Can Men & Women really be platonic friends?

Millie1

Really interested to see what people think about this one. I've always been a firm believer that they most certainly can....but, recently I'm not so sure! In light of recent events in my life, I've begun to do some reading n research for myself on the topic and I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong all these years!

What do people think?

smash

Platonic friends that you want to get it on with.....

dudara

I would say that 95% of the time - No.

easyontheeye

unless she fell off the ugly tree, other than that...NO!

Crucifix

Yes. Yes they can.

Beruthiel

Millie
Can you please tell us how this is a personal issue for you before I move this to a different forum?
B

Black Swan

Sure. I have had some for a few years. Problems do occur, though. Sometimes the person they are going with gets uptight about your relationship. Also had one on the rebound after a breakup once who felt that I might be a good safety net and got a little too close. You work through these things. Friendship is precious.

LegacyUser

yes, yes they can.
I have a number of female friends (me being male) and I have no desire to be with them at all. It's not that they're ugly (as suggested in another post), I just don't think of them in that way.

Millie1

And what about things starting out as friendships and developing?? Or this thing that I keep reading about on here...'the friendzone'....what are peoples opinions on that?

declanoneill

As a rule, I'd say no, but there are exceptions to every rule. My best friend is a girl (I'm male) and in my case, it's just more natural to be close to a girl then a guy (under lying macho issues no doubt). But we're just friends. She's certainly the person I turn to if I need to talk and for one reason or another I can't to my girlfriend.

It can cause problems, particularly if there is a jealous other half on one side, so it can take a little work, but it's doable.

Millie1

I've had a situation occur recently where a platonic relationship has developed for me but not for him....I'm just interested in what peoples opinions are on the matter.

Beruthiel wrote:

Millie
Can you please tell us how this is a personal issue for you before I move this to a different forum?
B

Black Swan

Millie1 wrote:

And what about things starting out as friendships and developing?? Or this thing that I keep reading about on here...'the friendzone'....what are peoples opinions on that?

Me thinks that you have to personalise your questions (talk specifically about you), rather than survey in general. Good chance the mod will move you otherwise, given the charter of this forum.

Friendships becoming serious? Sure. Got one now that started out as a friendship and is getting very serious. Don't get me wrong, we are still best of friends, but there's a lot more to it now.

declanoneill

Millie1 wrote:

I've had a situation occur recently where a platonic relationship has developed for me but not for him....I'm just interested in what peoples opinions are on the matter.

At best you'll be able to manage a passing friendship. Don't spend long periods alone with him (it may encourage him to make a move) and don't talk to him about conquests (you'll only hurt him)

Is it platonic because you don't want to ruin the friendship? If that's the only reason I'd say go for it, because it's not going to grow into a particularly close friendship.

quad_red

It depresses me to hear people even ask that.

One of my best friends is a girl. We've known each other since the first week of college in 1998. Yes, we did score at one point. In 1999.

But not since. And she has become a sis to me. Talk to her most days, text her.

And my girlfriend is most certainly not totally allright with this.

I REALLY ****ING HATE JEALOUSY. I really ****ing do :mad: I am not a jealous person. My girlfriend has guy mates. One of her best mates is a guy. He is sound out. I presume that he and she make have gotten jiggy with one another in the past but I trust that that's the past.

Why are some women so ****ing paranoid?

And the way women deflect ones anger is by saying that they know 'you' aren't interested..... it's the girl they don't trust.

Well, according to my girlfriend I must be only one rung down from Brad Pitt cos every goddamn girl fancies me.

Nalz

yep, they can. have 2 good mates that are female. One of them is fairly nice lookin, but I just wouldnt go there even though she's a good mate...again, nearly like everythin it differs dependin on the person

Millie1

Sorry that wasn't very clear....the friendship developed into more for me...but its still 'a friendship' for him.....

declanoneill wrote:

At best you'll be able to manage a passing friendship. Don't spend long periods alone with him (it may encourage him to make a move) and don't talk to him about conquests (you'll only hurt him)

Is it platonic because you don't want to ruin the friendship? If that's the only reason I'd say go for it, because it's not going to grow into a particularly close friendship.

Kimbot

It is easy to be friends!! I met a girl a while back and we start seeing each other but the timing was wrong for both of us but we are still friends and we work better as friends to be honest!!

Ag marbh

quad_red wrote:

It depresses me to hear people even ask that.

I second this comment

honru

If he considers you as a platonic friend, then nothing you do will make him change his mind about it.

GrumPy

I deffinatly cant be friends with a women the same way I would be mates with a bloke. I know it sounds crazy, but women are a different species altogether for me :rolleyes: I think the fact I am aware my friends that are women, are infact women, makes me think about it too much, rather than just being good friends.

I think I agree with dudaras post, in that 95% of the time women and men cannot be platonic friends-in my experience anyway.

Beruthiel

Millie1 wrote:

I've had a situation occur recently where a platonic relationship has developed for me but not for him....I'm just interested in what peoples opinions are on the matter.

As you do not seem to have any personal problem though, I'm moving it After Hours.
Please read this forums charter with regards to what you can post in here.
B

tj-music.com

dudara wrote:

I would say that 95% of the time - No.

I certainly belong to the remaining 5 % then. Back in 1992 I met this really beautiful young woman during works on my 2nd CD. We formed a band and produced two more albums together. She became my best friend and although there was always this underlying mutual sexual attraction, we never crossed that line simply because we felt that this would destroy the bond of friendship and musical creativity that we shared.

In 1996 we went separate ways but we still are in contact and have great memories to look back on.

I agree tho that this is rather rare, but it happened in my case

Pighead

Beruthiel wrote:

As you do not seem to have any personal problem though, I'm moving it After Hours.
Please read this forums charter with regards to what you can post in here.
B

Pighead fcuking loves it when she does that.
Anyway, now its toilet time.

Dermington

Millie1 wrote:

Really interested to see what people think about this one. I've always been a firm believer that they most certainly can....but, recently I'm not so sure! In light of recent events in my life, I've begun to do some reading n research for myself on the topic and I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong all these years!

What do people think?

Plutonic or Platonic?

ps: PC BRIGADE FTW!!111oneoneone

Black Swan

quad_red wrote:

Why are women so ****ing paranoid?

And the way women deflect ones anger is by saying that they know 'you' aren't interested..... it's the girl they don't trust.

Don't think that you can say this only about women. Men get unreasonably jealous too. Not all men, but many.

Example. You're in a pub. Your date goes to the W/C, and comes out finding some guy hitting on you. Happens often. After awhile, you start getting accused of attracting them (the guys), when the only reason you dressed up was for your date.

LadyJ

Practically all of my friends are male,including my best friend. It's not that either of us are bad looking or anything like that,we just aren't attracted to each other,simple as that.

There's no sexual tension at all and we are completely and utterly at ease in each other's presence. This is possibly because we are quite like-minded and can say pretty much anything to one another,knowing that it won't be taken the wrong way etc.

OP,I think this kind of platonic relationship is perfectly possible with the right person,in the right circumstances. Sexual tension may arise with some friends of the opposite sex but it all just depends on the person and the situation.

mountainyman

Yes. But sometimes one person fancies the other (usually the guy fancies the laydee).

A friend asked me recently why I never made a move and I told her that I didn't think she was that good looking.

she was livid.

MM

declanoneill

mountainyman wrote:

Yes. But sometimes one person fancies the other (usually the guy fancies the laydee).

A friend asked me recently why I never made a move and I told her that I didn't think she was that good looking.

she was livid.

MM

What in the name of jeazus did you expect, a pat on the back?

LadyJ

mountainyman wrote:

Yes. But sometimes one person fancies the other (usually the guy fancies the laydee).

My point was simply that sometimes neither one fancies the other.

Also,I think my friend is very good looking and he thinks that I am too but there's just no sexual attraction.

A person can be pleasing on the eye without you "fancying" them per se.

daRobot

Anyone who thinks that men and women can't be platonic friends has been seriously affected by their single sex school education.

It's worrying that people even are asking this.

Shinners23

Oh My God, of course you can be "just mates" with someone. We cannot be attracted to everything in trousers or VV. I work with 25 guys and I consider them all to be my friends.


One of my best friends has been dating this girl for 2 years and she HATES me with a passion purely because I've been best mates with him since I was 12. Now if we've never been with each other in all that time - it aint ever gonna happen. She needs to get over herself!!!! - Insecurity is a pain in the xxxx

GrumPy

LadyJ wrote:

A person can be pleasing on the eye without you "fancying" them per se.

WHAAA??!!!!111 :eek:

LadyJ

Irish GrumPy wrote:

WHAAA??!!!!111 :eek:

Shocking,I know! :rolleyes:

Vegeta

Good question.

There are a guys and girls who are capable of being just friends and i am jealous of you congratulations.

what i hate is people going "why are you even asking this" Read the replies lots of people are unable to have this kind of a relationship, myself included. So don't be so narrow minded

abetarrush

I think it's all about the girl

Some of my lady friends are ****in legends, but they're still girls, and they aint mingers at all!

Different for me a lil, cos I get on well with me sister

Dave!

Yes.

As long as they are ugly.

deedee lepoopoo

Of course male and females can have platonic freindships........

I have tonnes of male friends, who I have a laugh with. Great fun.

There is no underlying tension as far as I know.

If there was any attraction it usually rears its head at the start and then it's usually ironed out and goes away.:)

I can't understand people who cannot have friends of the opposite s*x without wanting to rattle their bones!!!!!

iceman_2001_ie

Only under very specific and narrow circumstance.

Straight men and straight women can never be "just" Platonic friends as both have the capacity to be attracted to the other.

Straight women and gay men can never be "just" Platonic friends as the woman has the capacity to be attracted to the other.
The same goes for Straight Men and gay women.

Only in two specific situations can one be truly in a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex -
1. Gay men and gay women
2. Siblings

nitrogen

As Chris Rock says, Men have two different types of female friends. Women they're fcuked and women they want to fcuk.

I'd have to agree with that 80% of the time.

dabbler2004

I'm good friends for the last 10 years with a girl I work with. She's not ugly or 'minging' (hate that word!:mad: ) but there never has been or never will be anything else but friendship going on. She's married and I know her husband too and he doesn't have a problem with our friendship.

I seem to get on better with women rather than fellas anyway, don't know why just always been that way...

LadyJ

nitrogen wrote:

As Chris Rock says, Men have two different types of female friends. Women they're fcuked and women they want to fcuk.

I'd have to agree with that 80% of the time.

That's based on the idea that all men think exactly the same,which is not true.

LegacyUser

of course

Nalz

daRobot wrote:

....affected by their single sex school education.

yeah I reckon thats one of the reasons alright, good call

sunzz

I honest to god think it just depends on the individual at hand.

daRobot

daRobot wrote:

Anyone who thinks that men and women can't be platonic friends has been seriously affected by their single sex school education.

It's worrying that people even are asking this.

Totally agree with you. Up to recently I never had female friends, probably because I was in a boys school for most of my schooling. But earlier this year I met two in a matter of days!

Terry

i have an extremely beautiful female friend who i am no longer attracted to.
one who phones me and spends an hour talking to me.
it can work for some people.

Zapp Brannigan

I think they can.

I've been friends with a girl pal of mine since 3rd year and we've never had any sort of sexual tension or anything like that. We've just always been really good friends. And she's not an uggo either

But after such a long friendship I tend not to see her as female, to me she is one of the lads now.

Lust4Life

It really depends on the circumstances.
I have always related better to men than to women.
I like shoe shopping too, but women seem to be more mistrustful of other women. And I just do not have time for those kinds of games.
I would rather discuss wood working projects or home improvement projects than where I get my nails done!

My husband hates to go out dancing and Pubbing. His best bud LOVES to go! His wife hates it as well. Me and the best bud go pubbing and leave the spouses home (It is not an often occurrence, only monthly). No chance ever of a sexual relationship. We just have fun! Our spouses totally understand.

So it depends on the people. But I do agree there must be no sexual attraction on either part or it will not work.

Just my 2 cents.

L4L

faceman

easyontheeye wrote:

unless she fell off the ugly tree, other than that...NO!

Yeah i think you hit the nail on the head with this one.

Yes, of course...

Bounty Hunter

bluewolf wrote:

Yes, of course...

gotta agree here especially if she's fat.

no joking aside, it is quite possible tho it is often hard to get past an initial attraction, as im sure most people have experienced.