Couldn't get it up for first time with girlfriend

LegacyUser

Been going out with g/f for nearly 3 months now and we were finally alone on Sunday night. When it came to the moment, I just knew I couldnt get it up hard enough. Once I kept thinking about it, I knew I was doomed. I told her I was sorry, but she said it was ok... but I know she's pissed off as there was an uncomfy silence and I think it's affected our relationship.
I desperately wanted to pleasure her as I love this girl to bits.
I feel I need to talk to her about this, as we havent mentioned it since. I hope she doesn't think it was anything to do with her, and it was probably just too much pressure on me. Should I bring it up (excuse the pun) when I see her next or just leave it? The more I think about it, the more depressed I'm getting myself, even thinking she may dump me over this.
Guys - how should I go about this?
Girls - How would you like your b/f to approach you (if all) if this happened on your first time with him?
(BTW, we're both 24)

thanks

LegacyUser

i was in the exact same position in my last relationship-except i was the girl! i really wouldnt worry about it just yet as you've only tried recently. my ex was so worried he wouldnt please, excite me, etc that he couldnt maintain an erection. He said that he'd never had the problem before, it was because his feelings were so strong that the first time we tried he was scared ****less! it really wasnt something that i was worried about as i really liked him and knew that it would happen in its own time with us(and it did)-if she said she didnt mind, then she probably didnt!
My advice to you would be to relax more and believe that it will happen. massage each other, do something spontanious to relax the two of you and you'l see it will soon make a big difference and just remember there are plenty of ways to make a woman happy besides intercourse ! If, however, it becomes a lasting problem, i would advise a trip to the docs just to be sure!

Love2love

First of all, worrying over this will only add to the problem but I can understand that its difficult not to worry.
As a girl, I would say that its possible that she is embarassed about the situation and talking about it now can also make matters worse.
If at first to don't suceed, try try try again........
Take it slowly and try again...... if the same happens maybe then you should speak with her about it. Reassure her that it is definately not her and that anxiety in these situations can and does have an negative effect on preformance. Things like this usually sort themselves out when the element of pressure is taken away.

Good luck

LegacyUser

Exact same thing happened me with my first time and my girlfriend. We were going out about the same length too. It was awful, absolutely awful. She kept telling me not to worry about it but obviously it was destroying me.

We just said we wouldn't have the intention of having sex. It's such a mind**** its unbelievable, knowing there's this big thing you have to do. Just forget about it. Fool around and play, if you feel you can, great, if not, don't worry. It'll happen sooner rather than later. The very next week after my failed attempt we successfully had sex, and since there's never been a problem. It's just a mental thing.

And you wouldn't believe the amount of people it happens to. Don't let it play with your head. Just forget about it.

Talliesin

toomuchpressure wrote:

I desperately wanted to pleasure her as I love this girl to bits.

I'm reading this as saying that you didn't go back to pleasuring her with your mouth and hands instead? Understandably the incident put a dampener on things, but while penetration has its own delights, not only is it a hell of a lot easier to pleasure a woman orally or manually, but it's also very arousing to do so - hence helping to solve the other problem.

It's also worth remembering that your first time with someone you have an ongoing relationship with before having sex with is probably the most potentially stressful due to nerves, and hence the time such problems are most likely to arise, so you shouldn't take it as evidence of on-going issues.

Motley Crue

toomuchpressure wrote:

Guys - how should I go about this?
thanks

I had this problem actually, but what happens is that the build up (in terms of the time before you actually do it) you cant 'get it up'

The best thing I found was to approach the time you knew it was going to happen with complete suprise, that is, just dont expect anything to happen, and then jump on each other out of the blue...you cant argue with that...ull prob find your harder because of the suprise. Just make sure she has some little inkling

Ickle Magoo

Talliesin wrote:

I'm reading this as saying that you didn't go back to pleasuring her with your mouth and hands instead? Understandably the incident put a dampener on things, but while penetration has its own delights, not only is it a hell of a lot easier to pleasure a woman orally or manually, but it's also very arousing to do so - hence helping to solve the other problem.

It's also worth remembering that your first time with someone you have an ongoing relationship with before having sex with is probably the most potentially stressful due to nerves, and hence the time such problems are most likely to arise, so you shouldn't take it as evidence of on-going issues.

Exactly what I was about to say...I would be more annoyed if my partner stopped touching me because he realised without an errection he wouldn't be able to have sex tbh

Women know these things happen - I've never been angry or annoyed at a partner who was having problems maintaining an errection...nerves, alcohol, expectation, etc all play their part & we know that so try not to worry - if she dumps you because of it then you are better off without her. If she can't accept such a common issue what support could you expect with something more serious?! Talk to her about it - if you want your relationship to last the test of time then you have to learn to talk & have a laugh about these things...best of luck

cork-langer

Happens to the best of us my friend. Had that problem once or twice and here is a sure way to solve it:
Lie on top of her or vice vearsa and score away mad, add in a little grinding and the little fella will be up in no time. Guaranteed!
Worked for me anyways... Its all in the head(watch human traffic if ya dont believe me!
You'll be a full fcuktioning human being in no time!

Talliesin

Talliesin wrote:

I'm reading this as saying that you didn't go back to pleasuring her with your mouth and hands instead? Understandably the incident put a dampener on things, but while penetration has its own delights, not only is it a hell of a lot easier to pleasure a woman orally or manually, but it's also very arousing to do so - hence helping to solve the other problem.

It's also worth remembering that your first time with someone you have an ongoing relationship with before having sex with is probably the most potentially stressful due to nerves, and hence the time such problems are most likely to arise, so you shouldn't take it as evidence of on-going issues.

Exactly.

A good time in bed with your partner is never about wham bam thank you mam.
You should only be getting to that part of it three quarter ways through if you are going about it anyway right.
Get down there with your fingers and tongue.
Get licking,sniffing and biting gently.
Spend time on the job and you should be enjoying this enough to have the blood almost ready to burst out of your john thomas,it will be that hard by the time you get to use it.

LegacyUser

This happens to alot of guys AFAIK. I had trouble too the first times I had sex with both girls I've slept with. Getting it up wasn't the problem, it was keeping it up and for me it was all down to nerves aswell. I was really afraid that the girl would think it was her or that I didn't really like her... all the usual things that fly through your mind, Luckily I somehow managed to keep somewhat of a semi and finish up but for some reason both times, I couldn't climax but they did, really strange!! But if she feels the same way about you as you do with her, then you shouldn't have a thing to worry about! Also take the above advice and get down there... men have more than just penises! Use everything!!!

theTinker

This happens ALL the time to guys. Especially when its with a girlfriend they yet to sleep with. I would defintely bring it up and i hope it would end up as sumthing u can giggle about. If ur finding it hard keeping it up, then get her to give u "a helping hand" or do something else that makes her go wild, her reaction is usually a great turn on. I was exhuasted one day and after some previous sex with her, i was too tired to get it up again. After a little foreplay on her part with her moans etc it totally put me in the mood. Performance anxiety is really really common at the start and especially so since most people are just waiting for the wham bam.

Ruu_Old

Don't worry too much about it OP, relax and take your time to enjoy it. Sex is about much more than penetration. Explore each other and have lots of fun, get your partner to help you if you can't get it up. Help each other out and you should be fine.

want2play

The first place your going wrong is thinking penetration is the most important thing, you are both obviously doing something wrong if the first time you realised you were soft is when you went to enter her, were you not doing anything up to then?
Your 24, you should know foreply is what makes the actual sex great.

LadyJ

If I were your girlfriend I wouldn't give a rat's ass. Though,I'd probably be pushing your head down there so that the evening isn't wasted!

Seriously,I remember when I was about 17 or so,it was like the third time my boyfriend at the time and I were going to have sex and for some reason he couldn't get it up.

He was really mortified but it's just not that big a deal! I mean he hid away for a few days because he was so embarrassed. It was ridiculous! Don't think twice about this unless it becomes a frequent problem for you. It really isn't a big deal and I'm sure your g/f feels that way too. If not then she ain't worth your time!

chamlis

Don't drink any alcohol, even if it's just a couple of beers.
Defo don't drink any spirits. Whiskey has done this to me at the worst time.

LegacyUser

chamlis wrote:

Don't drink any alcohol, even if it's just a couple of beers.
Defo don't drink any spirits. Whiskey has done this to me at the worst time.

So thats why my friend diagnozed me with 'whiskey dick' when i was telling him about this problem I had.

Marksie

Talliesin's post spelled it out perfectly.

Use the time to explore her more fully and learn about her..the worst thing you could do was to shy or pull away and worry about it.

It will give you time to get more relaxed and to know each other... some of teh best lovemnaking happen without penetration at all

Talliesin

J178 wrote:

So thats why my friend diagnozed me with 'whiskey dick' when i was telling him about this problem I had.

As Shakespeare wrote:

MACDUFF:
What three things does drink especially provoke?

PORTER:
Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and
urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance: therefore, much drink
may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:
it makes him, and it mars him; it sets
him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him,
and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and
not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him
in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.

Civilian_Target

Talliesin wrote:

I'm reading this as saying that you didn't go back to pleasuring her with your mouth and hands instead? Understandably the incident put a dampener on things, but while penetration has its own delights, not only is it a hell of a lot easier to pleasure a woman orally or manually, but it's also very arousing to do so - hence helping to solve the other problem.

It's also worth remembering that your first time with someone you have an ongoing relationship with before having sex with is probably the most potentially stressful due to nerves, and hence the time such problems are most likely to arise, so you shouldn't take it as evidence of on-going issues.

What he said!

Also though, don't get in a sweat about it! She's probably not too worried about it, why the hell should you be? There's more to life than sex, and there's more to a relationship than sex. Restrict yourselves to foreplay for the next few occasions, and I'm sure one of them will spill into sex if you's are really having fun!