Internet Dating Advice

cheeky-monkey

Hey Guys, I've read the past threads on Internet dating, but I was hoping to get some more specific advice from the peope who have tried it. I know there are a few horror stories but I still want to give it a try. I'm a good looking guy in my mid 20's but I'm just crap at 'chatting up' girls in bars etc - I can talk to and get on with them fine but I rarely seem to be able to take it any further. However, I'd say it would be differnt with Internet Dating as the first thing you do is let them know you are interested and go from there.

Anyone have any advice they gan give from past experience? Initiating conversations - how best to get talking? Do you flatter then with compliments or keep it more subtle? Would you ever consider having a big list of quesitons that you both answer to get to know eachotehr better, like the ones that go around by email? Do you get personal or keep it more casual? How long do you generally talk before meeting up? What sites have you used?
All advice welcome

dmck2886

Get a life!

WhiteWashMan

from AH

sorry.

Odysseus

dmck2886 wrote:

Get a life!

FFS what's the story with you:eek: This man is seeking a bit of advice and you think that's funny, it appears to me you need a life mate:mad:

To the OP take your time try a few sites, people are weary of others over the internet, so I would guess that you will exchange quite a few e-mails, my advice just be yourself. Best of luck with it.

greenteaicedtea

cheeky-monkey wrote:

Anyone have any advice they gan give from past experience? Initiating conversations - how best to get talking? Do you flatter then with compliments or keep it more subtle?
Would you ever consider having a big list of quesitons that you both answer to get to know eachotehr better, like the ones that go around by email? Do you get personal or keep it more casual?

What I like to do is begin sending messages back as if I'm already their friend. I ask "how is it going?" or "how was your day?" Then if they talk about something specific, then you can ask them from there, and begin getting to know more about them gradually, as conversation topics come up.

I find if you start out giving out encyclopedic info about yourself, or asking about them from a list of questions, it's more like an interview, but if the conversation flows naturally, you can have more assurance that the person has their head screwed on straight. If you let the conversation flow naturally, if the person starts spontaneously complaining about all their relatives, or talking about their exes, or asks if you have no tattoos, or if you are able to have kids, you can kind of get an idea of what they're like. heh give them enough rope to hang themselves. I haven't run into that exact situation, but I give enough space for the person to just talk about whatever, just in case.

I don't get personal right away, just talk about work (no heavy work issues though) or current movies or music. Sometimes I have found that if I give someone info about something I'm interested in that means a lot to me, they fixate on it, and we have an unpleasant conversation.

How long do you generally talk before meeting up? What sites have you used?
All advice welcome

Hmm, I don't know how long, I communicate with the person by email for a few weeks, to see if they give me a reason to not want to continue communicating, sometimes 1-2 phone calls, just to continue testing the waters... some people don't want to wait forever to meet up, no point in developing great internet chemistry when what you want is real-life chemistry.

It's been a shock to me sometimes to meet people in person, it's a real person now, and sometimes you feel that despite having exchanged all that info online, you feel like going over all the same info again.

Always meet in a public place, blah blah. I don't like meeting for dinner first, in case there's some kind of implied obligation on my part. I wouldn't want to meet for any longer than 2-3 hours, any longer than that and you just hate hearing the sound of your own voice talking.

I've used lavalife.com because for the folks in my area, seems to be the most number of people on it. I have met a total of 3 people from it, over maybe 6 years. None went past maybe 3 dates. They were decent human beings, but it didn't work out.

Good luck.

Black Swan

cheeky-monkey wrote:

Anyone have any advice they gan give from past experience? Initiating conversations - how best to get talking?

Just like you can be playful in life, you can be playful on boards. Check out The Cuckoo's Nest (under "System" above). You can make friends there, and who knows where that might lead?

Do you flatter then with compliments or keep it more subtle?

Just like any other place where you meet people, be honest (but also tactful). I would not practice flattery, but firting is playful and a lot of fun.

Would you ever consider having a big list of quesitons that you both answer to get to know eachotehr better, like the ones that go around by email?

Oh yuk! Did this at Trinity. Thought there would be quiz after. There are more subtle and fun ways to get to know someone. For example, if they have been on boards awhile, go back and read their posts. You would be surprised how much detail there is over time.

Do you get personal or keep it more casual?

Depends on the person you are interacting with. I would start off casual, playful, and make friends, and not worry if it were to develop into something more.

How long do you generally talk before meeting up?

Once again, it depends on the person you are interacting with. I would not be in a hurry. If you take it easy and not rush it, you would be surprised how much you could learn about someone before hooking up. You will eventually see their good days and bad days, their strengths and weaknesses, their likes and dislikes, their dreams and fears.

What sites have you used?

I have never used the dating sites. Probably never would. I am temporarily overseas, and joined boards just to stay in touch with what's happening. But while playing on boards, by chance I found someone I am really interested in. I know he will read this, just like I read his posts.:p

Sometimes I get worked up over an issue on boards, only to kick myself later knowing full well he will read it. Then again, that's me.;)

Cutie18Ireland

i met my bf on the net, faceparty to be exact and we've just had our 2 year anniversary...

just remember that not all of them will work out the way you want/plan..

just be yourself...

LegacyUser

I met my current girlfirend through a dating site and we are going out now for 2 months and we are both very happy. We are in our early twenties so these sites are not just for older divorced people, young people can have success on them too. Basically what you have to do is what you would do in a real life situation. Just send a message to any interesing girls introducing yourself. I used to send a first message telling them about my interests/hobbies, etc. and take it from there. If she dosnt reply to you, try again with someone new! Maybe read over your messages and profile and make sure your selling yourself well. But dont ever give out personal info until your both sure and ready.

We were in contact for a month and a half. Then we met up when we were comfortable and ready and had 2 dates ( in public places, very important! ) on a weekend. The first date went well as we already knew alot about each other and we talked away over coffee for almost 2 hours. The 2nd date we went for a walk in a park. By the end of the 2nd date i knew we were right for each other and weve been inseperable since... The best thing about it is that alcohol didnt come into it at all. We got to know each other totally without it and used the site as the ice breaker, not 10 bottles of beer!

My girlfriend says that most guys who sent her a messages on the site, sent her sleazy type things, looking just for sex, etc. Don't make this mistake. Go into it for the right reasons, looking to find a girl for a relationship, you can get sex in a pub or club if thats all you want. ( im not saying you cant start a relationship in a pub or club by the way, many do ).

Basically a dating site is a great oppurtunity to meet someone with similar interests and who is looking for the same things, but you have to put alot of effort into finding someone and establishing trust between you. I wouldnt be surprised if it took 4 months. Then when you do find someone to meet up with hopefully youll both click. I think that dating sites are only going to get more and more popular in the next few years for people hooking up.

Good luck with it.