Brother - Alcohol - Self Destructing

LegacyUser

Hi there, I was hoping somebody out there might be able to offer some advice as to how I might handle this situation.

My brother a really nice, clever, funny guy. I was looking through photos at home at the weekend and I'd forgotten how good looking he was. Now, it looks like he hasn't brushed his teeth in months, his face is bloated, and his eyes look wrecked. He is in his late 20's and basically spends his weekends at home drinking Vodka, I mean a few bottles, not just 1 bottle - and he starts in the morning. He doesn't see his friends anymore though he does go on the odd stag outing (very rarely), he says it's coz they have their own lives now with girlfriends etc. I don't know how much he drinks during the week but he does have to go to work so he probably doesn't drink as much.

He had a girlfriend for a couple of years but they broke up years ago, he has had the odd fling when he was going out to pubs, but doesn't seem too interested now. A couple of years ago he seemed to become addicted to sex lines and he ran up huge phone bills. My folks got rid of the land line eventually so that's solved that, but he did mention to my mum that he worried that if he ever had a girlfriend again that he would still have the urge to do this sort of thing. He is generally quite a secretive person though.

My parents also drink, there is a bit of a drink culture at home - but honestly not to this extent. They are concerned about him but are too afraid to say anything to him in case they push him away, or somehow cause him to, i dunno commit sucide or something. My brother spends a lot of time with them - if he does go out it would be to the pub with them. He also goes on holidays with them. My father has always been very protective of him.

My problem is, what do I say? He can get very defensive and/or dismissive if I suggest cutting down. What can I do to help him? If somebody who has had a similar experience could offer some advice I would really appreciate it. It feels like I'm just watching somebody self destruct.

If you've read this far thank you very much for your time.

LundiMardi

Well, if i were in my late 20's, still living at home and with my parents for any social outings, i would probably be knocking back a few bottles of vodka too!!!

The guy is in a rutt, his friends are probably all getting married, buying houses and having babies etc.. What has he got to live for? In his own mind... probably nothing..

You just need to talk to him, i don't know how, other people around here will be able to give you better advice then me with regards to that... But i don't know, is there a big age gap between the two of you? Why not introduce him to your circle of friends, invite him on nights out etc...

How is his work life? Is he in a well paid job, does he have a college education? If not that could be another contributing factor to his drinking, if he is in a well paid job then why does he still live at home?

by the way i'm just assuming he lives at home from the ops post.

Marksie

Helpless wrote:

My problem is, what do I say? He can get very defensive and/or dismissive if I suggest cutting down. What can I do to help him? If somebody who has had a similar experience could offer some advice I would really appreciate it. It feels like I'm just watching somebody self destruct.

OK.. my parents next door neighbours at home have a son who has done exactly that. Completely destroyed his life. They were frightened of approaching him for fear of what you have put in your posts and he played on that. They only acknowledged there was a problem when he collqapsed in teh middle of the road during the day.

The fact is having seen what doing nothing can do, I think it is encumbant on you all to talk in an open and honest a way as possible. It is s truism to say that you can only help those who are willing to be helped, but perhaps if you can manage to open him up to what are the real issues behin his drinking then you can begin to make progress.

i knwo its not muhc help for you as i have no direct experience, but i hope everything works out

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys, LundiMardi I am 4 years older than him, I don't think he'd be too interested in my friends. His job is steady, I suppose you could call it skilled manual, it's ok money not great and there's not a great chance of promotion or anything like that he was renting with some guys then he moved home about 2 years ago.

marksuttonie - you've hit the nail on the head there, I'm just wondering where this is going to lead, and how low will things have to go.

The problem is how do you help someone who dosen't want to be helped. But you're both right in that something has to be said maybe more forcefully. Sometimes you feel like a right bitch when everyone else is tiptoeing around the issue in the hope that it's just a phase.

aidan24326

Helpless,

perhaps you need to stop 'tiptoeing' round the issue and just tell him straight. It sounds like he's totally stuck in a rut and needs to move out of
your parent's house for a start. As for the drinking, a couple of bottles of vodka at the weekend is pretty heavy tbh. It sounds like it's difficult for you to speak to him or get him to listen but I suppose you can only try. He needs a wake up call. You can only try and ultimately if he doesn't want to listen then you'll have done all you can. He should really have the sense to see himself where he's going wrong. Good luck.