fed up at this stage

LegacyUser

alrighty, it's nearly year since the end of a 2 1/2 year relationship. i am only 21 bloody years of age and here i still am, sad over it. and it makes no sense to me at all, because i know why it ended, and all the reasons make sense. but it doesn't stop me feeling sad. in fact the only times over the past year when i haven't been sad over it is when i've been seeing someone else. i feel like i've really made a balls of the last year in college because of wasting my time being down over this. everytime i think i'm over it, it turns out i'm not. i'm not unattractive or boring, i've had a fair amount of interest shown in me since being single, but i'm forever comparing people to my ex and they just don't measure up. i know i need to stop doing this.

how much time do these things take, honestly?! feeling like i'm banging my head against a brick wall.

Stepherunie

There is no right or wrong time for you to be over it.

When my ex and i broke up after a year and a half i was in pieces for about 6 hours, cried my eyes out then refused to be down anymore. Now it didn't help that i was also grieving as my granaunt whom i was very close to had died the previous week. I thought i was fine and over it until June (three months after the break up) when i saw him with another girl and my heart broke all over again, finally took the time to deal with it and actually accept the break up and the emotions i had about it but in saying that I'd say it's only in the past month that I've well and truly dealt with it all and actually accepted the break up and moved on.

I still get sad about it sometimes because I loved him but there's nothing you can do, you need to work through the emotions you're feeling. If you feel you just can't get past it maybe you should consider talking to someone? Might help you deal with it.

Best of luck though.

Ruu_Old

Theres is no set time for getting over someone that you cared about, especially for that long. Perhaps when you get into a more meaningful relationship then the sadness will fade somewhat. You are correct, the comparing has to stop, your ex is gone and thats it, sorry to be blunt. Best of luck in the future.

Static M.e.

last time it took me 3 years but I always fall hard.

Its just takes longer for some people dont worry about it too much. It will pass in time.

Colm_OReilly

Hey,

Boy, you're really beating yourself up - more over feeling sad than the actual break up. Can you see the futility of beating yourself up over feeling sad? Believe me, I've done it as well.

i feel like i've really made a balls of the last year in college

What would you have had to have known to have lived last year in college better? How could you have acted any different from how you did? Can you change the past and how you acted?

You did the best you could with what you knew and how you were feeling at the time. You simply could not have done any better.

i'm forever comparing people to my ex and they just don't measure up.

Has this behaviour benefited you? What if you understood that no one will ever be like your last gf? Different doesn't mean better or worse, it's just different.

Are you accepting these girls for who they are and then making a decision as to whether you want to pursue? Or are you judging them as not living up to your expectations? There's a subtle but powerful difference.

all the reasons make sense. but it doesn't stop me feeling sad.

Very often we can intellectualise something, but we can't resolve the emotional conflict. Emotions have very little, if not nothing, to do with our thought process.

Any questions, post, PM or mail me,
Colm

madhitchhiker

perhaps you're still hookep with what you've lost..and is still hoping for reconciliation. if others don't measure up with him, don't force yourself into liking them..when the right time and the right person comes, you'll feel the thrill once again.:cool: