False enthusiasm hurts!

LadyJ

Ok,so this is a bit of an odd problem that I have....

I used to be a very polite person and was able to talk to the elderly and listen to them go on and on,with a smile on my face. I didn't mind humouring them. I didn't mind talking to friends' parents and random relations etc. about what I'm doing at the moment,the weather,what they ate for dinner and so on.
I could talk to random strangers at parties and things and pretend I cared about what course they're doing,where they work and all that.

However,now I'm finding it hard to do all of this. I'm finding I have absolutely no energy or will to pretend anymore and go along with the niceties that people expect from you in life.

Not only that but I've discovered over the last while that when I attempt to talk to someone that I have no interest in,after ten minutes or so,I get a sore throat and lose my voice for almost two days!

Perhaps this is a psychosomatic or maybe it's that my voice is more intense when I'm faking enthusiasm,I dunno.

I just wondered does anyone have any thoughts on this.

Also,I'm not putting this in PI because it's not like I need advice here. It's not a major problem or anything,I just wanted to know if anyone else has started to feel this way of late.

EWheelChair

LadyJ wrote:

Not only that but I've discovered over the last while that when I attempt to talk to someone that I have no interest in,after ten minutes or so,I get a sore throat and lose my voice for almost two days!

What the fcuk?

Femelade

LadyJ wrote:

Not only that but I've discovered over the last while that when I attempt to talk to someone that I have no interest in,after ten minutes or so,I get a sore throat and lose my voice for almost two days!
.

huh? thats wierd..

LadyJ

EWheelChair wrote:

What the fcuk?

I know,it's weird but kinda funny in a way,it's like I believe that I shouldn't have to talk crap to the person,so much so that my body stops me!

Adam

Losing your voice is certainly unusual.... I could probably scream solidly for ten minutes without losing my voice, if its happeneing to you after ten minutes of talking I'd worry! :eek:

LadyJ

fade_to_grey wrote:

Losing your voice is certainly unusual.... I could probably scream solidly for ten minutes without losing my voice, if its happeneing to you after ten minutes of talking I'd worry! :eek:

It doesn't happen when I talk to my friends or people I'm interested in talking to though. It only happens when I'm forced to make small talk!

casanova_kid

Eh, do you scream at them?

Adam

That shit's hardcore.

Winters

IS that why your not talkign to me MissJ ?

LadyJ

Winters wrote:

IS that why your not talkign to me MissJ ?

Why do ya think I only ever text you?!

Winters

*cry*

You dont even talk to me on msn or anything. I must be so low

LadyJ

Winters wrote:

*cry*

You dont even talk to me on msn or anything. I must be so low

It's worse when I talk to you on msn. I go blind!

Winters

Why must you hurt me so

;_;

Earthhorse

Nice weather we're having.

Miss Fluff

LadyJ wrote:

I used to be a very polite person and was able to talk to the elderly and listen to them go on and on,with a smile on my face. I didn't mind humouring them. I didn't mind talking to friends' parents and random relations etc. about what I'm doing at the moment,the weather,what they ate for dinner and so on.
I could talk to random strangers at parties and things and pretend I cared about what course they're doing,where they work and all that.

To be honest Lady J, I wouldn't call basic social graces false enthusiasm.

LadyJ

Miss Fluff wrote:

To be honest Lady J, I wouldn't call basic social graces false enthusiasm.

Ok,well whatever you want to call it,it's still an odd problem.

mysterious

I got over enthusiastic about this thread. moving on.

Siogfinsceal

ok the whole loosing your voice stuff is wierd but I know what you mean about the small talk. Its so annoying trying to find things to say to someone you barely know or when you really don't care. Or when someone is incredibly boring and you have to pretend to care because they are a friend of a friend or something. For me the worst is when women keep going on about babies. Now im sure its all v exciting etc but I just have no interest what so ever and get tired of trying to sound interested when someone is going on about baby sick

LadyJ

Siogfinsceal wrote:

For me the worst is when women keep going on about babies. Now im sure its all v exciting etc but I just have no interest what so ever and get tired of trying to sound interested when someone is going on about baby sick

Oh god yeah! This kills me!

I like babies but I don't like when my friend puts his son on the phone to me for no reason!

aidan_walsh

LadyJ wrote:

it's like I believe that I shouldn't have to talk crap to the person,so much so that my body stops me!

Finger cramps next, perhaps?

Siogfinsceal

yup I mean I love my horse but I dont go describing her every movement to my non horsey friends who don't care so I hate when I have to make small talk containing the likes of 'oh and you will never guess what he did yesterday ..arent they so cute when they are that age etc'
or the worst was a girl I worked with who was obsessed with cleaning her house so I woul dhave to try to be polite when she was telling me all this when I really wanted to say 'stop spending so many hrs cleaning and go out and have some fun'

Kernel

Sometimes I get like this, I just have no time for talking to people or pretending to be interested. The only way to deal with it is by either being quiet or by speaking your mind or steering the conversation in a direction that interests you. I dunno, it's a complex condition - can happen when you feel depressed or stressed.

Maybe you feel stifled by acting in a way that's not your true self. Or maybe like all chicks, you're just speaking too much!

Siogfinsceal

sometimes I go through a mood where im just totally honest and blunt with people. Now that doesnt always go down well but sometimes it does cos people are shocked at someone actually saying how they feel rather than pretending to care and talking crap

LadyJ

Kernel wrote:

Sometimes I get like this, I just have no time for talking to people or pretending to be interested. The only way to deal with it is by either being quiet or by speaking your mind or steering the conversation in a direction that interests you. I dunno, it's a complex condition - can happen when you feel depressed or stressed.

Maybe you feel stifled by acting in a way that's not your true self. Or maybe like all chicks, you're just speaking too much!

Always down on the chicks K-man!

I do stay quiet sometimes but in a lot of situations it's just considered rude.
Personally,I'd love to sit in silence with these people but they feel the need to chat to me.

I guess it might just be the fact that,as I get older,my personality is just changing bit by bit and I can't put up with small talk anymore. It's not that I mind that but I just wish that my lack of enthusiasm for this kind of thing wasn't considered to be ignorant.

r3nu4l

Perhaps it's something to do with the amount of dope you smoke?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054955669

A female friend of mine started using dope every single day and tbh, she soon faded out of our group, totally apathetic to conversation unless she initiated it. Half the time she made no sense and frankly always looked and sounded dopey after a year or two :rolleyes:

Losing the voice is probably psycho-somatic, there's still loads we don't know about the effects of dope on people but psychosomatic effects are known.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=2347291&query_hl=1&itool=pubmed_docsum

The following predictors were specific for: ...Cannabis: alienation from society.

Doesn't explain the voice loss and PubMed contains no record of cannabinoid use and voice loss

WhiteWashMan

interesting.

now you know how i feel about reading threads on teh AH forum.

LadyJ

r3nu4l wrote:

Perhaps it's something to do with the amount of dope you smoke?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054955669

A female friend of mine started using dope every single day and tbh, she soon faded out of our group, totally apathetic to conversation unless she initiated it. Half the time she made no sense and frankly always looked and sounded dopey after a year or two :rolleyes:

Losing the voice is probably psycho-somatic, there's still loads we don't know about the effects of dope on people but psychosomatic effects are known.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=2347291&query_hl=1&itool=pubmed_docsum

The following predictors were specific for: ...Cannabis: alienation from society.

Doesn't explain the voice loss and PubMed contains no record of cannabinoid use and voice loss

That's quite interesting.

I don't really smoke a huge amount these days tbh as it can make me feel a bit withdrawn but perhaps you're on to something!

However,the more I think about it,the more I notice that I do speak in a different kind of way in these situations. As I said,it's like there's more intensity to my voice because I'm trying too hard to sound interested and maybe it's damaging it.

Kernel

LadyJ wrote:

Always down on the chicks K-man!

Who told you about that? Once a year for their birthdays maybe... no, no, not at all.

LadyJ wrote:

I do stay quiet sometimes but in a lot of situations it's just considered rude.
Personally,I'd love to sit in silence with these people but they feel the need to chat to me.

I guess it might just be the fact that,as I get older,my personality is just changing bit by bit and I can't put up with small talk anymore. It's not that I mind that but I just wish that my lack of enthusiasm for this kind of thing wasn't considered to be ignorant.

Maybe you have something on your mind you need to deal with, or maybe you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. You need to spend your time with people who get your mental juices flowing sometimes. I dunno. But I do get like that myself sometimes, so I think a lot of people do? Either that or we are weirdos.

LadyJ

Kernel wrote:

Who told you about that? Once a year for their birthdays maybe... no, no, not at all.

:rolleyes: Relentless!

Maybe you have something on your mind you need to deal with, or maybe you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. You need to spend your time with people who get your mental juices flowing sometimes. I dunno. But I do get like that myself sometimes, so I think a lot of people do? Either that or we are weirdos.

I think it's just that I only enjoy talking about things that I'm passionate about and with old people and friends' parents etc. I can't really do that so I feel as though I'm wasting my breath,so to speak!

Pighead

Kernel wrote:

Who told you about that? Once a year for their birthdays maybe... no, no, not at all.

You told Pighead last week that you never ever go down on the chicks or up their back passages as you felt both activities were both unnatural and disgusting.

As for your problem Lady J. Maybe its time to be a little less polite. Bite the bullet and just tell someone straight out that they are annoying you. After a while you'll get to enjoy the shocked and hurt look on their faces. Make sure that you have more than 1 friends before doing this though.

Terry

Siogfinsceal wrote:

sometimes I go through a mood where im just totally honest and blunt with people. Now that doesnt always go down well but sometimes it does cos people are shocked at someone actually saying how they feel rather than pretending to care and talking crap

i do that too.
i've often told people that i really don't care about X subject.

as for you, ladyj, get yourself a friend who revels in small talk. i have one and i just sit back and let him do all the talking. i say something if the subject interests me, but mostly i'll just sit there and nod/ smile politely.

LadyJ

julep wrote:

as for you, ladyj, get yourself a friend who revels in small talk. i have one and i just sit back and let him do all the talking. i say something if the subject interests me, but mostly i'll just sit there and nod/ smile politely.

Thing is,it's not my mates I'm talking about here. If it was then I'd have no problem telling them to shut up!

It's people that I "have to" be polite to.

Kernel

Pighead wrote:

You told Pighead last week that you never ever go down on the chicks or up their back passages as you felt both activities were both unnatural and disgusting.

Quite right too. Anal is a one way system, and you should learn to respect that!

Unless you are gay, in which case there's not a lot of other options open.

Rantorama

I get this too, stuck making conversation with a friend* of a friend with no interest in your reply, just the sound of their own voice.
I find my eyes glazing over, but carry on anyway, coat hanger in the mouth smile.

Tis' my own fault really. I should just say no.








* the kind of person, who if you saw coming down the road, you would rather walk in front of a bus than talk to.

Dooom

Can we not just ban the majority of the female population of boards from AH? Please?
Stuff(crap) like this just hurts the brain.

Rantorama

Yes, ban them, indeed, as the Flintstones say, 'We'll have a Gay Old Time'

LadyJ

Spike wrote:

Can we not just ban the majority of the female population of boards from AH? Please?
Stuff(crap) like this just hurts the brain.

In fairness,imo,this is more interesting than something like people naming their favourite town in Ireland.

If it bothers you so much then there's no real need to post on it or read the whole thing tbh.

Winters

Spike wrote:

Can we not just ban the majority of the female population of boards from AH? Please?
Stuff(crap) like this just hurts the brain.

Dont think yore ma would like to be banned as you wasted some of your bandwidth.

Dont worry LadyJ .. I j00!!1 one one key beside two

Supercell

Maybe as you get older you just stop caring so much what people think of you, you become more in acceptance with what you are and what you realy give a fup about.
Perhaps deep down, being false with people just goes against the grain and your feeling of being true to yourself - you're punishing yourself for being untrue to your inner you?

At least thats all I could be arsed typing at this hour! (Longfield..in touch with his inner field)

Terry

LadyJ wrote:

Thing is,it's not my mates I'm talking about here. If it was then I'd have no problem telling them to shut up!

It's people that I "have to" be polite to.

conversation earlier:

friend: were you watching any of the matches over the weekend.

me: no, i've no interest in all that crap.

friend: ok.


the friend of a friend thing, i've also told them that i had no interest in carrying on a certain conversation. i couldn't care less if they think i'm an asshole for being blunt.

my father was a fairly well known and well respected man in Leixlip. couple of td's and local celebrities attended his funeral. i find that some of hte older people in the town will try to have a conversation with me about him. he's been dead for four years now and i'm getting really pissed off with the whole thing. i don't mind them just saying a few words, but when they try to get into a long conversation about him, i just tell them that i don't want to talk about it.

Spike wrote:

Can we not just ban the majority of the female population of boards from AH? Please?
Stuff(crap) like this just hurts the brain.

i don't read any of the threads in the CTYI forum. in fact, i've only been there once to see what it was all about. i have no interest in that particular area of boards.ie. however, i don't feel the need to complain about the contents of that forum.
EDIT: i just walked into the kitchen for a glass of water and thought about the above comment from spike.
i wonder if he was genuinely moaning or was it a very clever piece of sarcasm.

JC 2K3

Read Catcher in the Rye.

LadyJ

JC 2K3 wrote:

Read Catcher in the Rye.

Lol,I have done,about ten years ago.

Perhaps that's what fcuked me up in the first place!

Sad Professor

i don't mind small talk if its with someone i WANT to talk to. but i work in a shop where i'm PAID to do it. when i was hired they strapped me to a chair and brainwashed me for 6 hours about how to be nice to customers, show an interest, care, etc, etc.

sadly it had no effect. so i just have this fake smile i use whenever they talk to me. there is only so many times you can hear different customers make the same pathetic attempts at conversation (weather, crappy jokes etc) before you start having fantasies about shooting the place up.

*sigh* maybe i should get a new job