Hard Times

Motley Crue

My brother is going to UCD, he just got the CAO form, and while Im exceptionally happy for him it seems that he just cant put a foot wrong these days. Recently he got a job working near to my father and its a full time, 35 hour week, 350Euro per week job after tax. My father said he could have got either of us the job, but chose my brother, because he believed I wouldnt suit a 9-5 routine

Anywaiz, the problem then lies with my mother, who isnt the happiest recently because her job let her go. I have a job, but its a little ****ty part time job that gives me about 20 hours a week if im lucky, and ive been trying to get a job the entire summer but cant (and believe me, I have tried). My mother is very critical of everything I do in the job process and when I dont get a job is fast to assign blame to an aspect of my life and tell me why im not as good as my brother.

On top of that my brother has developed this foul humour and is pissed off with life, because he works his ass off now every weekday (and to set the record straight, he never had a job of any discription before this, and hes 18) and so doesnt believe in speaking to me, and despite being 3 yrs my junior, can be very offensive to me at times.

Meanwhile, my Dad works long hours anyway, so it seems like my mother (who adores my full time working, UCD bound brother) cant stand having her P/T employed 'IT' going son around and even tells me 21 is a little late to be in College, and I should have been finished by now!!!!

Im really alone, ive no one to talk to about this (because my girlfriend is off in a world of her own mostdays), and i just want my mother to shut the **** up because im trying my best and im really trying to do right, but cant find a job no matter how much I look and no amount of abuse is going to bring one along

Blub2k4

I'd tell your mother what you just said here, or maybe just move out, then they can all go and jump...

Ruu_Old

Sorry about all the abuse you are getting, its not really acceptable when you seem to be trying to please everyone. I'm not sure qualifications you have. Do you want to go back to college at all? What about taking a night course if you have time, that might help things and show your folks (in their eyes perhaps) that you are trying to better things and yourself. Good luck.

Vegeta

sorry to hear it man.

21 is not too old to be in college.

To be honest your mam sounds like a dumbass. What does she care if you work or not. Its not her life. If you are getting by on the money you are earning now then whats her problem.

wow 350 after tax, he must be rolling in it...NOT. Generally the longer you stay in college the more you'll get paid when you finish.

I went to college for 4 years, worked the summers in jobs that paid sh1te all money. Got my degree, I now earn more than my dad, i'm 23 and have twice the holidays he has. My parents never complained once about anything college or work wise.

How many years have you left in your course in college, cos as soon as you get a job you're qualified for just move out and tell your ma to go **** herself

Motley Crue

Thanks for the quick responses, just to let ya know ive 2 more years in my chosen course, but ive also got a HND in Journalism as well as that. They say having both a Certificate and a Higher National Diploma 3 yrs after doing the Leaving is a pretty good achievement

cance

350 a week?
1400 a month?

I personally wouldnt be bothered getting out of bed for that. why is that impressive?

fuck the begrudgers to put it simply.

part time is perfect for college, and tell your ma to go and ****e. her failure to keep a job/get a new one is not your problem.

and screw the brother, people who feel hard done by when they get things handed to them wont last very long in the real world.

Vegeta

Motley Crue wrote:

Thanks for the quick responses, just to let ya know ive 2 more years in my chosen course, but ive also got a HND in Journalism as well as that. They say having both a Certificate and a Higher National Diploma 3 yrs after doing the Leaving is a pretty good achievement

man keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine. You're obviously not afraid of hard work.

You'll probably have to put up with a bit more sh1t from the family but try and deal with it as in 2 years you'll have yet another qualification. Will probably get a good paying job and your brother will be in your current position and then you can tell em all to piss off.

Miguel_Sanchez

The cause of this problem is money as opposed to you I'd say. There's not a lot of money in the house at the moment cause your mother is out of work. Your little brother is earning and you're not. The fact that you're near at hand makes you the perfect person for your mother to take her frustration out on. She's probably more annoyed at herself but is using that fact that you don't have a full time job like your brother as an excuse to vent her annoyance at her situation.

On the days you're not working try as best you can to get out of the house - head to a friend's house, the library, a movie or even looking for a job. Just keep out of her way and she'll have less chance to give out.

It's only for a bit more and then you're back at college.

21 isn't too old for college incidentally. I didn't start until I was 22 and finished when I was 26!

Beruthiel

Motley Crue wrote:

cant stand having her P/T employed 'IT' going son around and even tells me 21 is a little late to be in College, and I should have been finished by now!!!!

Well that's a joke. People go to college at all ages. Some contiune on after 3 years to do more. 21 is very young still. She's probably in a bad mood because she's lost her job and is stressed about it.

Try to get her alone and have a calm chat with her, tell her you are doing your best.
If that doesn't work, you should try to do whatever it takes to move out.

Colm_OReilly

Motley Crue,

I hear that you're really frustrated by the whole situation. I've had similiar problems myself with my parents and younger brother.

i just want my mother to shut the **** up

You can't control your mother's behaviour, but you can control your response to it.

the problem then lies with my mother

It's easy (at first) to place blame, but that's not empowering - although it does give you the payoff of playing a victim.

On top of that my brother has developed this foul humour and is pissed off with life

Again you're letting someone else's mood affect yours. Your brothers mood is not under your control or responsibility.

so doesnt believe in speaking to me, and despite being 3 yrs my junior, can be very offensive to me at times.

You seem to know that your brother's anger is not your fault, but you do resent him taking it out on you. You don't have to put up with it, but allowing yourself to get angry/upset at it doesn't help you.

What sort of relationship do you want with your mother?
What sort of relationship do you want with your brother?

Focus on yourself, it's the only thing you can change. Stop wishing others would change so you can be happier.

Colm