Catholic and former Catholic wedding options?

Brando_ie

This post could be in any number of locations, upon review this seems the most suited, but mods please feel free to move to a more appropriate location id required……

Righto….

Long time thinking about this post, which although will be lengthy, is only possibly part 1 of 4 when it comes to (spiritual) issues currently on my mind. I’ll outline the part 1 issues in as brief a way as possible, and include at the end a summary of points I would like to provoke discussion on and hopefully this post can generate some useful advice.

Marriage between a catholic and former catholic in modern Ireland (sounds ominous I know…). The situation is like this, My partner is a practicing Catholic (albeit one, who on close scrutiny has several dubious beliefs that would seem contrary to Catholic belief, but are not dissimilar to beliefs I hold myself), I on the other hand was raised a Catholic but have since moved towards a more earthy, possibly Karma based faith, which is to say, that I believe in something, not sure exactly what but have used various sources and faiths to define my beliefs, and continue to do so. That is all good and well so far, but now my GF want to get married….

First off, where does that leave us in getting married in a Catholic church (which is her dream). Secondly, I have serious concerns about the pre-marriage course, that seems to be compulsory, for fear that any religious aspects (if any) will prompt me to be vocal about my alternate belief and subsequently exclude us from a church wedding (beliefs that could be shielded by bald faced lies where required, but I don’t exactly think that, that approach is the correct way to found a life together and it flies totally in the face of my karma belief) I am prepared to allow my GF to raise any children as Catholic’s but if those same kids were to develop there own alternate belief’s (not necessarily prompted by me nor by laziness) I would allow them to follow their own path, which I doubt any priest would be happy to hear?

Where does this foundation leave us in respect to a Church wedding, I could (but would prefer to not) just waffle my way past the awkward questions and treat it like a ‘I need to use your property for one day, so will play by your rules’ situation and bite my tongue but actually I am totally secure in my beliefs and actually enjoy the faith based sparring against folks of a staunch faith(s) (It should be noted that I have been exposed to many religions during my lifetime and have not generated an anti-establishment or discovery channel faith). In particular my GF is interested in receiving a blessing (catholic??) for our wedding and my interest would be for her to be happy in whatever we end up doing, but she would prefer to have a church wedding. Has anyone experienced a similar situation or know or people who have navigated this path previously? Should I just bit my tongue and say what I think people want to hear? What alternative type blessings are available? Undoubtedly there will be posters who don’t believe a person of my alternate faith should be eligible for a Church wedding and they may well be correct, what is important for me is that I get the opportunity to say what I need to say to begin our married lives together in the company of my friends and family but the experience of a church wedding is what will make my partner happiest and for that I am more than happy to be involved.

Thanks for your advice (and patience for getting this far!!)

DeFonz

Hi Brando,
I did the course in Terenure college a few months ago. Only a day long ( a big factor in choosing it!!). Some in galway i believe are 3-4 evenings long.
Anyway the end result of it was this - The course is very very good. I can't even remember if religion was mentioned in it. It is about preparing you for good and bad times during your marriage, not about how to enjoy your religion more or make you more interested in it. Courses like this should be compulsory for everyone - catholic or not. It is a preparation for life, nothing else. Although it does make you realise that this is what the church should be about, helping people though their life. It covers the legalities of marriage, reasons for it, how to cope with bad times, make you realise your life is about to changes, helping you to understand your partner, helpign you to express yourself etc.
All in all, don't be afraid of some advice!
Best of luck.:D

CathyMoran

The premarriage course is not that bad - having similar discussions with my partner at the moment, we already tried the big wedding and both hated it...we may try an Irish elope, get married in a church in Ireland but will not have the wedding mass and will only have 2 witnesses. In the end getting married is not a big deal, being married is.

Dades

I'm not sure the course is compulsary. It might depend on how well you know the priest, and how long you've been with your other half. You might find he suggests or recommends it but leaves it to you in the end.

We were supposed to do one last year but never got around to it. Our priest never mentioned it again after our initial meetings.

If you can get away with that, then just stand at the top of the church, bite your lip, and smile.:)

lostexpectation

Brando_ie wrote:

This post could be in any number of locations, upon review this seems the most suited, but mods please feel free to move to a more appropriate location id required……

Righto….

Long time thinking about this post, which although will be lengthy, is only possibly part 1 of 4 when it comes to (spiritual) issues currently on my mind. I’ll outline the part 1 issues in as brief a way as possible, and include at the end a summary of points I would like to provoke discussion on and hopefully this post can generate some useful advice. say to begin our married lives together in the company of my friends and family but the experience of a church wedding is what will make my partner happiest and for that I am more than happy to be involved.

Thanks for your advice (and patience for getting this far!!)

why not get married in some nice non-religious place, you're GF can dress up and invite for friends for the sense of occasion what not but it should be less dubious and expensive.