college worries

LegacyUser

i'm returning to college in over a months time and im worried about going back. ill be starting the 3rd year of my course, i like my course but i have never settled into my college. i had 2 good friends in college,they were really the only people who i got on with so all was good until last year when my friends became very close to another bloke on our course. so we became a group of 4 who mostly kept to ourselves in our college but me and this new guy never got on no matter how much i tried,tension was developing as i noticed a change in my friends becoming more distant towards me. an incident caused by this guy which i was the victim of ensued a major rift between me and him,he dragged the other guys in to the argument and the three of them ganged up on me,attempted to put the blame for the rift on me,split me and my other friends outside of college apart with vemonous lies and used the interent to put abusive material about me,horrible stuff,i have lost my self confidence and have been quite lonely ever since. obviously i dont want anything to do with these people again but the big 'but' is college.
all 3 are in my course which is a considerably small course,avoiding them,well is really unavoidable. as i said in my introduction i'm generally content with my course,i'm achieving good grades but now i will have them around me constantly and if the online abuse is to go by,im desperately concerned i could be on the recieving end of personal intimidation and abuse. i have no other friends in college to give me support or to make me feel a little more comfortable,im in a weak position and they know it and my college's social scene is bland so making new friends after not making many in 2 years in nigh on impossible.
i'm considerating quitting college because of them,i know that sounds morally wrong since i like my course but if i'm going to continue to be even more unhappy than i am now then i will struggle to concentrate on my course. i have 2 years left of my course which is a long time,its not like theres even a year left to keep my head down. should i quit college because of my situation? should i stick it out with these assholes hanging over me and making my life hell? i really dont know what decision to make.

LundiMardi

Well, i hope you're not doing an English course, if so.. then i recommend you quit cos you suck at it haha!!!

On the other hand, if someone asked you what you just wrote down, you'd probably tell them they are a ****ing retard for even contemplating quitting a course they actually like, just because of their former friends!!

Go to college, get good grades, enjoy your life, fúck your friends.

edit: May i add that if these people continue to intimidate/abuse/disrupt your coursework then there are courses of action you could take. I'm sure your college would not take kindly to bullying.

Don't quit college.If they give you any hassle.Report them to your lecturer.If it continues, the lecturer will get pissed that they didnt listen to her/him and fcuk them up gradeswise!:)

Tar.Aldarion

Make some friends off boards on your course?
I think you should try the different soieties, you'll get new friends straight away.
Stik it out, don't let them get to you.

Ruu_Old

You'll be much better sticking to it in the end. Report them, no one has to put up with rubbish like that in this day. Go with what Tar said, maybe someone on boards is doing the same course as you and would help you out. Good luck with it.

LegacyUser

logged out, you seem to be leaving something out of your story, why was this rift so bad that they ganged up on you if you were the victim???
I can relate to a bit of what you were saying, I'm going into third year too and I dont particularly get on with one of the lads in my course. My character's too aggressive though that anyone would ever try and bully me like that? can you tell me, did you give this guy any hassle or ever pick on him? or even bìtch about him? why do you not like him????? Is it that you thought your friends were treating you second fiddle to this guy?

Im looking at this in a number of different ways...

1. you seen this guy as a threat to your place in the group, a threat to your popularity and immediately took a dislike to him because of this.

2. if you gave him hassle and by this i mean any sort of behind the back bìtching or anamosity towards him, your friends who he is popular with became defensive and thus you were portrayed in a negative light i.e as a bully or a wa*ker towards this guy for no apparant reason.

3. How did this guy percieve you initally? was he positive or negative towards you? do not be biased when you think back on it, did he make an attempt to be a nice guy??? more importantly did you?

4. are your friends really your friends??? OP, this is where you have to fill in the blanks of the story, what on earth caused them to turn on you like this? from the sounds of it you are being bullied, but why?? ''what was this major rift that ensued''?? why would they suddenly take this guy's side? if indeed you were the victim in this rift, were they really your friends to start with? or are you sure were you weren't just being used???

I'm sorry if im being blunt to you, Im trying to be as impartial as i can. a similar thing happened to me, where I was virtually excluded from a group of friends, it was like a silent exclusion. I was a real prick to this one particular guy, I just found fault for him with no apparant reason, because i did not like him. from my experiences so far, college is a pretty political (for lack of a better bord) place. so at the start of my second year, I was basically on my own. i didnt let myself get down about it though. I joined a couple of societies and basically worked my ass off to get the best grades i could. I figured id let my friends off for a while, I wouldn't make any attempt to reinitiate myself into any groups just yet. space is a key thing here, because they were not expecting this. and i just worked and worked and it paid off pretty damn well.

I think in this particular situtation though, you need to evaluate who you are. who your friends are. why they're your friends. if they turned on you like this, they clearly cannot be trusted. and as for the abusive internet situation, if you know who they are you should bloody well report them. academic councils do not look kindly on this typr of behavour and if it is hampering your studies or making your college life difficult you should find someone to approach.

i also think you need to go and speak to a counsellor about this. you are clearly feeling down and this would be someone to talk to, in 100% confidence and privacy. colleges ususally prodide these services free of charge and no one has to know.

For the year coming, i suggest:
1. you do not drop out of college- this is YOUR place in college that YOU worked for and you have every right to be there. i would not give someone the satisfaction of making them think they own you or affect you in this way. you will regret it for the rest of your life and your character and self esteem will go down the pan. i would not even think about this as an option.

2. use the college! join some societies or clubs, make a social network, go onnites out. its easy to network, just be political, by this i dont mean sly, just dont badmouth anyone. trust me on this one. its the biggest lesson iv learnt so far in college.

3. you are above this. yiu do not have to put up with this abuse. there is a code of conduct which every college will readily enforce if needs be. you have to stand up for yourself. talk to a counsellor or a tutor you trust. seriously, its not that hard. all you have to do is open your mouth and speak.

4. be positive. look on the bright side of life. you have a place in college. its valuable. do not take this for granted. you say you're getting good grades. make them even better by applying yurself more and devoting your brainpower to your coursework/studies rather than on people who are not worth it. set different more relative prioritories that benifit you and dont dwell on the past.

A year on and I've made many more friends than what i would have had if i had stayed within this group, my grades are the best and Im on a high point in my college life. im even getting on with this guy who i resented at the start of the year. im more confident and mature and everything's going great and i believe it can for you too. its your outlook on things that affects how you are.

*do not allow yourself to be bullied, know who your friends are*

best of luck OP. chin up. keep us posted.

arm8.

aidan24326

DO NOT quit the course! That would be a ridiculously stupid thing to do. If you're still getting grief and intimidation when you go back, you have to report it. I'm sure your college would take a very dim view of this type of thing, especially going so far as to spread abusive material on the internet. Most colleges have a high enough drop out rate as it is without this kind of crap going on. Speak with the head of your course if this continues any longer.

projectmayhem

i am in a similar (ish) situation whereby my course next year will contain my ex gf, and her new boyfriend.

keep your head down and just get on with the work at hand. like myself, you're heading into 3rd year, which will fly past anyway, and by 4th year you will be far too busy and stressed to be worrying about ex-friends or whatever

keep up the college work... the chances are your class has more then those 4 people, so you will be grand when it comes to rag week and pub nights etc.

LundiMardi

projectmayhem wrote:

i am in a similar (ish) situation whereby my course next year will contain my ex gf, and her new boyfriend.

ouch!!:(

InFront

OP, quitting your course over this would be silly. Anybody who suffers personal abuse, bullying or intimidation should be dealt with by your student advisors and course co-ordinators and it is up to you to bring this to their attention. I think Alrightmate gave you quite good advice tbh.

Good luck... Dont quit!

justafriend?

Having a qualification is very important... think very carefully before you decide to give up on that opportunity! Career wise it is often a necessity!

Every college has a variety of mechanisms in place to help students who are feeling down/anxious or upset... there should be a counsellor, maybe a spiritual advisor/priest or chaplain... the SU can also be a good place to start... even a lecturer who you have a rapport with?

As all the other posters have said if you are having difficulty making friends join a club or society....and they are constantly actively trying to recruit new members the best thing about clubs and socs is that almost all of them have a really healthy social life - you will find that you meet people from a range of courses and faculties and in itself will widen your social circle!

don't give up on college it can and indeed i think it should be one of your best experiences ever... but you will only get out of it what you put in!

LegacyUser

I definately would not quit college because of these individuals.

Is there any possibility that you could transfer to a different college?

arbeitsscheuer

I don't often agree with what LundiMardi says, but this...

LundiMardi wrote:

Go to college, get good grades, enjoy your life, fúck your friends.

...sums it up really. Fúck those people, concentrate on college work.

I was in a situation, less extreme but similar nonetheless, last year in college. In the last 6 months there were a few people who blatantly hated my guts, and tbh it didn't make the experience pleasant... But in the long-run the Degree was more important.

Oddly, it made me work harder on the coursework, and I got better grades than I'd ever got in university (3 years). So, maybe a blessing in disguise...

But certainly don't pack in college cos of the people. People can be d1cks anywhere you go, that's just one of the facts of life.