Struggling for motivation

LegacyUser

I know there are always so many of these threads but I just need some objective advice on this one. I know we all have those days where we look and think 'where is my life going?' and 'what am i doing this for?' but I seem to be stuck asking these questions for ages now.

Im 25 doing a job that I dont really like, I find really boring and I only crawl out of bed in the morning to do it cos I cant think of anything else to do. I live in a city that I hate and find really boring, where I dont really know anyone despite trying loads of different ways to meet people, through work, hobbies etc. Any of the people I do know in the city are in couples and tend to socialise just with their significant others so there is never anywhere to go or anything to do.

All my close friends live in other parts of the country and I spend most weekends visiting them, but they are all moving on with their lives and quickly find exciting ways to spend their weekends...

I met someone recently that I really like, for the first time in ages, and even that is complicated cos it turns out they are with someone. Really it is just a whole load of little things that seem to be negative and I think im just running out of energy to keep looking for the positive things.

I know there are positive things in my life,... and things that I get great pleasure from, but Im just so sick of all the negatives piling up and not being able to work through them anymore.

That make sense? Or am I just crazy?
Anyone suggest good self-kicking techniques ?

DubNside

Post "Celtic-Tiger" City living in the 2000's I think you are going through there!
A situation that these days most of us find ourselves going through at some stage in our lives.

Although you are still quite young so should not let these things get in on you.

Main thing is you still have a job, you have friends which attached or not you can still mix with.

You just need a break, and its not just gonna land on your lap, like everything in life you have to work for it.

Thats my motivational speech outta the way!

LegacyUser

I know what you’re going through as Im sure many people do. Thing is you know what makes you happy and you know how you want life to be and how you would feel if everything was as it should be. So now you need to make it happen.
Its really easy to meet women but hard to meet one that will make you laugh and keep you interested and be interested in you and ultimately make you feel like your on some wonderful drug that gets you out of bed in the morning and more importantly gets you in bed at night. I really think pubs or clubs are not the answer to finding her. If you have an interest in running,swiming,playing guitar, listening to music,reading,travelling-whatever it may be, you should join a club, group, team or some such organization where you will meet people in a sober environment and you know you got something in common with all there from kick off. Next thing is, as the previous poster said, you got to be bold and make it happen, it wont drop into you lap-well not just yet.
As for your job, if its not what you want then you should ask yourself what is it you want to do or in an ideal world what would you be doing? I have a few friends who are working crappy jobs that bore them but they fill their evenings taking acting classes, or judo, yoga, surfing, hiking or anything which interests them and ultimately gets them out of their houses and into life.
Write down how where you went to be at 30, job, woman, mentally, physically, spiritually. Then plan how to get there. Work towards it week by week, but make it happen. Set goals and achieve and do it now, don’t wallow in depression or allow yourself to hesitate from taking action.
On another thread a guy has been told he has 5 years to live, that is a reality for him which he can’t change- you have the power to change your reality and there are many who would give anything to be in your shoes.
I wish you the best and I also recommend getting a dog!!
Good luck, Mark

Sleepy

Man, you're far from alone in feeling this way. It sounds quite like how I look at my life when I'm down. What keeps me going is a plan to go travelling in a couple of years that I'm saving towards and some good friends that I don't see half enough of. Are you interested in going travelling? Anything stopping you from saving for a round the world/prolonged trip to Africa/somewhere else cool?

If it's just a matter of feeling that you could do with meeting some new people why not pop along to the boards beers at the start of next month? Lots of users on these forums have become friends in real life.

idontknowmyname

Sleepy wrote:

What keeps me going is a plan to go travelling in a couple of years that I'm saving towards and some good friends that I don't see half enough of. Are you interested in going travelling? Anything stopping you from saving for a round the world/prolonged trip to Africa/somewhere else cool?

I agree with this completely! you need a break to find yourself again and discover what it is you want out of life. It may not seem like it now but getting away will do you the world of good. I went to a very small town in Oregon on my J1 on my own, luckily I knew people in the state who loaned me their beach house but it wasn't their main house. I was more or less on my own, living on my own and all you can do is think about life. It was the best thing I ever did, I had problems like yours but I got my head together and now I'm looking forward to going on a round the world trip. Is this something you would consider?

Strokesfan

I get like this too - thinking what's the point and that but I always find making plans and working towards something helps - new job? business idea? holiday? It's terrible when you feel stuck in a rut. I'm similar at the moment kind of trapped in an undesirable situation and trying to make the most of it. We're just at that age too where everyone is blissed out happy in relationships drinking wine at home and not going out anymore!! If you're not stuck in your job - leave, leave, leave! If you are stuck there for a while you have to buckle down, make the most of it and find enjoyment in the little things. It is an absolute fact when you stop looking for love - it turns up so just relax and things will be fine

LegacyUser

withneil wrote:

If you have an interest in running,swiming,playing guitar, listening to music,reading,travelling-whatever it may be, you should join a club, group, team or some such organization where you will meet people in a sober environment and you know you got something in common with all there from kick off.
...
I have a few friends who are working crappy jobs that bore them but they fill their evenings taking acting classes, or judo, yoga, surfing, hiking or anything which interests them and ultimately gets them out of their houses and into life.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I guess I know deep down that you are right, and if Im not happy I just need to take a risk and sort things out.

@withneil: Re meeting people... (or in my case guys), i totally agree with what you have said there, except Im already doing it. I have lots of hobbies, and I rarely sit in after work of an evening, I make sure to get out of the house and do something I enjoy, tis the only thing that keeps me sane. Problem is that most of my hobbies, the things I am passionate about, are things that I dont really meet other people at, unless I go out of my wa to arrange it. I have met a few people recently through my hobbies, by just making an effort and asking people to meet up - made some good friends but unfortunately they too live in other cities!!

Thing with my job is I guess im scared to leave cos I dont really know what else to do. Im actually still studying, well research in Uni... 7 years in college now, and starting to feel stuck in a rut.. Im doing it cos I want to lecture. I really want the end result of the study and know i would be good at it, but not sure if i can face another 2 soul destroying years in a place I dont really want to be... catch 22 i guess.

Dunno.. Im sure its just one of those weeks, and in a fortnight or so ill snap out of it... just feels like these kinda weeks are becoming way too frequent these days..

Thanks for the advice guys! Appreciate it.

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote:

If it's just a matter of feeling that you could do with meeting some new people why not pop along to the boards beers at the start of next month? Lots of users on these forums have become friends in real life.

If I was in Dublin I would... but unfortunately I get to live somewhere far less interesting

been to a few boards beers for individual forums though, always a good laugh, stay in touch with a few heads alright, but like said in previous post, they all seem to live other places ;(, good advice though cheers

re the moving away for a bit - its something I would love to do, but feel I gotta stay and finish up what Im at study wise... the thought of throwing away 7 years of work is just too scary, guess feeling so stuck doesnt help!

Black Swan

Read What Colour is my Parachutte. Create a job to your liking.

spoofilyj

I am working and living in north Dub and when I first came up here I found it hard to meet people and get my self motivated.

But recently I read High Fedelity and it helped me to get off my ass and stop waiting for things to happen for me.

I know your in a rut and you said you already have hobbies but I reckon that you should try something completely different that you normally would never do and you will broaden you chances of meeting new people and having a bit of fun.
Make plans to do things caus I always feel as long as I have something to look forward too I can get through work alot easier.

Hang in there and It'll all work out.

Best of luck.;)