang above many royal fireplaces

Oh Captain, My Captain, fun story and message! But how do the Royals know that the horn is in fact hanging above the fireplace?

Matt Holck

"If people reach perfection they vanish, you know."


The Once and Future King

Capt'n Midnight

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Oh Captain, My Captain, fun story and message! But how do the Royals know that the horn is in fact hanging above the fireplace?

you pays a bag of gold and you takes your chances

chamlis

I'm not majestic but I certainly have a horn and would like to put it in a virgin's lap.

challengemaster

if the wimmins ask, i certainly can be a unicorn

spacecoyote

You should never play leapfrog with a unicorn!!!!!!!!!!

Capt'n Midnight

unless you are into that sort of thing . . .