Dont know if im good looking or not... Causing depression

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a 17 yr old guy and I really don’t know if i’m good looking or not!! Its weird I know but its really making me miserable. Sometimes I feel good bout my looks then other times ill be like what was I thinking! And just get really depressed. Have never had a girlfriend although did have the opportunities but my expectations are very high (looks wise), maybe too high, and I kinda only want really good-looking girls. Of course because I’m not sure if I’m a good looking guy I don’t have the courage to approach those kinda girls yet. I’m just too afraid of realising that I’m not an attractive guy if that’s the case! I have gone through phases of depression over this and still get them frequently. Sometimes I think of suicide. I don’t know entirely what I mean to ask. Just advice I guess. Thanks.

melekalikimaka

this may sound very mean but go out with some uglier girls, they do wonders for your confidence

Xiney

First of all, if you are so depressed you sometimes think of suicide, getting a girlfriend now is not in your best interest. Love is an emotional rollercoaster and it certainly won't solve those types of problems, and might even aggravate them.

So my first bit of advice is to get your depression worked out, and this should be priority number 1. Most people go through a period when they teenagers when they feel depressed and don't know if it's worth it to keep living. This is because becomming an adult is really stressful and scary. The good news is that if you allow yourself to work through these feelings, and come out at the end with a feeling of self worth, you will have come a long way in terms of maturity and that will help you a lot in all aspects of your life.

As for being good looking or not, I can honestly say that you probably are but your feelings of self worth being so low right now you can't see it. Also, have you ever noticed that when you like a girl's personality, you start to think she's really pretty? They feel that way about you, too. Every time you make them laugh or feel good about themselves, they associate your face with a positive thing, which in time, will make some girl think you are great looking and a great guy.

Lastly, for wanting to date only pretty girls, this is normal for a guy your age and it will change with maturity. I suggest you get to know a girl before you date her though, personality is really what is going to matter in the relationship isn't it? This doesn't mean you have to go for someone homely, that would be suggesting that pretty girls are completely vapid, which in most cases isn't true. Just keep in mind that what your friends will think about your girlfriend doesn't really matter unless you let it, and your attraction to a girl, no matter how beautiful, will waver (to say the least) if you don't enjoy her company.

Good luck, you'll get through this, so many before you have.

LegacyUser

Xiney. Well the thing is i havnt really been out much at all lately and havnt been socialising exept for the occassional band practice with my friends... On that point id like to say i am a very good musician and my music (blues) eases my depression sometimes. Anyway like i said the only ppl i have been around are my band members, very occassional, so if i had a girlfriend i think it would make me happier. I do have other friends outside my band but cause of the way im feeling at moment i have pretty much isolated myself... I have been doing drugs. I sometimes go out and get stoned with this guy (isnt really a friend) who is fairly messed up. So like i said i think getting a girlfriend would really get me on the right track but its easier said than done...

Static M.e.

First of all, being so called "Good Looking" is a really only for the extreme, most people are just average and they dress well or go for a certain look that makes them good looking to someone of the opposite sex who is looking for someone with that look.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder that old saying sums it all up. You might see some girl on the street and think she is absolutly drop dead geogerous, but some other guy mightn't even notice her at all. Even the girl might think that she is ugly.. you see where im going with this.

I know some guys who are puck ugly but are going out with ABSOLUTE stunners! because the guys had the confidence to go over and talk to these women in the beginning and then had the charm and personality to keep them.

Second your only 17 (Not meant as put down) but your features / looks are going to change by the time your 21 and all through your life. I look nothing like I did when I was 17.

Your not getting a GF because your isolating yourself, how do you expect to find some girl if you aren't out their looking for one? if you hang around with JUST the band all the time dont you think your kinda limiting yourself? Get out and meet more people, when I was 17 all the girls I went out with I meet through other girl friends.

Another thing

I sometimes go out and get stoned with this guy (isnt really a friend) who is fairly messed up.

Do you really think its a good idea to go and get stoned with someone who is ALREADY messed up and who ISNT even your friend. Are you trying to impress him for some reason... not to mention the fact that you want to go out and get a Gf and instead you go and get stoned with another guy.. and you wonder why your feeling depressed?

You seem like a smart guy, Im quite sure you can work out what you need to do and what you should consider NOT doing GL

LegacyUser

I wouldn't consider myself good looking at all. There's plenty i'd love to change about my appearance... BUT i still managed to get myself (what i consider) a stunner of a girlfriend. We started going out 7-8 months ago. You're not in a bad way because you havn't had a girlfriend and you're 17. I'm 20 now

Thing is, she thinks i'm a stunner, so that's all that matters.

Marksie

This is more of a self esteem issue rather than not being attractive.

You have a low opinion of yourself and the guy who you are doing drugs with is a no no... Just dont do em and let him go as he isnt a friend. He adn they are not good for you.

You are only 17 and still developing. It is a question of inner confidence that needs to be developed.

So how can we find something that will help you.
Well what leaps off your post is one that is a creative talent that is really gonig to help you in yourself and in your search for a g/friend.


Your Blues music.

we all have a creative talent, mines cooking lol.

But they are a focal point of interest for members of the opposite sex. it show a degree of cerativity and sensitivity.
build on that and use that.
You say you ar a pretty good musician..great. Build your inner confidence around that and springboard from there

look at van morrison! No looks and all the girls

quad_red

Sadman wrote:

Have never had a girlfriend although did have the opportunities but my expectations are very high (looks wise), maybe too high, and I kinda only want really good-looking girls.

You think of suicide because you don't get chances with really good looking girls? And you've no time for 'normal' looking girls. Cos they're too ugly for you. Oh, you've had plenty of opportunities.

But poor you - none of them were good looking enough.

And this makes you think about suicide?

What are you on? Grow up. You refuse to give most girls a chance cos they're not 'really good looking'.

And then you whine about being 'depressed'? (It sounds like sullen arrogance to me).

Man, pull your head out of your ass. The world is full of fantastic amazing girls. Loftily declaring that you'll only consider the 'really good looking' ones is either a sign that you're

1) seriously deluded
and/or
2) a seriously shallow person.

Jotter

theres such a thing as thinking too much. If you feel depressed/suicidal then you need to go speak to a councellor - ring samaritans and they can put you in touch with one or look up golden pages on web. The drugs arent going to help theyll make depression and negative feelings towards yourself far worse..

I used to think I was ugly, then I started going out with guys and I discovered that I wasnt. I then relied on guys to boost confidence, I was never single bec I saw it as a bad thing, that I wasnt attractive enough to have a bf. Without being patronising, now that Im older I can see that relying on guys to make myself feel good was a mistake. I now am very confident with my looks bec I like myself and feel good about myself, its always nice to get compliments as a booster but I dont rely on them anymore, I can compliment myself.

Try thinking more positively about yourself, if you feel negative thoughts creeping in then turn them around into the opposite. Enjoy your music but dont wallow in it and stop hanging out with people who you dont seem to like much. Get out and forget about girls for a bit, confidence is far more attractive then looks as is seeing someone enjoying themselves instead of moping about - you never know the good looking girls might start to take an interest then! Oh and seeing how youre a boy whos prone to being down about himself - make sure youre hygiene is good and your clothes dont smell musty or of heavy smoke and dont put too much gel in your hair - major turnoff!!

Dragan

Can i just point out one or two things for you OP....

....you lack of confidence in the way you look....which is only lacking because an apparent "lack" of sucess with really hot girls have made you question it.....is leading you to believe that getting a girlfriend will make things better?

YOU need to sort out YOUR head, not look for some lass to give you an emotional booster dude.

I imagine you lack of sucess with the upper echelons of the good looking ladies has more to do with personality/confidence that anything else.

There is no shortage of good looking people in the country, just cuz you are good looking does not mean a girl has to like you.

Girls are odd, they pick up vibes FAR better than most men do... if your being reclusive etc they will pick that vibe up....maybe the fact that you hang around with a known messed up stoner turns them off???

There is a lot more to life than looks my friend, and i am sure you have a lot more to offer a girl than just looks....you just need to see that, yeah?

connundrum

Who knows what good looking is anyway?? I'm still very surprised that my missus hangs around with me - and I was very surprised that she even liked me at the start.. but she thinks I'm good looking at thats all that matters!

Maybe you should stop concentrating on picking the most visually pretty girl for a while, and start actually talking to girls. I bet you'll have a result in a short while. And by result, I mean that you'll find someone who you consider to be really good looking and maybe have a date with them

LegacyUser

Good Looks does not always necessarily mean 'Nice person' ...

bealbocht

quad_red wrote:

You think of suicide because you don't get chances with really good looking girls? And you've no time for 'normal' looking girls. Cos they're too ugly for you. Oh, you've had plenty of opportunities.

But poor you - none of them were good looking enough.

And this makes you think about suicide?

What are you on? Grow up. You refuse to give most girls a chance cos they're not 'really good looking'.

And then you whine about being 'depressed'? (It sounds like sullen arrogance to me).

Man, pull your head out of your ass. The world is full of fantastic amazing girls. Loftily declaring that you'll only consider the 'really good looking' ones is either a sign that you're

1) seriously deluded
and/or
2) a seriously shallow person.

Indeed, what you need lad/man/dude , is some fun.... if your not laughing neither is she. If she is not laughing, you are getting the late night bus home on your own.

Or do good looking people laugh these days,

dr.bollocko

NortSoide wrote:

Good Looks does not always necessarily mean 'Nice person' ...

Yep, but ugly doesnt mean nice either.
Im pug fugly, and Im a bastard, so theres the mirror to your point!
(And I am blessed with the worlds most gorgeous and fantastic girlfriend.)

Serious though, to be 17 and thinking of suicide, well its not normal, but its not uncommon either. U know its an emotional rollercoaster we have all been through, and I wouldnt be afraid of dating in case it worsens the depression. The chemicals that cause depression will still be making you down whether or not u have a tempestuous time of it in relationships.
Speaking as someone who frequently does, I would suggest avoiding freaky drug guy. It starts with the hash, and then freaky drug guy suggests things like Salvio, or Acid, or shrooms, or other freaky drugs that drug freaks take, and that can really **** u up. (Or show u the other side of the coin thus giving u a new raison d'etre, but theres a time and a place for that kind of drug experience and its called college)
Dont listen to wankery moany posts above, becuase they are clearly having a bad day and want to make u feel bad to make themselves feel better. This is the kind of person that you dont want to become, read the embittered moaning, and u will see what misery can turn you into if, unlike u, u dont acknowledge it, and work on it within yourself. I can see u arent whining but struggling with issues. Look nothing anyone says is gonna make it easy 4 u, but u have recognised a few issues with yourself, so try now to fix them, using your own mental strength. Identify new people, talk to them, then identify new girls, and see how u get on with them. I really dont think u are ugly (From someone whose sure, if u arent sure, u are probably ok, and even still, if u are ugly, its not the looks that catches the ladies, its the person under it.) Good lucks are the last refuge of the moronic. That and posting things like quad-red did below. Seriously, why is he allowed to post pointless poorly written attacks that completely miss the point like that?

LegacyUser

dr.bollocko wrote:

Speaking as someone who frequently does, I would suggest avoiding freaky drug guy. It starts with the hash, and then freaky drug guy suggests things like Salvio, or Acid, or shrooms, or other freaky drugs that drug freaks take, and that can really **** u up.

Im ashamed to say that i have already tryed Salvio and Magic Mushrooms (which he grows himself...) although i am not hooked or anything... Back to the real point, As i already said i barely go out anymore and i have lost contact with all my friends outside the band so i have no links to girls (like i used to)... The only way at the moment would be to approuch girls i dont know on the street, which does not sound very appealing... I just dont know what im gonna do with no oppertunities...

Aard

You just have to remember that different people are attracted to different things. Some like those who are rake-thin, some like those with a few extra pounds, for example. Just because *you* don't think you're attractive doesn't mean that others won't. You'll be your harshest critic, and if you have a little bit more confidence in yourself, others will pick up on it too. It may be cliché, but there's more to a person than their looks. As long as you have the _confidence_ to go up to a girl, you should find that you don't have as many problems as you think.

Kell

Sadman wrote:

So like i said i think getting a girlfriend would really get me on the right track

Just how exactly? If your self esteem is in the crapper as it stands a girfriend isnt the fix all you think she is going to be. In fact, she will probably think you are the whiney clingly type, dump you and it will come as a bigger blow to your self confidence.

When making a life changer like deciding to go and chat women up, irrelevant of their looks, or yours for that matter, requires taking a deep breath and diving in at the deep end and growing a thick skin. You are NOT going to score the first time, dont expect to, or even several times after that. When you do score, it will be because the girl gets a vibe from you that says "yes I am interested, and I am confident but no I am not going to fawn all over you" instead of what they will get the first few times which is "I would shag the leg of the table given the chance".

Everyone feels ugly now and again. Theres times you look in the mirror and go "would you look at the state of that". Dont fret it. You're too young to get hung up on that sort of shít.

K-

Anti

melekalikimaka wrote:

this may sound very mean but go out with some uglier girls, they do wonders for your confidence

dunno about that now. ive tried it before just for a confidence booster. She ended up stalking me, getting a job where i was, i left. she continued stalking, ringing me. changed number. It got so bad she was abusive and violent to any girl she saw me with out on the town. Ended up having to take a restraining order on her.

Aard

anti wrote:

dunno about that now. ive tried it before just for a confidence booster. She ended up stalking me, getting a job where i was, i left. she continued stalking, ringing me. changed number. It got so bad she was abusive and violent to any girl she saw me with out on the town. Ended up having to take a restraining order on her.

Karma.


I don't believe people should be used to raise others' confidence.

Anti

couldnt have put it any better tbh

Blisterman

Next time, you're out and you see a girl, start a conversation with her, about anything. The weather, ask her where a good place to go for coffee is, anything. Not hitting on them, just having a conversation.
Do this as often as you can.It'll help your confidence around girls, and who knows, one might even give you her number.