Girlfriend Problem

LegacyUser

My gf was doing some online registering with her phone on the meteor website on my computer and she never signed out but just minimised the page.

LAter on I went onto the PC and it was still there so I had a look at her last calls/texts (i know i shouldnt have but I did) and I saw that she was txtin this number on average 10times a day (more than she would even text me!). I presumed it was one of the girls and didnt really give it a second thought.

I have since found out that this is a bloke who fancys her like mad and she is becoming more and more flirty with him, I have mentioned him in the past and she just laughs it of saying hes like that with all the girls (which he isnt). She doesnt know I know she texts him all the time and I want to bring it up but I cant tell her I know cos I checked her calls on the meteor website!

Im becoming increasingly worried about this and she wont let her phone out of her sight now. I have tried bringing this up and she just laughs it of saying its nothing (which it isnt over ten times a day is far to much to be txting a bloke she knows I have a problem with), anyone any advice on the issue?

AngryBadger

You'll just have to confront her about it. tbh if you're in a relationship where you think nothing of snooping through her phone records, and she thinks nothing of flirting with some other guy I think you need to have your head examined.

Failing that you could doggedly pursue some crazy Spy VS. Spy type scenario, and try to catch her out. But that would just be stupid.

bboyblast

I was in the same situation. I was suppose to be getting married next year. I too seen she was texting a guy she works with. She finished it a few weeks ago now I am so messed up. Think the only thing to do is confront her

Laslo

What's to decide? If you're positive she's texting some other guy ten times a day and she denies that she's in touch with him all that much then she's lying to you to try and cover something up. Dump her. If she asks why, simply explain to her that it's a small city and word gets around. Leave her with something to think about before she finds some other sucker to treat like crap.

It would seem that your relationship is in jeopardy. You two need to talk.

Ruu_Old

While you were wrong to check through her numbers, don't go off at her like a lunatic or anything. Sit down and calmly discuss where you want your relationship to go. A serious chat is in order I'm afraid OP.

Asok

Ring the number from her phone and see what answer you get i.e. "Heya hotrings"

BeardyGit

Sorry to hear your relationship is in doubt....eh, actually, I'm not.

You were a bit of a dope to go reading it in the first place. Time and time again people read each others private correspondence and then act like they have a valid excuse. It's as good as saying "The envelope was already open" when someone pulls you up over reading their credit card statement.

As harsh as it sounds, you deserve everything you get from here out. Your suspicion will consume you eventually and you'll more than likely end up coming out as the bad guy. Doesn't matter what justification you think you have, you invaded her privacy. And to my mind, she's better off without you if that's the way you respect her.

Sorry if you don't like it - But it's black and white on this one.

Gil

free2fly

Sorry, but I have to agree with Gil Dub. You shouldn't have gone through her personal records. You were obviously expecting to find something. Well, I hope you're happy. You found what you were looking for.

I would suggest having a serious conversation with her, but she is not going to be happy about what you did. It is going to destroy her trust in you. I recently experienced something similar with my now ex partner. It was very hurtful to find out that he had done that to me. Good luck OP. I hope things work out for you. Oh, and btw, he found what he was looking for as well.

Laslo

IMO, invading someone's privacy like that makes you an untrustworthy a$$hole - however cheating on someone and lying about it when you're supposed to be in a trusting relationship makes you the scum of the earth. I'd have to side with the OP on this one - even if I don't respect him for stooping so low.

j4vier

hold on it seems that now its the op s fault...
alright checkin her msgs wasnt a nice thing to do, but i think what she is doin to him is far worse than that.
tbh even if he felt something was goin on, he obviously needed some evidence in order to confront her.

tap28

I think ye are being very harsh on him. While going through her records is not good, if I had a choice between call the bad guy for snooping or gf carrying on behind my back and me being made a fool out of, I know which one I choose.

If your relationship is to surive you need to sitdown and have an open and frank talk with gf. IMOP it's make or break time.

Supercell

Asok wrote:

Ring the number from her phone and see what answer you get i.e. "Heya hotrings"

Yep, maybe the G/F sees it as innocent and cute, but that soon becomes more, ring the fupper and tell him to stop texting your G/F.

If she doesn't like it then maybe it is time to consider single life again for a while.

Mr. Presentable

Two wrongs don't etc, etc

Shouldn't read her texts, though if she left them for you to read, maybe you were meant to. Console yourself with the fact she will probably treat him like she treated you. For some people the grass is always greener.

TBH I wouldn't want a relationship with either one of you.

Laslo

TBH, the best advice you could receive personally is to leave the relationship with your dignity. She doesn't need or deserve an explanation... and you need to do some soul-searching.

Chinafoot

Eh sorry I must have missed the part where the OP said that he has undeniable proof that his girlfriend is actually cheating on him with this other guy...

...oh wait, that's cos he didn't say it.


She's been texting some bloke that the OP has a problem with. Big deal! If he has a problem with this guy then it is exactly that...HIS problem. Just because they've been texting doesn't mean she's getting her jollies from him too. Maybe herself and this bloke get on well. Just because he fancies her doesnt mean that she intends to do anything. Flirting =! cheating.

From his first post it doesnt even sound like he was suspicious of her before he checked up on her texts. Instead he was just being nosey and completely invaded her privacy. Seriously bad form.

OP: If you are worried about what your girlfriend is up to then talk to her. However, I don't see how you have any right to confront her given how you came about this "information". If you want it resolved then sit her down and tell her what you did, apologise for it and try and talk it out.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Ok I just have to get a few things straight. My gf openly reads my messages all the time and I have absoulutly no problem with it tbh I have nothing to hide. Shes just nosey and I dont mind so it doesnt bother either of us. She was also the same(although I didnt care who she was textin so never really looked at her phone), until recently when she start being really suspicios about it and bringing it everywhere with her, thats why I checked her call log cos I was suspicious and this bloke was always leaving her flirty messages on bebo and when we were out etc. So thats why I checked her call log, I didnt think anything of it cos weve always never hid anything thats just the way we are.

And im not a freak or anything ive been going out with her 4 years and this is the first time ive become suspicious etc and its also recently that she has being going out with some new friends and hes always there, thats why ive become worried.

So last nite I brought the subject up, I asked her why she kept textin him to which she replyed "hes bored". So I asked how often she texts him and she said a couple of times a week, to which I just said "bull****, more like 10 times a day" which she denied. Then she ust said Im being jealous, but if any girl texts me I get hundreds of questions about it. I wasnt going to tell her I checked her call log so I couldnt really go any further so i just let her know of how I disapproved with it.

SO i dunno what im gona do next, id love to go out this weekend and have a few words with him, but im sure he'll go running to my GF telling her and she will then go mental at me.

And by the way there is no way im gonna break up with my GF of 4 years cos shes textin some bloke I dont approve of like some people are suggesting. And i seriously doubt she has cheated on me, its just im afraid thats what will happen if I let this continue.

LegacyUser

I think U ought to make her your ex girlfriend.
I think this sort of stuff can only get worse and worse.

gary the great

Id make sure hes well aware that your her long term partner and you dont take kindly to this flirting. Maybe when your out dont say anything to him but just use body language instead so he knows if he makes a move you'll deck him.

gary the great

NortSoide wrote:

I think U ought to make her your ex girlfriend.
I think this sort of stuff can only get worse and worse.

I think it would be ridiculous to throw away a 4 year relationship cos shes texting a bloke.

Imagine the breakup - "Im breaking up with you after 4 years cos although I love you I think your texting a bloke and im not happy about it"

The bloke shes texting is proboably giving her a bigger ego and shes enjoying it, only the OP knows if shes going to act on it though, but its unlikely if there in love.

I still think you should let this guy know that his texting is unacceptable and will earn him a beating if it doesnt stop. He obviously doesnt seem to care that shes taken so make it clear to him.

po0k

"If you don't want it read, don't write it in the first place."

Curiosity killed the cat etc.

Call her on it, or give her the cold shoulder.

The_B_Man

she checks ur messages when u receive them, ye? just ask to do the same to her. if she doenst let u then dont let her read yours! simple.

sure all u need to tell her is u know shes txtin him all the time and goin out drinkin wit him. that'll plant the seed in her head that'll lead to her own self destruction.

LegacyUser

OP why would you put up with this behaviour???
You girlfriend is not showing you any respect at all. Plus why is she texting him is the real question imo. 10 times a day is excessive and more than a bit of flirting
She knows you dont like it yet still does it???
I doubt she'd never think twice about dumping you if you were texting some girl.

I'd have dumped her, I think you need to get some self respect
Then again you can continue to be treated like sh*t and a doormat.

Grimlock

You have been together 4 years and never checked her messages but you feel the need to know.
Deep down you don't trust her and you don't like the contact with this guy.
I've never been in the situation but I have a good friend that has. GF always accusing him of cheating, then suddenly she got very secretive about her phone and ran off when ever she got a txt / call.
She was cheating and from what you've said I'd be amazed if your GF isn't cheating too.

Even if she's not, you guys have some serious trust and communications issues.

el tel

If you don't like what she is doing then tell her so and give her a choice. to either please you and stop, or please him and continue. If she chooses to get her kicks doing the latter then that's it, finish with her. Only a fool would dabble with all that texting behind their partner's back lark.

Belgareth

No matter what you found, going through personal records like that is wrong. I did it once and surprise surprise didnt like what I found and ended up in a worse state.

If she is texting someone that much then she is definitely up to something so you have a problem whereby you are suspicious and she is up to something not exactly honest. I'd admit what I did and see what happens, both are in some way wrong, just a matter of how much. This could be the time for all to come clean and wipe the slate, get to trust each other. If not then its going to be hard, but if she doesnt want to be faithful (and I think flirting with 10 txt messages is a bit much) and you cant be trusting then it doesnt look good?

Sorry if thats harsh, but maybe this could be a new beginning whereby you both treat each other with a bit of respect?

LegacyUser

Ok I know im a scumbag goin through her records but I just did it again (I had good reason to so I dont care what you think of me, whats shes doing is worse and I need proof to sort this out once and for all) and found out that every single day they are textin each other, including 14 times to day already.

Im gonna go up to her tonight and sort this **** out once and for all, im not having it. I know she will deny it and say shes just texting him a couple of times a week at most but im gonna set her straight. Cant believe shes lying to me like this.

Belgareth

fdjffoiggio wrote:

Ok I know im a scumbag goin through her records but I just did it again (I had good reason to so I dont care what you think of me, whats shes doing is worse and I need proof to sort this out once and for all) and found out that every single day they are textin each other, including 14 times to day already.

Im gonna go up to her tonight and sort this **** out once and for all, im not having it. I know she will deny it and say shes just texting him a couple of times a week at most but im gonna set her straight. Cant believe shes lying to me like this.

Yeah do that, it'll eat into you like a cancer if you dont, you need some resolution to this. Hopefully if she is just on an ego trip, you can call it quits, you both did wrong and maybe move on? Keep us up to date!

Two wrong dont make a right, but they can cancel each other out sometimes.....

rsta

Once any of that text flirting starts in a relationship and if one partner is hiding it from another its plain as day that the relationship is over.

I'm sorry to say but how can you trust that person again?

A bit of flirting isnt bad, but to the point where she is hiding it from you says its more than just flirting.

OP I would go ahead and cut her loose. Sounds like a bad egg to me. Even if you continue a relationship with her you will only doubt her again at some stage.

Good luck tonight and let us know how you go. Cheers.

Laslo

I have to say, anyone who thinks this is trivial and that he shouldn't dump her is being naive in the extreme. She's being a total cow, being extremely disrespectful to her boyfriend and, well, it's probably only a matter of time before she cheats. If she hasn't already. IMO he should dump her. Not easy after 4 years but better than suffering this bizarre and disgraceful behaviour any longer.