Scared of breakup - can I keep going?

LegacyUser

Hey,
Long term poster but going unreggy...
Been seeing this wonderful girl for nearly 3 mths now. I've known her for a few years before that and I've always got on well with her, and I nearly couldnt believe my luck when we got together.
However, I'm almost scared of breaking up of of things not working out. It's as if she's the perfect girl, and if she doesnt reply back to a txt or email, I fear it's all going downhill.
I know this seems incredibly childish, but I guess it's just my feelings towards her. Sometimes I can surpress it and enjoy knowing she's my girlfriend, but then it flips around and I almost feel sick.
We're both in our mid 20s btw.
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has ever felt the same. Can I keep this going? We dont live together and haven't made love yet, and we havent had a weekend away or anything yet.... just seeing each other a couple of time a week or so.
I havent had a real serious relationship before this, and I guess this is affecting things.
I really feel its over now as she hasnt replied to my last mail and didnt return a text I sent her last night, and our last outing wasnt the most freeflowing. There's probably no point tring to contact her now and just wait for the inevitable.
I dunno really what I'm asking now... maybe I just needed to get that out of my system.
Sorry if this post just doesnt make much sense or seem pathetic.

Gordon

You should call her up and speak to her mate.

RandomOne

Alternately, depending how much you've been texting/emailing, you might be crowding her?

I don't reply to every text/email I get and particularly if someone's sending me a constant stream, I'll ignore more than I reply to. All it means is I know I'll see/speak/email that person tomorrow so I can do other things now.

Dragan

fearingit wrote:

I havent had a real serious relationship before this, and I guess this is affecting things.

I would agree, most people get a serious relationship out of the way when they are quite young, so they get to make all those silly nervouos mistakes and then get over them as they turn 18,19 or whatever.

You just need to chill a little bit is all. You can't worry over everything dude, you just need to enjoy being with her. If a girl does not reply to a text, it doesn't mean she is not talking to you, it might just mean she is busy, or lost her phone, or whatever. And even if it does mean she is a little pissed at your or whatever, then maybe she might have reason to be?

I'm with Gordon, give her a bell and see what the story is. In a world of sms and e-mails people seem almost afraid to actually talk to each other.

I suggest you ring her, and chill out on the worry, it's only gonna mess things up for you.

Beruthiel

yup
Quit with the mails and texts, if you phone you can talk and this will cut out all the stress.

Static M.e.

yeah dont over text/mail her, but yeah I would give her a call and talk about, its the only way you can get the feelings out of your system and get some answers.

You will be fine im sure

daRobot

My opinion is that if you're in your mid twenties, and have been "together" for three months, yet haven't had sex, y'all aint really in any kind of relationship to start with.

Lady_Macbeth

daRobot wrote:

My opinion is that if you're in your mid twenties, and have been "together" for three months, yet haven't had sex, y'all aint really in any kind of relationship to start with.

You have got to be kidding? Right? 3 months and no sex makes them not in a relationship? I don't even know where to start!!!!!!!! :eek:

To the OP, give her some space, you may be, as someone else suggested, crowding her a bit. Sure you can always give her a buzz...but don't demand a reason for her not replying or whatever....

- Lady

daRobot

Lady_Macbeth wrote:

You have got to be kidding? Right? 3 months and no sex makes them not in a relationship? I don't even know where to start!!!!!!!! :eek:

Nope, I'm not kidding in the slightest.

If you've not had sex, you haven't crossed over from the friend zone in to the reationship zone.It's as simple as that.

Nevyn

there are many ways to be intimate and in a relationship that has nothing to do with sex.

BeardyGit

daRobot wrote:

Nope, I'm not kidding in the slightest.

If you've not had sex, you haven't crossed over from the friend zone in to the reationship zone.It's as simple as that.

daRobot, that's nonsense mate. To be honest, I've never had a 'relationship' with anyone who put out in the first 3 months, simple as. I had lots of one night stands and general short term screwing about but the only women who held my interest long enough for me to have a relationship were the ones who weren't an easy lay....And in over 10 years, that's only been two women who didn't offer it up. Sounds terrible of me? Yeah, it was.

So don't think the man is less of a man or that the relationship is less than it could be just because they aren't doing the nasty. I'd argue that if they're not getting into the sack together and it's for the 'right' reasons, it could be stronger than anything you and many others could experience.

To my mind, this all comes down to experience and a lack of confidence as a result of a lack of experience. OP, go rustle up some self confidence from somewhere and deal with the needy sh1t right now. There's no place for that carry-on in the real world - Women dig confidence, not arrogance and most certainly not insecurity.

I don't know where you're going to get it from but you'd better start out by looking at yourself - Maybe write up a list of all the things you do that you're cool with about yourself. Hype these up a bit in your own mind instead of thinking about possible failures and let downs in life. The level of satisfaction you'll experience with most things in your life, relationships included, all comes down to how you see it yourself. Think about failure, you'll be a failure. Think about success and you'll be a success. Be quietly confident as a result of your successes in life and you'll begin to exude a cool, calm confidence.

And the texting thing? Be a man and talk to the woman. Don't waste your time with texting. Grow a pair and go treat her like a woman, not a teenager - That's in person and with respect. Even if it doesn't all work out, you can be confident you've dealt with it the right way instead of having to worry about the way you approached the situation. Take control and take confidence from the situation no matter how it wraps up.

Hope it helps.

Gil

Lady_Macbeth

daRobot wrote:

Nope, I'm not kidding in the slightest.

If you've not had sex, you haven't crossed over from the friend zone in to the reationship zone.It's as simple as that.

Sooo...tell that to all the very happy unmarried couples who choose not to engage in pre-marital sex.

Or those who choose to wait a bit longer; three months isn't a long time to be in a relationship with someone; and it's certainly not a long time to be with someone without sexual relations.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies folks.
Your probably right about the crowding effect... I'm gonna wait til I see her Friday and see how she is. We usually txt or email each other every day, so I guess it's that just has just thrown me.
I've got my own place and do a long commute to work. She's stayed over a few times (and fooled around), but I know we were both waiting for a more special time.
Damn this love lark... it sure feckin gets ya thinking too much!

Dermington

fearingit wrote:

I really feel its over now as she hasnt replied to my last mail and didnt return a text I sent her last night, and our last outing wasnt the most freeflowing

Your actually overthinking here IMO.

You need to realise that you really like her, and as a result your inclined to hang on her every word/action so any delay in replying is seen as hesitation on her part and your sitting there wondering if she is thinking about not liking you or not wanting to talk to you or whatever.

The fact is she is most likely not doing what your doing. You need to realise that having patience will work out best. If you really want to talk to her then ring her by all means but also remember that the only immediate way to make yourself happy is to keep texting/mailing her and she would most likely see that as being possessive or cramped.

I was in a similar situation a while back where I was really into this one but she used to only text for 3 or 4 texts then just say goodnight. It wrecked my head because i thought it was something I was doing but it turned out that she just had long days at work etc and just didnt want to text. Any time we met in public everything was great.

So dont be paranoid, the fact is if she is still talking to you after three months she probably likes you so just be happy about that and accept it all for what it is instead of looking for things that are wrong/missing.

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote:

there are many ways to be intimate and in a relationship that has nothing to do with sex.

She speaks the truth.It is possible to be so totally in love with someone but particularly want to rush the sex.I think relationships which the sex does not come till later are usually more stable,caring relationships ie you find loads of other ways to care for eacother rather than just having sex.

Black Swan

Sounds like you might be a little possessive and crowding her. Give her a little space, and chat with her on the phone or better, face-to-face.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for all your comments, but she broke it off last night.
I'm just so gutted. I know I put too much feelings and hope into her as she my life wonderful. Just gotta try and get my head up and enjoy life.
Having known her for so long beforehand, I honestly thought she was the one.

cance

poor bugger

you win some you lose some, learn from your mistakes and move on.

I know it never helps to hear this, but there are plenty more fish in the sea and you will find someone.

take care.

Dermington

Yeah man.

Remember that every woman you lose feels like the end of the whole world until you realise there are a few billion more out there.