Bf-sex problems...

LegacyUser

Been with my boyfriend over a month now, and knew him for a long time before that. We always have great times together, loads of fun etc. but when it get's down to it, no matter how excited I may be, nor no matter how much I want it, I don't come when he masturbates me, it usually just ends up hurting. During sex there is no problem. Or when I masturbate myself. I've tried to tell myself, that I'm too tense and just to relax and enjoy it but it didn't work.

To make it worse, he's not the first guy it's happened with, he's the third out of three. Just wondering if anyone knows anything about this or has had the same problem? Am I just too tense?

Nevyn

Maybe you are too tense or mayne he just doesn't know what he is doing and so is all finger and thumbs this not like they have one of their own to practice with.

Why not get him to watch you doing it so he can learn what you like.

LegacyUser

well I don't think it's that he doesn't know what he's doing, you can tell he know's well, it's not that it's not good, it's very enjoyable, just doesn't work, and sometimes hurts.

As for letting him watch me, I'm just not that comfortable in the relationship yet, he has asked me what I like and to show him but when it comes to it, I can't.

thanks though.

Chinafoot

You know what works for you and he might not. I'd go with the above suggestion and get him to watch you while you do it. Or maybe get him to put his hand over yours while you do it. This way he can get the movement and rhythm correct.

If he's doing it wrong you need to tell him. Be confident in what you want and what works for you and you'll both reap the rewards.

Marksie

He may bery well be using to much pressure initially or too hard and too fast. Try lighter strokes and gentle circling motions. Also make sure he has lubricated his finger.

foxyloxy

I can understand being shy initally, but if you can look after yourself on your own, then it just comes down to communication. A good suggestion was made to guide his hand, for most men this is a real turn on... and he'll probably encourage you to take over.
I don't know how comfortable you'd be with this suggestion, but if your self concious, it may help if you wear a blindfold with him whilst masterbating yourself.... it can also lead to all sorts of fun!

tj-music.com

pokey-joe wrote:

Been with my boyfriend over a month now, and knew him for a long time before that. We always have great times together, loads of fun etc. but when it get's down to it, no matter how excited I may be, nor no matter how much I want it, I don't come when he masturbates me, it usually just ends up hurting. During sex there is no problem. Or when I masturbate myself. I've tried to tell myself, that I'm too tense and just to relax and enjoy it but it didn't work.

To make it worse, he's not the first guy it's happened with, he's the third out of three. Just wondering if anyone knows anything about this or has had the same problem? Am I just too tense?

My theory on it is that because you do it to yourself you automatically know how do to it best. We boys obviously start masturbating in and around the age of 11 and 12 and by the time someone else "gives us a hand" we are real pros and it might take a while before we adopt to someone elses idea of how to make you come.

Ickle Magoo

pokey-joe wrote:

it's very enjoyable, just doesn't work, and sometimes hurts.

If it hurts then he isn't doing it right....would using lube help matters? If he is rubbing a long time with no results you may well become a little bit dry....why not masturbate yourself to show him what you like and also to get over any worries or embarassments that might be holding you back...once you become comfortable with him watching you masterbate, I think you'd find it much easier to relax and climax when he masturbates you...best of luck!

MojoMaker

If you put his hand on your penis first and then cover his hand with yours you could start building up a nice rythym showing him exactly what you like, the speed, the pressure etc. Might be worth a shot.

BaZmO*

pokey-joe wrote:

As for letting him watch me, I'm just not that comfortable in the relationship yet, he has asked me what I like and to show him but when it comes to it, I can't.

Well I think that you've just answered the question in your original post with that statement. It's probably that you're just too tense as it's very early in your relationaship.

and by saying....

pokey-joe wrote:

I've tried to tell myself, that I'm too tense and just to relax and enjoy it but it didn't work.

....you're just putting too much pressure on yourself. Give it a bit of time and you'll be fine. If you can cum during sex it's obviously not a problem that you can't cum.

I'm no psyhcologist, but I reckon what's going on here is that you can cum when you're having sex together because you associate cumming during sex as an act that happens naturally when you're with someone else, whereas when you are are masturbating you associate the act as one that has a happy ending when on your own. I reckon when you become more comfortable with your boyfriend you'll have no problem.

onemanband

Do you have the same issue with oral? If you can get off on both sex and oral but not manual then its definately just a technique thing!!

kizzyr

pokey-joe wrote:

well I don't think it's that he doesn't know what he's doing, you can tell he know's well, it's not that it's not good, it's very enjoyable, just doesn't work, and sometimes hurts.

As for letting him watch me, I'm just not that comfortable in the relationship yet, he has asked me what I like and to show him but when it comes to it, I can't.

thanks though.

Letting him wtch can be a lot of fun for both of you though and then he will really see how you like it to be done. If you've already seen each other naked and done the deed then there isn't a whole lot more to be embarassed about. Then you could watch him and learn how he likes you to do that to him............

frobisher

Masturbating a woman is one of the great arts of the world! I've been through this with every girlfriend I've ever had and the difference between the sublime and the sore can be a millimetre. I think there's a trick to it; the guy should always, always do far less than he thinks is needed. My experience is this area of a woman responds best to slow gentle movements that are repeated, forget about starting slow and building up to a flurrie. Keeping it gentle really works. When guys masturbate we're building very clearly towards a certain point and the intensity increases as we get nearer to it. Not so with girls. Just tell hime to take it really slowly and let your body do the work rather than his fingers!

Come back and let us know how it goes!

LegacyUser

thanx everyone.

I don't know how to word anything at the mo so if you follow this, well done!
He hast ried to guide my hand down with his so he's at least eager to learn! I have intended to do so, but haven't quite got all the way! Probably will soon anyway though! Watching may come with or after that.
Someone mentioned oral. Oral, sex, all good! Just this is the problem.
Can't really think of anything else for the moment...thanx though anyway!