Longing for a Baby

Chrissy

I was watching the program last night on RTE about Teenage pregnancies & I just started pining for a baby myself, or to be going through the excitement of being pregnant.

I'm in my mid-20's & I'm in a very happy relationship with my future husband.

It does not suit for me to get pregnant right now. Yes, financially I'm fine, but I still live at home, we haven't started to build our house yet, never mind be settled in it, we're not married yet, we're still relatively young, etc, etc, etc, so the timing is not right & we're not trying for a baby, in fact we're being V careful with contraception so that a pregnancy doesn't occur.

But I've been SO broody this past 6 months to a year. I just wish time would fast forward to when we were better prepared for a baby, or that a little accident would happen & we'd just have to deal with it.......

Like, if I found out in the morning that I was pregnant, I'd be the happiest person in the world, though the repercussions of such a discovery wouldn't be very pleasant.

Fact is, going by plan, it'll prob be another 4-5 years before we even consider starting a family, but can't go on feeling like this for another 4-5 years.

How do I get the broodiness out of my system?
(I do look after other peoples children ALL the time, for the last 13 years & it doesn't lessen my desire for my own children in the slightest bit)

I see little babies, cute toddlers, pre-school kids etc with their mums & I feel SO jealous & slightly sad &/or lonely that I don't have my own.

Has anyone else every felt like this, or does anyone else feel like this?
Anyone any suggestions?


Sorry for the rant

Gordon

Chrissy wrote:

I feel SO jealous & slightly sad &/or lonely that I don't have my own.

Is being sad and lonely the main reason for broodiness?

Chrissy

No, I don't think so.

Like, when I'm not thinking about children, I'm very happy.
Life with my partner couldn't be better.

I've just always been a very maternal person, & have always loved children, but was never old enough / in a position to have them, so never wanted my own, but now I actually could cope, It's just the sensible part of me that's stopping it, so thet's where the frustration lies.

Lots of people my age have children / are married, etc, etc, i.e. are grown up.
I'm ready for that too, mentally, but I'm also not ready for it, physically.

It's just the longing to be in that position that makes me sad & lonely when I see others who are there, yet I'm not.

I'm sure I'm not making sense, sorry

Doctor Fell

Not being a woman I can't say I know what you feel, but I think I can understand it to some extent. I think its a natural instinct for women and men to want to be a parent, so nothing wrong with your feelings there really.
But its never going to be the right time for a baby - there will always be something that you could use an excuse not to conceive. I'm not saying to jump blindly in, but having a child does not mean you will stop having a life or anything. What does your partner think? You'd be surprised, if you did conceive you will adapt very quickly to deal with it, and the reward at the end is incredible.
Life changing in a good way. Also, forgive me but mid-twenties is not that young - it would be a great time to have a child.
Good luck anyway, whatever you decide, but talk to your boyfriend etc. I mean his input is essential really! Does he know he his future husband yet?

Chrissy

Doctor Fell wrote:

Good luck anyway, whatever you decide, but talk to your boyfriend etc. I mean his input is essential really! Does he know he his future husband yet?

Quite literally in fact!!!

You see, I know this is an ideal time to get pregnant, age wise, but I want to be settled in my home with my partner before bringing up children, so it's just not the right time for us yet.

Like I said:- if it was to happen un-planned, we'd definitely cope, no doubt about it, & though perhaps a shock at first, we'd be over the moon, but it's best for everyones sake that we wait until we're a little more organised.

Yes, my partner knows he's the future husband. (no bunny-boiler here ) We're actually getting the whole house thing in motion at the mo, getting a start on our future life together.

how does my partner feel:- well I'm sure he's not broody, but he'd feel the same as me, in that now's not the right time.
He's fantastic with children, loves them, He'll make a wonderful father. He wants us to have kids, we've talked several times about them. If an accident were to happen, he'd be delighted, after the initial shock, but would prefer if the accident didn't happen until we were better ready.

Beruthiel

Chrissy wrote:

Has anyone else every felt like this, or does anyone else feel like this?
Anyone any suggestions?

I believe that in some women this is quite normal.
Not for one micro-second have I ever felt it myself but I've heard other women saying they were just dying for a baby.
There's never a right time to have one Chrissy, if you were to have one now, you would adjust your life to suit.

Unless your financially stable and in a loving long term relationship and have a place of your own
Babies can be really hard!
How long you are in your relationship, the ideal time would be 3-5 years as having a baby can be a huge strain on you as a couple
How old are you also, are you truly ready to sacrifice your freedom (to a certain extent) to take care of a child!
Every girl feels broody; you learn to deal with it
I help out with my godson and mind my mom’s friend’s daughter! I find it helps put a realistic attitude to my broodiness and ensures I am military with my birth control as the overwhelming thought of having to take on the reasonability is crippling!
I know a partner can be helpful but if you are to have a mortgage bills etc they would not be there most of the time.
Accidents can lead to excess stress on you and your partner!
Wait until your fully ready and completely prepared, preparation is something that can never be stressed enough when thinking of having a baby!

Nevyn

No matter how logical and rational we are we are all subject to our biology,
The years of 22 to 28 are when a woman is at her peak fertilty and after 28 it starts to deline, so no wonder you are feeling broody your body wants you to forfill you primary biologyical objective and reproduce.

Talk to your bf about this and see about maybe moving your plans forwards a little.
Don't do anything rash that may effect the quality of life of you and your child in the future.

Is there anyone in your close friend and family that have children ?
Could you not go and help them with thiers or offer to babysit ?
Really getting covering baby vomit and changing a few nappys can do wonders for taking the longing off.

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote:

getting covering baby vomit and changing a few nappys can do wonders for taking the longing off.

Yeah I found this didn’t scare me off as more a practise run as in if it were my child would I freak out or act as needed

I found out babies are masters in the art of projectile vomiting
Me and baby sitting on the floor in our pj's eating toast
her about 11 months, pukes everywhere, including on the carpet me and my breakfast calmly looks at me a bit startled then starts to play with the sick, and me getting the shock of my life but I stripped and changed her and even though it happened again like 3 times that day to the point we ran out of clothes, she was crawling around in a pair of boxers shorts and a tiny tee that was huge on her!!

Chrissy

CSG:- I'm 26, as is my partner. I've had my partying days, many of them. In fact, most people in the clubs now are 8-10 years younger than me, so I generally avoid them.
I've done my travelling, have that out of my system.

I'm ready to settle down now, ready to grow up & take on some responsibilities.

Thaedydal:- As I said:- I do babysit very regularly, also, I've been doing so sine I was about 12-13 (days & nights). It's never put me off. Their gooing & gaaing, & laughing, crawling, walking, talking etc, more than outweighs the odd cry, bit of vomit, smelly, dirty nappy.
Looking after children has never deterred me from wanting my own, unfortunately.
& now that I'm in my prime, my body is shouting ever more loudly at me, it's deafening, but I don't want to hear it yet. It's not MY time, but I wish it was...

26 is still young, alos a home would be the first thing to undertake not a baby!!!!
take a couple of years to get a home together and then decide, a place to raise a family is kinda important!

Doctor Fell

coolsmileygirl wrote:

Unless your financially stable and in a loving long term relationship and have a place of your own
Babies can be really hard!
How long you are in your relationship, the ideal time would be 3-5 years as having a baby can be a huge strain on you as a couple
How old are you also, are you truly ready to sacrifice your freedom (to a certain extent) to take care of a child!

overwhelming thought of having to take on the reasonability is crippling!
I know a partner can be helpful but if you are to have a mortgage bills etc they would not be there most of the time.


Wait until your fully ready and completely prepared, preparation is something that can never be stressed enough when thinking of having a baby!

CSG, as was said already, there is never an "ideal" time to have kids. With respect, you have no kids yourself, right? So stating it can be really hard unless all those factors you mention are in place is a bit rich. Yes, it can be really hard; it can also be very rewarding, fun, exciting etc. It could also be hard even if they were in place.
The ideal time is 3-5 years ina relationship?? What? Where did you get that from? Every couple is different, that's nonsense. And having a baby is not necessarily a huge strain on a couple! Having a baby definitely brought me and my wife closer.
Sacrifice your freedom??? This is a very negative way to look at it. Freedom to do what, exactly? Of course sacrifice is involved, but the its for a very good purpose. And its not "a" child, it would be "your" child. Big difference. I don't think I would sacrifice my Saturday night in the pub to mind some random kid, but my own child? Of course I would, its totally different.
And finally, I don't think any woman is ever "fully ready and completely prepared" for pregnancy. Like was said, its something you can never have experienced before, and your body and emotions adapt in incredible ways.

Sorry I'm not attacking you, its just that what you have said is disingenuous. I don't know how many billion women have given birth on this planet, but the advice of taking a few years to think about it, waiting for everything to be perfect is obviously not realistic, or adhered to.

I agree but I’m young and at the moment it’s daunting to me that’s all I wouldn’t consider it till everything was right, not for me only but for the baby as well!
Want babies as much as the next person but I’d also want to make the circumstances perfect for my child i.e. settled parents in a loving relationship with the financial means to support the child fully
And while I know lately this hardly ever happens, it’s not a bad thing to want the best

adonis

why dont u move out with your BF first ?

NewFrockTuesday

Just to mention along with all the other advice - being pregnant is really hard work as well. I know everybodys experience is different but I was knackered and annoyed by the end. Trying to get in and out of bed is a trial nevermind fighting your way onto the dart or bus to get to work.

I noticed as well you go down in the food chain and the vunerable position as time goes on and you find yourself feeling less brave due to concerns about not only yourself but the baby as well leave you relying more on your partner than you normally would. Unless you have him 100% behind you it will be a real slog.

And dont even get me started about giving birth!

Ive been there once and it was far far harder than I ever imagined it would be.

Like, if I found out in the morning that I was pregnant, I'd be the happiest person in the world, though the repercussions of such a discovery wouldn't be very pleasant

Exactly - the repercussions would not be plesant.

Oryx

I suppose Im posting because for all of my 20s I felt like you do. I longed for a child, but financially and home-wise we werent in a position to have a kid. But every time one of my friends got pregnant, it was like a knife turning. I never thought I was the maternal type, but boy, the broodiness was unreal, almost like a physical pain! But I knew in my heart if I went ahead and got pregnant then it would have made raising that child much harder - it still hurt, tho. But I did a lot of things I wanted to do, and achieved stuff Im proud of, and vented the feelings that way. I waited till I was in my 30s settled and stuff, and happily have two children now. I suppose Im glad I waited, but having had kids I wonder if I wouldnt have coped earlier anyway.:) I just wanted to say it can work out, only you know if you are prepared to wait.

Xiney

If you talk to your future husband about this and you decide you definately want kids now, there are things that can be done to speed up the process of being in a more acceptable situation.

Why not buy a smaller house sooner and wait to build? Get married next summer instead of in the future sometime. You don't seem like you'd really be rushing things if you did, you just want to get to that next stage in your life.

embee

Chrissy,

I'm 25, and I have a six month old daughter. She wasn't planned, and it certainly wasn't the "perfect" time for it to happen (I don't believe there is a perfect time tbh), but we have managed it.

Before I got pregnant, I was vaguely aware of the biological clock starting to make its presence felt. If I'm honest, I was more than vaguely aware. I was always conscious of how I wanted a baby before I was 30, and when I turned 24 I did start thinking about when I'd like to try for a baby. Still though, we used contraception as it wasn't the "right" time, and got pregnant anyway.

Whats for you won't pass you. Try to ignore your biological clock. I know its hard, but putting off becoming a Mammy for a couple of years is best really... you should do all the things you'd like to do now. If you want to go travelling or a month or so, do it now. I never did it and now I have a baby, it'll be on the backburner for some considerable time.

Aard

You mentioned "little babies, cute toddlers, pre-school kids", but what you seem to have forgotten is what they grow into. Giggling babies can make even the coldest hearts happy, but think to yourself how you'll feel down the line when they hit puberty. Your child probably won't turn out anything like you expect, and neither will your relationship with him/her. Put a LOT of thought into it beyond the baby years, as the responsibility of another person will be life-changing.

Chrissy

Aard:- Whether it happens tomorrow, next year or in 5 years, I WILL have children, whether God intends for those to be adopted or whatever.

Before I die, I want children & yes, they have to grow up too. So, whether I'm coping with teenagers when I'm age 39 or 44 is really irrelevant, I think.
My relationship with my partner is rock solid, & nothing will change that. (That's not being niave)

embee, thanks for your input.
I have no intention of getting pregnant now, I don't actually want to get pregnant now (but I long to inside), what I want is to get rid of the longing feeling.
As I said, I've done all the travelling I want to do.
I've done all the different relationships I want to do.
I've done all the mad partying I want to do.
I've done all the education I want to do.

I'm actually 100% ready, with NO doubt in my mind that I'm ready to move onto the next step of my life:- the responsibility of parenthood & family life.

But, circumstances aren't right to allow that to happen yet. I either wish that those circumstances would hurry up & come about, or that these feelings would bugger off for another few years.

As has been said:- there's no ideal time & I know that, but times could be better than they are right now, so that's why practicality wise, I want to hold off, but if it were to happen, I'd have no doubt that we'd make it work, & make it work well

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I'm 35 and I'd love to have kids. As I'm not married and have no boyfriend, chances of having kids before I'm 40, look more remote every day.

People can tell me how difficult it is, etc., that doesn't faze me because it's what I really want, and I'm sure that if I were a mother, I won't be complaining about losing my freedom, because I HAVE freedom now and it's not all it's cracked up to be, renting DVDs to keep from going crazy with boredom, spending hours on the internet. I've travelled a bit, (vancouver, montreal and germany) but it's kind of lonely travelling by yourself, it was all right for a couple of trips but the next trip I take I want to have someone to bring along.

To get rid of my fears that my fertility is fading, I have begun charting my temperatures as if I were trying to conceive. The results seem to be pretty normal which makes me feel better, and if I were to meet Mr. RIght tomorrow and start tryign to have a kid, I will have months and months of chart info on when the best time to concieve will be. So maybe start charting your basal temps, give you something concrete to do in the meantime.

I've debated going to a fertility clinic and having a kid on my own, but my sister is very high and mighty about this, but she has a husband and a baby of her own on the way, so it's not like I expect a lot of support from my family. I would prefer to have a dad for my kids anyhow.

The Sweeper

For me, thirty and childless, the ticking is there all right. HOWEVER, one thing I can't get by with kids isn't the puking and the poo and the nappies and the sleepless nights, or the puberty, or any of that.

It's the fact that you're inviting another human being into your life and it will virtually never be just the two of you again.

That's how I know I'm not ready for kids, whatever biology might be saying. Ever have someone over for a few days? Ever feel glad when they're gone and you can settle down on the couch and read a book for a bit while life goes back to normal? ...now imagine the house guest that sticks around for decades.

I'm married two years in September and planned babies are a long way off yet. (One cannot account for accidental babies.) We're still liking it being just the two of us too much.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054853002

Your not even with the guy a year ^^^^^^^
I would barely call it A long term relationship


ummmmm slow down!

Doctor Fell

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Ever have someone over for a few days? Ever feel glad when they're gone and you can settle down on the couch and read a book for a bit while life goes back to normal? ...now imagine the house guest that sticks around for decades.
.

Yes, I know that feeling well. But I doubt you would feel the same way about your own child as a house guest! I know in my case I want my kid around, and it doesn't stop parents from chilling and reading a book! Having shared accommodation with quite a few people, I can honestly say kids are nothing like random house guests.

Doctor Fell

:eek:

Aard wrote:

You mentioned "little babies, cute toddlers, pre-school kids", but what you seem to have forgotten is what they grow into. Giggling babies can make even the coldest hearts happy, but think to yourself how you'll feel down the line when they hit puberty. Your child probably won't turn out anything like you expect, and neither will your relationship with him/her. Put a LOT of thought into it beyond the baby years, as the responsibility of another person will be life-changing.

What exactly are you getting at? What they grow into is adults, hopefully. So what?
Are you suggesting women shouldn't have babies because their kids might have a tough puberty? :eek: That's nonsensical.
And you make the responsibility thing sound like a bad thing, a LOT of thought, lol. Yes the responsibility and experiences and commitment are life changing, but the vast majority of people would say in a good way! You can't think about life like that. You really are making it very negative there, and I reject your assumptions. Child rearing is the natural method of reproduction for us, billions have done it, are doing it, and hopefully will do it. That's just life.

Chrissy

coolsmileygirl wrote:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054853002

Your not even with the guy a year ^^^^^^^
I would barely call it A long term relationship


ummmmm slow down!

Great investigative work there CSG!!!:rolleyes:

We've been best mates for years & years & years, we've only started shagging this past year I guess.

The 'Relationship' if you like, has been there a very long time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not into rushing things in general. Ex's were dated for years, like we're talking 5 years+, & I never wanted to marry them or have kids with them or anything, but this guy is the real deal.

Plus, I said we aren't intending on having kids anytime soon, I just can't get the longing out of my system, which is what I really want.

well reading from the previous thread i didnt get that impression
you have to live with it and try spend more time around kid's

Doctor Fell

coolsmileygirl wrote:

you have to live with it and try spend more time around kid's

Look, if you have kids, no matter what your previous experience , you'll learn very quickly how to handle it.

Gordon

Doctor Fell wrote:

Look, if you have kids, no matter what your previous experience , you'll learn very quickly how to handle it.

I'm sure that's true but it must also be true that there are circumstances in one's life that will make it easier, or more difficult, to raise children. Hence waiting until the circumstances that are perceived to make having a child an easier and more fulfilling thing to do (for all parties) - is more beneficial.

LegacyUser

Just do it ...
And stop complaining.

That'll get rid of 'the longing'.

Doctor Fell

Gordon wrote:

I'm sure that's true but it must also be true that there are circumstances in one's life that will make it easier, or more difficult, to raise children. Hence waiting until the circumstances that are perceived to make having a child an easier and more fulfilling thing to do (for all parties) - is more beneficial.

Stalking me Gordon?
Yes of course I agree about the circumstances issue, but the point is there will never be a "perfect" time, something could always be better - so sitting around waiting for much better circumstances or the optimum circumstances is not often practical or a good idea. Not saying to just jump right in, of course planning is great, but a lot of kids are unplanned, and parents cope. Like was said, you learn and adapt very quickly indeed - after all its a natural process that most of us are good at.

chump

Chrissy wrote:

Great investigative work there CSG!!!:rolleyes:

We've been best mates for years & years & years, we've only started shagging this past year I guess.

The 'Relationship' if you like, has been there a very long time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not into rushing things in general. Ex's were dated for years, like we're talking 5 years+, & I never wanted to marry them or have kids with them or anything, but this guy is the real deal.

Plus, I said we aren't intending on having kids anytime soon, I just can't get the longing out of my system, which is what I really want.

Sounds to me like there's something missing from your life and you want to fill that void with a child.

Do you have a career?
Do you have hobbies?
Do you have a dream other than to have children?

TBH I think it's a prefectly valid dream and ambition to have children - I just don't think it should be your only dream/ambition.

RainyDay

Just one point from personal experience - Don't assume that once you make the decision to proceed, baby will appear to your schedule. I'm five years older as a parent than I expected to be, having gone through 5 difficult years of infertility/investigations/IVF.

LegacyUser

Hey Chrissy,

I am a couple of years younger then you, and I absolutely love kids (especially babies, I go all gooey when I see them),
I have a 10 year old sister, so I guess I had a bit of hand in her upbringing, and I have been hugely educated in the ways a child minds works bu watching her grow up, and seeing her personality develop.
I am in a long term relationship, (together 2.5 years with a view to marry) my BF loves babies too, and I know, eventually, we will have children of our own.

However, as much as I love babies, and children, I think that the next few years should be about us, us as a couple, and as individuals.

If we were to marry in the next few years I would very much like to spend at least another couple of years just getting to know each other as a married couple, living together, making decisions together, developing our relationship to a point where a child could only strengthen it.

I know you know your BF a long time, and you both feel that you are each others 'ONE', but you need to take time to learn about each other, on every level.

Marriage requires huge compromises, as does living together, you need to be sure you can handle all the changes that these two elements will throw at you before consider bringing a child into the relationship.

If your relationship is not rock solid a child will not help to cement it.

Take your time, work on your relationship, then have children.

You no you both want them, you know you have a good 10 years or more in which to have them, slow down, and try not to let you want for a baby take the leading role in your lives.

Doctor Fell

what_to_do wrote:

However, as much as I love babies, and children, I think that the next few years should be about us, us as a couple, and as individuals.

Marriage requires huge compromises, as does living together, you need to be sure you can handle all the changes that these two elements will throw at you before consider bringing a child into the relationship.

If your relationship is not rock solid a child will not help to cement it.

Take your time, work on your relationship, then have children.

You no you both want them, you know you have a good 10 years or more in which to have them, slow down, and try not to let you want for a baby take the leading role in your lives.

Hi, with due respect, the above is not good advice. You have stated your own preference for having kids, but every couple is different. What works for you might not work for the OP. I gather from the OP's post she does not want to wait 10 more years. And there's nothing wrong with that - if she wants babies soon that's her choice and that's fine.
Besides, why should she not let her want for a baby take the "leading role" in their lives? What's possibly wrong with that? Are you suggesting desire for children is somehow unhealthy or wrong, or that its wrong to prioritise it? Because there's nothing wrong with prioritising children if that's what they want.
And finally, I would also disagree about the having a child does not cement a relationship line. Who can say any relationship is 100% "rock solid"? I don't see why you're putting this pre-condition on having kids. In my experience children more often than not do improve relationships between spouses. And no-one can be sure they can handle what will happen at a future date until it actually happens, and they have to act. So when you say "you need to be sure you can handle all the changes that these two elements will throw at you before consider bringing a child into the relationship", that becomes meaningless as nobody can honestly know how they will act apriori to any given event.
And what "work" exactly should people do on relationships?? Relationships develop over time, some develop very quickly (ever meet someone you hit it off with immediatley?) others don't. Point is if they're both happy to have kids that's enough - you don't have to wait 10 years :eek: to "cement" something that isn't concrete in the first place (excuse the pun).

Edit: just wondering why you had to go anonymous to post your above advice?

LegacyUser

Doctor Fell wrote:

Hi, with due respect, the above is not good advice. You have stated your own preference for having kids, but every couple is different. What works for you might not work for the OP. I gather from the OP's post she does not want to wait 10 more years. And there's nothing wrong with that - if she wants babies soon that's her choice and that's fine.
Besides, why should she not let her want for a baby take the "leading role" in their lives? What's possibly wrong with that? Are you suggesting desire for children is somehow unhealthy or wrong, or that its wrong to prioritise it? Because there's nothing wrong with prioritising children if that's what they want.
And finally, I would also disagree about the having a child does not cement a relationship line. Who can say any relationship is 100% "rock solid"? I don't see why you're putting this pre-condition on having kids. In my experience children more often than not do improve relationships between spouses. And no-one can be sure they can handle what will happen at a future date until it actually happens, and they have to act. So when you say "you need to be sure you can handle all the changes that these two elements will throw at you before consider bringing a child into the relationship", that becomes meaningless as nobody can honestly know how they will act apriori to any given event.
And what "work" exactly should people do on relationships?? Relationships develop over time, some develop very quickly (ever meet someone you hit it off with immediatley?) others don't. Point is if they're both happy to have kids that's enough - you don't have to wait 10 years :eek: to "cement" something that isn't concrete in the first place (excuse the pun).

I don't think they should wait 10 years, I merely meant to suggest that they had at least 10 years in which to play around with.
Also, if her BF wanted children right now then there would be no stopping them, but he doesn't want them right now.
According to the OP he does want children eventually, but would prefer to be more settled, in terms of home and marriage, and financially, before having them, so for him at least, having children is not his main priority right now.

Doctor Fell

WHAT_TO_DO wrote:

I don't think they should wait 10 years, I merely meant to suggest that they had at least 10 years in which to play around with.
Also, if her BF wanted children right now then there would be no stopping them, but he doesn't want them right now.
According to the OP he does want children eventually, but would prefer to be more settled, in terms of home and marriage, and financially, before having them, so for him at least, having children is not his main priority right now.

Fair enough about the 10 years - but mid 30's is not biologically speaking the best time. Also, as a previous poster pointed out, conception might not be as easy as anticipated.
Where did she say all that about her BF? Just re-read her posts and couldn't find it.
I still don't understand why you think they shouldn't let desire for a child take a "leading role" in their lives. I don't see why that is a bad thing at all.

Gordon

The OP is not talking about having a baby now. Her problem is the broodiness, and how to calm her broodiness down.

LegacyUser

Chrissy wrote:

It does not suit for me to get pregnant right now. Yes, financially I'm fine, but I still live at home, we haven't started to build our house yet, never mind be settled in it, we're not married yet, we're still relatively young, etc, etc, etc, so the timing is not right & we're not trying for a baby, in fact we're being V careful with contraception so that a pregnancy doesn't occur.

This leads me to believe that although they are serious about each other, and very happy together, they are definitely not planning on making a baby any time soon

Chrissy wrote:

how does my partner feel:- well I'm sure he's not broody, but he'd feel the same as me, in that now's not the right time.
He's fantastic with children, loves them, He'll make a wonderful father. He wants us to have kids, we've talked several times about them. If an accident were to happen, he'd be delighted, after the initial shock, but would prefer if the accident didn't happen until we were better ready.

[/QUOTE]

And the above makes me think that her Partner loves her very much, but it would seem that a baby definitely is not his main priority right now.

Yes, he could handle it, and would be excited about it should it happen by accident, but its certainly not something he wants right now, and not something he is planning for.

Chrissy

Gordon wrote:

The OP is not talking about having a baby now. Her problem is the broodiness, and how to calm her broodiness down.

Thank you Gordon!

I was beginning to get really fed up of people saying "SLOW DOWN :eek: ", "babies this early on will ruin....", when you're right, not once have i actually said that I REALLY want a baby right now, my body is trying to convince me that I do, but my head knows I don't & yes, I just want to get rid of the broodiness.


What_To_Do.

Yes, WE could handle it, and would be excited about it should it happen by accident, but its certainly not something WE want right now, and not something WE are planning for.

That's how your sentence should read.
Myself & bf feel exactly the same with regards to children, it's just he's not feeling broody, probably normal as he's a guy

Gordon

I would have thought that the least amount of contact that you can have with kids would be the best course of action for you Chrissy, however I've never experienced broodiness and I'm a guy.

Doctor Fell

Chrissy wrote:

I just want to get rid of the broodiness.

Sorry, I can't help you there!

I knew what your post was originally, but I was just responding to people with the "don't have a child now!" attitude. I'll bow out now, as I don't think anyone can really do anything about that feeling you have.

Good luck!

Chrissy

I wasn't hinting at you in my post Doctor Fell.

I agree with everything you said, tbh.

Thanks.

(but, though there's never an ideal time, there will be a time more suitable than where I'm currently at, so we'll be holding off for a while....... Now, if I could just convince my body of that!!)

Thanks for your input.

Doctor Fell

No problem at all Chrissy, hope everything works out for you!

NextSteps

Chrissy, I know exactly what you mean. For the last six months or so I can't stop thinking of being pregnant. It's on my mind all the time, to my boyfriend's horror (we're 28, but he sees it as something we should wait a year or two before discussing). It's like a hunger or a longing in the pit of the stomach. Nothing will shake it.

And it's strange, because I've never been a babies type of person. I usually ignore them, and I certainly don't go all gooey. I'm usually very rational. It seems to be mainly pregnancy that I want. I'd do it in the morning.

I wish there were something I could do to put the whole thing out of my mind - for one thing, it's rough on the boyfriend, as it would be extremely selfish to guiltrip him into fatherhood - but there isn't.

embee

UB wrote:

It seems to be mainly pregnancy that I want. I'd do it in the morning.

Pregnancy is a mere 9 months and, bar not drinking and eating the right foods, seeking proper ante-natal care, your life doesn't REALLY change during pregnancy.

To be honest, if its pregnancy you say you want, that should tell you that you are in no way ready to become a parent and all that it entails.

OP - On the broodiness thing... A friend of mine is going through the exact same thing at the moment. She went out and got herself a kitten to "mother", and she says for her its doing the trick. Pouring all of her nurturing instincts into a pet is keeping the tick tock in the background down to a dull roar. Obviously, this may not work for you, but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

JC 2K3

Can you not get hormone suppressants or something that'd stop this?

LegacyUser

I'd say Chrissy that your constant contact with children probably isn't helping the situation. Maybe try to cut that down a bit.

I was in a similar situation myself about 6 or 8 months back, my fiance and I have been together about 5 years, and I'd been really broody for about 4 months, but because the time wasn't right I'd just kept the feelings to myself. The longing (and almost pain) that I was feeling was unbelievable. It was actually starting to get me down, partly because of the sheer longing, and partly because I was carrying it all by myself.
I sat down one day and just explained it all to my other half, got a bit teary, and told him how big of a feeling it was to me. We'd already discussed having kids so there was no question that we would have children, I just had this crazy overload telling me that I needed them right now.
Anyway, almost as soon as I explained all of this to him, it was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, a problem shared is a problem halved as they say. I still wanted kids but the overwhelming need stopped.

In fact a few months down the line, we've decided the time is as good as it will ever be and we're now TTC. He's actually the one thats feeling more broody than me now. LOL


I know that you said you've discussed kids before, but sit down and explain exactly how you're feeling. Getting it off your chest and not dealing with it alone can be a great help.

Incidentally, the reason I'm unregged is that me and my other half both use Boards and it's common knowledge on the forums he uses most that we are in a relationship, and whilst I'd have no problem people knowing our situation, I can't make that decision for him. Just in case anyone wondered.