Girlfriend putting on weight (title change)

LegacyUser

I know this might sound a wee bit selfish but i have been going out with my girlfriend for a couple of years now, we are both in our mid 20s, we have a strong bond but over the last year or so she has put on alot of weight, she was never skinny but never fat, but now you can see the fat bulges through her clothes and it is rather disgusting, i still love her and find her attractive but i know it affects her confidence and her mood. She has a stressful job but so do i and i seem to maintain my weight, i feel like signing her up to my gym but dont want to hurt her. I feel she has let herself go and settled for the comfort zone... what to do.....

cance

thread softly here man, although i dont agree with your thinking i understand what you are saying.

my gf has been up and down in weight due to different things, but never has it bothered me.

If you are going to pursue this gym idea, make it something for you both to do together. Dont approach it as if she needs to go to the gym.

BoozyBabe

covert wrote:

you can see the fat bulges through her clothes and it is rather disgusting...................., i still find her attractive.

Do you really?
If you did, I can't see how you'd put those two sentences together.

Do you actually still like having sex with her?
If not I can't see how you'd stay happy in the relationship.

How about suggesting you're bored with the routine of your everyday life & suggest some things to do in the evenings.
The things you suggest could just happen to be:-
swimming
Cycling / walking in the park
Tennis
martial arts
Gym
etc........

This is stuff the two of you would be doing together, so it's not like saying "you're fat, lose weight"
If she's not on for it, just try & make her see that it's something you'd really love to do, that you're really really fed up of lying in the house watching telly & you'd love to spend time doing other things with her.

That's how i'd approach it, I think

LegacyUser

She's taking you for granted, dude...all women do that.

Just tell her you still love her. Just be honest and fair and tell her you'd like to see her like she was when both of you felt in love.

But very important when you say her that is to tell her your relationship is not in danger. She needs to feel secured while she deals with your soft warning

I personally find all irish women fat

Ruu_Old

What the others suggested, something that you both might enough and to take her mind off her weight issues. You might want to changed the thread title to something other than 3 question marks.

LegacyUser

If you think the fat bulges are 'rather disgusting' then you clearly don't find her as attractive as you used to but you obviously have feelings for her and would like to see her back to her 'old self' both for your good and hers.

Weight is a very sensitive issue for girls so never, ever, ever tell her she's gained weight - she's knows - the fact that you mentioned it has affected her confidence means she's very aware of it.

Instead talk to her about her job - the stress etc - ask her if she wants to take up a sport with you like tennis or something or take up a relaxing eveinng class in yoga to de-stress. Focus on her de-stressing and de-toxifying to feel calmer, more confident etc This shows your concerned for her well-being and might get to the core of her weight gain issues and sort them out.

LegacyUser

Unreg1981 wrote:

She's taking you for granted, dude...all women do that.

Just tell her you still love her. Just be honest and fair and tell her you'd like to see her like she was when both of you felt in love.

But very important when you say her that is to tell her your relationship is not in danger. She needs to feel secured while she deals with your soft warning

I personally find all irish women fat

Are you bloody kidding me??? That is the single most stupid immature statement I have ever heard.....you make me sick!!!!

BoozyBabe

Unreg1981 wrote:

I personally find all irish women fat

Isn't that just a great comment for all the irish girls who are fighting a daily battle with bulimia / anorexia to read!!!:mad:

Please don't make such dangerous generalised comments like that again.

Dagon

"I personally find all irish women fat"

That isn't true mate! A lot of Irish women are quite slim and many are very skinny. Maybe it's different in cities but in the country the ladies take care of themselves. Go to America and you'll see much more overweight people.

Unfortunately a lot of girls who looks amazing in their teens / early 20s seem to have let themselves go by the mid 20s. If you keep yourself body slim and in shape then it's only fair that the other person in the relationship does the same. Physical attraction is only one thing in a relationship, but it IS an important thing...

Amazotheamazing

Why can't Irish women deal honestly about their weight, why must it always be spoken in hushed tones and metaphors etc. You'd swear everyone was talking about oversensitive idiots and not adult women.

OP, be honest with her, try and get her involved in more activities ye can both do together.

LegacyUser

Well, I'm sorry if I hurted anybody's feelings, I really am, but I was just being honest. That's what I really think.

Of course there are skinny and very attractive girls. Every rule as exceptions. I repeat this is my opinion. It's worth what it's worth.

Maybe because I'm not a native Irish man. I'm portuguese, and oh boy, are portuguese women attractive. Really nice bodies, only Italians are better.

MY OPINION!! May I have one, please!?

bringitdown

Exercise her thin if you get me ... huh huh huh

LegacyUser

Your girlfiend isnt going to be a nubile 18 year forever. Welcome to reality.

LadyJ

Unreg1981 wrote:

I personally find all irish women fat

ROFL.

And I suppose you've seen all Irish women through your crystal ball or something?

OP,I you and your girlfriend obviously have different kinds of metabolisms. Not everyone can put their all into a stressful job and remember to do all the things that they need to do to stay fit and healthy. She needs your help.

Why not cook healthier meals for her when she comes home and eat more healthy food yourself. Get rid of all the crap. Eat whenever you both hungry but nothing fried or greasy.

Suggest a weekly game of tennis or an evening jog. Try to make her feel as if it will be good for both of you(which it will anyway!),not just her.

BoozyBabe

Unreg1981 wrote:

Well, I'm sorry if I hurted anybody's feelings, I really am, but I was just being honest. That's what I really think.

Of course there are skinny and very attractive girls. Every rule as exceptions. I repeat this is my opinion. It's worth what it's worth.

Maybe because I'm not a native Irish man. I'm portuguese, and oh boy, are portuguese women attractive. Really nice bodies, only Italians are better.

MY OPINION!! May I have one, please!?

Well then your statement should have been "I find a lot of irish women......."

If the Portuguese women are so perfect, then go back to them, instead of coming over here & insulting about 1/2 of the Irish population. Amadán!!!!

LegacyUser

BoozyBabe wrote:

Well then your statement should have been "I find a lot of irish women......."

If the Portuguese women are so perfect, then go back to them, instead of coming over here & insulting about 1/2 of the Irish population. Amadán!!!!

Oh, excuse me, but don't you think you're being a little bit immature with all your comments? Come on.

I'm sorry if I hurted your feelings, I didn't mean to. Swear.

But if terminology is that important for you, let me rephrase that, please: "I find 'most' irish women overweighted".

What do you say? Is this prettier as a sentence?

Don't worry about me, I go back when I can, but not for the portuguese women. Mostly because of the weather while on vacations. My irish perfect-weighted girlfriend likes portuguese men also.

Don't be so close minded girl. People have opinions. You do, I do, we all do. Maybe you should be the one visiting Portugal. You'll love the weather

Kisses

daRobot

Just tell her indirectly, but be subtle and sensitive about it.Tell her you're joining a gym, and after a session or two, tell her how good you feel after the sessions, and how it's relieving any stress, and how you've much more energy.

If she's got any cop she'll get the hint.

There's no excuse to be overweight, all it takes is good diet and regular exercise.

DOLEMAN

Dude, it's gonna get so much worse when you get married.

I suggest you both start a new healthy lifestyle which includes better diet and gym...

Otherwise she's just gonna keep growing...

LegacyUser

Most girls get fat sooner or later. Once they are comfortable in the relationship they stop making the effort. It really is very annoying.

Chucky the tree

unreg6514523 wrote:

Your girlfiend isnt going to be a nubile 18 year forever. Welcome to reality.

Theres no excuse to be a fat in your 20's. I understand people will start to put on weight in their late 30s and towards there 40s but at 20?! No chance.

Kooli

It probably has more to do with food than exercise, so I don't reckon 'let's play tennis once a week' is gonna help matters much.

The fact is she knows she's gained weight, she doesn't need you to tell her that. What she needs is to know that you are not going to dump her for it. (are you??)

And as for saying you want her to be back like she was when you fell in love, which someone suggested, then you're living in a DREAMLAND if you think a girl will stay the way she looked in her early twenties forever!!

And yes, I am in my mid-twenties, and yes I have let myself go a little!!

meow

Men and womens bodies are different in case you hadn't realised.
Women deal with stress in much different ways, their metabolism slows down in their twenties and when you're supposed to be in a loving relationship people do 'let go' of themselves because it shouldn't matter to your partner what you look like.

I find it really disturbing you think her appearance 'disgusting' and feel very sorry for your gf. Instead of judging her, how about sitting down after a long day and talking to her about how her day went, how she feels etc. It'll bring you closer and hopefully you'll realise just how lucky you are to have her.

As much as I find it your post annoying, you're brave for posting it.
I imagine alot of men feel the same way. But its a two way street. You've changed too, you probably do something now that bugs the hell out of your gf but has she brought it up? Or accpeted it because she loves you and can see past it?

If she's insecure, don't point out her flaws, you'll crush her.

I personally find all irish women fat

:mad: :mad: :mad:
Its attitudes like that that makes it so damn near impossible for women to be happy with their shape. I'm one of the 200,000 plus people living in Ireland with an eating disorder. You take a walk into an eating disorders treatment unit some day and you'll see the direct result of opinions like yours.:mad: :mad:

LadyJ

meow wrote:

Men and womens bodies are different in case you hadn't realised.
Women deal with stress in much different ways, their metabolism slows down in their twenties and when you're supposed to be in a loving relationship people do 'let go' of themselves because it shouldn't matter to your partner what you look like.

I find it really disturbing you think her appearance 'disgusting' and feel very sorry for your gf. Instead of judging her, how about sitting down after a long day and talking to her about how her day went, how she feels etc. It'll bring you closer and hopefully you'll realise just how lucky you are to have her.

As much as I find it your post annoying, you're brave for posting it.
I imagine alot of men feel the same way. But its a two way street. You've changed too, you probably do something now that bugs the hell out of your gf but has she brought it up? Or accpeted it because she loves you and can see past it?

If she's insecure, don't point out her flaws, you'll crush her.

I think that it's also important to find your partner physically attractive tbh.

Of course no one can be in perfect shape all the time but if this girl is overweight to the point of rolls of flab hanging out,then maybe for her own health she should eat right and exercise.

I think the OP is genuinely concerned about his partner and that's ok.

He says he still finds her attractive but he obviously finds that her weight gain is a bit of a turn off. That's ok too.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

Marksie

Unreg1981 wrote:

Well, I'm sorry if I hurted anybody's feelings, I really am, but I was just being honest. That's what I really think.

Of course there are skinny and very attractive girls. Every rule as exceptions. I repeat this is my opinion. It's worth what it's worth.

Maybe because I'm not a native Irish man. I'm portuguese, and oh boy, are portuguese women attractive. Really nice bodies, only Italians are better.

MY OPINION!! May I have one, please!?

I would rather have an irish woman to be honest and i am not native, i am english. I have been on conferences in eu states and portugese women were there..now unless i as wering my wrong glasses they were nowhere as gorgous as being made out.
However, I was in a realtionship with a woman who was bulemic and all because she had got the opinion that thin and skinny was the way to be. That was living hell for us both with me trying to support and with what was going on.
I would rather my partner have a few extra pounds and be happy in themselves than someone who leaves a makup bag of vomit in my wardrobe!!!.. and all beacuse such a sahpe is the shape to be
That type of comment annoys me.

OP, a very close friend of mine piiled the weight on. I was honest and said that i didnt think she looked well (which she didn't) and was concerned that her weight would make her ill. NOW remember this was a good friend, but my approach was both concerned, open, tactful and honest. Her response was that i was a "true" friend. for having the courage to say it and risk her wrath.and she meant it . she has now lost 3 stone and is looking great, feeling great and can fit into all her clothes again.

My point being that its how you approach telling your partner that is important.... The last thing she needs now is for you to indicate in any way shape or form that you find her lumps and bumps disgusting. in fact loving someone is doing so because of the lumps and bumps.

OH and PS..watch out for the beer gut... it catches up to everyone

LegacyUser

meow wrote:

...and when you're supposed to be in a loving relationship people do 'let go' of themselves because it shouldn't matter to your partner what you look like.

That is a load of crap. Of course your partner cares how you look. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Are you telling me you wouldn't mind if your partner stopped making the effort, put on lots of weight, didn't bother wearing nice clothes anymore, etc etc. Too many people live in a dreamworld and pretend that the perfect relationship shouldn't need sexual attractiveness. IMO it is a very important part of a relationship.

meow wrote:

I find it really disturbing you think her appearance 'disgusting' and feel very sorry for your gf. Instead of judging her, how about sitting down after a long day and talking to her about how her day went, how she feels etc. It'll bring you closer and hopefully you'll realise just how lucky you are to have her.

And if she feels she is lucky to have the OP she should have no problem making an effort to be the same girl he fell in love with, not a lazy version who makes no effort to exercise.

meow wrote:

:mad: :mad: :mad:
Its attitudes like that that makes it so damn near impossible for women to be happy with their shape. I'm one of the 200,000 plus people living in Ireland with an eating disorder. You take a walk into an eating disorders treatment unit some day and you'll see the direct result of opinions like yours.:mad: :mad:

I'm sorry for your problem but that doesn't mean the OP should change his point of view. He clearly said that she has let herself go, sounds like the lazy comfort zone a lot of girls get into and nothing to do with an eating disorder.

daRobot

meow wrote:

when you're supposed to be in a loving relationship people do 'let go' of themselves because it shouldn't matter to your partner what you look like.

That's rubbish, and a self fulfilling prophecy at that, if that's the way you think.

Are you supposed to just disregard someones looks because you love them??You love the package, looks and personality.

free2fly

I have to say that the men posting here saying that women just give up on their looks when they feel secure in a relationship are immature, and are opinionated jackasses! I hate people who generalize. And to make such broad statements about women is just plain outrageous and ridiculous! I have just ended a very long term relationship and I worked the entire time to maintain my figure. For me. And I am past my mid-twenties. And I feel good about the way I look.

Lots of women are made to worry about their weight because of the "acceptable" image presented by Hollywood and in the media. And as marksuttonie stated it can cause some girls and women to become anorexic or bulemic.

To the OP - your gf needs your support and love. She knows how she looks and is not happy about it either. If you intend to pursue this with her be very wise in how you approach this with her. You could destroy your relationship. Think to yourself, "Are a few extra pounds worth losing her over?"

manufan

Why are guys supposed to thread very carefully when bringing up weight issues. If you have open communication within the relationship you should just come out and say that you are unhappy with things whether it be your other halfs weight gain or whatever.

Its not the end of the world if she gets a little bit upset. I prefer honesty and if my girlfriend couldn't openly tell me if she was dissatisfied with something in our relationship i would be worried.

Try motivate her to go to the gym with you. If she won't make an effort for you then there is something wrong. Why shouldn't want to be with the girl you first met. Thats the girl you fancied and if you make an effort to look good for her then she should at least try to at least address why she is gaining weight whether it be stress, bad diet and do something about it.

GOOD COMMUNICATION, its fantastic. it will help your relationship thrive.

Saruman

DOLEMAN wrote:

Dude, it's gonna get so much worse when you get married.

I suggest you both start a new healthy lifestyle which includes better diet and gym...

Otherwise she's just gonna keep growing...

Pay attention to this one
I got married.. went from a slim 12.5 - 13st to over 16st!!!! My wife put on about the same.. combination of the pill/injection thing and lack of exercise. We are both back at the gym fighting it!

daRobot

free2fly wrote:

I have to say that the men posting here saying that women just give up on their looks when they feel secure in a relationship are immature, and are opinionated jackasses! I hate people who generalize. And to make such broad statements about women is just plain outrageous and ridiculous! I have just ended a very long term relationship and I worked the entire time to maintain my figure. For me. And I am past my mid-twenties. And I feel good about the way I look.

Lots of women are made to worry about their weight because of the "acceptable" image presented by Hollywood and in the media. And as marksuttonie stated it can cause some girls and women to become anorexic or bulemic.

To the OP - your gf needs your support and love. She knows how she looks and is not happy about it either. If you intend to pursue this with her be very wise in how you approach this with her. You could destroy your relationship. Think to yourself, "Are a few extra pounds worth losing her over?"

Well a lot of women do give up on their looks in a relationship.That's for sure, and it also seems to be what has happened with the OP so I don't see what your point is (Unless you happen to take the comments made, as an attack on women as a whole, which i'd very much doubt was intended).

Women are "made" to worry by hollywood correct? Nice use of language to absolve any personal responsiblity there, but that arguement is as coherent as saying that pubs "make" an alcoholic drink to excess.

It's a shame that girls become anorexic or bulemic, but really if you want to loose weight, exercise and diet would be the key would be the first thing that would pop into my mind.Anyone who chooses to starve themselves or throw up is looking for an easy solution that will have disasterous consequences on their health.

Why does this have to be tip-toed around anyway?If you're getting fat, do something about it.If you feel your partner is getting fat, tell her indirectly in a way that wont hurt her.It's as simple as that.

Marksie

daRobot wrote:

Well a lot of women do give up on their looks in a relationship.That's for sure, and it also seems to be what has happened with the OP so I don't see what your point is (Unless you happen to take the comments made, as an attack on women as a whole, which i'd very much doubt was intended).

Define the difference between "a lot of women" and "women as a whole"

Also unregisttered 1981 quoted " She's taking you for granted, dude...all women do that.
and
I personally find all irish women fat"

mad.max quoted "Most girls get fat sooner or later. Once they are comfortable in the relationship they stop making the effort. It really is very annoying."

U still sure about your quoted statement

and of courser all guys maintain their caring sensitive attitude linked to their figure when they are in a realtionship

Moojuice

Unreg1981

you of course can have an opinon and here is mine. You are an idiot (in my humble opinion)

daRobot

marksuttonie wrote:

Define the difference between "a lot of women" and "women as a whole"

some women:all women

Marksie

daRobot wrote:

some women:all women

thank you, as expected

LegacyUser

Unreg1981 wrote:

Maybe because I'm not a native Irish man. I'm portuguese, and oh boy, are portuguese women attractive. Really nice bodies, only Italians are better.

I'll bet your "perfect-weighted" Irish girlfriend who loves Portuguese dudes, might not love your Portuguese self very much longer if she heard you say that. Go say that to her face, see what she says.

dudara

Right, no more comments about the general state of Irish women or on obesity in this country. This thread has been ruined by one stupid comment from an unregg'd person, and then by everyone else who jumped on the bandwagon and failed to have the good sense to stick to the OT.

Moojuice: Attack the post but not the poster.

Next person to post off-topic is banned for a week. No warnings.

dudara

LegacyUser

<snip> If you weren't unregg'd I'd ban you for continuing. Count yourself lucky. dudara.

I keep my first reply to the thread starter: I think you should speak with her softly about your issue and assure her your relationship is not in any kind of risk because of that.

I think both of you could agree to cook healthier food. I don't think eating hamburguers and go jogging afterwards helps anything really.

Be honest and fair.

layke

This happened slowly but surely with my ex. I bumped into her and the new Fiance (love when that happens don't ya). She is 23 now and she has put on a fair bit of weight also.

The reason is 0 exercise. She used to be a lifeguard when I was going out with her(propper baywatch loike), swimming almost every day. But as people do, she got older and decided to buy a car and move into a desk job. hence put on weight.

I myself since the year start watched my belly grow due to lazyness of car and lack of excercise and i'm only 24! Although i've gone back to the gym and the difference after one month is absolutely amazing.

If you can get your GF into doing some exercises and hopefuly after one month she will see results which will motovate her more.

I don't know what your missus is like, mine walked in one day and just said "get your fat ass to the gym" (I'm not that bad rly!), this is it's how our relationship works were nearly brutally honest. For your missus, well you know what works best with her. Just don't sit in silence if it's bothering you. That will lead to tears later down the line.

The Sweeper

daveirl wrote:

This post has been deleted.

Obesity can be an eating disorder. Eating for comfort, eating as medicine, eating to punish yourself - none of these are healthy behaviours. Obesity starts with a body mass index of 30. A healthy BMI is 19-24. Overweight is 25-29.

Nobody - including the OP's girlfriend - particularly wants to be overweight. Many weight problems for Irish women start in their late teens, early twenties - if they have had healthy eating habits up to university or their first job as a school-leaver they'll have a nice figure. Not too thin, maybe some boobs, a curve on the hips - all good. The sort of diet that your parents feed you at home - assuming they cook and you've lived a meat & 2 veg life - is actually extremely healthy.

Then they hit university or the work force, and begin to supplement the 1800-2000 calorie a day diet that they have from eating normally with a 1000 calorie a day beer habit.

It is possible to drink and stay skinny, but only usually if you're missing meals. The weight equation is actually really simple - if you take in more calories than you use, you'll put on weight. If you don't, you won't. It doesn't matter if all you put into your body in a day is three cups of black coffee with no sugar for breakfast, a snickers bar and a chicken and stuffing sandwich for lunch, two pints of heineken post-lectures or after work and six chicken nuggets, a cheeseburger, regular fries with a diet coke for dinner - you've still consumed less than 2000 calories in the day.

That's why misinformed people twitter "oh I eat junk all day and I put on no weight".

The OP's girlfriend may well have an underlying issue bothering her that's causing her to comfort eat. She puts on weight, becomes unhappy with herself, comfort eats more. Women are very sensitive to looks and vibes from men - and in my experience men aren't subtle creatures. She probably knows full well that the OP isn't happy about her weight gain and it's making the whole thing worse. You have GOT to be motivated to be able to stick to diet and exercise - because unfortunately, once you've put on weight, you need to do something to shift it. That includes breaking the atrocious eating and drinking habits you've acquired to put it on in the first place.

Bottom line is there's no way in the world that the OP's girlfriend hasn't noticed her weight gain - and she definitely feels worse about it than he does. And I think he does need to clear the air and bring it up in conversation - otherwise he'll keep being unsubtle with his glances and reactions and she'll just feel worse and worse. It's not likely to be an easy conversation, but it's got to be done.

Marksie

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

The OP's girlfriend may well have an underlying issue bothering her that's causing her to comfort eat.

A very good point, a very dear friend of mine has a very stressful job and does in fact comfort eat, not only that with the nature of it..sometimes working til 12pm at night she will grab snacks. (and before there are comments about making time to eat properly... when u have elderly patients to care for you dont run to schedules).
Further, the possibility of thyroid problems has reared its head, which can account for some weight gain puffiness etc.
Also there was a previous thread some time back which talked about cortisol in the context of stress and weight gain. Perhaps one of the moderators can show the link its in the personal issues section

LegacyUser

suggest a sun holiday. the idea of a bikini might motivate her to loose some weight.

watch supersize me together, if you haven't already, or bring up some documentry you "saw" recently, regarding obesity, and how what most people eat is really bad for us.

read fast food nation, and tell her "wow, great book, you should read this, never knew fast food was so 5hitty"

does she eat alot of take out? learn how to cook v tasty, healthy food.

why not suggest going hiking, or cycling, not as direct as, "here's gym membership"

these are all v suttle hints, that she should pick up on. if not, well you can live with it, or be honest and tell her, and while this makes you look like the baddie, at least you're being honest.

Keano

My girlfriend is not thin but she is not fat. She does watch what she eats and it trying to loose some weight. she goes walking most evenings and if her walking buddy cant make it I go with her. Some might see this as me pushing her but she does want to walk and doesnt like walking on her own. So its way for us to spend time together and also for her to feel good about herself.

SingingCherry

As great as it would be if we could all come out and be honest about someone's weight or looks, we can't. You say you care about her and love her, so I assume you have no intention on hurting her. Telling her you think her extra weight is "disgusting" will do just that. As others have said, she knows she has put on weight, you telling her will only make her feel worse about herself which will only make her problem with food worse.

Also, for her to lose weight she likely won't be able to do it alone. I'm not saying you have to go pound for pound with her, but if you guys live together you both need to change your eating habits. She'll never be successful if you're eating pizzas and other take aways in front of her while she's munching on salads. And if you get up and go to the gym, ask her if she wants to come - do it on specific nights and make it a date night sort of thing for the two of you.

Telling her outright or handing her a gym membership is not going to help. You'll lose her that way.

Marksie

SingingCherry wrote:

Telling her outright or handing her a gym membership is not going to help. You'll lose her that way.

What about expressing a desire to learning to dance.
It can be energetic, fun and a vertical expression of a horizontal desoire

less obvious than gym membership

milod

OP, this is really a no-win situation. If you tell her you think she's putting on too much weight - you risk a 'shoot the messenger' scenario. If you decide to live with a situation you're clearly not happy with - you'll lose respect for her.

You might also examine whether you're worried about what other people think when you're out with her...

Irish PEOPLE (not just women!!) are getting fatter. Look around you - everyone is getting fat, but women's fashions especially highlight a weight issue by showing off muffin-tops over low rise jeans and 'double-diddys' (bra spillover) in tight tops! Though a beer belly in a Celtic shirt is quite disturbing too...

We can all be as PC as we like, but everyone has a certain point after which they find weight unattractive - OP just found his point!

Calibos

Isn't it strange that a woman can come straight out with it and call her partner up on his weight in the crudest terms. "Hey, fatso, that sixpack you had when we met has become a barrel, do something about it." and we generally don't bat an eyelid, "yeah I suppose it is, must start going to the gym more often" etc

Say that to a woman and OMG!

Was having a fumble with a young lady in the backseat of the car a while ago and she obviously thought it perfectly OK in the midst of business to say to me, "You've got a bit of a belly there" Now in fairness it was just positioning that acentuated it Do you know what? It was OK to say that. I laughed and said I had got her with false advertising by always holding it in when I was with her. "hehe, you've got a lovely little pot yourself dear!"

She jumped out of the car and walked home in disgust!! (wasn't to far from her house)

Valmont

unreg6514523 wrote:

Your girlfiend isnt going to be a nubile 18 year forever. Welcome to reality.

Sounds like you've given up

BrianD3

Calibos wrote:

Isn't it strange that a woman can come straight out with it and call her partner up on his weight in the crudest terms. "Hey, fatso, that sixpack you had when we met has become a barrel, do something about it." and we generally don't bat an eyelid, "yeah I suppose it is, must start going to the gym more often" etc

Say that to a woman and OMG!

I'd agree with this. My experience of women is that they can be very blunt and even cruel when it comes to commenting on men's appearance. For instance I have received much slagging over the years from women about being a shortarse which obviously is something that I can do NOTHING about. I'm not even that short @ 5'9".

Yet when it comes to commenting on women's weight men must pussyfoot around or else risk a hysterical reaction. A lot of women seem to be under the impression that it is physically impossible for them to lose weight. It's not - as already stated in this thread it's all about calories in and calories out. So if it's physically possible but they still don't manage to lose weight does that mean they have an eating disorder. A lot of overweight women would be highly insulted if it was suggested to them that they had an eating disorder.

Zombrex

covert wrote:

I know this might sound a wee bit selfish but i have been going out with my girlfriend for a couple of years now, we are both in our mid 20s, we have a strong bond but over the last year or so she has put on alot of weight, she was never skinny but never fat, but now you can see the fat bulges through her clothes and it is rather disgusting, i still love her and find her attractive but i know it affects her confidence and her mood. She has a stressful job but so do i and i seem to maintain my weight, i feel like signing her up to my gym but dont want to hurt her. I feel she has let herself go and settled for the comfort zone... what to do.....

Its a difficult one alright

I say that speaking as someone who once mentioned that myself and my girlfriend should join a gym together which was met with cries of "bastard" between the tears until eventually I wasn't spoken to for 2 days, when she came back to demand an apology (she got one, fool on me).

Its one of those bizare social double standards that a girl can nag and nag a fella about his health and weight all she likes, but a guy mentions to his gf that she has put on a bit of weight then he is shallow insensitive bastard

My advice would be avoid the whole area of "attractive" altogether. Tackle it from a "I care about your health" angle. Put simply being over weight, even slightly, is not good for you, especially considering she is only in her 20s. If she does nothing about it and continues to put on weight she will end up with a range of health problems in the future.

At the end of the day if she is feeling self conscious about her weight what ever you say is going to upset her. But just because you do doesn't mean you were actually in the wrong, and you just have to battle through it. In the end she needs support and encouragement to loose weight, not to put it on.

kizzyr

Arrrggggghhhhhhh. Every Irish girl is not fat:mad: Jesus Christ you'd swear Irish men were the most perfect creatures on the planet the way some of you go on. Some women are horribly thin, some are horribly fat, some are just fine, deal with it. Any one may be under or over weight for a variety of reasons not just because they are so blissfully happy with the wonderful Irish man they've managed to land that they decide its time to eat. Believe it or not not every woman organises her day around what will make her look good to men they may have other things that are more important to be thinking about than just looking good for you.
If you are really concerned then doing something that is fun with her as other people have suggested. Take up a sport together or something like that. You could also take over the food buying and cooking in the house and make enjoyable but nutritious meals for both of you.
Or there is this, maybe she's fed up with you but doesn't want to dump you so is putting on weight until you leave then she'll lose it all and head out on the town looking a million dollars and snag herself a fantastic good looking charming Italian man who really knows how to treat a woman and you'll be at home with your make believe airbrushed internet porn star women who aren't fat