self defence/self worth

takeda shingen

Hi all, i was just getting a taxi home from the pub when i got a phone call from a mate. He just got mugged /jumped on. he was walking home my route and my cab passed him so i got out and walked him home the rest of the way. it turns out that he passed a few guys who for no reason but for fun they gave him a hiding. after having a chat my friend got quite emotional about the whole thing feeling that why him?, what he should have done, angry, embarrased, and generally frustrated about the whole thing. I tried to console him about it and tell him that he was lucky he wasnt in hospital. I titled the thread seldf defence/self worth cos i felt that was an issue with him, specifically his "manliness" ie he couldnt defend himself/ take care of himself therfore he wasnt worth a f88k.
Ive always felt martial arts never looked at this, this lock busts his shoulder or your shoulder, this punch will spread his nose everywhere lots of blood, but if you cant handle it, get out of my kitchen,sorry pal, we dont train for psychological impact.
any thoughts?

Boru.

Sorry to hear about your friend. Luckiyl as you pointed out he wasn't seriously hurt. I agree with you that many martial arts are quite inadequate when it comes to dealing with the pyschological effects of conflict.

In fact this is one of the spects that makes reality based personal protection so different. As well as teaching realistic fighting techniques we also teach comprehensive post conflict stuff. How to deal with your emotions after a fight, understanding post traumatic syndrome, shock, how to report an incident to the police, incident recollection, self triage, injury assessment and more.

If you want more information pm me or check out my site at http://www.self-defence-ireland.com

The important thing to remind him is that he isn't less of a man because he didn't study up on combat. He was outnumbered, ambushed and most martial artists would probably be a whole lot worse off becasue they would have tried something silly like a reverse roundhouse, slipped and broke their arm.:D Eh no offfense to TMA...

Black Swan

In a small way I think that encouraging students to prepare and compete in MA tournaments subtly contributes to a solution to the problem expressed in this thread. They prepare, test their skills against others, then debrief later about do's and don'ts (with more training), all within the context of self-improvement. Then again, other things are probably needed as noted by the OP and others.

Millionaire

when I was ambushed by 5 or 6 and hit with bottles too. Pretty much exact same thing as you describe happened your friend.

I did fight back...but I was taken to ground and all kicked the hell out of me. So all I could do was cover and block, until I could escape. I protected my money until nearly the end...but one managed to get my wallet and take 300 euro.

Did it effect myself worth?

Yes for a day or so... I felt like a victim... sad and remorse. and of course the MA mindset..."why did n't I....." " I should have....etc etc"

Then I said to myself, I did real good. I escaped and I protected myself against 6 thugs, and all I got was a black eye. If I did not know MA, I could have been in intensive care...as they were trying to kick me in the head.

This was before a month long intensive instructor course, and one of the instructors, who was a tough guy type and ex paratrooper israeli forces, and now a body guard. I said... the same thing could have happened him and he would have got a beating too. So that made me feel better.

After that I made a decision, not to let this bother me, not to dwell on it too long. and so share it with people I trained with, so that a thing like that might not happen them.

In fact now when I look back on it...in order to avoid being bitter and angry, I say it was a great thing to happen me, as it was a brilliant live training experience, and has made me more effective in MA. (thats from NLP and is a Re-Frame technique, and I also used NLP Scramble technique too).

SorGan

many martial arts are quite inadequate when it comes to dealing with the pyschological effects of conflict.

yes, but why would they? when the vast majority of them cant even deal with combat in any form, let alone the pyschological...:(

SorGan

Millionaire wrote:

Then I said to myself, I did real good. I escaped and I protected myself against 6 thugs, and all I got was a black eye. If I did not know MA, I could have been in intensive care...as they were trying to kick me in the head.

true......we do the best we can with the training we have, sometimes its not about winning but surviving,

LAAngel

I personally think that if you come up against a few people attacking you, no matter how much training you have if your on your own against 5 or 6 people, you do your best to come out alive and try and run or fight back the best you can, although as soon as you go to the ground and they're jumping on you, you try protect yourself/escape, let them take your money and hopefully they'll go.

Its not just a man thing, its a human thing no one likes to be the victim. I believe that I would always fight back and I'd do this and that but if I was suddenly attacked I don't know what I'd do, the shock would probably kill me but I do know I would fight back but can't say I'd do a round house kick to the head and stuff cause the main reason people are attacked is because they are not expecting it and are caught off guard.

Your friend may feel like crap but he is lucky cause when your attacked you don't know how things will turn out:Good Result: You are able to beat the crap outta them and get away[/B]
Bad result while you are fighting your attacker they pull out a knife and stab you to death. People that mug and attack people for no reason are scum and I feel they don't care what they do to you as long as they get what they want.

On another issue I never understood how people can witness attacks and just walk away, without calling the police or trying to help the person. I hate the fact that now a days everyone seems to have to have a group of their mates to fight. The other night when I was dancing in a nightclub alot of fights started breaking out all over the place, And I witnessed a fella lying on the dancefloor while another fella was kicking him in the head everyone stood watching (although the security was there by then there was 6 different fights) so I jumped off the stage grabbed the fella that was punching and kicking the other fella, got him to let go of the fella and pinned him to the stage, while my friend (the other dancer) knelt on his neck and I had his arm twisted all the while shouting 'calm the f**k down' and dressed in a santa's little helper outfit haha. At the end of the night the fella that we had pinned down came up and shook our hands and told us that the only reason he was fighting was cause he mate was doing it too......seriously. Everyone was shocked that we jumped in to break it up but what were we supposed to do just stand there and say after 'maybe I should have helped' and the fella could be lying in hospital cause he got punched in the head too many times. Right Rant over.:D

loz

LAAngel wrote:

while my friend (the other dancer) ............
and dressed in a santa's little helper outfit

i demand pics

LAAngel

loz wrote:

i demand pics

Haha Sorry didn't take any, I'll make sure I do next time. Btw if your wondering why I was in santa helper outfits its cause it was a christmas party was actually really good craic.:D

loz

LAAngel wrote:

Haha Sorry didn't take any, I'll make sure I do next time. Btw if your wondering why I was in santa helper outfits its cause it was a christmas party was actually really good craic.:D

Ah !!! a santa helper as in elf !
not santas little helper - as in Homers dog !

LAAngel

loz wrote:

Ah !!! a santa helper as in elf !
not santas little helper - as in Homers dog !

No santa's helper as in Sexy Miss Santa, we have to walk in with santa and help throw out presents to the crowd and dance about the place. So you know what I mean dressed in a skirt and cropped top thing isn't they best thing while breaking up fights haha.

loz

LAAngel wrote:

No santa's helper as in Sexy Miss Santa, we have to walk in with santa and help throw out presents to the crowd and dance about the place. So you know what I mean dressed in a skirt and cropped top thing isn't they best thing while breaking up fights haha.

OK - Firstly, more dancers should fight, preferably in skirts and/or mud.

Second - you do know its July - and traditionaly santa is around late december.

LAAngel

loz wrote:

OK - Firstly, more dancers should fight, preferably in skirts and/or mud.

Second - you do know its July - and traditionaly santa is around late december.

Firstly doing a Dance Dvd to give to nightclubs that'll have girls in a boxing ring and showing them sparring as if ready to fight each other but actually dancing against each other in a battle - like the till west video

Second - I know its not the xmas season it was the clubs idea, they wanted to do something different for a bit of craic, actually had a 10ft snow man and a snow machine, was a great night apart of a few tubes fighting haha. It really felt like xmas haha:p