My probs

gamblitis

Ok i have a couple of things i could really use your help with.
First of all.My girlfriend of ten months has just gone on holidays with her 3 mates.She pormises me that she would never cheat on me.But is there any signs that i should look for that might indicate otherwise??Both of us are only 19 and i know that no relationship can be too serious at that age but if my gf was to cheat on me it would rip me apart.we really love each other and is her word good enough?PLease excuse my lack of trust.thats another problem of mine but not as serious as these too.

Secondly.i have supreme jealousy problems.i know i do and i wanna do something to get over them.feeling jealous eats me up and annoys the hell out of me and i want it to stop.can you gus and gals help me please!please please!!!!!

Please do what you can to help.thanks a mill folks.

alantc

Once she doesn't drink everything will be fine.

ball ox

you dont think the lack of thrust thing is that important but it looks to me as though it is the cause of both your problems

Heyes

alantc wrote:

Once she doesn't drink everything will be fine.

helpful :rolleyes:

Op, your girlfriend has given you her word, and by sounds of things has never given you reason to worry before, so try and trust her

jcoote

trusting your partner is a function of self worth...

if u are comfortable in your own skin then u are less likely to be hurt by somebody cheating..

cos lets face basically cheating hits your ego and nobody wants that especially not in todays society...

if u want to trust her u should speak to someone or even to yourself as to why u are so afraid of a pretty basic part of any intimate relationship.

Ruu_Old

Keep yourself busy while she is away and dont think about it. She told you she won't cheat on you so theres nothing to worry about.

Oryx

I dont know your girlfriend, but you do, and if you are going to continue with her long term, you will have to accept her word IS good enough. Otherwise you will just hurt yourself and her with your lack of trust. Im not going to give you a list of things to look for to check if shes cheating, because it will just make you more obsessed with watching her for signs, and you need to stop doing that.
When she comes back dont give her the 3rd degree, try to push jealous thoughts away when they happen, and accept the relationship you have with her. If you keep doubting her, youll lose her whether she cheats or not.

Beruthiel

gamblitis wrote:

Secondly.i have supreme jealousy problems.i know i do and i wanna do something to get over them.feeling jealous eats me up and annoys the hell out of me and i want it to stop.

If there is no trust in a relationship, then there is no relationship.
Get rid of the jealousy or it will ruin everything, not many people can put up with it.

Swan Knight

Hi OP,

She might be thinking the same thing as regards you, and whether or not you will stay loyal to her. If you care for her, put thhose thoughts out of your mind, and make the best of it.

Black Swan

gamblitis wrote:

Both of us are only 19 and i know that no relationship can be too serious at that age

Can't get serious at 19? Depends on the two people. How mature they are. And how in love they are.

In the States up until about 60 years ago, most people got married when they graduated from high school (both 18). Few went to college back then. They called them the "Ozzie and Harriet Generation," because of a popular black and white TV series that played back then. Often, he would get a job and she would stay at home and have babies. Times have changed, but you can still have a serious relationship with someone at 19, even if you wait for a few years before ever considering marriage.

Secondly.i have supreme jealousy problems.

This is the best way to kill a relationship. It means that you do not trust her. Part of love is trust.

I'm young and crazy. I will sometimes fake a flirt with someone on boards, just for fun. They know I'm playing and not serious, and so does the one I really care about. It doesn't mean he cannot poke fun at me when he finds out, which he always does, cause he plays boards too. Could you handle that? If not, then it's something you need to work on. Love is trust.

gamblitis

we really do love each other.This is the most serious relationship i have ever been in.of course i trust her.its just that sometimes these thoughts of maybe shes met someone else pop into my head.
And my jealousy is not just towards my girlfriend its about everything in my life.my friends absolutely everything.i really need to get rid of it.I cant stand it anymore!!

5uspect

why do you feel this jealousy? You have a girlfriend that loves you. You're luckier than most people. When you have these thoughts you need to stop and be rational. Why would she cheat on you if she loves you? As soon as you start imagining all sorts nasty scenarios then that will make things worse. You need to nip this in the bud.

Nalz

5uspect wrote:

why do you feel this jealousy? You have a girlfriend that loves you. You're luckier than most people. When you have these thoughts you need to stop and be rational. Why would she cheat on you if she loves you? As soon as you start imagining all sorts nasty scenarios then that will make things worse. You need to nip this in the bud.

simple but true. well said. Being jelouos could lead to other things i.e. confronting her, questioning her...ya need to keep busy (easier said then done),take a mini holiday of your own, go to the pub with your mates or anything to keep your mind occupied

The_B_Man

easiest way to keep busy is to hang around wit ur mates. dont be by urself. that'll drive u mad. basically, just dont giv urself time to think. ur mates is ur best bet. even if its just hangin around outside at ur wall or watever.

tj-music.com

gamblitis wrote:

...we really love each other ...

If that is the case then you have nothing to fear at all

Anti

She's probably riding some fella now. Nah im just kidding. Take her word, believe her. You will know if she has when she comes home. Best way is to check her mobile. If a new number for a guy is in there ask her about it, look at her eyes and if she looks up and to the left just before she speaks she is lying, as the left side of your brain is for creativity, and the right is memory.

On the jelousy thing, i have the same problem and have no idea how to sort it.

TheTruthFairy

anti wrote:

Best way is to check her mobile. If a new number for a guy is in there ask her about it

This is rather destructive advice. Leave her mobile alone. If anyone started looking through my phone for new numbers I'd tell them to get lost.

OP you need to work on your confidence. Even if you get a new bird and a new set of friends you'd still have these feelings.

You don't think you are good enough for her as you have insecurity issues. And instead of focusing on what you want from life you and working to get it you are bitter and jealous about what other people have.

Get some counselling to work out why you feel this way about yourself. Stop quizzing your bird or you'll lose her.

gamblitis

thanks guys