sneaky husband

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one... In the bedroom my hubby and myself have a lot of fun and experiment a lot, in particular he loves to take photos and videos of us which is ok by me but recently he stepped out and his computer was left on so I went over to use it. My husband spends a lot of time online and I know he looks at adult material etc. but what did I find.... He's been posting our pics and vids on some amateur newbie website and apparently has been trading them with other people, mostly couples.

I did see some of the things poeple had sent back which involved other men doing certain things while looking at photos of me and then just photos of other couples.

At first I didn't know what to think and some of the images and 1 video in particular of a man doing you know what while watching our video really turned me on but the more I though of it the more annoyed I got because he hadn't consulted me about this.

I'm worried that someone I know will see these images and videos of me or that he might be pleasuring himself to other peoples wives and I do want him for myself.

how should I handle this one? I don't mind too much but at the same time I do. It's hard to explain because it does turn me on and I think that will make him stop because he'll be jealous then, but I don't know how long it's been going on and what he's been up to or who he's shown them to, it's very sneaky.

Heyes

All you can really do is be honest. CALMLY sit down and talk to him about it, never know might end up having more fun together rather than him living this seperate part of his life.

I would have a problem with this if it was me, pictures like above are suppose to be for each other, unless discused differently between the two involved

Ruu_Old

Well if he hasn't consulted you on this then I would just sit down and have a chat with him. Don't blow a fuse or anything. Did you find this stuff he uploaded was open or did you go looking for it?

secret_squirrel

Format the PC's hard drive (if there is nothing you want on it)

Then tell him if he ever posts or mails a picture of you across the internet you will have his balls.

Seriously out of order imo.

Just because you consented to playing games with videos and pictures doesnt mean you consented to him sharing them. Make sure he is well aware of that going forward.

Major trust issue if you ask me.

How can you trust this man to take any more piccies/videos of you together if this is what he is doing with them without your permission.

Nevyn

Wow, what a idiot.
Sorry but that is my first reaction as it seems the both of you have been honest enough about looking at porn and having fun and he goes and does that with out asking or disscussion.
I would have him in the dog house so fast he would be so confused he would be barking.

Make the time to have a serious talk about this and let him know he will have to work hard to get your trust back.

Huggles

I have to say that I think its a disgraceful betrayal of trust, I would go bonkers if I found out my bf did that!

Can't believe your taking it so well, to use a quote from Pulp Fiction, id be getting medieval on his ass!!!

Sit him down and talk to him about it and tell him how annoyed you are! :mad:

dr.bollocko

What the **** is wrong with your husband?
If im in a relationship I tend to consult my other half about little things like PUTTING NAKED PICTURES OF THEM ON THE INTERNET?????!!!!
What the ****????
U know your public image is at risk there, its you that everyone will be looking at when they see the pictures, no?
What you do is you do whatever it is you do when you are incredibly ridiculously annoyed with someone, because that is so far out of the ballpark of ok. I mean unless...
Im thinking...
No. I cant think of any reason not involving kidnap / ransom or any information that I mightnt know that would make your husband seem like less of a total creep for doing that.

Strokesfan

secret_squirrel wrote:

Format the PC's hard drive (if there is nothing you want on it)

Then tell him if he ever posts or mails a picture of you across the internet you will have his balls.

Seriously out of order imo.

Just because you consented to playing games with videos and pictures doesnt mean you consented to him sharing them. Make sure he is well aware of that going forward.

Major trust issue if you ask me.

How can you trust this man to take any more piccies/videos of you together if this is what he is doing with them without your permission.

Excellent stuff - I totally agree esp the having his balls part

aidan24326

This is a pretty serious breach of trust. I too am amazed that you're taking it so well. You do seem to have a very open and adventurous sex life and it sounds like if he had discussed this with you first you might have been ok with it. But to go uploading intimate private stuff onto the net like that without even telling you is really not on. I'd be pretty fcuking p*ssed if I was you. Once you upload something like that onto a website and it enters cyberspace you've no control over where it goes from there, so not alot you can do about that. Except tell your husband where to stick his cameras and maybe where to stick himself aswell.

Metacortex

worriedwife wrote:

Going unreg for this one... In the bedroom my hubby and myself have a lot of fun and experiment a lot, in particular he loves to take photos and videos of us which is ok by me but recently he stepped out and his computer was left on so I went over to use it. My husband spends a lot of time online and I know he looks at adult material etc. but what did I find.... He's been posting our pics and vids on some amateur newbie website and apparently has been trading them with other people, mostly couples.

I did see some of the things poeple had sent back which involved other men doing certain things while looking at photos of me and then just photos of other couples.

At first I didn't know what to think and some of the images and 1 video in particular of a man doing you know what while watching our video really turned me on but the more I though of it the more annoyed I got because he hadn't consulted me about this.

I'm worried that someone I know will see these images and videos of me or that he might be pleasuring himself to other peoples wives and I do want him for myself.

how should I handle this one? I don't mind too much but at the same time I do. It's hard to explain because it does turn me on and I think that will make him stop because he'll be jealous then, but I don't know how long it's been going on and what he's been up to or who he's shown them to, it's very sneaky.

I would be furious. Its one thing to make videos for private use, its another to put it up on the internet for all to see.
I can't believe you're so calm about this, i would be livid.

I would say, sit down and have a serious word with him because to be honest what he is doing is bang out of order

Chucky the tree

Pretty much every single post here has been fairly pointless(barring Heyes and Ruu)

Everyone else just posted how they would feel is this happened to them. It hasnt. Your reaction's to this are irrelevant. She clearly stated that she doesnt mind too much, but its a slight problem. Yet people come here and post how she should chop of his balls etc etc.

It seems most of yous didnt even bother reading the whole post.

Dr. Bollocko comes in with this gem of a comment right here "What you do is you do whatever it is you do when you are incredibly ridiculously annoyed with someone"

She doesnt seem incredible annoyed about from what i have read.

Anyway, back to the point. Just do what Heyes and Ruu said. Sit down and talk about it sensible.

Lust4Life

Do your parents have internet access? What if your father was surfing some night, looking for some saucy pictures and stumbled upon yours????!!!!!! Yuck-O!

I totally agree this is a breach of trust.

The two of you need to have a serious and candid discussion.

l4L

Giblet

He seems like a bit of a chancer, but men have their "Things". If you got off on it, I'm sure he would be delighted to hear about it aslong as you aired your greviences aswell.

aidan24326

Chucky the tree wrote:

Pretty much every single post here has been fairly pointless(barring Heyes and Ruu)

Everyone else just posted how they would feel is this happened to them. It hasnt. Your reaction's to this are irrelevant. She clearly stated that she doesnt mind too much, but its a slight problem. Yet people come here and post how she should chop of his balls etc etc.

People were just surprised that she was so calm about what was a pretty ****ty thing to do. How the hell could the reactions of all other posters be irrelevant when the OP posted on this messageboard for the purpose of getting people's reactions? And she obviously does mind else she wouldn't be seeking advice here.
What's more she seems a very open minded person sexually, who may well have been ok with this if her husband had brought it up, and obviously isn't put off by the idea since she got a bit of a thrill from it, so why the need to hide it in the first place? Answer that one.

Marksie

A Big No-No as far as i am concerned posting such material..whi knows where it will end up. Even if both of you were willing

But the crux of the matter is that he did it without your knolwedge. You have to talk to him about that and get him to delete the material off the hard drive.

In my opinion material like that is "for your eyes only"

Miss Fluff

Any couple who partakes in "photography" in their love life have an unwritten rule that it's for their eyes only unless actually specified otherwise. You obviously hadn't expected him to be transmitting it accross the world wide interweb for public consumption.:eek: You say it turns you on however so you have to decide how much this has upset you. It's whether to take the hard line or not. By telling him you find it sexual and it turns you on and then telling him how annoyed you are it will completely undermine the point you are trying to get accross. My concern would be that if he's posted it online he may also have chosen to show some of his mates etc. Discuss it seriously with him and in future make sure that YOU take possession of any videos/pics.

LegacyUser

Chucky the tree wrote:

Pretty much every single post here has been fairly pointless(barring Heyes and Ruu)

Everyone else just posted how they would feel is this happened to them. It hasnt. Your reaction's to this are irrelevant. She clearly stated that she doesnt mind too much, but its a slight problem. Yet people come here and post how she should chop of his balls etc etc.

It seems most of yous didnt even bother reading the whole post.

Exactly! Glad someone nipped that one in the butt.

OP, if your not too bothered by it, go and talk to him about it. Tell him your worried about people you know seeing it but that apart from that your enjoying it but only wish he had come to you first to talk about it.

I doubt he will take it badly because it sounds like your fairly level headed and calm anyway.

tbh

What would worry me is the fact that he reckons it's ok to show strangers pic's of you without consulting you first. That would ring huge alarm bells with me. What other decisions that affect you is he taking without talking to you? You guys *are* married, right?

milod

OP, this is an issue of trust and common sense - no point listening to all the moralising bluster about castration, dog houses etc! The most important questions is whether or not your face is visible?

If the videos/photos are totally anonymous, your husband could easily convince himself that no harm has been done - therefore he was simply horny and sneaky. If your face is visible then it's a remarkably stupid thing to do (as well as sneaky).

If the pictures identify you in any way, then you could be compromised. For example, if work colleagues were to stumble across them, your career could be affected - if you can't trust him, make sure you wear a mask next time you play movie directors...

tbh

milod wrote:

if you can't trust him, make sure you wear a mask next time you play movie directors...

If you can't trust him not to post images of you on the Internet without asking you first, your marriage is ****ed.

with respect.

The problem is that he is putting his own need for gratification above any concerns you may have.

I've thought about this a bit, and here's what would worry me. Why did he not tell you what he was doing? You'll know the answer better than anyone. 'Cept maybe him. Looking at it from an impartial position, my suspicions would be that he didn't tell you, because he didn't think you would go for it, and he wanted to do it. So here's the problem. Your husband has now demonstrated that, if put in a position where he wants to do something that he feels you wouldn't want him to do, he'll do it anyway. I don't know the guy, he could be the sweetest guy in the world, but if you were my sister - and we'd managed to have this conversation without me vomiting - I'd have serious alarm bells ringing.

gubby

I couldnt agree more. can everyone give the op the respect that she deserves. I am sure she knows her husband better than anyone here. She seems to be pretty level headed. just talk to him. who know you may have even more fun in the future. so long as you both agree and you are not id on the pictures. where is the problem.

TalkItOut wrote:

Exactly! Glad someone nipped that one in the butt.

OP, if your not too bothered by it, go and talk to him about it. Tell him your worried about people you know seeing it but that apart from that your enjoying it but only wish he had come to you first to talk about it.

I doubt he will take it badly because it sounds like your fairly level headed and calm anyway.

tbh

gubby wrote:

where is the problem.

tbh wrote:

here's the problem. Your husband has now demonstrated that, if put in a position where he wants to do something that he feels you wouldn't want him to do, he'll do it anyway

LegacyUser

I have to agree with Miss Fluff.

It's a little rich 'to have a go' at him when U are 'gettin off' on it yourself.

Chucky the tree

aidan24326 wrote:

People were just surprised that she was so calm about what was a pretty ****ty thing to do. How the hell could the reactions of all other posters be irrelevant when the OP posted on this messageboard for the purpose of getting people's reactions? And she obviously does mind else she wouldn't be seeking advice here.
What's more she seems a very open minded person sexually, who may well have been ok with this if her husband had brought it up, and obviously isn't put off by the idea since she got a bit of a thrill from it, so why the need to hide it in the first place? Answer that one.

if people were suprised by it a simple "wow, i am suprised by how calm you are" would of been grand. However "omg you should chop his balls off etc etc" is a stupid way to do it.

She asked how should she handle it, she never asked for people to post how they would feel if it happened to them. Its very clear from her op that she is definitly not as angery as the majority of clowns who posted in this thread, so their reaction to it was completely unnesscary.

How the **** should i know? i aint the husband or a mind reader.

Black Swan

I am glad you can take this sudden disclosure of your sex life on the web so calmly. If my significant other did this to me, I am afraid that the gardai would be hauling me off in cuffs after I got through with him. I would definitely have a talk with him, and if you can continue to maintain your calm, then grand, you're a bigger person than me. He should have asked you first, before going public with your pictures. He needs a serious confrontation.

Duras

Any links to that newbie website?:D

Nevyn

Duras, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

RainyDay

Get your hands on a few pictures which show his face but not yours before you do anything - just a little insurance....

Asiaprod

tbh wrote:

If you can't trust him not to post images of you on the Internet without asking you first, your marriage is ****ed.

Would that be an "impartial decision" made from that "impartial position" you placed yourself in?

There is nothing impartial in what you wrote. In fact, it is highly-opinionated. The least you could do is have the curtsey to stick an "IMHO" or "IMO" in your comment. You are in no position to tell the OP that her marriage is ****ed. Although she did enjoy, be it fleetingly, the idea herself, she did come to realize just how stupid and dangerous a thing this action by her other-half is.

The OP should sit down and talk it out. Don't think she needs to reach for the divorce papers just yet, but if it happened again.......a good pair of sharp scissors should do the trick.

tbh

Asiaprod wrote:

Would that be an "impartial decision" made from that "impartial position" you placed yourself in?

There is nothing impartial in what you wrote. In fact, it is highly-opinionated. The least you could do is have the curtsey to stick an "IMHO" or "IMO" in your comment. You are in no position to tell the OP that her marriage is ****ed. Although she did enjoy, be it fleetingly, the idea herself, she did come to realize just how stupid and dangerous a thing this action by her other-half is.

The OP should sit down and talk it out. Don't think she needs to reach for the divorce papers just yet, but if it happened again.......a good pair of sharp scissors should do the trick.

In case you missed it, the next line was "with respect". I was replying to a specific comment that someone made the post before mine. I never said "my impartial opinion is that your marriage is ****ed" I used the work impartial to talk about something else entirely. Did you read any of my other posts at all?

by the way, all my posts are IMO.

Asiaprod

tbh wrote:

In case you missed it, the next line was "with respect". I was replying to a specific comment that someone made the post before mine. Did you read any of my other posts at all? by the way, all my posts are IMO.

Yep, read em all, and it still does not change the issue I have with the post. You are in no position to decide if the OP's "marriage is ****ed." You can of course decide that if it was YOUR marriage you would consider it to be ****ed.

For the record, even if meant, the placement of "with respect" following two lines later with no capital does not quite convey that sentiment, again IMO.

tbh

Asiaprod wrote:

Yep, read em all, and it still does not change the issue I have with the post. You are in no position to decide if the OP's "marriage is ****ed." You can of course decide that if it was YOUR marriage you would consider it to be ****ed.

the "your marraige is ****ed" comment wasn't directed at the op. I've explained to the OP what my feeling would be, and have never said "your marriage is ****ed". The strongest thing I've said to the op is "alarm bells would be ringing if you were my sister". the "marriage is ****ed" comment was directed at milod who said

"if you can't trust him, make sure you wear a mask next time you play movie directors..."

My point was "if you have to wear a mask because you can't trust your husband not to post naked pictures of you which would identify you, then your marriage is ****ed".

but if it makes you feel any better, then thats only IMO. You (asiaprod) may be willing to work on that kind of marriage. I wouldn't be. so it would only be ****ed in my opinion.

For the record, even if meant, the placement of "with respect" following two lines later with no capital does not quite convey that sentiment, again IMO.

thank you for taking time out to express your opinion on my grammer. I disagree.

elexes

sit down talk to him about it . if your intrested in what he dose join in with it see what its like . ask him to gather all the pics hes got and blur / remove your face or any marks that can identify yourself .

if you not ok with it explain to him that hes not to do it in future

Anti

Any chance of seeing some of these pics

Nah im just playing. I think what you need to do is sit down with your hubby and talk about it calmly, If you feel uncomfy about what hes doing tell him that it needs to stop now, and that you want all the material pulled off the website ASAP. If your cool with it maybe you could do it together, might add even more spice to the bedroom antics