How to write like a wanker

Oriel

http://www.guidenet.net/resources/wanker.html

Very entertaining
Maybe we can make this the new After Hours charter?

Don't punctuate.
Sorry, that should be "Dont punctuate". Skipping out on important punctuation---apostrophes especially---is an effective way of letting the reader know that you can't be arsed to write properly. This gives you an opportunity to annoy your reader with poorly emphasized, amorphous run-on sentences. If you want to write like a wanker, you must take every chance to annoy your reader.

Merrick

2. Overuse Mutated Ellipses.
Never use a comma, a dash, a (semi)colon, or a period. If you absolutely must punctuate---to end what would otherwise pass for a sentence, for instance---toss in either two, or four (or more) dots as an "ellipsis". This will come across as lazy, gutless, and flippant all at once: pure wanker.

Oops.

Dooom

Ha, excellent. Nice find.

May test this out over the next while...

Ruu_Old

Spike wrote:

Isn't it obvious? They want to be teh l33t hax0rz.

You already did.

Rb

Just read any of CwAzY's posts, you'll master writing like a wanker.

bounty

lol

Make Personal Attacks.
If someone's arguing with you, the best way of refuting them is to call them a 'fag' or a 'Nazi'. ('Pedophile' is rapidly gaining popularity in this regard, too.) Make up wild and false accusations against them: "Mike just got out of prison for raping puppies, so he obviously isn't qualified to have an opinion about Unreal Tournament." Ignore their argument and attack their credibility: "Oh yeah? Why should I listen to someone who sells heroin to kindergarteners?"

Zillah

Spike wrote:

Ha, excellent. Nice find.

May test this out over the next while...

I think you may have missed the point of the article...:rolleyes:

Dooom

Ruu wrote:

You already did.

I try.

ircoha

Typing is 2 handed...
A quote From 1871:

A popular home health manual from 1871 described masturbation as:
"a very degrading and destructive habit...There is probably no vice which is more injurious to both mind and body...it retards the growth, impairs the mental faculties and reduces the victim to a lamentable state.
The person afflicted seeks solitude, and does not wish to enjoy the society of his friends; he is troubled with headache, wakefulness and restlessness at night, pain in various parts of the body, indolence, melancholy, loss of memory, weakness in the back and generative organs, variable appetite, cowardice, inability to look a person in the face, lack of confidence in his own abilities...
...there will be an irritable condition of the system; sudden flushes of heat over the face; the countenance becomes pale and clammy; the eyes have a dull, sheepish look; the hair becomes dry and split at the ends; sometimes there is pain over the region of the heart; shortness of breath; palpitation of the heart; symptoms of dyspepsia show themselves; the sleep is disturbed; there is constipation; cough; irritation of the throat; finally the whole man becomes a wreck, physically, morally and mentally.

Some of the consequences of masturbation, are epilepsy, apoplexy, paralysis, premature old age, involuntary discharge of seminal fluid, which generally occurs during sleep, or after urinating, or when evacuating the bowels.
Among females, besides these other consequences, we have hysteria, menstrual derangement, catalepsy and strange nervous symptoms."

A couple of hours on After Hours does most of the above:)

projectmayhem

that article wrote:

Write Like You're on IRC.

never a truer thing said.

also, ignore the existence of vowels and you'll be a wanker in no time...

iFight

projectmayhem wrote:

also, ignore the existence of vowels and you'll be a wanker in no time...

True that.

Good find btw, funny stuff