Screaming Machines

Black Swan

Do you talk to, swear at, or scream at machines when they don't work like they should? Computer, printer, copier, car, truck, etc. Especially when you are running behind a deadline, or late for a date, or trying to get home after a long day at work? How about that last computer crash? Or the ATM that swallowed your card? Or the printer or copier jams when you are in a hurry? Or the soft drink machine takes your change but gives you nothing in return?

Ruu_Old

Yep screaming and swearing is all too common for computer users including drop kicking the printer across the room, Ronan O'Gara style.

Muzzy

My annoyance with machines is usually because they are slow.....

......I just gluck and have a fag and all is right again when i get back.



I wish I could have done that during my accountancy exam when my Solar Powered Caculator(for feck sake!) decided not to go sun bathing.

biko

Thought this thread was about machines screaming, not screaming at machines.
OT: No, I don't scream at them, neither do I smack the monitor when the computer freeze up.

Pigman II

Yes. I also bash bones off the ground and touch things tentatively.

monkeyfudge

Firefox on the Mac got me very angry yesterday.

Sometimes whenever I try to type and apostrophe it opens the little 'Find in this Page' panel and the rest of my sentance is typed down there. It's super fustrating. I'm going to have to give up using contractions at this rate

bluto63

Oh god ye. I scream at my pc all the time!
Luckily I have a new fancy laptop and it hasn't given me any trouble




For now....

danniemcq

bluto63 wrote:

Oh god ye. I scream at my pc all the time!
Luckily I have a new fancy laptop and it hasn't given me any trouble




For now....

famous last words...

Rhyme

monkeyfudge wrote:

Firefox on the Mac got me very angry yesterday.

Sometimes whenever I try to type and apostrophe it opens the little 'Find in this Page' panel and the rest of my sentance is typed down there.

I feel your pain, however that pain is now a memory as i use Opera :rolleyes:

Nehpets

This will probably change the direction of the thread but.. Opera is much better

And no I don't scream at computers etc.

Rhyme

Actually back on track, i do urge my printer to work with threats and i curse quietly at my modem.

sioda

I think screaming is a valuable part of any relationship whether it it be person or machine. Mine has to be my wireless router which keeps hanging

godtabh

A lad at work totally lost it one day. F-ing and blinding cause a job he was doing wasnt working.

Just before that he had been putting up some shelfs.

He had a hammer at his desk and wacked his screen. Put a nice big hairline crack along it.

Went down well in the end. Got him self a nice lcd out of it

Feral Mutant

Yeah, I have a tendency to do this.

Me wrote:

*yelling at monitor*
HURRY THE HELL UP.
Wait, I shouldn't be yelling at you, you're just a monitor.
*Points at modem*
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

Seriously, that did happen.

theTinker

I've been caught several times saying "thanks" to a atm or printer.....:o


OT: I read a book in the series of space odessy collection. In the future people were encouraged to thank their machines and say please to serving machines because they machines all spoke like people, so the goverment was afraid that not saying polite terms would carry on to talking to normal people and degrade society.

Demetrius

How appropriate a question.

A few hours ago, I uttered a few choice curses in my laptop's direction. If it were a person I would have threatened to flay the skin from it's face.:eek:

challengemaster

screaming ftw!

Rb

monkeyfudge wrote:

Firefox on the Mac got me very angry yesterday.

Sometimes whenever I try to type and apostrophe it opens the little 'Find in this Page' panel and the rest of my sentance is typed down there. It's super fustrating. I'm going to have to give up using contractions at this rate

That happened me on Windows too, but not since a few upgrades ago.

To answer the question, no, I don't scream at machines. I'm a pretty calm, patient person overall and no machines ever driven me to screaming at it
(or anything else really). If somethings not working I'll either just leave it til I have the time to try and fix it properly or calmly try and fix it then and there.

Merrick

I usually don't get that mad at mine, but when it gets veeery slow I find that the *ahem* Technical Tap (or Kick or Thump) *cough* eases the frustration a good deal.

For almost every other problem - turn it off and back on again. Screaming just makes the whole thing worse. Who needs a banjaxed gadget AND a sore throat?

daiixi

I scream at my telephone, or more correctly the person on the other end of the line, whenever the phone rings at work. I hate telephones.

Ruu_Old

rb_ie wrote:

That happened me on Windows too, but not since a few upgrades ago.

To answer the question, no, I don't scream at machines. I'm a pretty calm, patient person overall and no machines ever driven me to screaming at it
(or anything else really). If somethings not working I'll either just leave it til I have the time to try and fix it properly or calmly try and fix it then and there.

Release the beast within, rb. I suggest picking up your printer right now and just tossing it out the window (preferably 2nd or 3rd floor).

Merrick

Ruu wrote:

Release the beast within, rb. I suggest picking up your printer right now and just tossing it out the window (preferably 2nd or 3rd floor story).

Extra points if you don't plug it out before doing this. If you do it right it should be still doing something (whether it's supposed to or not) while it goes over the ledge.

Faith

I talk sternly to my computer ("Come ON!") and if that doesn't work, I resort to swearing at it.

neoB

It can get really rough if I am already having a pretty bad day. "for the love of GOD give me a break you piece of *insert swear words here*".
Even to go as far as throwing down some equipment :S! Especially when playing on the ps2.

Agent Smith

like this?

FranknFurter

I can often be heard muttering "cnut fVck nipple bollock!" ...(I dunno why that particular string of profanities is always the one I mutter)....in the early hours..... my laptop keys drive me nuts, bloody unresponsive compaq lappies and their stupid fiddly fragile brackets under the keys, a damned neuro-surgeon couldnt manipulate the damned things into *that* position!!...... *feels frustration rise....deep breaths, deep breaths......

B

BlitzKrieg

lets see if I can get the timeline right.

Not my last computer but the one before that, was knicknamed denty.

It was called Denty because due toits difficulties in performing numerous tasks I in poor form got in the habit of booting it firmly with my foot every now and then. The result was a dented malformed case...but suprisingly after about the 30th dent it stopped causing alot of its problems and ran fine.

Denty died in 2004 when Ryanair took him out of my bag while returning to ireland and threw him on the ground smashing the case open and cracking the motherboard and putting me back about 200 euros replacing motherboard, dvd writer drive and numerous other parts (not to mention a new case.)

In 2004 'Son of Denty' was born, though it was less the computer's fault then the monitor I had bought while studying abroad. Due to being a cheap 2nd hand monitor I had picked up for university work back in 2003 it had by 2005 started acting up, the screen would go pink or purple making it difficult to work. My solution was at first a light smack to the side.

which worked.

for a while.

then it required a firm smack to the top.

And then about early July 2005 my housemate found me standing in front of my computer essentially playing the drums on it until the monitor turned the right colour again.

by august, the top part of the monitor case had become detached and bent out of shape due to being smacked so much.

But...

The monitor worked fine.


Until June 2006 when it refused to turn on. But that turned out to be the computer which had overheated, requiring me to gut it again and replace parts.

I really should be more careful with this one.

Son of Denty is gone now. My housemate from Holland left his nicer dell monitor behind when he left (might have to do with the cancer) so i claimed ownership.

Ruu_Old

"Man loves his machine but what happens when the machines say...NO MORE!!"

The Bollox

oh the ammount of times I sweared at my SNES for freezing when I am just about to kick Shao Kahn's ass in MK3. very very frustrating

apart from that no, I give my modem a little "come on" if it is slow, I am afraid that if I swear at it it'll let all kinds of Trojans and worms in

WhiteWashMan

my pc has been known to be called 'the computer' and on occasions 'work you stupid motherfúcker'.

Dord

yes, i nearly punched my monitor in work the other day :mad:

Rb

Ruu wrote:

Release the beast within, rb. I suggest picking up your printer right now and just tossing it out the window (preferably 2nd or 3rd floor).

Ah, so now we know how Ruu stays so calm and nice, he takes his frustration out on his computer!
I've thumped an old monitor (which eventually led to its not working again) a few times, not out of anger...just because I don't know how to "fix" monitors

Mossy Monk

i wouldnt scream at the pc. just swear and make idle threats

Sam Vimes

monkeyfudge wrote:

Firefox on the Mac got me very angry yesterday.

Sometimes whenever I try to type and apostrophe it opens the little 'Find in this Page' panel and the rest of my sentance is typed down there. It's super fustrating. I'm going to have to give up using contractions at this rate

don't blame your mac. used to happen to me a pc too. if you close and open it again it stops. if i'm in the middle for a post or something i type ' into notepad and then paste it into the post wherever its needed

projectmayhem

after a summer only playing Counter-Strike i've come to a natural point where any little annoyance causes me to shout random racial slurs at the PC and/or anyone around me

Siogfinsceal

I do it all the time computers are just so damn frustrating sometimes! I can usually be hear muttering 'cmon stupid machine f**ks sake' in work.
I have recently yelled at and kicked an ATM machine im sure the shop staff are concerened about my mental state but to be fair it took my card, asked how much I wanted, spat the card out, said no and asked me to repeat the whole procedure again and ask it for a different amount.

6th

I killed an iMac by punching the screen before, was SO SLOW!!!

BlitzKrieg

hmmm now my computer is getting a few dents...so 'return of denty' is born.

Its crashing when I run bitcomet. heh. strange.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

I just mutter curses under my breath, dont think i've ever punched a compooter, knowing my luck i'd prob break the monitor and be electrocuted...