Head is fried-need advice.

LegacyUser

Where do I begin? I'll keep it simple-I started using an internet dating/friendship site about 6 months back and met a really lovely guy through it mid may. We clicked, spent the whole weekend hanging out after our 1st date and have been hanging out a lot since then-few times a week.

He suffers from depression (although he doesn't agree that he has depression, moreso a number of issues that need to be addressed and worked on) and he's in therapy at the moment. He has said that he doesn't feel that he's able for a relationship at the moment as he 'doesn't have anything to give' also due to the fact that his relationship history is messy-he ended being very badly hurt after his last relationship ended (about 11 months back) and yet our time together feels to me like a relationship. I have explained that I haven't asked anything of him, that the time we have spent together has been amazing and that I just love being with him. He was actively sought to spend time with me and tells me that he loves being with me and loves my company.

The problem is that I have started to fall for him and I can't bring myself to explain this to him as I feel he has enough on his plate already and I don't want to place any pressure on him. Part of me wants to tell him how much I like and respect him and part of me doesn't because of prev. few lines and the possibility of me getting hurt. Please can someone give me their opinion, has anyone been in a similar situation?

Victor

OP, apologies for the late approval of this thread.

BoozyBabe

:eek:

That's not my ex we're talking about, is it!!!!!!

Everything ties in, it's freaky!!

Speaking of my ex, when we first started dating, I fell in love with him after about 6 months. The feeling wasn't mutual because he was still in love with his ex (which had ended about 1.5yrs beforehand)

This hurt, but I decided I enjoyed his company anyway, there was nowhere I'd rather be at that time, & no one I'd rather be spending my time with, so I stuck with him & we really had a good time together.

Eventually he realised he'd put the ex on a pedestal that she did not deserve & that I was the one he actually loved & was SO much better than her.

We went out for 5 years.

Is he saying he wants to break contact with you, or that he wants it to continue, but just doesn't want to label it a relationship?

If it's the latter & you're your happiest in his company, you have a great time together, then why ruin it just because of labels.

Give him time, enjoy him, support him with his difficulties & hopefully ye'll come out on top in the end.

Best of luck.

Nevyn

He is in theraphy.

Basically this mean he has to but himself first and formost in his goal of getting well.
You have to respect this, pushing things forward because of what you feel and what you want is being selfish.
Wait until he is on the other side and then pursue a romantic relationship other wise you can cause such complications and pressure to set him back.
Just becuase you think he is wonderful does not mean you are the magical solution to what ails him.
It sounds like he has been clear to you about this to stop you getting hurt.
You have to accept those boundaries and if you can walk away for a while for both yoursakes.

melekalikimaka

BoozyBabe wrote:

:eek:

That's not my ex we're talking about, is it!!!!!!

Everything ties in, it's freaky!!

Speaking of my ex, when we first started dating, I fell in love with him after about 6 months. The feeling wasn't mutual because he was still in love with his ex (which had ended about 1.5yrs beforehand)

This hurt, but I decided I enjoyed his company anyway, there was nowhere I'd rather be at that time, & no one I'd rather be spending my time with, so I stuck with him & we really had a good time together.

Eventually he realised he'd put the ex on a pedestal that she did not deserve & that I was the one he actually loved & was SO much better than her.

We went out for 5 years.

Is he saying he wants to break contact with you, or that he wants it to continue, but just doesn't want to label it a relationship?

If it's the latter & you're your happiest in his company, you have a great time together, then why ruin it just because of labels.

Give him time, enjoy him, support him with his difficulties & hopefully ye'll come out on top in the end.

Best of luck.

lol was i your ex...creepy...so creepy

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Santa Claus

Speaking as someone who went through depression years ago, a relationship could be just what he needs to help him progress (I know it was in my case).

The fact that you're willing to get involved with him giving the emotional baggage he's carrying would be a very positive thing for him to hear I think(his self worth/confidence is most probably fairly low).
You may feel it's putting pressure on him, but it's a positive kind of pressure.

The only thing is are you ready for a relationship with him given what he's going through ? I know I put my girlfriend at the time through a lot...cancelled plans at last minute due to me not feeling up to things etc.

Just make sure you have realistic expectations of what a relationship may involve...it could be harder on you being his girlfriend than you think !

BoozyBabe

I agree.

Speaking from experience, it is VERY hard being the girlfriend of someone who suffers from depression.

It wears you down. Always seeing the glass half empty, when the smallest thing goes wrong it's because the whole world is out to get him, flying off the handle over nothing & everything in an instant, watching a grown mall bawl his eyes out is not a nice thing to experience on a regular basis, being their crutch & knowing if you want out of the relationship you're going to crush them, never being bothered to go anywhere or do anything, just lie about sleeping.

I'm not saying everyone who suffers from depression is like this, but it's what I put up with for 5 years. After 4 years I wanted out, but knowing what leaving him would do to him made me stay. It's very hard for yourself to stay positive when faced with such negative energy on a daily basis.

I too ended up slightly depressed.

I'm not saying depressed people are too much work to be loved or anything, but go in with your eyes opened & know that your nice words, big cuddles & kisses sometimes aren't enough to cheer them up when they're down.
It's hard

LegacyUser

Thank you so much to anyone who has replied to this,i'm still at a point where i don't know what to do but the opinions voiced have given me something to mull over.Its not really something i want to discuss with my mates as some of the stuff he has confided in me is private and i would be betraying that by talking about it.I believe that he is a wonderful person who is capable of so much.Maybe not right now due to the way he feels but i feel that i would be willing to give things a shot with him.I guess all i can do at the moment is be there for him if he needs me and see how it pans out.Thanks guys,i'll let you know how it goes.
Love and Light.