Confessions of a [insert job title]

simu

I was wondering if people have any interesting tales to tell of strange and unexpected things that happened to them or that they witnessed while working in particular jobs.

Gwan. Regale us!

Rhyme

Ate a whole box of Moro's while working in Tesco and the usual messing, jumping on toilet rolls and trolley races around the frozen food section were commonplace too

Im a paper-pusher dealing with birth records for the ESRI now so all my stories are confidential

Femelade

sometimes i fall asleep at work and do nothing all day. Sometimes i keep prizes for myself. Once i took tickets to a big concert. meh! and been to 2 concerts this week so far with the compliments of work.

Crucifix

Rhyme wrote:

Ate a whole box of Moro's while working in Tesco

Over the time you were working there? Or one time you ate a whole box of Moros :eek: ?

Terry

we were called out to do a repair job on a tile in someones bathroom. the guy who tiled it had put up a chipped tile and the owner of the house wasn't happy. it had been a long day, so we just rooted through a packet of markers, coloured in the chipped tile and went home.

there are plenty more, but i don't want to give away the tricks of the trade.

Sleepy

In a previous incarnation as a night porter I was 'tipped' £100 by Shane McGowan...

DamienH

Sleepy wrote:

In a previous incarnation as a night porter I was 'tipped' £100 by Shane McGowan...

ha ha I'd do the same, sure you'd have to

Beruthiel

A guy got fired after he was found shooting up in the jacks

Rhyme

Crucifix wrote:

Over the time you were working there? Or one time you ate a whole box of Moros :eek: ?

Half a box in about 2 hours... and then the rest spread over the rest of my shift. The floor manager was wondering why i was staggering around like a drunk... drunk on chocolate.

godtabh

I've had a few experiences in Tesco. Once caught the coke rep stealing 40 bottles of rum.

Or when my tesco (was a crazy prices) used to have a clothes shop the staff in there used to turn off the lights when they wanted to steal stuff.

With the work I do no I have a lot of site meetings.

At one meeting I was talking to the client in his office before we were due to walk the site. There was me, my boss and the client.

The site was very dirty from dust and all sorts so my boss went to get his overalls.

I was waiting in the office when all of a sudden the client starts stripping. I dont know what to do (but lucky enough I had been warned of this beforehand. thought it was joke though!)

The cleint stripped down to his boxers and put on his site clothes. I was only on the job about 2 weeks!

My was tells me stories about the client like when my boss would ring him and he'd here an echo only to find the client was having a bath or sometimes even worse.

Sleepy

DamienH wrote:

ha ha I'd do the same, sure you'd have to

Eh, just to clarify, I meant 'tipped' as slipped a hundred quid to keep serving in the hotel bar (which I probably would have done anyway tbh) rather than I nicked it from him.

Peteee

If you ever buy a certain brand of printer, and set it up to be a different language, the LCD screen on the front of the printer that says 'Out of Ink' will very often not make sense in french/german/whatever, because the proper translations of these words do not fit, and the translators are told to shorten the words to fit on the screen, no exceptions

r3nu4l

Sleepy wrote:

Eh, just to clarify, I meant 'tipped' as slipped a hundred quid to keep serving in the hotel bar (which I probably would have done anyway tbh) rather than I nicked it from him.

I wondered what you meant too! At first I thought you meant 'nicked', then I thouhgt you meant you had secured some heroin for him and were some sort of dealer/addict liaison officer.:eek:

Perhaps I'm just too cynical Thanks for clarifying

Sleepy

Rhyme wrote:

Half a box in about 2 hours... and then the rest spread over the rest of my shift. The floor manager was wondering why i was staggering around like a drunk... drunk on chocolate.

Dude, that's 9792 calories!!!

That's fvcking ridiculous. To put that in perspective that's the equivalent of 18 Big Macs!

the Shades

Was working in a jewellers selling antique silver one quiet sleepy Friday afternoon, when a German customer came in and asked to look at sweet dishes.

As I started to show him some stock, my boss joined in the sale and together we were showing him what we had, talking to him about the silver in general and eventually my boss started to explain the hallmarks to him. The piece he was showing was from Birmingham and he was showing him the city mark, makers mark and eventually the date mark. So the German guy asked what date it was and my boss flipped over the card to see, it was 1944.

At that point the German guy in a very loud and clear voice that could be heard all over the shop said;
"You mean they were making the silver when we were bombing them?"

Took me at least ten minutes to stop holding in the laughter.

Rhyme

Sleepy wrote:

Dude, that's 9792 calories!!!

That's fvcking ridiculous. To put that in perspective that's the equivalent of 18 Big Macs!

Not my best moment... ive not been the biggest fan of Moro's since then, and im still pretty thin regardless :rolleyes:

viking

Worked in a city centre hotel many moons ago, had just started work (8am and I was still sleepy) and was wandering up the staff stairs to one of the accomodation floors when I turned the stairs and happened upon a couple making use of one of the room service trolleys in a way in which it was never designed. I stood rooted to the spot not quite believing what I was seeing at 8am in the morning :eek: , yer man looked up at me, stopped his "movements" and then obviously decided that he didn't care who was looking at him and started off again like the hammers of hell! So I did a quick u-turn and left them to it.

Found out later on that the guy wasn't the woman's husband but another guest, her husband was staying in the hotel and had reported his wife "missing" from their room.

The stories that you hear in a hotel are just incredible, the book "Hotel Babylon" nails hotel life pretty much spot on.

Sleepy

That's for certain viking...

Day-wanna-wonga

Rhyme wrote:

Ate a whole box of Moro's while working in Tesco and the usual messing, jumping on toilet rolls and trolley races around the frozen food section were commonplace too

He said "interesting", not sh*t.

Rhyme

Day-wanna-wonga wrote:

He said "interesting", not sh*t.

So regail us with your tales of five finger discounts and 'deposits' in changing rooms then.

Sparky

I was working in a house 3 years ago in the North circular rd. Normal day as far as I was concerned. The next minute this mad woman runs into the house(which was a building site) and screams for help. So my dad and one of the plumbers run in with her, and I stood there trying to listen to what happened.
Then the plumber starts running out towards the van getting sick, I decide to wander in to see what happened and my dad pushed me back real angry and to get into the van and listen to the radio.
As I was pissed off not having a clue what was going on, 5 minutes later I see an ambulance and the guards come from opposite directions.
All I can remember was me saying to myself WTF is going on.
After all was done and names taken etc. Her husband went out to the back garden early in the morning, got up on a shopping trolley and hung himself from the clothes line. My dads description of him was that he knew that by the look of his face he changed his mind halfway through hanging himself.

That was a mad day ill never forget.

Cake Fiend

My time in various internet cafés around the world has left me with quite a few odd stories. There's the time the mafia came looking for the manager of the Venice branch. Or the time someone was shot outside one of the London shops. Or the several times various people have been caught pissing/masturbating in some of the branches in dodgier areas. There's the time a gang of rowdy Aussie lesbians started watching porn in the back room (and cheering the protagonists on). I could mention the soldier who comes in and pretends to be a dominatrix online. Or the time I spied on a paedophile over several weeks to get enough evidence to have his house raided.

I remember years back wishing I had started documenting all the weird stuff that I saw in that job - and all the weirdest stuff happened after that point...

L31mr0d

I've never done an honest day of work in any crappy part time job i've had. I've always stolen something, not worked hard enough or called in sick. I just can't, I feel if I take it seriously I might think i'm good at it and stay there. Although i've never been fired or caught as I can blagg like the rest of them.

The worst thing i've ever done (and i still kinda regret it) was to get some guy I worked with fired. It was his first week and I decided to play some pranks on him (cup of water perched on the top of a door, cutting the bottoms of bags he had to take out to the bins...etc) at the end of the day he reported me to the manager, when I denied it and the manager (who was endeared to me) sided with me, the lad lost the plot and started shouting profanities at the manager. Fired on the spot.

LAAngel

Hi, Well I dance in Nightclubs and in one of the nightclubs I used to work in there was a corner beside the door to dancers changing room and I've caught couples doing the business up there, wasn't the best thing to see cause they didn't care who seen them and would always carry on.

BTW what is Moro's?:D

Dooom

The Moro bar? Shame one you heathen!

I call for a burning at the stake.

kdouglas

chocolate bar made by cadbury's

Aard

L31mr0d wrote:

The worst thing i've ever done (and i still kinda regret it) was to get some guy I worked with fired. It was his first week and I decided to play some pranks on him (cup of water perched on the top of a door, cutting the bottoms of bags he had to take out to the bins...etc) at the end of the day he reported me to the manager, when I denied it and the manager (who was endeared to me) sided with me, the lad lost the plot and started shouting profanities at the manager. Fired on the spot.

-1. So not cool.

LAAngel

Never heard or seen it before sorry. What does it taste like? Starbar of something?:D

declanoneill

LAAngel wrote:

Never heard or seen it before sorry. What does it taste like? Starbar of something?:D

Hold off on the burning, she knows what a starbar is

(Exactly the same thing)

Aard

But ... Starbar has peanuts ... it's *nothing* like a Moro.

Robbo

LAAngel wrote:

Never heard or seen it before sorry. What does it taste like? Starbar of something?:D

Similar but inferior to the mighty Star Bar.

Currently working in property management in a student village and I can't get over some of the stuff left behind. We found loads of bongo (although all the DVDs were just empty cases), at least 12 crutches, loads of hair straighteners and one girl who must have left one of every pair of her shoe behind (unless she lost a leg during the year).

LAAngel

Aye well I love Starbars. I'm from the North does that explain it haha.
Another thing I like about working in Nightclubs is finding money, everyone seems to drop money, haha. Found 20 euro the other night haha.:D

FlutterinBantam

L31mr0d wrote:

I've never done an honest day of work in any crappy part time job i've had. I've always stolen something, not worked hard enough or called in sick. I just can't, I feel if I take it seriously I might think i'm good at it and stay there. Although i've never been fired or caught as I can blagg like the rest of them.

The worst thing i've ever done (and i still kinda regret it) was to get some guy I worked with fired. It was his first week and I decided to play some pranks on him (cup of water perched on the top of a door, cutting the bottoms of bags he had to take out to the bins...etc) at the end of the day he reported me to the manager, when I denied it and the manager (who was endeared to me) sided with me, the lad lost the plot and started shouting profanities at the manager. Fired on the spot.

ROFL....heh heh... Youse public servants are rare ones.... I always thought yez were straight laced

Collie D

Got in a row with a customer once when working McD's years ago. Had been away for weekend and got straight off train and into work, not the happiest of bunnies. Some drunken tool came in from Croke Park and started abusing the black security guard, I tried to step in to seperate them and your man threw a punch. Thought to myself, right I'm not having that so hit him back and he flew back and cracked his head on floor. Thought I had killed him when he didn't move for a few seconds. Garda statement filled out, camera evidence taken, completely exonerated, even got praise from the boss ;o)

ThrownAway

L31mr0d wrote:

The worst thing i've ever done (and i still kinda regret it) was to get some guy I worked with fired. It was his first week and I decided to play some pranks on him (cup of water perched on the top of a door, cutting the bottoms of bags he had to take out to the bins...etc) at the end of the day he reported me to the manager, when I denied it and the manager (who was endeared to me) sided with me, the lad lost the plot and started shouting profanities at the manager. Fired on the spot.

That is so mean. The poor guy.

soma

One summer (while a student @Uni) I was working in a Dublin Hotel (Worldwide Chain) and would pretty much be the only barman on duty.

I could_not_stand management, they were so-so to me but treated everyone else horribly. Anyways I quickly realised that they had a non existent stock control system, never had any idea of inventory etc.

So what I decided to do was to become the most generous barman in the world(tm). If you ordered a measure of spirits from me, you got the option of a free upgrade to a double or triple, rarely charged for mixers, plenty of pints
were re-filled free of charge..

They were always tourists so the hotel never knew about it, big-mouthed locals would have probably have told their mates etc and gotten me shopped in no time.

jrey1981

Arranged a meeting with several guys from a company in London who I had in mind as potential suppliers.

The meeting was at San Lorenzo, the overrated and overpriced restaurant in Kensington.

All through the meeting one guy keeps going to the toilet and his nose seems to be irritating him.

They made a point of making sure I saw their car when I left - a Ferrari.

Spoke to someone else in the same business who also met them not long afterwards. He had walked in on the guy doing coke in the toilets, and had found out from a colleague that they hired the Ferrari for every meeting they arranged, just to impress whoever they were meeting.

DamienH

soma wrote:

One summer (while a student @Uni) I was working in a Dublin Hotel (Worldwide Chain) and would pretty much be the only barman on duty.

I could_not_stand management, they were so-so to me but treated everyone else horribly. Anyways I quickly realised that they had a non existent stock control system, never had any idea of inventory etc.

So what I decided to do was to become the most generous barman in the world(tm). If you ordered a measure of spirits from me, you got the option of a free upgrade to a double or triple, rarely charged for mixers, plenty of pints
were re-filled free of charge..

They were always tourists so the hotel never knew about it, big-mouthed locals would have probably have told their mates etc and gotten me shopped in no time.

that's fair enough tbh, I do the stock in the bar I work in

Winters

Confessions of a Bum.

Walked home from town as I wasnt going to spend 25 euro on a taxi. Took me three hours. Got home at 6:30 and slept till about 2.

Got up, read some emails and chatted a bit then had breakfast about an hour ago. Been talking to mates since.

Awesome execpt for the whle lack of money.

Day-wanna-wonga

Rhyme wrote:

So regail us with your tales of five finger discounts and 'deposits' in changing rooms then.

I don't have any.....so I don't try to pretend something crap qualifies as such.

Rhyme

Day-wanna-wonga wrote:

I don't have any.....so I don't try to pretend something crap qualifies as such.

;_;

Boooooring...

you still have time to make your presence worthwhile, quick... break something.

projectmayhem

not so much a confession, but a funny tale anyway

i worked in xtra-vision last year for about 8 months, and in that time "million dollar baby" was a big release. well, one guy got million dollar baby. now, XV customers will know there's a drop-box outside the store so you don't have to come in to return dvd's... well, some poor guy dropped his DVD in there.

when we book the dvd's in, we open the case to make sure the DVD is there, and not in rag order (naturally). well, imagine my shock having to show my workmates that million dollar baby had not been returned, but instead, "anal princess" was inside

next day rolls by and i'm working with the manager, so i show him and another full-timer. their reaction? stick it on the dvd player! had to be turned off ASAP, as naturally, it wasn't "family fun"... then the fight over who'd take it home first happened.

that's not where it ends though. about 2 weeks later the DVD was there, and one of the other part-timers was there with me, and we were fairly bored, so she decided to ring up the customer, and the guys mom answered, and the full story was given. €20 was owed with the DVD. next day in the drop box was a clear DVD case with €20 and the membership card... which was never used again

Adam

projectmayhem wrote:

next day in the drop box was a clear DVD case with €20 and the membership card... which was never used again

Fukin priceless!!

Giblet

Day-wanna-wonga wrote:

I don't have any.....so I don't try to pretend something crap qualifies as such.

Don't post in the thread again.

Adam

Worked in the hot food counter of a SuperValu for a couple of months, I must have eaten hundreds of euro's worth of food on the sly in that place!!

Cake Fiend

Winters wrote:

Walked home from town as I wasnt going to spend 25 euro on a taxi. Took me three hours.

I did that once, when I was a poor student bum and lived approx 12 miles from the city centre. Not a bother when you've a skinful though.

Nightwish

I once used a customers printer they had purchased as a sort of football, and kicked it around the place before giving it to her because she had been really rude and aggressive to me. I also had a tv and microwave thrown at me by some lovely people and some upstanding members of the travelling community threw a playstation at me. I have been verbally abused and threatened by customers.

biko

While working in a hospital we made trowing stars out of scalpel blades. Those yokes will stick in a concrete wall! Or bounce off so you had to have a safe distance...

Do not try this at home kids

Nightwish

^^^we do that too, except with pens, its a lot safer

tuxy

op did you get the idea from this http://www.deepveininsomnia.com/SBcopsc1.php?
good read

Iago

working for a door to door sales company and a couple of nights I had to call back into the office to explain that I wouldn't be back that night as I was "stranded" due to traffic congestion/public service disruption etc..The 6 months I spent working there where an education in so many ways!!

Then when I worked as a plasterer we went into one of these old georgian houses on Harcourt Road to replaster all the ceilings, had to be really careful because there were chandeliers in every room. Boss told us to use 1/4 of the amount of bonding compound we should have been using, with the result that the following week a call came in from the home owner. The plaster had come loose from the ceilings in the house and smashed all the chandeliers in most of the rooms!!