My Life is hell.

LegacyUser

Hi,
For the past 2 to 3 years now I have had absolutely no self confidence or self esteem to the extent that I can't keep friends, I check everything I say before I say it and I am very critical of myself. I find just coming out of the house very difficult. I am living in a prison and have no control over my life. My self critical thoughts and my bad feelings control everything I say and do.
This started happening when I had a bout with drugs. I became extremely paranoid and started not to like myself and to criticise myself. The damage was done before I realised. I had dug a hole for myself. I never touch drugs now and I never will again.

I have read every book and tried every technique but nothing has worked. Im sure these techniques are very valid and do work for most people but I seem to lack the deep down desire to make them work. The only thing these techniques have helped me achieve is to create an illusion that everything is alright. It is only in recent times that I have realised I am delusional. Since I realised this I have been trying to get an accurate picture of myself based on reality so I can try to face and solve my problems. I hope now that im on the right track but Im not able to do it alone. I will need to get a counsellor. I am naturally a confident and social person and I feel this inside me. Sometimes I turn into this person for a few hours or maybe a day so I have a vision of who I am and where I want to be, I just can't assert myself and be that person (I have no control). I have no clarity...perhaps Im just bogged down with issues I need to deal with and it has muddied my head. Do you think according to what I have just said that there must be just some issues I need to deal with? Im not sure what to expect from the counsellor. What will he do? How long should it take?

I am doing a course at the moment and am applying for a medical card so I can afford to see a counsellor. I need a counsellor now though. I may be able to afford to see one while I am waiting to get my medical card. If I did this though would I be able to see the same counsellor Ive been paying for with my new medical card (when I get it) or would I have to go to a different one?
How much will the counsellor cost?
How can I find out if it is a good counsellor or not?

In the meantime, I have to go to work and try and get through life. Id say people at work think im strange. Sometimes I might say nothing and then other times I have a good bit to say.
Should I just say nothing all the time so they will just think Im very quite?
Otherwise ppl are going to and probably already think that I don't like them or something.

Ishindar

never mind what other people think of you, its what you think of yourself thats important.
do not allow yourself to think negative thoughts. when you feel them coming think of something you enjoy, prepare a list of things you enjoy to help prompt yourself.
try to keep a balance to everyday, work hard, be social and do something you enjoy(treat yourself u deserve it).
do go to your gp immediately even if you cant pay.
confide in a member of your family that you trust and has good judgement and ask their help, you do need someone working with you to support and advise.
good luck and keep positive.
sounds like your seartonium glands are damaged from heavy drug abuse usually extacy? this means they are not secreteing your happy hormones sufficiently. they do get better slowly so think to the future and you will have happy thoughts again.

joebhoy1916

life_is_hell wrote:

Hi,
For the past 2 to 3 years now I have had absolutely no self confidence or self esteem to the extent that I can't keep friends, I check everything I say before I say it and I am very critical of myself. I find just coming out of the house very difficult. I am living in a prison and have no control over my life. My self critical thoughts and my bad feelings control everything I say and do.
This started happening when I had a bout with drugs. I became extremely paranoid and started not to like myself and to criticise myself. The damage was done before I realised. I had dug a hole for myself. I never touch drugs now and I never will again.

From smoking dope?

Do you find it hard to laugh with all your mates when they say jokes stuff like that? Afraid to say something incase you say something stupid?


What you have is Avoidant personality disorder you can get that from smoking I should know had it but if you stopped smoking you should be grand.

The only way you can get rid of it is to go out more and mix with people being locked up in home all day would just make things worse.

Get talking to your family and mates.

Colm_OReilly

Hi life_is_hell,

I have read every book and tried every technique but nothing has worked.

How long have you tried these techniques for? Once, maybe twice, a week? Could it be that you don't see massive immediate results and so get frustrated?

I am living in a prison and have no control over my life.

In what ways Do you have control? Let's try focusing on them. You decided you were going to get your life in order, you decided to post here, and what to post, you decided to stop taking drugs. Start from there and build up. Just keep your focus on the areas where you do have control.

I have no clarity

Most people have no clarity. At least in a lot of areas of their life. What makes you unique is that you're aware of that, which means you're one step closer to clarity.

How can I find out if it is a good counsellor or not?

Be it counsellor, coach or therapist the only acid test I'd recommend is how well they relate to you and how happy you feel after a session. Professional accreditation can only imply so much.

Id say people at work think im strange.

Can you know this to be 100% true? My guess is you can't, you can only assume the impression people have of you. You believe that people in work thing you're strange so you're finding evidence to back that up. You could take the assumption that people in work like you. If you can't envision that just yet, you can take the assumption that people in work don't really know you yet.

Hope this helps,
Colm

cinnamon

Hi OP
About the counsellor - go to your GP and ask them to refer you to one.
I was referred to a behavioural therapist and didnt have to pay for it.
The behavioural therapist changes the way you behave, basically; changes your mindset. But it isn't easy changing the habits of a lifetime, and you may feel worse before you feel better but it is worth it. You will learn ways of coping and for me I was able to put a name(s) to my problem so didnt feel like such a freak anymore.
You WILL get better though and by coming here and giving up the drugs is a brave first step - good luck

eddyc

Hey, could have wrote that myself a while ago,
I had a bout with drugs myself nothing too heavy, but drugs arent for everyone and they took their toll on my piece of mind.
I was and still am to a certain extent neurotic about people think of me, when it gets bad ,it can be really bad and like yourself I know that it can be hard to even leave the house sometimes.
What has helped me improve a good bit was taking more of an interest in what I wanted from life and not trying the be the way I thought people wanted me to be (if that makes any sense), I found that if I could be alone and enjoy myself by doing things I wanted to do, when it came to being in the company of others it was easier to relate becouse I actually had interests and things I could talk about.
I went to councelling for a while and that helped a lot also, if you are in dublin there is a group therapy for people with social phobias in clontarf called OANDA, its good to talk to people who have been in similar circumstances as oneself, anyways best of luck

Colm_OReilly

What has helped me improve a good bit was taking more of an interest in what I wanted from life and not trying the be the way I thought people wanted me to be (if that makes any sense),

Makes total sense. You've got to walk your path and not the path you think other people want/expect you to walk. Congratz man.

Colm

Odysseus

Hi mate, if you had a problem in the past with drugs you could avail of therapy within the HSE Addiction Services, and this will be free. Also the advice about your gp and seeking a referral to the psych services is good, the one thing I would say to you is go to a good therapist who is a member of a professional association. Don't worry about what to expect, just go with the flow on it, a good therapist will only led you to where you need to go. Best of luck with it.

Shandra

OP You poor thing, it sounds like things can be quite difficult for you at times but I suggest that you go to your GP, there may be some chemical imbalance that might require anti-depressants, when you talk to the GP he will be able to tell you what kind of a counsellor you need. Have you thought to contact perhaps the Merchants Quay project, they might be able to put you in touch with a drugs counsellor free of charge. But certainly there is help out there and I really think you should reach out for it asap. I'm sure your a very important person to your family so I think you should talk to one of them about how you feel. Things can get better and they will get better but probably not on they're own, contact a professional.

Black Swan

Get referral from your GP. Then call and ask about costs and methods of payment.

itzii

hi,

how old are you? the reason i am asking is i went through something similar in my late teens and early twenties. i basically hated myself and the way i looked - and i mean everything about the way i looked. i was so self conscious around people, worrying about what they thought of me, i would end up keeping quiet and not speaking, and then hating myself for behaving like that too.

one thing that i now realise is, to everybody, they themselves are the most important person in the world. honestly, most people are too busy thinking about themselves (whether positively or negatively!) to really notice other people or their behaviour. it was realising this that started to get me out of my paranoia and the pit i had dug. also, while it can be difficult or take a while to make friends, it is relatively easy to get on especially with people you work with, and be liked. smile, be friendly. ask them interested questions about themselves, everyone loves talking about themselves!

try to see the positive of things. when i feel down i go outside to find something pretty to look at, i think as long as there is beauty in the world it can be that bad a place. (that probably sounds a bit narky)

and remember, most people hate something -or a lot- about themselves. and nobody would consider themselves completely happy all the time (bar those in a straitjacket, on happy pills). life has ups and downs, the downs let you appreciate the ups.

make a list of the things that you like in your life, about you, or that make you happy. focus on them, and the list will grow longer.

i was too embaressed about the way i hated myself to talk to anyone. i then read "the broken mirror", by katharine philips (about body dysmorphic disorder), which started to make me realise how silly i was being and that i was wasting my life being miserable.

i really do feel for you and hope you get through this.