Who was Jesus? On the Lighter side!

BrianCalgary

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother .
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus
was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was
sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus
was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus
was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus
was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He had 12 drinking buddies.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He had no visible means of support.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that
Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no
food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch
of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because
there was work to do.
AMEN

Asiaprod

Thanks BC, its alway good to be able to laugh. I enjoyed that very much.

lebogurl1988

why do jews kill Jesus and why do christany love jew more then islam

Wibbs

If you mix the Jewish and Irish one above I'm pretty sure we can make a strong case he was Irish. Add the gift o' the gab and the case is pretty much closed.

lebogurl1988 wrote:

why do jews kill Jesus and why do christany love jew more then islam

You see, where you made your mistake is the bit where you left us all hanging with the punchline. "To get to the other side" perhaps? Or "frogs can't drive tractors"?

UU

LOL!

That was very funny BC - and I didn't even know you had a sense of humour. Ha!

Medina

I don't find this very funny at all.
Its actually extremely offensive. But just because you're a moderator you can get away with it.
You put the person at the centre of Christianity into a joke. That just shouldn't be done. Not on this forum anyway. And its a sticky?


Disgusting Brian, really disgusting, if I were you I'd be very ashamed.

:mad:

the_syco

BrianCalgary wrote:

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He had 12 drinking buddies.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He had no visible means of support.

I find it quite offensive that you forgot the most important one: with his divine miracles, he could create drink from water. Jeebus, that'd be deadly, lads.

T-1111111111111

the_syco wrote:

I find it quite offensive that you forgot the most important one: with his divine miracles, he could create drink from water. Jeebus, that'd be deadly, lads.

Of course he cud by God's Permission&Power, so?
I dont wana discuss who Jesus, peace upon him, was (its gona b obvious from my post anyway), but if we Muslims wud say such a joke about any God's Prophet, this might mean "a termination from Islam, not by us, people, but maybe, I repeat, maybe by Almighty" (until that person repented).

May Allah swt show Brian the Path. Not everything is in a glass of beer and a football match. There will be time to give some answers and they aint gona be easy to give. Read the Scriptures and u might get the idea that the Judgement Day aint gona be easy at all.

mike65

We're all going to hell then?

Mike.

Rev Hellfire

mike65 wrote:

We're all going to hell then?

Mike.

Thats a different topic mike.

Must say I found the post amusing, can't say side splittingly funny. But nothing to get your kníckers in a twist about.

BrianCalgary

T-1111111111111 wrote:

Not everything is in a glass of beer and a football match. There will be time to give some answers and they aint gona be easy to give. Read the Scriptures and u might get the idea that the Judgement Day aint gona be easy at all.

Everything is contained in the Bible. God just gave us football and beer to enjoy. My mission field is on the football pitch and in the pub. People have come to hear about Jesus in the most unlikely of places. In fact Jesus Himself was criticized by the Pharisees for dealing with the likes of prostitutes and tax collectors.

God has called me to be a witness in certain areas, His question to me would be: did you obey or not. I can say that I am by doing everything I can to reflect Him to the people that don't know Him. Judgment day is reserved for those that have to answer for their sin. Since my sin has already been paid and the gift accepted. No judgement day.

There is my rant.

BTW last beer I had was probably back in May or June.

the_syco

Ah, judgement day. One of the many things shoved down my throat, and thus one of the many reasons why I stopped going to mass. When growing up, I was taught about hell, judgement day, and punishment by an all-seeing god.

It wasn't untill I met some born-again-christains that I found out that the christain religon wasn't all bad, but by that time it was too late.

As for the OP showing the "lighter side", well done. To the person who mentioned judgement day: I await the day, cos I've an axe to grind with God, tbh.

BrianCalgary

the_syco wrote:

Ah, judgement day. One of the many things shoved down my throat, and thus one of the many reasons why I stopped going to mass. When growing up, I was taught about hell, judgement day, and punishment by an all-seeing god.

It wasn't untill I met some born-again-christains that I found out that the christain religon wasn't all bad, but by that time it was too late..

Not too late syco. He is waiting with open arms to welcome you.

the_syco wrote:

As for the OP showing the "lighter side", well done. To the person who mentioned judgement day: I await the day, cos I've an axe to grind with God, tbh.

Why not approach Him as a friend and ask Him your questions? I look forward to the day when I can ask Him a bunch of questions about assorted things as well.

athena 2000

Hmmm, if God doesn't have a sense of humour then I don't know who does!!

He had to use a talking ass (jackass, mind you) to get a directive through to a knuckle-headed prophet. Balaam's ass. Enjoy!

InFront

Hi guys.

I don't post here, I'm not a Christian so I'm sorry I'm not sure what the rules of this forum are. However I do know Medina from her posts in Islam, and even though I dont often agree with her opinions, I respect very much her politeness to Muslims in that forum, and what I consider to be her genuine wish to understand Islam.

We are very lucky in the religious forums to have them dedicated to discussing our faiths. I for one wouldn't like to think some of the responses this thread received, the posts in feedback and the general bad feeling is some sort of precedent of how the religious forums are going to become.

Jesus Christ, Peace be upon Him, is a Muslim prophet too, as you know. And the attention that was created in Feedback affects us all, and some of the comments were in awful taste.
We all love to laugh, and love humour, but maybe we should remember these are religious fora, and even though we might be innocent in our humour, some people will not see it that way and take these things seriously or be disappointed.
Anyway, Ive said enough, God bless you:)

athena 2000

Hello InFront,

Thanks for the comments you've offered. I read what you said in the Feedback thread. I take your points and I'm personally receptive to your perspective, but have to say that I was not offended by the humourous posting about Jesus in this forum.

Do we give in to a sensitive person who is offended more easily and cut off all expressions of humour related to God, however mild? or do we enjoy our fun from time to time as we discuss and wrangle about belief and unbelief? Hopefully there is some flexibility in allowing others their own thoughts without jumping to offend or take offense too quickly.

We have liberty in being able to openly discuss our ideas and beliefs in the Religious/Spirituality forums. Though this isn't exactly Mars Hill of Athens it's a completely suitable place for discussion as the forum charters allow - and for humour.

I'm sorry that Medina was offended.

Victor

T-1111111111111 in one of those strange things that we don't all understand, not only was Jesus part of the Holy Trinity, but he was also a man.

Sometimes when I deal with Muslims (several times a week), I am conscious that one day I might be asked to explain, say, why I sometimes act in a familiar (but respectfully) with some Muslim women, to which I will respond "We are all brothers and sisters. I will help, protect and be friendly with all my brothers and sisters".

Caryatnid

This thread seems to have sparked of some hostility, and debate.

The thread was meant to be a joke. Therefore - I can't understand why it was posted in a serious forum, like 'Christianity' . Surely it belongs in Humour, or, at least, AH?

Rev Hellfire

It belongs in the Christian forum because it is a Christian joke put here for the enjoyment for this forums users and as such it’s the appropriate place for it.

I’m sure the fall out from this was the last thing Brian wanted or expected. But it would be unfortunate if as a result of this he and others felt curtailed when expressing their views (when put forth in an honest manner) on the forum.

Nick_oliveri

Much made out of nothing TBH. Id be appalled if this thread was deleted/locked. While i respect others views, this humor was so light hearted and in no way offence provoking.

Offence provoking can be seen in the thread in "Feedback". This thread was unstickied, and will therefore have its time and fall down the thread ladder and dissappear into the dreaded archive.

Asiaprod

InFront wrote:

We are very lucky in the religious forums to have them dedicated to discussing our faiths. I for one wouldn't like to think some of the responses this thread received, the posts in feedback and the general bad feeling is some sort of precedent of how the religious forums are going to become.

No, it is not a precedent of how the religious forums are going to become. It is the reaction to the post by Medina.

Jesus Christ, Peace be upon Him, is a Muslim prophet too, as you know. And the attention that was created in Feedback affects us all, and some of the comments were in awful taste.

Again, I think you are overreacting. Sorry to say this, but I think Medina's actions were in awful taste. And you might speak to her about this new focus of attention, she is after all responsible for starting it.

We all love to laugh, and love humour, but maybe we should remember these are religious fora, and even though we might be innocent in our humour, some people will not see it that way and take these things seriously or be disappointed.

The fact that these are religious Fora have nothing to do with it. The Charters for every Forum are displayed very clearly for all to see. BC's post did not break the Christian charter. The only thing that happened was the Medina got offended by what she saw as an affront to her God and her belief. Rather than tackle the OP and settle the issue, she decided to tackle the OP and for good measure make it a public issue as well. And rightly so IMO came in for a ragging. I wish Excelsior was here to point us to that comic Christian site he enjoys so much. One would never accuse him of being in anyway offensive to his God. Medina does not speak for the majority of Christians, in fact, she is the very first Christian I have EVER met to be offended by such a mild joke. You may not like this, but humor is a fact of life, and religion, all religions, are a favorite target. I would remind you that it may well be an offense for a muslim or islamic follower to laugh at jokes about god or religion, It is not an offense in Christianity, Atheism, Agnosticism or Buddhism to make jokes in this way.

The Hill Billy

Medina's mis-guided thread in Feedback brought me to this Christianity forum (maybe the Lord does work in mysterious ways!).

Anyway, the reason I'm here is to say - "Fair dues Brian!"

If this was a po-faced, craw-thumping forum I wouldn't be bothered with it. As it is not - I may well stick around, learn something & have a bit of craic at the same time.

Nick_oliveri

Hill Billy wrote:

have a bit of craic at the same time.

Careful now!

Wibbs

I say fair dues to Brian too. It seemed to me to be a gentle humour and I agree with Asiaprod in his observation that this is the only time he's come across such a response from a Christian. I've not come across it myself and I've known some craw thumpers in my life. If God is all things surely he also gets humour? I mean one look in the mirror seals it for me. The "Respect" that medina speaks of appears more like respect coming from fear rather than love. If you love and respect someone God or not, gentle jibing and jokes are part of that bond.

In any event the biblical Jesus comes across as someone a lot of people actually liked, not just worshipped. This would have been difficult if he didn't have a sense of humour. Indeed the Jewish sense of humour then and now is a well honed one judging by some of the old Rabbinical texts. To look at the sayings of Jesus we can see a command of the language and a healthy smattering of irony. The texts are hardly full of pharasees slipping on banana skins but if the line "he without sin cast the first stone" isn't taking the p!ss while instructing a valuable lesson, I don't know what is. The camel through the eye of a needle and the give all to Caesars that's Caesars are other examples. The "let the dead bury the dead" would be an example of a darker humour. The line "you see the splinter in your brothers eye, yet fail to see the plank in your own" is a visual gag(think about some bloke with a plank in his eye). I wouldn't be surprised to picture a smile crossing his lips or the lips of his audience while saying that one. You try holding the audiences he's purported to have done without a few laughs. Buddha, Krishna and Mohammed all laughed and smiled, why not Jesus?

If medina is to be believed then then "her" Jesus comes across as a bit stoneyfaced and judgemental and I thought the latter is the very thing he most often railed against.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and Peter Crouch?
Jesus got on the end of cross...

(And before all you whiney do-gooders start moaning JESUS HAS A SENCE OF HUMOUR - GET OVER IT)

UU

For god's sake, one of the only humourous thread we see in a while and some boring, plank-faced idiot comes along and starts ranting about being offended. That's the problem these days, people are offended too easily! They can never take a joke at something. Sure we take the pïss out of religion and politics all the time. If one remembers the riots over the cartoon of Mohammed, that was an extreme example of idiocity and crap. So those posters who are as dry as prune, I'd love to do the honours of shoving a stick of dynamite up your ass before I get struck down on Judgement Day!

Oh did you hear, some conservative Christians in America claim that an Armagedon is going to happen in about twenty years so they're preparing to be sucked up to heaven. They have bumper stickers and all to warn non-christians in case they're wondering why they're floating up to the clouds during a traffic jam.

Then, if you have been in Tehran recently in Iran, you may have noticed how clean and done up it is recently. That's because the president claims some returning prophet is going to jump out of a well any day soon. The residents don't mind though because it's probably the only way the governement will fix up the city.

Let me know if that isn't offensive enough for you. Lighten up everyone!

Scofflaw

Umberto Eco wrote:

Jorge de Burgos:"Laughter is a devilish wind...which deforms the lineaments of the face...and makes men look like monkeys"
William of Baskerville:"But what is so alarming about laughter?"
Jorge de Burgos:"Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith, because without fear of the Devil there is no more need of God."

Name of the Rose

Hmm. Or would "Life of Brian" be more apt, in this case?

cordially,
Scofflaw

Asiaprod

Scofflaw wrote:

Name of the Rose

Hmm. Or would "Life of Brian" be more apt, in this case?

cordially,
Scofflaw

How strange, I was going to mention the same book.


UU, lighten up, we have not declared war yet. We are still negotiating.

Tar.Aldarion

Good post Brian, smiled.

Medina should read her own signature.

Medina

UU wrote:

Let me know if that isn't offensive enough for you. Lighten up everyone!

Sorry UU, it really isn't offensive enough:D I know you can do better :rolleyes:

After all this thread has degenerated into a flame war, so that was pretty lame, although it shows great potential to offend billions of Christians and Muslims worldwide, isn't that cause for celebration, you must be very proud, what an achievement!!!!!

***clapping and cheering for UU****

Medina

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Good post Brian, smiled.

Medina should read her own signature.

And how exactly would that have any effect on me?

I question doctrines and dogmas in Christianity in this forum and I also speak out against blatant offenses...I think I read my signature perfectly well...

you should have gone to Specsavers

Scofflaw

Scofflaw wrote:

Name of the Rose

Hmm. Or would "Life of Brian" be more apt, in this case?

cordially,
Scofflaw

I liked that book, it was very good.

Scofflaw

Medina wrote:

After all this thread has degenerated into a flame war, so that was pretty lame, although it shows great potential to offend billions of Christians and Muslims worldwide, isn't that cause for celebration, you must be very proud, what an achievement!!!!!

This is a flame war? No, no! This is just tetchy. However, I'm impressed by our potential global reach...

cordially,
Scofflaw

Medina

Scofflaw wrote:

This is a flame war? No, no! This is just tetchy. However, I'm impressed by our potential global reach...

cordially,
Scofflaw

Great that means there's more gems to come, what thoroughly enjoyable reading

bmoferrall

Quite funny...Jesus would probably chuckle.
Perhaps the God of Leviticus wouldn't be so amused!!
Huh, they're the same?

UU

Medina wrote:

Sorry UU, it really isn't offensive enough:D I know you can do better :rolleyes:

After all this thread has degenerated into a flame war, so that was pretty lame, although it shows great potential to offend billions of Christians and Muslims worldwide, isn't that cause for celebration, you must be very proud, what an achievement!!!!!

***clapping and cheering for UU****

All right, I'll post a picture of the infamous cartoon of Mohammed for you next time then if you want. I saw it, but I bet most of the Muslims who were burning down buildings never even saw the cartoon. It wasn't that bad really.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Medina wrote:

Great that means there's more gems to come, what thoroughly enjoyable reading

Medina, who is holding the gun to your head?

athena 2000

Scofflaw wrote:

This is a flame war? No, no! This is just tetchy. However, I'm impressed by our potential global reach...

cordially,
Scofflaw

Me too. We need more servers...

Puck

UU, don't be the one who makes me lock this thread. There's a difference between being unintentionally offensive in a joke and being plain abusive in a rant. Guess which one I'm more inclined to put up with.

UU wrote:

For god's sake, one of the only humourous thread we see in a while and some boring, plank-faced idiot comes along and starts ranting about being offended. That's the problem these days, people are offended too easily! They can never take a joke at something. Sure we take the pïss out of religion and politics all the time. If one remembers the riots over the cartoon of Mohammed, that was an extreme example of idiocity and crap. So those posters who are as dry as prune, I'd love to do the honours of shoving a stick of dynamite up your ass before I get struck down on Judgement Day!

Oh did you hear, some conservative Christians in America claim that an Armagedon is going to happen in about twenty years so they're preparing to be sucked up to heaven. They have bumper stickers and all to warn non-christians in case they're wondering why they're floating up to the clouds during a traffic jam.

Then, if you have been in Tehran recently in Iran, you may have noticed how clean and done up it is recently. That's because the president claims some returning prophet is going to jump out of a well any day soon. The residents don't mind though because it's probably the only way the governement will fix up the city.

Let me know if that isn't offensive enough for you. Lighten up everyone!

T-1111111111111

Puck wrote:

UU, don't be the one who makes me lock this thread. There's a difference between being unintentionally offensive in a joke and being plain abusive in a rant. Guess which one I'm more inclined to put up with.

Thread should be locked, however UU should be banned for he is unsulting others in his posts.

Medina

UU wrote:

All right, I'll post a picture of the infamous cartoon of Mohammed for you next time then if you want. I saw it, but I bet most of the Muslims who were burning down buildings never even saw the cartoon. It wasn't that bad really.

Go on then, post that picture, and if you're as 'conscience-free' as you make yourself out to be, then go and post it on the Islamic forum.

After all if its fine to 'take the piss out of religion and politics' you shouldn't have any problems.

UU wrote:

sure we take the pïss out of religion and politics all the time. If one remembers the riots over the cartoon of Mohammed, that was an extreme example of idiocity and crap.

Btw, thanks for posting this little beauty, you actually proved the point I was making in the Feedback forum, which was that other posters would think we Christians think its fine to take the piss-(and I doubt Brian would commend this sentiment), and also that it then becomes hard to draw a line between an 'offensive' pisstake and a 'non-offensive' pisstake.

UU, your posts are actually doing me more of a favour on this thread..you're a classic example of 'give a man enough rope and he'll hang himself'

Cheers man

Medina

Ikky Poo2 wrote:

Medina, who is holding the gun to your head?

No. 1 - My Conscience
No. 2 - My respect for religion - any religion - and their leaders

UU

Oh lighten up! Honestly, it's no wonder this world is in such a state of chasis! That is because people are way too serious. If there's one thing that'll get you into heaven, it's being able to have a bit of F.U.N and taking a joke. So smile - there's nothing to be grumpy about. Put all your worries in your el kit bag and smile, smile, smile

Medina

So you're not gonna post that picture after all??

Thank God for small mercies...oooh amn't I supposed to post that in Brian's new sticky?

Scofflaw

What's perversely amusing about the whole thread is that religion's lack of humour is probably one of the contributory factors in its modern decline. People don't like to have to take anything seriously if they can help it - and no, they're not perfectible, and yes, the good news is supposed to go out to everyone, deep and shallow alike.

cordially,
Scofflaw

Puck

UU wrote:

Oh lighten up! Honestly, it's no wonder this world is in such a state of chasis! That is because people are way too serious. If there's one thing that'll get you into heaven, it's being able to have a bit of F.U.N and taking a joke. So smile - there's nothing to be grumpy about. Put all your worries in your el kit bag and smile, smile, smile

Tell that to this guy:

UU wrote:

So those posters who are as dry as prune, I'd love to do the honours of shoving a stick of dynamite up your ass

I do feel terrible that you are forced to live in a world where you will encounter people who disagree with you UU, honestly sometimes it makes me almost weep for you.

You will play nice or you will go away.

Medina

Scofflaw wrote:

What's perversely amusing about the whole thread is that religion's lack of humour is probably one of the contributory factors in its modern decline. People don't like to have to take anything seriously if they can help it - and no, they're not perfectible, and yes, the good news is supposed to go out to everyone, deep and shallow alike.

cordially,
Scofflaw

Religion is not a sitcom.
You don't have to make cheap gags to pull in the ratings.

Scofflaw

Medina wrote:

Religion is not a sitcom.
You don't have to make cheap gags to pull in the ratings.

No - religion is far more important than a sitcom, and if cheap gags is what it takes to reach some people, then that's what should be done. To not do so because one personally considers them in poor taste is to deny other people their chance of salvation based purely on one's own feelings - do you think that's right?

cordially,
Scofflaw

UU

Medina wrote:

Religion is not a sitcom.
You don't have to make cheap gags to pull in the ratings.

Although, I must say, Father Ted was the best religious sitcom I saw in a long time and that certainly pulled in the ratings. Lol!

Medina

Scofflaw wrote:

No - religion is far more important than a sitcom, and if cheap gags is what it takes to reach some people, then that's what should be done. To not do so because one personally considers them in poor taste is to deny other people their chance of salvation based purely on one's own feelings - do you think that's right?

cordially,
Scofflaw

When Jesus was preaching the Gospel and He was rejected by people, did He turn on the charm and the comedy?

Eh no...

Is that what you're recommending He should have done? Geez thats so clever Scofflaw, I'm sure you could have mended His ways :mad:

People in their respective religions find a sense of fulfillment, a sense of harmony and sometimes love.

That's better than a laugh any day.

Scofflaw

Medina wrote:

When Jesus was preaching the Gospel and He was rejected by people, did He turn on the charm and the comedy?

Eh no...

Is that what you're recommending He should have done? Geez thats so clever Scofflaw, I'm sure you could have mended His ways :mad:

People in their respective religions find a sense of fulfillment, a sense of harmony and sometimes love.

That's better than a laugh any day.

I'm not suggesting that Jesus would have had to use such humour - aside from anything else, He was the message, rather than a mere human passing the message on. There's not that much point in basing your preaching style on Jesus', because you aren't Jesus. What He did not have to "stoop to" others may have to.

People may well find a sense of fulfillment, harmony, and love in religion - but not if they're put off the message by the messenger.

regards,
Scofflaw