men asking out strangers

greenteaicedtea

So I have a theory, and I wanted a male perspective on it:

If a guy asks me out, and he barely knows me, does it mean he wants, more or less, just a piece of ass? I mean someone who kind of sees me around, but who has never had a conversation with me, but still gives me his phone number. This is as opposed to someone who knows me well as a friend before asking me out on a date.

This occurred to me, because I saw a really hot guy working in a store, I never even said hi to him. I wondered how it would sound if I just asked him out, and I figured it would sound like I just wanted his body. I'm not going to ask him out, I just imagined the scenario.

I've had random guys ask me out, recently someone in my apartment building, a staff member of a music store, a customer in a store I worked in, it just seems like such a long shot, kind of a last-ditch effort - I mean, they're just asking me out based on how I look, they have no idea if I'm a bunny boiler or not.

fade2black

You've basically got it on the money. One thing though, there is a small chance that they've seen you around for a while etc....but you haven't noticed them. I'm being kind to them though, they just want your ass.

greenteaicedtea

fade2black wrote:

You've basically got it on the money. One thing though, there is a small chance that they've seen you around for a while etc....but you haven't noticed them. I'm being kind to them though, they just want your ass.

OMG I can't believe it. I thought that it was simply creepy when men just asked me out, out of nowhere, had no idea it was so... what is that lizard part of your brain? I think my faith in the male population has slid down several notches.

That's it, I'm getting a hijab so they only notice my brain

fade2black

Men respond to visuals first, and everything else after. If it's any consolation, we'll dump you like a hot snot if you have the personality of a desk.

Victor

greenteaicedtea wrote:

they have no idea if I'm a bunny boiler or not.

Well, looks aren't everything. Theres the way you act, walk, talk, dress, comport yourself, what you say, how you say it..... Some girls smile and it means "Look at me, I'm pretty, give me what I want, here look I'll flash you some cleavage, give me some more". It works on some guys, not on others. "Look at me, I'm tying to be nice, would you be able to help me?" works much better.

In the end maybe the guy wants to have sex with you, but some of us would like to get to know you along the way.

Laredo

greenteaicedtea wrote:

OMG I can't believe it. I thought that it was simply creepy when men just asked me out, out of nowhere, had no idea it was so... what is that lizard part of your brain? I think my faith in the male population has slid down several notches.

Would you rather be asked out by men that don't want to have sex with you?

I don't think that someone asking you out without knowing you well is a sure sign of anything. Yes, as a rule men that ask you out are hoping to see you naked at some point, it doesn't mean that is all they are after though. The way they ask is probably a better indicator of their intentions.

A better question is why you would not ask out the shop guy, is the idea that you may let him know that you like him so terrible?

Beruthiel

greenteaicedtea wrote:

This occurred to me, because I saw a really hot guy working in a store, I never even said hi to him. I wondered how it would sound if I just asked him out, and I figured it would sound like I just wanted his body.

Lying to us is one thing, lying to yourself is very sad indeed.
As you don't know this guy, we can take it that you don't think he's hot because of his brain
This is how it's worked since the first human crawled out of the first pond.

Victor

Beruthiel wrote:

This is how it's worked since the first human crawled out of the first pond.

Eh ...

Kell

greenteaicedtea wrote:

I think my faith in the male population has slid down several notches.

Why? Havent people worked out that the first lightbulb that flashes on is one of lust. Its time women accepted this about men rather than complain about it. Its reciprocal as well. You said "this really hot guy". Whats your complaint?:mad:

K-

beefa

Hi OP, I think your being a wee bit harsh! Ive have had some recent experience of guys only wanting me for my brain and thats not so nice either!:(

fade2black wrote:

Men respond to visuals first, and everything else after. If it's any consolation, we'll dump you like a hot snot if you have the personality of a desk.

I like:D

Zombrex

greenteaicedtea wrote:

If a guy asks me out, and he barely knows me, does it mean he wants, more or less, just a piece of ass?
...
That's it, I'm getting a hijab so they only notice my brain

Seriously, why do some women think like this? (it isn't the first time I've heard this logic)

Its the "just" part, the "only" part, that I don't get. How is he going to "notice your brain" unless he asks you out?

If he saw you across the room and thought you looked hot he would be attracted to you. Now don't get shocked but He would want to sleep with you. :eek:

That doesn't mean he can't also think "Umm, I might like to get to know her better. I wonder if she is nice. Maybe I will ask her out"

Its not one or the other with men. Its not he either wants to get to know you or he just wants to sleep with you. He can want to get to know you while also wanting to sleep with you!!!

In fact that is a good thing if he does.

Put it another way, would you not be very offended if you were only ever asked out by guys who did not find you in any way physically attractive?

Owen

I'll watch a girl in a pub, see how she interacts with her friends, how she carries herself in conversation, etc. And if a girl looks friendly, relatively intelligent (From the little you can gleam from the other side of the bar), I'll do my best to make her think I don't want 'just a piece of ass'.

nialo

And how else are u suppose to meet ppl outside your direct friends group. If someone sparks an interest even if its from the other side off the room, there is no harm in trying to talk to them. Asking to get to know them better is not a please drop ur pants so i can screw u now. How else are the suppose to find out if ur a bunny boiler or not....

LegacyUser

if a guy has the balls to ask you out, and you're attracted to him, what's the harm in taking a chance? ye, he could be a muppet, but ye know, there's a chance you could really click.

as for a girl asking a random guy out, this is practacly unheard of. if it happend to me, after the initial shock, if she was attractive, and genuine, then, ye, i'd go for it.

it's a pity most irish girls are so stand-offish like this. i'm not saying go off with any old stranger, but if you kinda know the person, take a chance!

to the op, you don't have to ask him out directly, try a bit of casual flirting, if he's attracted to you, and perceptive enough, maybe he'll ask you out.

Squall

I think wicknight has it spot on

Looks are important at first ,yes.... but the whole reason to ask someone out on a date is to get to know them based on more than just looks... at least thats how I feel about it anyway

greenteaicedtea

All of the dates I've been on that I got given a phone number, with little conversation beforehand, turned out to be bad. They were awkward, uncomfortable, and so forth. So I try to get to know someone a little bit before I ever go on a date.

Women are looking for safety and security. I can't tell a guy's personality by how he looks. Men are going on looks. If I look okay to him, then he knows I look reasonably okay, because he can see me already, so for him, everything's fine. Men can't expect women to follow male logic.

And yes, if my personality doesn't pass muster, he won't call me again, fine. So all the more reason for me to be cautious if he doesn't have a clue what my personality is like, I don't want to become interested in him only to have him drop me if he discovers that he finds me weird or annoying.

Zulu

greenteaicedtea wrote:

Women are looking for safety and security.

...smoe women!

Men are going on looks. If I look okay to him, then he knows I look reasonably okay, because he can see me already, so for him, everything's fine.

That's a little simplistic. If you look olay, you look okay - nothing more. That dosne't mean you are okay. Hence you go on a date. Then you get to know each other. At that point you can decide wheither or not you're interested.

Men can't expect women to follow male logic.

Men don't.

don't want to become interested in him only to have him drop me if he discovers that he finds me weird or annoying.

Well you'd hope to spot a bunny boiler sooner rather than later. That cuts both ways.

seamus

greenteaicedtea wrote:

And yes, if my personality doesn't pass muster, he won't call me again, fine. So all the more reason for me to be cautious if he doesn't have a clue what my personality is like, I don't want to become interested in him only to have him drop me if he discovers that he finds me weird or annoying.

That's the real problem isn't it? You're afraid that once they get to know you, they'll run. This is probably part of the reason why you've found anonymous dates to be awkward.

As has been pointed out by everyone thus far, just because a guy thinks you're hot and asks you out, doesn't mean he only wants sex. At a base level we *all* want sex, so you can't say that you go out on dates, or look at guys and lust never even enters your mind. If men only wanted sex, then why would they bother with dates? Surely we'd just walk up to a girl, say "Let's rut!" and get on with it?

A lot of women seem to have this image of men as creatures of physicality; That a woman's mind is irrelevant so long as we can get our leg over. While this is true some of the time (just as it's true for women some of the time), men are interested in relationships too, and no-one wants to spend time with someone they don't get on with. The very purpose of a date is to find out if this person is worth spending time with.

Blisterman

Sometimes you just have to take a chance. If a date's going badly, you can always make your excuses and leave.

And, truth be told, if a guy want's to date you, you can be pretty sure, he eventually wants to sleep with you. It's built into the male psyche, But that doesn't mean, that's all he wants.

Nevyn

What is with this country and people thinking it is wrong or werid to ask someone you are attracted to out on a date to find out if you are also attracted to them as a person.
A sexy bum is easy to spot you have to work a little harder to determine if they have a sexy brain and a sense of humour as well.
This is usually the first date or predate coffee where you get to sus the other person out.
Really all the people hanging about waiting arround for thier friends to set them up with some one or the love of thier life to arrive,
really that could be that person with the sexy bum you were checking outm but you will never know if you don't approch them and this goes for both genders.
A stranger is a friend/lover that you don't know yet and if you don't as them out then you will never find out.

greenteaicedtea wrote:

And yes, if my personality doesn't pass muster, he won't call me again, fine. So all the more reason for me to be cautious if he doesn't have a clue what my personality is like, I don't want to become interested in him only to have him drop me if he discovers that he finds me weird or annoying.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
How is to say you won't reject him first, and if the date is THAT bad you have something to tell your firends about and have a laugh.

Zombrex

greenteaicedtea wrote:

All of the dates I've been on that I got given a phone number, with little conversation beforehand, turned out to be bad.

So? You might need to adjust your inital screening (can you not tell ANYTHING from the person as they are giving your their number). But isn't that how you find out the person isn't for you.

The inital meeting will tell you if you find the person attractive or not (which is important). You then go on a first date to see if you find the personality matches, to see if sparks fly. You might realise this after one date, it might take 2 or 3 dates. You then have looks and personality to decide if you want to continue dating.

I mean this achieves exactly the same as your plan to just sit back, do nothing, and hang out together for a bit, but it is quicker and you get at least one nice dinner. And you don't build the whole thing up to a ridiculous level before you even ask the person out.

greenteaicedtea wrote:

So I try to get to know someone a little bit before I ever go on a date.

Isn't the point of going on a date to get to know someone a little bit?

I think you mean you want to get to know someone without the risk of rejection. But really you are only putting off the risk of rejection to a later stage, at which point you might really like the person. If they reject you then that would be much worse than if they reject you when you first met them, or after one date.

greenteaicedtea wrote:

Women are looking for safety and security.

I certainly hope that is not true for most women :eek: Safety and security from what exactly? The big bad world?

I would hope women would have moved on from that rather 50s-ish view of the world.

greenteaicedtea wrote:

I can't tell a guy's personality by how he looks.

That is why you go on a date with him.

greenteaicedtea wrote:

Men are going on looks.

Of course they are. Are you saying you would go out with someone who you didn't find anyway attractive? I don't think so.

People who you get on with but don't find physically attractive are called your friends. You have to be physically attracted to someone at some level to be romantically involved with them.

greenteaicedtea wrote:

So all the more reason for me to be cautious if he doesn't have a clue what my personality is like, I don't want to become interested in him only to have him drop me if he discovers that he finds me weird or annoying.

I think your problem is you are reading way too much into a first date. Going on a first date is not a commitment, the point of it is to get to know each other. You might like him, but he doesn't like you, and vice versa.

I fail to see how you can avoid that, even with your way. If you spend some time with someone, grow to like them, ask them out but get turned down because he thinks you are a weirdo, how is that any different than going on a first date and not getting a second because he thinks you are a weirdo?

At least if you take the first date option if he turns you down out right it is not someone you know so you don't take it personally. If they turn you down after a few dates you at least know that he initally found you attractive, but most likely something small meant you were incompatable.

If you hang out with each other for days or weeks, grow to really like him, and then ask him out and get turned down that would be far far more crushing.

And at least the first way you get a nice dinner out of it

Kell

My god, I am actually going to agree with Wicknight. You can tell I have been busy, or I would have been writing. Anyways-

Re checking people out on a date, on just about every date I have had in the last two years, my date has interjected at some point and said "this feels more like an interview than a date". I have to refrain from saying "damn straight it is".

How do you get the feeling that someone is right for you unless you "interview" them first?? And you'll never get to that stage unless you accept some strangers offer of a date or ask someone out on one.

K-

Zombrex

Kell wrote:

My god, I am actually going to agree with Wicknight.
K-

Come over to the dark side Kell

ArphaRima

on just about every date I have had in the last two years, my date has interjected at some point and said "this feels more like an interview than a date".

Well it had better have been a fun interview. I would run a mile from somebody who barraged me with questions. A date is supposed to be fun. You are supposed to get to know them a little better. 20 dates later you can ask them the colour of the jumper they were wearing when they first fell off their bikes.

Kell

Wicknight wrote:

Come over to the dark side Kell

While also slightly amazed that some of the reasons that attract us to females you cited, you critiscised me for in a post ages ago.

fluffer wrote:

Well it had better have been a fun interview

Why of course they were.

K-

RedPlanet

tbh greenteaicedtea i think you've reacted defensively.

Some people would be flattered to have been noticed and asked out in the first place.

beefa

why Im intrigued Kell! How do you screen the lucky ladies? Do they have to provide references aswell?:D

Zombrex

Kell wrote:

While also slightly amazed that some of the reasons that attract us to females you cited, you critiscised me for in a post ages ago.
K-

How would I criticise you for the reasons men are attracted to women? Did I blame you for men in general ... was I drunk? ("alllll men areee basstardss!")

Anywho, I sincerely apologies, not everything is your fault Kell .. you know, just some of it ..

metrovelvet

Kell wrote:

Re checking people out on a date, on just about every date I have had in the last two years, my date has interjected at some point and said "this feels more like an interview than a date". I have to refrain from saying "damn straight it is".

How do you get the feeling that someone is right for you unless you "interview" them first?? And you'll never get to that stage unless you accept some strangers offer of a date or ask someone out on one.

K-

Yeah, have you ever been googled on someone's blackberry in their presence. Let me tell you, its a drink throwing worthy experience.

Húrin

greenteaicedtea wrote:

This occurred to me, because I saw a really hot guy working in a store, I never even said hi to him. I wondered how it would sound if I just asked him out, and I figured it would sound like I just wanted his body.

What is wrong with that? Why not ask him out. And yes most guys who ask you out without knowing you first like the way you look. They may also be afraid that if they befriend you you think of them as "just a friend" and never anything more. A lot of girls are shallow like that.

Kell

Wicknight wrote:

How would I criticise you for the reasons men are attracted to women? Did I blame you for men in general ... was I drunk? ("alllll men areee basstardss!")

You were critiscising the "neanderthall" urge to fúck everything in a skirt citing that "evolution" <wicks favourite word > should have "dampened down" this primitive urge.

Wicknight wrote:

not everything is your fault Kell .. you know, just some of it ..

I have never done anything wrong in my life! What a scurrelous accusation :eek:

beefa wrote:

Do they have to provide references aswell?

How the last relationship ended is a good starting point and finding out who fired who and why. You can spot the bunny boiler when they answer avoiding eye contact, getting aggressive and squirming. At that point its time to finish drink and go, alone. Unless of course you are just in it for a quick fúck, which I would never do

Metrovelvet wrote:

have you ever been googled on someone's blackberry in their presence. Let me tell you, its a drink throwing worthy experience.

Nah, thats a "*flying ashtray" moment. Damn the no smoking laws. Nothing better to attract a barmans attention than an ashtray aimed squarely at the noggin. I have to resort to soggy beermats these days.

K-

*Not advisable to practise on friends or family.

Dragan

greenteaicedtea wrote:

I mean, they're just asking me out based on how I look, they have no idea if I'm a bunny boiler or not.

Yes, it means they are sexually attracted to you. I understand that i might be odd to act on that but hey!

In all seriousness, i have asked out one or two girls in similar siutations. The reason is because i liked they way they looked/dressed/walked and i wanted to get to know them better. Not just because i wanted to ****.

All dudes are different, with one guy he may only be asking you out for sex, so in his mind if you say yes that means your "up for it". For another guy, he may want to take you out to dinner and get to know you better.

It all depends on the dude really.

5starpool

Personally I think when a fella asks a girl out without knowing anything much about her there are a couple of aspects to it.

1. Of course he fancies her, what else is he basing his opinion on at this point? He is hardly going to say - can I tak to you to see if you are a loon for a bit and then I might ask you out, act naturally in the meantime though.
2. Chances are most men will want to get to know this person properly, the pace of development is something that will liekly decide itself. If only a bit of tail was on his mind he wouldn't approach someone in the shop, street etc. If that was their only goal then they would do it in the pub/club etc.
3. I think fair play to anyone of either sex who approaches someone and asks them out. I would never have the cajones for it out of the blue, and sadly it doesn't happen me either.

[Jackass]

Even a guy who knows you well that asks you out is after a piece of ass...Men, in general, are after a piece of ass no matter what they do...It's just the way we are...dosen't mean we don't like your personality also...but a guy who dosen't know you could get on with you just as well as any guy you already get on great with...

But at least with a random guy you get the questions out of the way...If he asks you out and dosen't know you, obviously he's attracted to you...and if you agree to going out with a guy you barely know, obviously you're attracted to him...that removes the questions does he/she like me?

At least you can then just take it from there and concentrate on getting to know eachother...No connections, no repurcussions (sp?), either of you can walk away at any stage, no hard feelings, best of luck with the future..if you ask me, it removes a lot of the complicated stuff, and leaves all the fun stuff..

Go for it!

Also, if you get all these propositions, you must be a very attractive girl...would you like to go for a drink with me this weekend? Just send me a PM.

(I Kid, I Kid!! )

Dub_Ster

ive been temted really temeted to do this bfore personlly i dont think its all that bad and i wouldnt have a problem with it , if it was done to me but you allways gotta think about the 2rd party , there is a time and place for this sort of stuff but i think its ok ... id be shell shocked if a girl asked me for my number... and very honard and impressed i meen that sort of things paints a 1000 pictures ....

greenteaicedtea

Someone up there said "make your excuses and leave" if things don't go well. It has never occurred to me to do that, I don't know of anyone who has walked out on a movie before, never mind a date. I live in Canada, maybe it's a cultural difference.

I guess I'm a very cautious person. My friend meets men wherever she goes, just starts chatting randomly with people.

I didn't mean to offend people whose modus operandi is to approach complete strangers with phone numbers, but for me it feels like an imposition. If I lived in a universe where they'd move on gracefully if they were rejected, then I'd feel more confident about being approached.

Zulu

Dub_Ster wrote:

ive been temted really temeted to do this bfore personlly i dont think its all that bad and i wouldnt have a problem with it , if it was done to me but you allways gotta think about the 2rd party , there is a time and place for this sort of stuff but i think its ok ... id be shell shocked if a girl asked me for my number... and very honard and impressed i meen that sort of things paints a 1000 pictures ....

uhhhhaaaa, that post put a shiver down my spine.

Kell

greenteaicedtea wrote:

If I lived in a universe where they'd move on gracefully if they were rejected, then I'd feel more confident about being approached.

Why what have they done in the past when you have rejected their advances? Get all huffy and tell you that you're a ho be'atch? If so, they really werent worth your time at all.

Never go to a movie for a first date. When you are interviewing your potential partner you píss people off with the talking and of course you get wads of half chewed popcorn all over your lap. Only go for drinks then at least you can say "look dude, this just isnt happening. Adios". Easy peezey Japaneezy.

K-

Hermione*

Kell wrote:

Never go to a movie for a first date. When you are interviewing your potential partner you píss people off with the talking and of course you get wads of half chewed popcorn all over your lap.

LMAO! I just spilt my tea. Damn your humour Kell


Tbh, OP, I don't see the problem. I've always assumed that the majority of guys who ask me out are doing so based on my appearrance. I like how I look, so I've no problem with that. Would you rather nobody ask you out? Dating's a risky experience; if you don't take a risk, you don't know what you might have passed up. It requires courage, but it's worth it.

theTinker

If a girl asked me out without ever speaking to me, I would find it slightly odd but only because thats just the **** opinion dictated to me by society.Iin a split second based on her looks, pose, and general demeanor I would know if i would be interested or not in getting to know her. A thought will most likely cross his mind like "she doesnt know me, why is she asking me out" but vast majority of people would quickly replace that with "hmm, i guess ill get to know her".
Do something casual like a cafe. It won't take you more than 5 mins to know whether hes completely wrong for ya. If u dont ask him out though, your not getting him even a chance full stop.

DirkVoodoo

Yeah, i dont think there is anything wrong with it, and personally i wudnt do it for "a piece of ass", i save that shizzle for the nite club and random scoring sessions (man, what a player...ehm, no!).

Seriously, i think u r more likely to just ask a girl out if u like the look of her, what better way to get to really know somebody than a 1v1 situation. Ive seen a few girls that i wud like to ask out, but alas, in my sober state i have neither the wit or the confidence to apporach one and offer my number.

I think u shud ask that guy out, what have u got to lose? You may find the love of your life or it may be a fling, but at least u tried. Of course, there is a third option, he may think ur weird and ban u from the shop, but that is very unlikely.

greenteaicedtea

Why what have they done in the past when you have rejected their advances? Get all huffy and tell you that you're a ho be'atch? If so, they really werent worth your time at all.

Well... I've had one or two guys keep on calling even after I indicated I wasn't interested.

One guy who asked me out, and who I didn't want a second date with (during the date, he covered my mouth with his hand to show he didn't like my singing, and when I said I was Irish & Catholic, told me his forbears were "kicked out of Cork by Catholics" yes it was a fun dinner) I knew him from work, and he was snarky to me at work ever after. He complained about my work, and I was eventually fired. This fellow was very persistent about asking me out, which is why I went out with him, not because of his stellar personality.

Even a guy who knows you well that asks you out is after a piece of ass...Men, in general, are after a piece of ass no matter what they do...It's just the way we are...dosen't mean we don't like your personality also...but a guy who dosen't know you could get on with you just as well as any guy you already get on great with...

Well it's nice to hear the honesty. So I should try to look past my fear and be complimented I guess... but it's tough to shake the fear off.

If I believe this person only likes me for how I look, this makes me think the person is shallow, or has few social graces, so I am then unattracted to them.

I have male acquaintances that, though at first glance I didn't think them attractive, after I got to know them, I think of them as attractive now. Is that a phenomenon unknown to males? Does a woman have to resemble a slim 18 year old with nice hair, in order for a man to think she's attractive? Are the older, heavier, saggier women basically out of luck forever?

Dub_Ster

Zulu wrote:

uhhhhaaaa, that post put a shiver down my spine.

how i meen tho if i did i ask a chick for her number i would of course first bring her for a cuppa or something not stright out on a , date date , i only reserve a table after about ten cups of coffee if that makes sence ot 5 cups of coffee and five beers but i might even wait longer... like jsous thats just plain wired to bring a girl out for dinner that uve never meet before ......

and also women hand there numbers, farely esseilly , its not hard to get them , you just have to show some charm a bit of witt and make her laugh and just hey can i have your number, if she says no well she says no ut in that kinda case id ask a girl for her email adress .....

Kell

greenteaicedtea wrote:

Well... I've had one or two guys keep on calling even after I indicated I wasn't interested.

Erm, why did you give them your number if you werent interested?

greenteaiced wrote:

Does a woman have to resemble a slim slim 18 year old with nice hair, in order for a man to think she's attractive?

No matter how much you're worth it, we are NOT looking at the hair.

greenteaiced wrote:

Are the older, heavier, saggier women basically out of luck forever?

Thats why god delivered forth beer. Besides, I thought randomers chat you up and ask you out on a regular basis so whats to worry about? If a guy asks you out on the basis of your looks, thats no reason to dismiss him or assume he is shallow. What else has he to work with until dialogue starts?

K-

want2play

Whats wrong with asking you out if he likes how you look? Dont give the whole personality is the moset important thing, see how it goes chances are he wont murder you, but dont hold me to that!!

want2play

Yep Its definately you that is weird here not him, you still live in 1960's Ireland. Of course people get to know each other in the strangest of places these days, thats what makes it exciting, you need to open the top button on your cardigan and be thankful you were asked for even a one night stand because im not so sure he'll be back for much more with your old fashioned attitude.

EOA_Mushy

greenteaicedtea wrote:

So I have a theory, and I wanted a male perspective on it:

If a guy asks me out, and he barely knows me, does it mean he wants, more or less, just a piece of ass? I mean someone who kind of sees me around, but who has never had a conversation with me, but still gives me his phone number. This is as opposed to someone who knows me well as a friend before asking me out on a date.

This occurred to me, because I saw a really hot guy working in a store, I never even said hi to him. I wondered how it would sound if I just asked him out, and I figured it would sound like I just wanted his body. I'm not going to ask him out, I just imagined the scenario.

I've had random guys ask me out, recently someone in my apartment building, a staff member of a music store, a customer in a store I worked in, it just seems like such a long shot, kind of a last-ditch effort - I mean, they're just asking me out based on how I look, they have no idea if I'm a bunny boiler or not.

As the other side to this rediculous thread.

Does you saying yes to him asking you out mean that you are going to go to bed with him?

I think not. If you say yes BOTH of you get to find out IF you are compatible....

Húrin

greenteaicedtea wrote:

I have male acquaintances that, though at first glance I didn't think them attractive, after I got to know them, I think of them as attractive now. Is that a phenomenon unknown to males? Does a woman have to resemble a slim 18 year old with nice hair, in order for a man to think she's attractive? Are the older, heavier, saggier women basically out of luck forever?

No, in truth men think quite similarly to women. We're not all out for nothing but sex.

You're lucky to get asked out by strangers!

Trinity

Even your very best friend was a stranger once til you got to know them.

I think it is quite easy to work out if a man just wants sex - and you can always say no.

dates are kinda like interviews but i am subtle about it or as an ex of mine put it - "i'm vetting you"

honestly though getting to know people is a lot of fun especially when you are getting on well and find you have things in common.

But dont be afraid to walk out on a date - your time is precious, dont waste it if you are uncomfortable or not having a good time.

Victor

greenteaicedtea wrote:

I have male acquaintances that, though at first glance I didn't think them attractive, after I got to know them, I think of them as attractive now. Is that a phenomenon unknown to males? Does a woman have to resemble a slim 18 year old with nice hair, in order for a man to think she's attractive? Are the older, heavier, saggier women basically out of luck forever?

Um we prefer 19 year olds.

Yes it is common for people to grow attracted to people that didn't interest them initially.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Well its not always the case. Ive often asked girls out - total strangers - based just on looks. Its just another way of getting to know them. You wont get to know a stranger until you go out with them a few times.