Boyfriend Has Never.......

LegacyUser

Sorry if the content is not appropriate, & if that's the case, feel free to delete.

My Bf's 26, we've been dating a year & everything's brilliant.

Our sex-life's fine, nothing to write home about, but more than enough to keep me happy.

I've always had the impression that he was pretty new to the whole thing. He's not at all reluctant to get to the penetration side of things, but I get the feeling that he's been brought to to think sex is bad / dirty.

He's not a boob man, (nothing wrong with that, a lot of men are like that) so my boobs don't get a look in.
He's only ever had his hand down south twice, i think he thinks it's disgusting, & as for him performing oral on me:- that'll NEVER happen, ever.

I gave him his first BJ a few months ago, which though he loved it, he wasn't sure if he 'liked' it, if you know what I mean.... Again, I think it's the disgusting aspect of it. He wouldn't kiss me after it, which I don't mind, I wouldn't be that eager with the situation reversed either.

It's not like he was a late starter, he's had gf's on & off since he was at least 16, loves women & all that.

But, the strangest thing of all that I just found out is this:- he has NEVER masturbated. He's 26 & he never has!! (The conversation came up & he told me, & he was 100% genuine)

Is that not just REALLY strange? What does he do with it? I mean, I thought fella's practically had to, & that it was actually beneficial healthwise (well atleast while not sexually active)

I masturbate about 9 times a week, I just can't imagine never doing it, & especially imagining that a guy never has.

Again, it must be down to how he was brought up or something:- that it's very wrong or something.

Do you think this is strange?

It doesn't really bother me, I'm crazy about him, more than happy for things to continue as they are, & hopefully long term I can encourage a little more 'play' time, but:- is he unique, or are there guys like him out there?

Post unreg if you want.

GrumPy

He is lying :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

That's Strange wrote:

He's not a boob man, (nothing wrong with that, a lot of men are like that) so my boobs don't get a look in.
He's only ever had his hand down south twice, i think he thinks it's disgusting, & as for him performing oral on me:- that'll NEVER happen, ever.

I don't know how you cope.
If he is doing none of the above, then what exactly is he doing for you?
Have you ever asked him to perform oral?
I'd be asking him to try stuff if he hasn't done it before, he might actually enjoy it.
I would also be having a good long talk about what exactly his views on sex are and why he has those views.
You say none of this is bothering you, but yet you are on here posting unregged, so, I don't believe you.
As for him not masturbating, he's just got to be lying.

Talk to him.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This is interesting, as I am male myself and I have roughly the same issues with my girlfriend, I would love to hear peoples answers from the male, and female perspective.

I thought that I was in a unique situation too, but it looks like I am not.

Regards,
Unregistered

Miss Fluff

That's Strange wrote:

But, the strangest thing of all that I just found out is this:- he has NEVER masturbated. He's 26 & he never has!! (The conversation came up & he told me, & he was 100% genuine)

He's 26 and never masturbated????:eek: He has GOT to be lying.

Magic Pips

a recent survey said 99% of men ****, 1% lie...

its true!!! 9 times? i didn't think women did it that often... maybe im sheltered also!

As for your BF sit down with him, even try giving him a hand job and gettin him to take over... thats what i did with my ex to encourage her...

LegacyUser

The main reason i'm posting is because of the lack of masturbation thing.

I really can't understand that one, & trust me, he definitely wasn't lying.
I put him over it several times & he couldn't get what I was so amazed at!

He's seriously 26 & have NEVER masturbated.


As for the sex life not bothering me. It actually doesn't, at the minute.
If I'm back here in 5 years posting the same lines, then yes it would bother me then, but i'm a very patient person!!!

Basically because we're only going out a year & I do think a lot of it is new teritory for him.

Now I've never asked him to give me oral. I know you'll say "how do you know unless you ask", but trust me on this one:- I KNOW he wouldn't want to give me oral. I'm sure he would try for my sake, to try & please me, but his stomach would be churning at the thought of it & how could I enjoy it knowing that!!!!

What does he do for me????
He puts it in out in out & shakes it all about...... , na seriously, there's really only kissing, arse grabbing, clothes stripping & penetration, but right now it's the intimacy that I absolutely love, & through time the rest will come, I'm sure...

Ruu_Old

Its hard to believe alright. He might be a bit squeamish about the whole aspect of sex. Have a chat with him and see whats up.

Beruthiel

That's Strange wrote:

there's really only kissing, arse grabbing, clothes stripping & penetration, but right now it's the intimacy that I absolutely love, & through time the rest will come, I'm sure...

Well if it doesn't come with time, I give you another 6 months before you start getting fed up with that. I can't see how you are getting any time to get turned on at all. I'd find his rushing like that to be truly selfish.

Ickle Magoo

Hang on...so he doesn't touch your breasts, clitoris, etc with his hands and you know for a fact he wouldn't use his mouth...he just climbs aboard, does the deed & gets off again? I'd hate that....I think you need to buy him a book or video about women's bodies & what they like and he needs to learn to enjoy his own body, too....if he has been made to feel dirty about sex then I can understand that he may be a bit aprehensive...but to not even try? To know what masturbation is but never give it a go? I find that a bit hard to believe tbh....

Personally, I'd be patient for a while but then the P&O sex (roll on, roll off) would bore me to tears, it's greedy & selfish, experience has nothing to do with it....best of luck!

shellie11

You should do a little dance and strip tease for him, then tell him if he feels turned on then to touch himself and so on......, why not go to ann summers and buy some fun toys and eddible gels, and maybe that will get him to open up and try new things on you.

Beruthiel

shellie11 wrote:

You should do a little dance and strip tease for him, then tell him if he feels turned on then to touch himself and so on......, why not go to ann summers and buy some fun toys and eddible gels, and maybe that will get him to open up and try new things on you.

shellie
if he won't even touch her breasts, then all I can see happening if she did the above, is him feeling the house at the speed of light.

LadyJ

OP,my boyfriend has never done it either.

I know a lot of people here will say that he is lying but we've been going out for over a year and I know him inside out;he's never had a ****.

I used to think that this was weird and be worried that he'd been brought up to think sex was some kind of filthy act but it's not that. He's just different is all. Some men are just in the minority here and it's nothing to be ashamed about!

I'm like you,big into pleasuring myself and I used to feel almost angry that my boyfriend never even tried to push the instant orgasm button in his pants but that's just him and I wouldn't change him for the world!

Plus,we have great sex,and his stamina is just as good,if not better than any other bloke I've slept with so I couldn't give a toss if he's never laid a hand on his bits in his life!

Don't let it bother you. It's really not a big deal.

It's the other thoings you need to focus on and discuss with him. Try to improve your sex life by telling him what you like.

bubonicus

Maybe he was "broke" as a child, you will never fix him. I use to go out with a girl who was raped. She saw sex as a dirty thing etc.... maybe he was molested or something.

On a less serious note.

I have a small willy, but I have a twelve inch tongue and can breathe through my ears, if your interested...:D

You can ban me now:p

Marksie

shellie11 wrote:

You should do a little dance and strip tease for him, then tell him if he feels turned on then to touch himself and so on......, why not go to ann summers and buy some fun toys and eddible gels, and maybe that will get him to open up and try new things on you.

I think perhaps you should start with a couple of books.
May i suggest the "multi orgasmic couple" and "Sinful sex"
They are a good place to start.

oulu

Think carfully before you decide to marry this guy, this will become a big issue later in your lives, I would not have married my girl if she refused to give me head I love myself to much to go through life without it.I know that I would start looking else where. You have one life and you derserve to get what will make you happy. Can you picture your life never receiving orla sex. Why should you when there are many great guys out there who would love you and would love to gop down on you. He has hang ups either he sorts himself out or lose him sorry but that is my opinion. You should get as near as possible your perfect man and I dont think he is the perfect one for you, you deserve to be eaten out.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

shellie
if he won't even touch her breasts, then all I can see happening if she did the above, is him feeling the house at the speed of light.

It's not that he won't touch my breasts. He has done, it's just they don't do anything for him, so he never thinks to play with them for my sake. He's just an arse man.

He did actually touch / kiss my breasts the other night, which was lovely & he was told as much, encouragement & all that......

He has fingered (God, I hate that word!!!!) me a couple of times in the heat of the moment, when we weren't in a position to go all the way, but it was brief because I don't believe he liked the idea. (He's a bit of a hygiene freak too)

Sex toys etc, would just embarrass him. I mean, I'm told to shut up (not in a nasty way of course) when I tell him I'm crazy about him, think he's really sexy etc, because it embarrasses him to think of himself like that, or to think others think of him like that.

keithclancy

Tie him up and beat the s*it out of him till he does what you want ......

Jesus i was just jokin with myself but it actually sounds like a good idea

LegacyUser

weird really... my boyfriend says he has never done it either... and i believe him...
it's not that he thinks that it's dirty, he just really is not a sexual person and needs the intimacy to enjoy sex. he simply doesn't have any interest in **** while he really enjoys sleeping with me.
i wouldn't be upset if he did masturbate but i also don't see it as a problem that he doesn't. some people simply do have a lower sex drive than others and if you get as much as you need... don't think there is anything wrong with it?
btw, i don't masturbate either.... and i don't feel like i'm missing anything?!

Ickle Magoo

That's Strange wrote:

It's not that he won't touch my breasts. He has done, it's just they don't do anything for him, so he never thinks to play with them for my sake. He's just an arse man.

He did actually touch / kiss my breasts the other night, which was lovely & he was told as much, encouragement & all that......

He has fingered (God, I hate that word!!!!) me a couple of times in the heat of the moment, when we weren't in a position to go all the way, but it was brief because I don't believe he liked the idea. (He's a bit of a hygiene freak too)

Sex toys etc, would just embarrass him. I mean, I'm told to shut up (not in a nasty way of course) when I tell him I'm crazy about him, think he's really sexy etc, because it embarrasses him to think of himself like that, or to think others think of him like that.

Do you really enjoy giving him head or do you do it because you think he might like it & you want to do somthing for him? Does he not realise that's the way it works?! Your post makes it sound like he is fine touching you or penetrating as that is what does it for him but he won't contemplate doing something purely because it turns you on.....that sounds pretty selfish to me & as for not touching your vagina as he's a "hygeine freak"?!! :eek: Is he really not doing anything for you out of naivity or is just having his cake & eating it?:(

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Do you really enjoy giving him head or do you do it because you think he might like it & you want to do somthing for him? Does he not realise that's the way it works?! Your post makes it sound like he is fine touching you or penetrating as that is what does it for him but he won't contemplate doing something purely because it turns you on.....that sounds pretty selfish to me & as for not touching your vagina as he's a "hygeine freak"?!! :eek: Is he really not doing anything for you out of naivity or is just having his cake & eating it?:(

Hi Ickle.

I really do believe it's out of naivity, I don't think he's being selfish, or that he doesn't care about my satisfaction.

Our sex life is this:- run upstairs to his bedroom a 3.30am on a Sun morn after the pub for a quickie while his parents are sleeping downstairs, then I sneak back downstairs to the spare bedroom.
It's a pretty quick, quiet affair.
That's generally the only chance we get, apart from the few times where we can afford to go away together for the weekend / night.
When we do go away, it's SO rare that I don't want to ruin it by belittling (sp?) his performance / technique.
He's really affectionate, kisses & cuddles me loads, wraps me in his arms until I fall asleep (when we're away together), so I really don't think he's being mean.

Also, when we 1st started having sex he'd get really disappointed that he couldn't make me cum from sex. (I don't cum from penetration. I hear ye say "how the hell could you with that performance"!!!!!, but I never have, not with any partner, just have never managed it so far) I told him this, but he was still disappointed, so he does care that I'm having a good time.
I just haven't felt like he's ready for me to tell him there are other ways to make me cum yet.
& because of the impression he gives me about his feelings towards sex means I generally wait until I get down to the spare room before I finish myself off, if you know what I mean. I'm just not ready to do that infront of him yet for fear of him being disgusted by me, wouldn't be a nice feeling.

I do absolutely love penetration though, so I really do have a good time. His technique that way is FAR FAR better than I've ever had before him.

LegacyUser

P.S.
I do love giving head, always have done, cos apparently I'm very good at it, not that this bf would know that!!!

I've only gave him a bj twice, as he's really unsure about it. He really loves the sensation, but just isn't sure about his feelings towards it yet.
Maybe he finds it degrading towards me or something.

I keep it open as an option for him & keep telling him that I actually love doing it, so I'd say he'll come around to that too.

TBH, though he's had some gf's before me, I think most of them were casual, & I think he's had V few sexual experiences, so it's just all new to him.

I'd say he'll have mastered the art in no time!!!! :b

smash

That's Strange wrote:

He's not a boob man, (nothing wrong with that, a lot of men are like that) so my boobs don't get a look in.

Tell him you want them to get a look in.

That's Strange wrote:

as for him performing oral on me:- that'll NEVER happen, ever.

I don't get that mentality.

That's Strange wrote:

He wouldn't kiss me after it, which I don't mind

Ye a lot of guys wouldn't.

That's Strange wrote:

But, the strangest thing of all that I just found out is this:- he has NEVER masturbated. He's 26 & he never has!!

Got to be lying. Probably to embarrassed to tell you.

That's Strange wrote:

I masturbate about 9 times a week, I just can't imagine never doing it

haha, fair play... did you tell him? maybe he'll be honest with you then.

That's Strange wrote:

Do you think this is strange?

Yes.

That's Strange wrote:

are there guys like him out there?

Don't think so, well not that I've ever met.

LadyJ

steve06 wrote:

Got to be lying. Probably to embarrassed to tell you.

Not necessarily. There are men who don't.

My boyfriend isn't embarrassed to tell me anything. He's never done it.

You're being narrow minded here.

smash

LadyJ wrote:

Not necessarily. There are men who don't.

My boyfriend isn't embarrassed to tell me anything. He's never done it.

You're being narrow minded here.

I'm not being narrow minded. There are people who don't have a high sex drive that wouldn't because they have no real interest, but I think going through puberty etc and with peer pressure growing up to do stuff with the opposite sex, everyone must have done it at least once I'd think.

I mean when you're young and see s bit of flesh on telly or whatever and get horny and get a hard on, what did he do? Ignore it till he wasn't horny any more and it went away? cos that's pretty hard for a young lad to try and do!

LegacyUser

steve06 wrote:

I'm not being narrow minded. There are people who don't have a high sex drive that wouldn't because they have no real interest, but I think going through puberty etc and with peer pressure growing up to do stuff with the opposite sex, everyone must have done it at least once I'd think.

I mean when you're young and see s bit of flesh on telly or whatever and get horny and get a hard on, what did he do? Ignore it till he wasn't horny any more and it went away? cos that's pretty hard for a young lad to try and do!

That's pretty much what I said to him!!!
I mean, the way I was reacting, it would have been easier for him to say 'well yea actually I have done'

The conversation was actually about something else where it was obvious I assumed he does masturbate on a regular basis (I mean, who doesn't??) He interrupted me to say that he doesn't.

I was looking at him like he had 2 heads, I said what, never?? :eek: & he said never, not once ever.

I can't believe it either, I didn't think it could be possible, but I do now believe him. It just seems very strange, especially like you say during puberty.

The other thing though with regards to the sex drive:- every time I so much as give him a peck on the lips he has a horn!!! Not surprising I guess with all that built up inside him, but how the hell has he been able to ignore that all along if he's that easy to get turned on????

The mind boggles!!!

LegacyUser

LadyJ wrote:

Not necessarily. There are men who don't.

My boyfriend isn't embarrassed to tell me anything. He's never done it.

You're being narrow minded here.

If you really believe him then you are really really stupid. If you notice there are no men on here who claim not to have done it. Its physical impossible for men not to do. Your boyfriend just doesn't want you knowing and no he doesn't tell you everything despite what you think.

LadyJ

John37 wrote:

If you really believe him then you are really really stupid. If you notice there are no men on here who claim not to have done it. Its physical impossible for men not to do. Your boyfriend just doesn't want you knowing and no he doesn't tell you everything despite what you think.

Think what you like. Was just talking to him. He says he might post on the thread in a bit.

Dont be at yourself

Maybe he's ashamed to admit it. It doesnt sound like he's too comfortable with the whole sex thing to me.

smash

LadyJ wrote:

Think what you like. Was just talking to him. He says he might post on the thread in a bit.

haha, you mad think did the conversation go something like...
"hi honey, I've just been talking openly on boards about you and would you do me a favor and tell everyone on boards how you don't ****"

Prufrock

LadyJ wrote:

OP,my boyfriend has never done it either.

I know a lot of people here will say that he is lying but we've been going out for over a year and I know him inside out;he's never had a ****.

It's true I never have.

LadyJ

steve06 wrote:

haha, you mad think did the conversation go something like...
"hi honey, I've just been talking openly on boards about you and would you do me a favor and tell everyone on boards how you don't ****"

Clearly he doesn't mind you all knowing!

smash

That's Strange wrote:

I assumed he does masturbate on a regular basis (I mean, who doesn't??)

9 times a week, I'd say that's a bit more than "a regualr basis", with that amount I'd the toilets in your office probably get a look in during the day! But if he gets it up because of a peck on the cheek, god knows what a porn would do for him, I don't know how he could ignore it!

LegacyUser

steve06 wrote:

9 times a week, I'd say that's a bit more than "a regualr basis", with that amount I'd the toilets in your office probably get a look in during the day! But if he gets it up because of a peck on the cheek, god knows what a porn would do for him, I don't know how he could ignore it!

It's hardly that much. Once a night during the week, & twice at the weekends!!!
Hey, I just like it, can't balme a girl for indulging in what she enjoys

smash

LadyJ wrote:

Clearly he doesn't mind you all knowing!

Jesus, you sound like so many women I know!

LadyJ

Prufrock wrote:

It's true I never have.

This is my boyf.

OP,it really isn't that weird.

I hope you don't let it effect the relationship. I'd focus more on trying to get your boyf to engage in a bit of foreplay and try to satisfy your needs.

blocparty

sorry i find this really hard to comprehend. im 20 and my gf is 18 and no offence meant but that doesnt seem like much of a sex life. i love giving my gf an orgasm and i dont think i could just roll on top of her and 10 minutes roll off again.

you say you masturbate 9 times a week which at first i didnt really believe but now i know why. has he ever given you an orgasm?

my gf has 2 orgasms for every one of mine. and i dont think id have it any other way.

i know sex isnt everything but if hes not providing you with the pleasure you deserve then you might start looking else where even though you love him.

as for him never ever masturbating- i cant believe that for a second. despite knowing what it was and never once being curious enough to try?

does he enjoy sex? you say you dont get very many opportunities to have sex so surely he must go 2/3/4 weeks without it so surely then he would want to have a ****.

smash

That's Strange wrote:

It's hardly that much. Once a night during the week, & twice at the weekends!!!
Hey, I just like it, can't balme a girl for indulging in what she enjoys

haha, point him at this thread... see what he does then. He'll be off the the jacks looking for a video conference call with you!

mysterious

John37 wrote:

If you really believe him then you are really really stupid. If you notice there are no men on here who claim not to have done it. Its physical impossible for men not to do. Your boyfriend just doesn't want you knowing and no he doesn't tell you everything despite what you think.

lol just to point out that dogs do it too:D sorry for the detail so if dogs can do it, we men can too:rolleyes: hes lying... full stop.

Marksie

That's Strange wrote:

Hi Ickle.

I really do believe it's out of naivity, I don't think he's being selfish, or that he doesn't care about my satisfaction.

Our sex life is this:- run upstairs to his bedroom a 3.30am on a Sun morn after the pub for a quickie while his parents are sleeping downstairs, then I sneak back downstairs to the spare bedroom.
It's a pretty quick, quiet affair.
That's generally the only chance we get, apart from the few times where we can afford to go away together for the weekend / night.
When we do go away, it's SO rare that I don't want to ruin it by belittling (sp?) his performance / technique.
.

I think you need to get away more often. There is no chance for you to mutually explore each other, take time and learn.

Even taking a car to a wood would give you more of an opportunity to learn about each other.
You need to also show him and quickies at 3.30am wont do that. I guess that unless you are intend to accept this and spend the rest of your life bringing yourself to orgasm while he is asleep, you really need to talk about things.

Personnally and please dont take this the wrong way. I would be horrified if that was all lovemaking was rdeuced to.

On the positive side, he is affectionate.

Hugh Hefner

I could see how a guy, under the right (not totally unique) circumstances could simply not ever have done it. Uncommon? Sure. Strange? Meh.

The Sweeper

What'd worry me about this is a quick Google search will show you that the vast majority of men masturbate, and for those who don't it's attributed to religious reasons, a very low sex drive or personal issues regarding sex.

I'd hate to think that the OP's boyfriend has such deep-seated sexual issues that he automatically denies masturbation outright, then finds he's too embarassed to take that assertion back...

Ickle Magoo

That's Strange wrote:

Hi Ickle.

I really do believe it's out of naivity, I don't think he's being selfish, or that he doesn't care about my satisfaction.

Our sex life is this:- run upstairs to his bedroom a 3.30am on a Sun morn after the pub for a quickie while his parents are sleeping downstairs, then I sneak back downstairs to the spare bedroom.
It's a pretty quick, quiet affair.
That's generally the only chance we get, apart from the few times where we can afford to go away together for the weekend / night.
When we do go away, it's SO rare that I don't want to ruin it by belittling (sp?) his performance / technique.
He's really affectionate, kisses & cuddles me loads, wraps me in his arms until I fall asleep (when we're away together), so I really don't think he's being mean.

Also, when we 1st started having sex he'd get really disappointed that he couldn't make me cum from sex. (I don't cum from penetration. I hear ye say "how the hell could you with that performance"!!!!!, but I never have, not with any partner, just have never managed it so far) I told him this, but he was still disappointed, so he does care that I'm having a good time.
I just haven't felt like he's ready for me to tell him there are other ways to make me cum yet.
& because of the impression he gives me about his feelings towards sex means I generally wait until I get down to the spare room before I finish myself off, if you know what I mean. I'm just not ready to do that infront of him yet for fear of him being disgusted by me, wouldn't be a nice feeling.

I do absolutely love penetration though, so I really do have a good time. His technique that way is FAR FAR better than I've ever had before him.

Hi That's Strange,

Hmm....well, my husband & I visit & stay over with our respective parents & I still get to climax whenever he does - I think you are making excuses for your man! Thankfully, my husband wouldn't have it any other way....why should your fella get to climax & make no effort to get you there other than the penetration he is using to bring himself off?! I'd be really hacked off if my partner used me to satisfy themselves & refused to endulge in any fore or after play to satisfy me if I didn't climax during sex - sorry, but that sounds like a truly awful sex life to me....a large percentage of women can't/don't climax through penatrive sex alone & at 26 I find it hard to believe your fella doesn't know that....I also find it hard to believe that he knows you don't & hasn't tried/offered/wanted to help you climax any other way....I've looked & looked at this from all angles & I still think your fella is a bit greedy & selfish and you need to set him straight, buy him a few books or tell him what does it for you....

Sex doesn't make a relationship but it can cement it & it is an awfully important part of most relationships....it's just not fair that you are denied the fantastic pleasures that a mutually healthy, satisfying sex life offers...best of luck

Dr Pepper

Ickle Magoo wrote:

.. after play ..

OMG!! :eek: Does that exist?

StandnDeliver

theres only one thing for it,take out the porn and show it to him,comment ohh that looks good,we should try that etc etc,also maybe the blindfold should come out try teasing etc and ease him into the foreplay...

CiaranC

OMG!! :eek: Does that exist?

I think its more commonly called 'sleep'

Dave!

OP, is your bf particularly religious or anything?

Jail8ird

This guy has got it sussed. I can't get my wife to indulge
in dressing up/toys/porn, its pretty boring in our bedroom
and I please her everytime.
And this guy has got his gf bending over backwards to
please her man. Lucky bugger.

His story doesn't match up unless he was abused or his
parents are religious freeks. Even if all us men were born with
no arms we'd still get to **** every day.

Mr. Presentable

Beruthiel wrote:

shellie
if he won't even touch her breasts, then all I can see happening if she did the above, is him feeling the house at the speed of light.

I have nothing but the utmost respect for you B, but I presume here you meant fleeing, and not that he has some Brickie/DIY fetish going on (though it would explain a lot).

To the OP. Under those circumstances my partner would have been gone years ago. Is he particularly religious?

Santa Claus

Prufrock wrote:

It's true I never have.

I'm assuming you still live with your parents ?

Ickle Magoo

Dr Pepper wrote:

OMG!! :eek: Does that exist?

For some lucky women, yes indeedy!