More Tossers on Television.

Pighead

http://www.masturbate-a-thon.com/
Saw the "More Tossers on Television" headline in some paper over the weekend and was immediately intrigued. This is the competition i'd been waiting for all my life.

Pighead was all set to go to this on Friday but it turns out they have weird twisted rules that state whoever shoots their load last is the winner. So thats me fcuked. Whats that all about? A sort of slow bicycle **** race. Speed should always be rewarded!

Anyway Channel 4 are screening it of course as part of their ****-Week (classy). Pigheads planning on a nice quiet family night in to watch this spaectacular spectacle and to cheer on our very own representative Sarky. Anybody else here planning on entering? Chicks are aloud enter too Beruthial baby. Hurrah!

And also does anybody think Channel 4 have gone too far this time in their liberal television programming style. Surely they can't make good telly out of this subject matter. Can they?

groundedplane

The things people will do to get on TV. How is this contest mesured. What kind of material are they using to get contestent's aroused. How are the rules applied?

Messed up I tell you.

Wertz

Pighead wrote:

And also does anybody think Channel 4 have gone too far this time in their liberal television programming style. Surely they can't make good telly out of this subject matter. Can they?

A step up from Big Brother and it's entourage of spin off shíte. Is that bollocks ever going to end?

As for the show, I think they missed out on the audience participation angle...no, no, not that kind of participation, you sick minded people...no, more like a phone/txt in for the competitors where the audience could award marks for technique, style, artistic merit, appendage size, etc. Maybe some kind of pronstar deal for the outright winner?

Personally I won't be tuning in.

Pighead

groundedplane wrote:

The things people will do to get on TV. How is this contest mesured. What kind of material are they using to get contestent's aroused. How are the rules applied?

Messed up I tell you.

RULES

Official Masturbate-a-thon Rules and Regulations Participants must be18 (eighteen) years of age minimum to attend or assist the organisation or set-up of any such event.
Area requirements

1. Building and areas used must be legal to fire codes and occupancy.
2. Safer sex rules shall be visible from any part of the room.
3. Safer sex materials shall consist of:
a. Lubricant designed for sexual contact.
b. Both Latex and Nitrile gloves.
c. Antibacterial Wipes.
d. Paper towels
e. Condoms
4. Masturbation areas should have padded surface and clean paper sheets available.
5. There shall be clean toilets, sinks and hot/cold running water available for participants.

Staff

1. Cleaning personnel
All soiled materials collected shall be removed by qualified cleaning personnel wearing at the least: shoes and clean examination gloves.
2. Monitors
Monitors shall be responsible for maintaining a watch over participants to guarantee that pledged and competitive times are precise to the minute.
Monitors shall carry a clipboard to keep notes on time and consistency of self pleasuring.
Monitors will have a background in human sexuality study.

To Qualify for Masturbate-a-thon

1. All participants must bring along their sponsorship form. If do not have any sponsors you will be charged an entrance fee.
2. Participants may sponsor themselves.
3. All monies raised at the event will be sent to sex positive charities and organisations.

Masturbation Rules

1. No touching other participants.
2. NO FAKING ORGASMS! Do not waste our time. If you have an orgasm we are happy for you but this is not our goal.
3. No Drugs or Alcohol, and No Smoking.

groundedplane

Women are renound for faking the big O. I wonder how this will be mesaured. Very interesting indeed. I bet the contestants parents will be so proud.

LadyJ

So for women,will a clitoral orgasm suffice or is it G-spot or nothing?

Ruu_Old

Ah I was going to tune in, but only if you were going to be in it Pighead.

Pighead

LadyJ wrote:

So for women,will a clitoral orgasm suffice or is it G-spot or nothing?

Its been a few years since Pighead has been involved in a competition of this kind but I'm almost sure clitoral orgasm will be ok. The worst part of the whole thing was when I had to sahke hands with the fella I bet in the final. Wasn't happy about that at all.

Kiera

I’d like to sponsor you, PigFace. You’re the biggest tosser I know, you’re bound to win!

LadyJ

Pighead wrote:

The worst part of the whole thing was when I had to sahke hands with the fella I bet in the final. Wasn't happy about that at all.

Yeah it must be difficult for a father to accept that his son can out-**** him.

Pighead

Kiera wrote:

I’d like to sponsor you, PigFace. You’re the biggest tosser I know, you’re bound to win!

Thanks sweetcheeks, there'll be no need for masturbation for Kiera for the next couple of weeks after those kind words. Pighead shall be available for your pleasure.

By the way honeylips what do you think of channel 4 beaming this filth into our homes? Should the television Moderator come along and ban them for lewd behaviour and lock the programme. Pigheads no prude but this really takes the (soggy) biscuit

Pighead

LadyJ wrote:

Yeah it must be difficult for a father to accept that his son can out-**** him.

:eek:
Only three people in the whole world know about that. Is that you Uncle Seanie?

LadyJ

Pighead wrote:

:eek:
Only three people in the whole world know about that. Is that you Uncle Seanie?

Ssshhh! Your pops doesn't know about my secret life yet!

Now you keep it shut or you'll be the little piggy who gets no roast beef!

Pighead

Shes a lady woah woah woah shes a lady! And thats the end of it.

By the way Pighead shall not be watching this filth either.

Fanny Cradock

first the invention of the wheel, the great wall of china, then the renaissance, the space race, of course the glorious 80's, the o'connell st. spike, and now this... ****-a-thon. a golden age for mankind.

huzzah!

thanks, pigface

Pighead

Fanny Cradock wrote:

first the invention of the wheel, the great wall of china, then the renaissance, the space race, of course the glorious 80's, the o'connell st. spike, and now this... ****-a-thon. a golden age for mankind.

huzzah!

thanks, pigface

No probs Fannyface. Just on a side note the W in ****-a-thon should be capitalised. Pigheads not giving out I just think some things are important and should be treated with respect. You wouldn't write jesus wlike this would you?

Pigman II

People of both genders and sexual orientations masturbate... and most will be represented at the Masturbate-a-thon! This means that if you are not comfortable in a space with people who may be different from you, this is not an appropriate event for you.

Yep, that's what'd be making me uncomfortable.

Fanny Cradock

apologies pigman.. i mean pighead. capital W it is! fanny for boards beers and ****-a-thon combo.

DonkeyStyle \o/

The US Masturbate-A-Thon is hoping to see new challenges to the current record of eight hours and thirty minutes.

Ouch :eek:

EOA_Mushy

If you want the cráp tv to stop stop watching it. It will stay on as long as the products being advertised during the comersaels (sp) are beeing sold. It doesnt matter what you think advertising DOES work.

Terry

so what's the deal?
is it a big circle jerk or what?

if i was there, i'd shoot my muck in someone elses eyes for a laugh.

Pighead

EOA_Mushy wrote:

If you want the cráp tv to stop stop watching it. It will stay on as long as the products being advertised during the comersaels (sp) are beeing sold. It doesnt matter what you think advertising DOES work.

Try typing all that again when you've finished **** buddy. Multi-tasking isn't for you I'm afraid.

Brian Capture

Pighead wrote:

Try typing all that again when you've finished **** buddy. Multi-tasking isn't for you I'm afraid.

DO YOU MASTURBATE DOGS?

Pighead

Brian Capture wrote:

DO YOU MASTURBATE DOGS?

Only dogs that are not from the jurisdiction of Co.Louth. Pigheads not allowed near dogs from Co. Louth. Stupid judge. Why do you ask? Did you want a meet up?

Kiera

Pighead wrote:

Thanks sweetcheeks, there'll be no need for masturbation for Kiera for the next couple of weeks after those kind words. Pighead shall be available for your pleasure.

By the way honeylips what do you think of channel 4 beaming this filth into our homes? Should the television Moderator come along and ban them for lewd behaviour and lock the programme. Pigheads no prude but this really takes the (soggy) biscuit

If you dont want to watch it switch over. Simple!

You might learn something from it, PigFace.

Wertz

Kiera wrote:

You might learn something from it, PigFace.

Oh come on now...it'd be like teaching your grandmother to suck eggs...

Pighead

Kiera wrote:

If you dont want to watch it switch over. Simple!

You might learn something from it, PigFace.

Oh yes of course, the ostrich approach. How silly of Pighead not to think of that. Whenever we see something we don't like we should just stick our fat heads into the sand. Is that what you're saying my dear velvetbreasts?

Pigheads glad you're not in charge of Television Programming. If you had the final say on which programmes get commissioned we'd be living in a world of Babes in The Wood, Chucklevision and Team Knight Rider.

Unlike you my dear smootharse, Pighead intends to put an end to the atrocities of modern television. Fcuk The Ostrich!

Kiera

PigFace you just don’t get it, do you? How on earth are the likes of C*G and Sh**na21 meant to learn about these things if they are not shown it on tv. I mean, it might not be my cup of tea but I’m sure those two will be glued to their screens for the entire program while also recording it for later. If all that was on tv was the likes of the Sound of Music, the world would be a dull place.

Live and let live, PigFace!

x

stovelid

Can you make a single post without refering to CSG. Ur obsessed....

Kiera wrote:

PigFace you just don’t get it, do you? How on earth are the likes of C*G and Sh**na21 meant to learn about these things if they are not shown it on tv. I mean, it might not be my cup of tea but I’m sure those two will be glued to their screens for the entire program while also recording it for later. If all that was on tv was the likes of the Sound of Music, the world would be a dull place.

Live and let live, PigFace!

x

stovelid

stovelid wrote:

Can you make a single post without refering to CSG. Ur obsessed....

What can I say I have that effect on people..:D :cool:

Miguel_Sanchez

AHA!

Finally they've made my TV show idea 'Self Love Island' into a reality.

Too bad I won't be seeing any of the royalty cheques.


Is this really a show or is it like the time they advertised 'Lap Dance Island' and it turned out to be a piss take where they just made fun of the people who applied?

Terry

if it is real, you won't see anything.
it's against the law to show an erect penis on british television.
that's why you only get soft porn on sky.


heh. erect. soft.

Pighead

Jeff_Lebowski wrote:

AHA!

Finally they've made my TV show idea 'Self Love Island' into a reality.

Too bad I won't be seeing any of the royalty cheques.


Is this really a show or is it like the time they advertised 'Lap Dance Island' and it turned out to be a piss take where they just made fun of the people who applied?

Its real alright, don't think it'll be airing until near the end of the year though. The report below gives a few of the rules. Pigheads not too happy with the 5 minute replenishing time per hour rule.

Zig Zag said in its blurb for the show: "This year it's time to bring the event across the pond to see if the great British public can embrace mass public masturbation. It's time to find out if the only things allowed to be stiff in Britain are upper lips."

Prizes will be on offer for those who clock up the most orgasms and those who can masturbate the longest - the current record, according to the organisers, is a chafing eight-and-a-half hours.

To qualify for the record, the organisers say "at least 55 minutes of every hour shall be spent self-pleasuring by manual or sex toy stimulation" with participants getting just five minutes to "replenish and renew".

Den_M

Ant and Dec piss me off. Their idea was obviously :
'I talk
then you talk
then i talk again
and I add something funny'

but they're both talking sh!te to begin with.

Anna whatsherface from old Big Brother who's doing that daytime tv show is an annoying b!tch as well.

Those and most mentioned before ('cept Billy Connolly) are clearly retarded and shouldn't be on tv.

Pighead

Den_M wrote:

Ant and Dec piss me off. Their idea was obviously :
'I talk
then you talk
then i talk again
and I add something funny'

but they're both talking sh!te to begin with.

Anna whatsherface from old Big Brother who's doing that daytime tv show is an annoying b!tch as well.

Those and most mentioned before ('cept Billy Connolly) are clearly retarded and shouldn't be on tv.

Eh I know the threads called More Tossers on Television but unless the above have all entered the ****-a-thon extravaganza in London this week Pigheads pretty sure you're in the wrong thread! Silly Den_M!

Den_M

Heh yes you're right, I'm off to copy 'n paste my effort into the correct thread!

The Song Thrush

Unfortunately, one person protesting at this kind of shíte programming by turning off their TV is not going to harm the ratings.

And if you organised a huge protest to encourage people not to watch it, it would only attract more of the wrong attention and probably send ratings through the roof.

So, you can't win. And if that's just my negative attitude, then prove me wrong kids, prove me wrong!

Pighead

Pighead wrote:

mass public masturbation

OMG the image this just phrase just conjured up in my head:D

Pighead

coolsmileygirl wrote:

OMG the image this just phrase just conjured up in my head:D

Not to mention the flood it just caused in your knickers. Down girl.

You know me all too well at this stage!!!:)

mikedragon32

I think everyone knows you too well at this stage, honey!

Interceptor

A televised festival of onanism is worthless without prizes for speed, distance, quantity and frequency. I'm not, ahem, blowing my own trumpet but I can get off eight rounds in two hours and fire it nearly two metres.

Pighead, meet me at the webcam for a swordfight...

'cptr

mikedragon32

Interceptor wrote:

I'm not, ahem, blowing my own trumpet

'cptr

Not many can 'cptr!

Interceptor

mikedragon32 wrote:

Not many can 'cptr!

Am I the only person who regularly has that dream? Mmmmfh, is it time to wake up already? I'm off to start a separate thread on that one ...

'c

magpie

(soggy) biscuit

Ah, Public School!

http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-08-04T153149Z_01_L04633990_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-MASTURBATE.XML&WTmodLoc=NewsArt-C2-AlsoToday-11

scojones

coolsmileygirl wrote:

http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-08-04T153149Z_01_L04633990_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-MASTURBATE.XML&WTmodLoc=NewsArt-C2-AlsoToday-11

Don't forget your bag of toys!

Beans_On

From that article:
"Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas."

I thought this was to promote safer sex????Leave the Aids at home lads.

chump

Beans_On wrote:

From that article:
"Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas."

I thought this was to promote safer sex????Leave the Aids at home lads.

Damn straight pal ...

Wertz

Beans_On wrote:

Leave the Aids at home lads.

But...but we're inseparable!